only yours sometimes pt. 2 - l.sh
fwb!sohee x reader | 7.7k words
includes: angst, drinking, they're both a little annoying, yn cries alot, emotional sex, unprotected p in v, a bit of dry humping, lots of kissing / making out
part 2 to this ! i love sohee so much idk what to do sometimes.. so here is this for u guys.. also yay this is in celebration of me liking sohee for 3 years heh. i saw the first pic they posted of him and knew it was over for me.. enjoy! (lowkey plotting a pt 3 of happiness for this couple.. i'm lowkey attached)
sohee has texted you every day this week. you’ve never spoken this frequently before. you’ve never been this happy, and he’s never felt more like yours.
“i’m glad to see you doing better than the past few weeks,” anton tells you as he walks you to class. “are you seeing someone or what?”
you glance at him from the corner of your eye and break into a smile. “me? seeing someone?”
“yeah. it could happen.”
“it’s not, though.”
you’re being honest. sohee still hasn’t told you what any of this is. neither of you has. as far as you know, nothing has changed.
“is it anyone i know?” anton asks, nudging your shoulder with his.
“i just said—”
“hey, i’m just asking.” he laughs. “sohee hyung’s been pretty happy this week too.”
the second sohee’s name leaves his mouth, you go quiet. you can only hope anton doesn’t notice the warmth creeping into your cheeks.
“has he really?” you ask, trying your best to sound uninterested.
“oh, i forgot. you hate sohee.” his voice drips with sarcasm as he rolls his eyes.
you don't doubt that it's hard to tell something has been going on between sohee and you. you and sohee were such good friends until that night.
your friends have spent months trying to figure out what happened.
“are you going to the party tomorrow night?” you ask, needing the conversation to move somewhere else.
“are you?” anton raises an eyebrow. “it’s kind of a sohee hyung thing. i didn’t think you’d want to go.”
the knowing smirk on his face makes you want to throw something at him.
“i haven’t been out in a while,” you say with a shrug. “i was thinking of checking it out.”
anton opens the lecture hall door for you, then laughs. shaking his head at you. "you’d make a shit actress, yn.”
it’s friday.
the day you get to see sohee. the day you’ve been looking forward to since he stood breathless on your doorstep. only now that it’s here, you’re not sure if you should go. you want to. of course you want to. but should you?
if it’s really as much of a sohee thing as anton claims, wouldn’t it seem strange if you showed up? wouldn’t people notice?
you spend most of the day going back and forth before finally deciding that sometimes you have to put yourself first. you’re going. you’ll just arrive an hour late, so you don’t look too eager. and you’ll have enough time to work up the courage you know you’re going to need.
at 9:15, sohee sends you a selfie. he says he misses you. he says he can’t wait to see you soon. he looks beautiful. blonde. kissable. you spend far too long smiling at the picture before forcing yourself to put your phone down.
you’ve been ready for what feels like forever, your lips glossy and your stomach full of nerves, when riku rings your doorbell thirty minutes later.
“you look pretty,” he tells you as he opens the passenger door.
“thank you.”
“does that mean tonight’s the night?”
you look up immediately. “what?”
“when you tell him how you feel.” he climbs into the driver’s seat and sends you a pointed look.
“no,” you answer quickly. “i’m not planning on it. or anything happening. i just wanted to feel pretty.”
riku’s smile softens. “you’re always pretty, yn.”
you look out the window.
"i know he thinks the same.”
by the time riku pulls into the driveway, you wish you could turn around and go home. the yard is packed. music pounds through the walls hard enough to be felt from outside.
your top suddenly feels too tight and your skirt feels too short and it’s getting harder to breathe.
riku places a gentle hand against the small of your back as the two of you walk toward the house. the touch pulls you back to reality.
you don’t look for sohee right away. you’re too aware of him already. if you saw him the second you walked in, you might jump his bones.
anton finds you first. he immediately drags you away from riku and toward the makeshift bar in the kitchen.
“aren’t you going to ask me where he is?” anton shouts into your ear after your first shot.
the question makes the second shot go down much easier.
