Jun 3, 2019
I’m seeing a therapist for the first time in many years, and today was the second appointment. I was a little surprised when he said that he thinks I’m in a major depressive episode, as overall I feel like I’m doing well. It made me realise that I’ve been using my ability to function as my metric for how depressed I am, not how I feel. I look at how I am now and say, well, I’m not taking any days off work so I must be fine! When I was severely depressed in my teens I couldn’t even get out of bed! When in reality I feel terrible. I’m intensely lonely and I feel unmotivated and sad. I’m as depressed as ever, I’m just a little better at forging on through it.
I suppose the moral is, don’t use productivity as your guide to whether you’re okay.
