Currently having trouble sleeping so OF COURSE I just had to start reading the new fic and OHMYGOD HOLY FUCKING SHIT
CHSRLIE I LOVE YOUR WRITING ! I LOVE THE WAH YOU WRITE PATCAP !!! AAAAAAAA !!!
Also as of writing this my fav line currently is
"I was in the mood to blow you," he says firmly, with more conviction than he's ever managed before.
Idk I just found it really funny. They're so stupid and gay <3 old man yaoi <3 ANYWAYS, I just wanted you to know that I adore (aHA) your fics as always 😌
I REALLY THOUGHT I REPLIED TO THIS BUT CLEARLY NOT AHHHHHHHHH 😭😭❤️❤️ OLD MAN YAOI INDEED!!!!!!THEYRE SO SILLY AND BAD AT EMOTIONS BUT GREAT AT SEX!!!!
🔪 ⇢ what's the weirdest topic you researched for a writing project?
okay i know for a FACT that i was looking up something the other day that was really weird but I can't remember for the life of me what it was. for tqatd i've definitely looked up a lot of weird stuff related to blood - how to get it out of clothes, can you heat it up, can you freeze it etc.
🌿 ⇢ give some advice on writer's block and low creativity
buddy you're asking ME?? lasted updated the quick and the dead 25/06/2023 ME??
for real though my advice is don't beat yourself up about what you're struggling to write and focus on what you can do - either other wips or not even writing at all, like doing other hobbies or anything that makes you happy. it's important to remember that you're doing these things because you enjoy them, and any kind of pressure to write will zap that enjoyment even more! <3 <3
thank you!! <3 also hey bestie I hope ur doing well!! this got long and i'm sorry haha
😈 Has there been a point in a story where you did something just to be playfully mean to your readers?
oh absolutely, keep in mind that i am also a reader of my own work and enjoy making myself and my friends cringe due to the stupidity of my own characters. basically any time that patcap have almost got together but not quite managed it on their first attempt is just me being a dickhead. (but also often is actually important to the plot and character development) (but also, dickhead behaviour)
i was basically cackling the entire time i wrote adored 2 (electric boogaloo) because i knew it would bring a whole new level of understanding to Pat's side of the story but also would make people want to claw their faces off because of how idiot both men were being at every available opportunity :)
✨ Give you and your writing a compliment. Go on now. You know you deserve it. 😉
oh alright, if i must 🙄this took some thought actually.
i think i manage to keep the humour of the show even when the characters are removed from the og context, if that makes any sense. or sometimes even when my fics are set in canon ig.
i just like, i remember i met this person like 2 years ago and we spent basically the whole day talking to each other and at one point they looked at me and said "have you ever watched the tv show ghosts? i think you have a very similar sense of humour to that show and if you haven't seen it, you should." and i felt SO SEEN, especially because I was at that point very close to finishing LTF.
genuinely i just try to carry that sentiment with me - even though this person had no idea they'd given me the biggest compliment ever - and i like to think that most of the time i succeed at injecting the right sort of humour into my fics, and i try my best to walk that line between silly and emotional that the idiots do so so well.
Funnily enough, I've actually been tryna think of songs but to no avail which was annoying cuz analyzing your Cap alongside music is sO fun but then when I wasn't actively searching, a song came to mind. Wild how the brain works. ANYWAYS...
Punching Bag by Set It Off is today's song. Although I won't lie, this one might be a bit confusing since I just thought of it and didn't organize many thoughts but here we go >:)
This empty feeling sets in my chest and I start to worry
Try to push it down, cast it out, but I can't control it, ah!
This song is very LtF Cap and his relationship with Damien. These first two lines don't even really need an explanation tbh. But it's basically Cap after a decent amount of time with Damien after that "honeymoon" period they had when they first got together. And all those thoughts of Cap not being worth real love taking place in his mind.
Hanging on by the strings that you're pulling
So you cut me down just to push me around
Like I'm your punching bag
That third line is the start of the chorus while the first two are still part of verse 1 which is why there's the space. But any lyrics about being pushed around and shit just makes me think of how Damien just degraded Cap in bed without even caring if he wanted that. And the "hanging on by strings" line, Cap knowing Damien isn't good for him but not wanting to miss out on Damien's "affection".