“who?” you yell back. your innocent act lasts all of three seconds before anton starts laughing.
the alcohol settles warmly in your chest. a smile comes easier and your shoulders loosen.
anton hands you a cup of party juice. “sip this,” he says. “so you don’t do something you regret.”
you aren’t sure whether he’s joking.
it becomes impossible to find sohee. you start wondering if he’s even here.
normally, you can tell. it’s crazy, but you can. whenever sohee enters a room, something shifts. the air feels different, and your skin gets warm. your heart starts racing before you’ve even seen him. none of that has happened yet.
so instead, you find riku. he dances with you in the middle of the crowded living room, surrounded by sweaty strangers and flashing lights.
you almost manage to forget why you came, almost. then a flash of blonde catches your eye beneath the strobe lights.
your heart skips. maybe it’s sohee. or maybe it’s the alcohol, or the heat, or the way anton keeps giving you that look.
whatever it is pulls you through the crowd, through bodies and laughter and spilled drinks. toward a quieter room. toward what looks like a halo of blonde hair across the room.
the alcohol makes you brave. it makes riku’s advice sound reasonable. maybe you should tell sohee how you feel. maybe you should finally stop pretending. maybe you should tell everyone that you want him to yourself.
it also makes your judgment blurry, until all you can think about are sohee’s lips. his perfect pink lips. you want them on you.
you decide you have to have him tonight.
he’s felt like yours all week. maybe he could keep being yours tonight, or maybe forever. maybe this blonde version of sohee, the one that exists because of something you told him weeks ago, truly belongs to you.
you learn very quickly that alcohol also makes you irrational and anxious. sohee has always had the same effect on you.
the plastic cup slips from your hand before you even realize what’s happening. it hits the floor, but you barely hear it.
sohee is sitting on the couch, between two girls.
one has her hands buried in his blonde hair, lazily carding her fingers through the strands.
the other traces absent patterns over the front of his gray tank top before letting her hand drift toward his exposed shoulder.
his red hoodie hangs loosely across his chest, only worn on one arm. you don’t know if he put it on like that himself, or if one of them did it for him. either possibility makes your stomach turn.
for a moment, all you can do is stare.
the room suddenly feels too loud, too hot, too small. and looking at him hurts so much more than not seeing him ever did.
sohee’s been waiting for you all night.
truthfully, it feels like he’s been waiting much longer than that.
the past week. the past eight months. maybe his whole life.
he’s spent so long pretending otherwise, but he’s always waiting for you. always looking for you in crowded rooms. always checking his phone when it buzzes and hoping it’s your name on the screen. he’s always wanted you.
he was scared you weren’t going to show up.
the hour he spent waiting felt closer to three. every time the front door opened, his head lifted automatically. every time it wasn’t you, disappointment settled a little deeper in his chest.
then you finally walked through the door.
there you were.
you were beautiful, somehow more beautiful than he remembered.
you looked happy. bright. warm. he could tell from across the room that you were wearing the lip gloss he’d bought you months ago. the sight of it almost made him smile.
relief crashed into him so suddenly that he nearly laughed.
there you are.
then he saw riku.
riku was right behind you, his hand resting comfortably against the small of your back. he saw the shy smile you gave him when you looked over your shoulder. a smile sohee had always stupidly convinced himself belonged only to him.
the relief vanished. you were an hour late to a party he invited you to, and you showed up with another guy.
the irritation arrives faster than ever. he’s tired of guessing and wondering. tired of being the one reaching for you. he just wants you.
after wandering around aimlessly for too long, sohee retreats to the couch in the back room where it’s less crowded. he tells himself he doesn’t care. if you want to keep playing games, maybe he’ll play too.
the thought only lasts a few seconds. his eyes keep searching for you anyway. they follow every movement in the room. every doorway. every corner. he can’t help it.
you still haven’t come to him.
the girl who dyed his hair is running her fingers through the blonde strands and complimenting her own work. another girl leans against him, talking about something he isn’t listening to.
with every minute that passes, sohee gets more annoyed. he doesn’t care that someone who isn't you is touching his hair. he doesn’t care that someone else is practically sitting on top of him.
he doesn’t care about any of it. stubbornly, he stays where he is. for once, he wants you to come to him. then he sees you, and suddenly his stomach drops.
sohee knows you too well. he knows that look. he knows the shine in your eyes. he knows the way your mouth trembles when you’re trying not to cry. his confidence disappears instantly.
everyone hears the cup hit the floor. the sharp crack echoes through the room. the girls beside him look over.
sohee only looks at you. you stare back until your lip trembles and your eyes fill.
then you shake your head and the gesture hurts more than he expects. for a second neither of you moves. then tears spill down your cheeks. you turn around and disappear into the crowd.
sohee’s heart nearly stops.
you don’t know where you’re going, you just know you can’t stay here.
your vision is blurry from tears. the music is too loud and the room is too hot and your chest hurts. everything hurts.
you push your way through strangers until you slam directly into anton. his eyes widen immediately.
