I’ve been struggling recently with heavy emotions of sadness and almost something like regret of my past selves decisions. I realize a lot of what I am going through is kind of a consequence of my past selfs actions and I’m just wondering, how do you forgive yourself and be okay with not letting the past repeat itself? Or tips to help move on and push forward.
Specifically right now, I am in school for the first time since high school (it’s been 3 years) and working at the same time.
I moved back home in September because I had a rough summer of drinking and drugs and have ever since then begun what I think is my first steps in healing.
I love my job and appreciate the people there.
I also love my family and appreciate their support as well.
I have built a pretty good routine and habit for myself since and do reflection/goal setting but ever so recently I realized I have been suppressing my stress of change and it all came fuming out the bottle - I have a bakers cyst on the back of my knee and I have been sick with a cold for like a week.
My body wants to slow down I see now and my mind has been racing with what this means.
I have ambition and I want to keep going so I guess I’m learning the balance of letting go and when to push for more.
Any tips?
*Disclaimer: I am not a mental health, professional and I can only speak from my own experience. What worked for me may not work for you.
On regret and forgiveness…
This one is outside my experience because one of the few things my anxiety and depression do not struggle with is regret. The past is immutable. No amount of regret is going to change it. This is probably why my anxiety and depression are completely focused on the future because the future is entirely mutable.
One strategy that helps me, however, is to put post-it notes up around the house with messages and affirmations that I need to remember. Perhaps you could put one up that says something like, “the past is immutable, I did the best I could, and even if I didn’t, I can’t change it now. I forgive myself.” I tap them and repeat them as I go by. I also like to visualize hugging myself, giving myself love, and telling myself that it’s going to be OK. Maybe this is something you could do with an image of your former past self, hug them, and forgive them, again, and again, and again.
It’s also important to take your focus off of the past and into where you are now. And, where you are now sounds like an amazing starting point for healing. Congratulate and be proud of yourself that you have taken important steps like moving back home, like reflecting and goal setting, and even realizing that you need to heal. I’m proud of you and you should be proud of yourself too.
Something else to realize is how young you are if you’ve only been out of high school for three years. I’m 38 years old and life, while it’s short, is also amazingly long. You have so much time to heal. And I hate to say it but it takes time. I’ve been on an intensive healing journey for 3 to 4 years now and I still have a long way to go. I hope that doesn’t sound demoralizing. It’s meant so that you give yourself grace and don’t set yourself up with unrealistic expectations. Being your best self takes time and work but it’s worth it.
If your stress is manifesting physically then yes, I agree that you need to slow down. Your mental and physical health are so much more important than any timeline you have for your life. See above about how young you are, but I would give the same advice to someone my age or older. Why race to the end if you’re not going to be well when you get there?
Finally, I would recommend this to absolutely anyone who sent me an ask, to seek therapy, or some kind of counselling if you can. Nothing has helped me more than having a professional guiding this journey. Fair warning, finding the right therapist is not easy. I tried three before I hit the jackpot with the fourth one.
I wish you all the good healing vibes. 💞