Take it out on someone who won't hit you back
'Til we're all as broken as you
And this ofc, would be the party. Cap deserved to get a good hit in when Damien was being...Damien. But god it just makes me think Damien absolutely knew Cap wouldn't do anything despite all the antagonizing he did. The fact he fucking choked the man ??? And Cap still did nothing (all while comforting Kitty too. Charlie you're an amazing writer) And that second line ? Well...once Damien told Cap he was married, it went to shit for him. I mean, he was drunk and looking like shit at the party and unsurprisingly took it out on Cap when he saw him. Trying to take them both down. Because ofc, it's not Damien's fault his wife divorced him when she was told he was cheating. Not his fault Cap finally got away from him. If everyone sees how fucked up Cap is then they'll want to drop him too and leave him with nothing.
So say, goodbye to your Mr. Nice Guy
You got your wish, he's rotting in hell
I'd say this is Cap immediately after moving. When he wasn't super approachable and still kept to himself. Damien sort of broke him and he decides if he doesn't let anyone in, he can't be hurt. And then it happens again after the party. Just as he's feeling safe and comfortable, the peace is broken and Cap goes back to hiding away after having yelled at his friends when they were trying to help him. He does make things right with them but in those moments, he lashes out and tries pushing people away.
I'm up all night when you think I'm sleeping
People pleasing's never good for your health
First line is, again, Cap and Damien sleeping together. That unease Cap felt after they were finished and having to sneak out when really he wanted someone who'd let him stay and make him feel wanted. And that second line is...yeah that's pretty Cap. When he talks about how he's sorta given up on love and intimacy because he doesn't deserve it so he just lets others see him how they want to see him.
On this episode of "Friend or Foe", you're throwing stones
Friend or Foe is obviously Damien. The way he changes from being all interested in what Cap has to say to just getting straight to using him. And Cap having to figure out which one it'll be. Part of him wants to believe "friend" for the simple fact that Damien told him Cap was lucky he was still around. Manipulative mf >:(
I could give you the world, but you'd poison the seas
I could let down my guard, but then all that I'd be is just your [punching bag]
God this fuckin line. The contrast between Damien and Cap. The way Cap is so full of affection that he wants to give someone. Even though he's been told otherwise and began to believe it, all he really wants is to be happy and have someone who'll share that with him (*cough* pat <3 *cough cough*) And someone he can actually be around without having to pretend to be something else or shut down his emotions to keep being with them. Someone he feels safe with (god this poor man). But then there's Damien. The complete opposite of all that. If the man wanted that, he wouldn't be cheating on his wife while mistreating the "side piece". Damien who, most likely, was not out and probably was very repressed and couldn't express that in any healthy manner.
Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk :)
This song goes so hard and has been stuck in my head for days now but I only just made connections to LtF with it. Also there's the "bridge" (second chorus sung differently) that has some nice harmonies. Love your writing as always :)))
hey!! thank you for this! I'm sorry that it took me so long to answer it <3 <3
You're so right that this song has very early LtF vibes, especially with Cap and his relationship with Damien.
I feel like "Hanging on by the strings that you're pulling So you cut me down just to push me around" is also really relevant to when Cap goes to Damien after his mum dies and Damien (in my mind, deliberately) brings up his wife for the first time. He really does just do it to be cruel and also because he realises how much genuine dependence Cap has on him - he wants the dependence but not the baggage that comes with it at all, so he very effectively cuts him off.
"Take it out on someone who won't hit you back 'Til we're all as broken as you" so true, this is definitely about the party! damien never thought there would be consequences for his actions and i imagine his friends and family found out about his cheating and he's no longer in their good books and he really doesn't like how that feels. and then he sees Cap dancing and looking happy with some other guy? despite all the hard work he put in to drag him down? nuh uh not on his watch. but he still knows him well enough, and knows that it's only been like, 4 months and Cap can't unlearn all his shite that quickly.
"So say, goodbye to your Mr. Nice Guy You got your wish, he's rotting in hell"
this is defo Cap immediately after moving and at the party! just the return of the cap who tries to remain detached from his feelings (that kind of dissociating he was doing at the beginning, even before his mother died, leaving damien's at like 4am and going for walks etc, having damien be the puppet master so he didn't have to worry about being in control of his own life).
