#leaked thoughts

[lapin-angeliq]

(You're such a goddamn idiot.)

(You knew that opening up to people was a mistake.)

(Why the hell did you let those people on Gliscord in?)

(Now look what happened. You're pathetic.)

(I hate you.)

[the-original-b]

The only real constant in this world is change.

[realrednecksarequeer]

I try to float peacefully like the lotus flower on the river of life. But often get sucked under like a fisherman's waited bait.

It always sucks when you realize that someone doesn't prioritize you really at all. Especially when that person is high on your list of priorities.

[nadinase]

Lush

It's so sincere how you talk so little but do so much. This is solid proof of real love.

[feelings-marked-blog]

Marked by You

“Shit! shit... shit!” These words came out as I figured in my first few innocent weeks that I have been, yes, “Marked by You” yes you! You sweet little woman whose goal was to get me all along! haha but it is not like that am I right?

You have no idea how it happened but so did I! I never knew I’d fall for you instantly, all I knew was I was in a really good road to something really amazing, yet you stood by the sidewalk and I fell from my path.

I have no words nor ways to express how I would say “I love you” because I wanted to take it slow and let it naturally evolve? but for me It was like a frontal scene of devolving to something more likely to end.

So you are reading this for god knows when did you pick this up. All of these are for you and for you only~ don’t worry once I start admiring someone it is like a drug that can’t be easily removed even if the cops try to take me away for it.

Please let me hold you! Oh please let me talk to you and make you mine! Please just let me... oh... right I am just letting my stalker self take my own sanity away. It is really sad how I am acting this way in a hidden page.

But hey for some reason you read this and now might be creeped out and weirded out or maybe even “Ugh! I don’t like this! this is too weird!” at least i tried to convey to you in this form that I am still here waiting.

I’ll wait. don’t worry. I’ll wait. I’m use to it. I’ve always been used and being told to wait. Now I got so use to it I automatically wait even if you don’t tell me to. YES I am self-inflicting pain and creating my own wounds because I really just like, admire, love? and hold you dear so much!

Don’t worry you can always ignore this and throw it something, even forget it for the better! but just keep notice you already “Marked” me... 

“So I’ll forever wait even if I get nailed right in this path and never move on to where I should”

-Obsession at its finest-

[feelings-marked-blog]

Puzzle Piece from Another

I was never born to fit in your world. I come to you and I try to edge myself into your own little world, You see we are the same. likes, food, interest in others. We are the same yet I can’t fit.

We are of different puzzles where we are pieced together but form different motives. Yet one puzzle piece took an adventure of its own and tried to fit in with others. esp. that one puzzle he loved to fit in. It was yours.

Your puzzle was divine and it was one of my dreams to complete with mine. Though this puzzle cannot ever befitted into of yours for we are different but with the same purpose.

Puzzles are meant to complete one another but complete “again” different things. Sometimes I wish this piece would do the impossible and be reshaped to what it cannot be and then bam~ Fit in with you and be cozy.

But in the end we must remember we are made for other things and we should perform it in an exceptional way should we not? :)

“Harsh reality is, We can never fit a puzzle piece that belongs in another puzzle... but maybe someday we can create our own, can’t we?”

[feelings-marked-blog]

In Flesh and in Light.

I wish you knew how these words are made for you, written for you. They speak of every hidden and hiding things you have that came from my little mind. These words were made because you light my up.

These words are truly in the form of truth and the honest ugly truth. I have admired you for as long as the stars are alive and even when my days are numbered to end I can truly say these are for you.

You make me sway in my mind and jitter from the inside. I feel pain and happiness, jealousy and contentment. I don’t know you just make me, me! And I swear I don’t know how you do it but I’d like you to know again, these are for you.

But... would you care? would you ever know and recognized my feelings are for you? These single road sparks that lead only to you? Will you recognize me and all these effort I put for you?

These are the words I put for you, in Flesh and in the Light of the Sky. They shine bright for you because they are lit up by my heart screaming out for you and I hope you’ll know. I hope someone will tell you how i longed for you for so damn long.

“I write these down for you in flesh, and in light they will be shown and you will know”

[feelings-marked-blog]

The Signs in my Dreams

My heart had several shocks and aches these few weeks, because it is near. What it is you ask? The end times, my end times. I shook in fear as everything I have come to love will suddenly fade. I looked at my own reflection in the school windows thinking this will be my last time I’ll see a woman I admire so long.

Three months have passed, and it felt like such a very short time. From the first day I saw her eyes to the last days I saw her leave from the jeep. I will remember what she won’t, ever. Three months have passed, where I first saw her smile to the last days her hair fall messily in places I would’ve missed.

I would miss everything I ever saw in her, I would miss her little things, her voice, her caring little ways, even if it wasn’t for me, I would miss it. They say I’m crazy, obsessed, delusional, and too emotional but no... This is just my everyday self where I am but a soft man longing for a woman not within my grasp.

I am soft. I am weak. I am brought down to my knees every time I look at her. From afar I am satisfied as my spacial thoughts lead me into her. I am quickly distracted I admit, but only because her gracious little movements and her seemingly aggressive moments just catch me and entrap my heart in them.

I first remember the day where I wrote about her, it was sad. She was just there sitting and I could’ve easily made friends with her until I recognized that she had some of her own and that there would none or little space of me in hers. I just couldn’t bring myself to do it as a barrier stood before me.

Now I reminded in these last few days that I have a gift, a gift where I can give to her and confess my feelings in a silent way. She wouldn’t need to hear from me, but the least I can do is let her see from me the way I can express. Old but gold is what they say. 

These feelings... I need to let her know before the world falls apart in the form of breaking off where one can’t hold another until fate plays with them and tells them to cooperate because it is written in their tale and they cannot be separated until death pulls them apart.

Now I come to you, where you the reader can distinguish my ever melancholic feeling and try to write down this last passage as I think of what to do before my world ends with her. My world that should be intact if I did better. She would be pretty weirded out if she just saw a whole months work made just for her and her only.

You must be wondering, why dreams? why the signs? It is simple...

“Every time in every day I spent looking at her from afar was in reality, just dreams that cannot be breathed into life. Every moment was a dreams-way of saying “Here, this is her! look at her. Beautiful” and know I come before you that someday that impossible dream will take form in the reality”