"I'm up all night when you think I'm sleeping People pleasing's never good for your health"
yes, definitely agree with everything you've said about this!
"On this episode of "Friend or Foe", you're throwing stones"
same with this!
"I could give you the world, but you'd poison the seas I could let down my guard, but then all that I'd be is just your [punching bag]"
this line makes me feel like a punching bag, crikey. i just hate to think of Cap in the early stages of their relationship, trying to be the best version of himself, trying to think of interesting things to say to Damien, trying to be outwardly happy even though he's still fucked up about Havers. and then the slow realisation that he doesn't need to do any of these things at all and that he's misinterpreted this man completely but he's also the closest he'll get to love any time soon.
thank you so much for your TEDtalk!! you know i love them so much!! <3 <3 <3 <3
SONG ANALYSIS TIME :)))
Changing it up a bit here in terms of characters. You're Not Welcome by Naethan Apollo is both Cap and Pat. (still mostly cap tho)
The first fuckin verse is...i mean
I don't start fights but I'll handle you just fine
Usually I'm very kind to others
But I won't think twice if you step to me or mine
You're a slimy little motherfucker
If that ain't Pat punching Damien idfk what is. And yeah ofc the man can get a lil annoyed sometimes but the "Usually i'm very kind to others" is literally Pat. My man out here punching a mf for Cap like the fuckin king he is <3
First half of the chorus was basically everyone at the party towards Damien (although Fanny was the one to kick him out)
Uh oh, don't you know?
You're not welcome 'round here
I think you should go
'Fore you cause some drama
except of course...he causes drama >:(
Uh oh, don't you know?
I'm the one you should fear
Talk to me if you've got a problem
Pat once again going to punch Damian. And Fanny chucking him out. (legends <3)
And now we get to Cap :)
I can't believe you used to truly scare me
Ofc this would be after everything's happened and Cap has resolved some internal shit.
You were like a ghost story told to keep me wary
But I never listened, no, I slept good 'til morning
And when our paths finally crossed I didn't heed the warning
This I guess is more Cap continuing to sleep with the cunt despite the fact that part of him knew Damien didn't care about him. But it's not that same tone like in Honey (BTR).
Then push, push, push, push
Yeah, you pushed me to the edge
I used to dread the thought of falling quickly
The pushing to edge bit reminds me of Cap finding out Damian was married and also the way he treated Cap in bed when they were "together" just using him and shit. And then the last line, Cap's insecurity about finding someone good and falling for the wrong person. (screaming and crying why do you write such good angst)
But now, I just wish that you'd send me off that ledge
So I can finally fucking take you with me
Probably Cap after the party when he leaves. All those emotions and he lashes out at his new friends even tho ofc it's Damien who riled him up. He probably woulda preferred going off at Damian than his friends but when you're in emotional turmoil you can do wack shit. (get this man therapy) And also the fact he didn't wanna cause more of a scene at the party than what was already happening. (the way he comforted kitty while he was literally being choked mygod) (charlie predicted fairy godmother cap)
Anyways yeah, Pat (and Fanny) featured in a song analysis :) God those first two lines are so Pat after punching Damien. As he should. King <3
Thank you for coming to my TEDTalk :)
(also i forget which but one of the 'TEDTalks' i typed out while tipsy at like 2:30am and i would've slept but i knew if i didn't send it then my ADHD ass would just be like...nahhhhh for the next several months. yeah. gonna go figure out which one it was rn)
broooo you KNOW I absolutely love your TEDTalks about song analysis!! everything fits so well with the scenes you're talking about (also I really enjoy the album cover art for the song!!)
I see the specific scenes and characters that you've noticed in Lost then Found but I would also like to raise you: Cap and Pat's early relationship/rivalry/whatever they've got going on in Adored. I just think it's got the right vibe of them driving each other absolutely crazy and also the wildly inaccurate view that they had of each other ("you were like a ghost story told to keep me wary"). It also works for Pat, "I'm usually very kind to others" 👀 because the running idea in Adored that Cap often comes back to is that Pat is So nice to everyone else but not him.
Once again, always love to read your analysis!! Thank you for sending this!! ❤️❤️