“woah. hey.” his hand catches your wrist before you can stumble past him. you shake your head. you can’t speak. you can’t breathe, or think.
all you can see is blonde hair and two girls touching him. all you can think about is how stupid you’ve been, and how hopeful you’ve been. how badly you’ve wanted him. how convinced you were that he was finally yours.
“i need air,” you choke out.
anton’s expression softens instantly. he doesn’t ask questions. he just puts an arm around your waist and guides you outside.
the humid air wraps around you the second you step into the backyard. it should help, but it doesn’t. it feels like someone’s wrapped a rope around your throat. you bend over before you can stop yourself. anton gathers your hair back loosely as you throw up into the grass. his hand rubs slow circles against your back.
“it’s okay,” he says quietly. he sounds worried, which only makes you cry harder.
you’ve always known sohee sees other girls. you knew that. you agreed to this. but knowing something and seeing it are completely different things.
the reality settles over you all at once.
after everything—after him running to your apartment, after him texting you every day, after him telling you he missed you. he still isn’t yours. he never will be.
the thought makes you feel sick all over again.
you wipe your mouth with trembling fingers. tears continue falling. not only is sohee not yours, but he’s also cruel and mean and evil.
and you still love him.
sohee feels sick too. he nearly trips over himself getting outside. the second he spots you, he spots anton too. anton’s hand is on your back and you’re crying.
his stomach twists painfully. he’s angry and hurt and confused. he doesn’t know what to believe anymore.
when anton notices him standing there, his hand immediately drops away. understanding flashes across his face. “i’m gonna get her water.”
anton walks past sohee and pauses. “don’t be stupid.”
the words are quiet and meant just for sohee. somehow they only make him more frustrated.
when anton disappears, silence settles between you. you can still taste vomit. your throat burns. your eyes burn. your dignity is nowhere to be found.
“go back inside,” you say. you try to sound harsh, but it comes out small anyway.
there’s a pause so long you think sohee might have really left out. but then you hear him step closer to you with a scoff.
“seriously?”
you wipe at your cheeks and look at him. his hands are shaking. you’ve never seen that before. he looks like he doesn’t care about anything, or maybe like he cares too much. you aren’t sure which is worse.
“go back to your girls.”
sohee pokes his tongue against the inside of his cheek and nods once. “my girls?”
“yeah.”
“you showed up an hour late with another guy on your side, yn!” he takes a step forward.
“so you saw me walk in and didn’t come say hi?” you ask, voice raised. “you’re the one who invited me!”
“exactly!” his voice cracks.
“exactly. i invited you.” he throws his hands up. “you! and then you show up an hour late with another guy.”
“you were just sandwiched between two girls, sohee!” the words burst out of you. “and you’re getting mad at me for coming here with a friend?”
sohee lets out a dry laugh. it sounds awful and nothing like him.
“don’t talk to me about friends.”
the shine in sohee’s eyes prompts the anger to start leaving your body. you’re tired, confused, and hurt. you’re looking at him. he’s looking at you and neither of you know what to say. no matter how much sohee looks at you, he never sees you. you’ve never seen sohee, despite having him memorized.
“i’m tired of this game.” sohee confesses after a beat.
you blink. “what?”
“tell me what you want me to do, yn.” his voice is tired, exhausted. this has been on his mind for too long.
you stare at him. you think he might actually cry. your brain feels slow, like you’re underwater. “what?” you repeat.
“i’m serious.”
“sohee—”
“tell me.” his voice breaks. he starts pacing and running both hands through his hair. you’ve never seen him this frantic before, ever.
“i don’t tell our friends about us because you don’t want me to.”
your stomach drops.
“i dyed my hair because you wanted me to.”
another step, and another frustrated hand through his hair.
“then you disappear for two weeks.”
your heart starts pounding.
“you text me at two in the morning and i immediately come running,” his voice gets louder, and desperate.
“i’ve been losing my fucking mind because of you!”
the words knock the air from your lungs. all you can do is stare. he’s saying everything you’ve spent months wishing he would say.
“i would do anything you asked me to, yn.” his eyes lock onto yours. they’re red now, wet.
you’ve never seen him look at you like this, or maybe he always has. maybe you’ve just been too scared to believe it.
“anything.” his voice cracks again.
tears spill down your face faster now, because you know what he’s saying is true, and has always been true, but you were too scared to see it for what it was. you don’t even wipe the tears away.
“how much longer are you going to pretend you don’t know?” his voice softens. “i text you every day.”
another step closer. “all i think about every day is you.”
your breath catches.
“i can’t sleep properly when we’re not talking,” his lip quivers as he takes one of your hands in his. his skin is soft and warm and feels like home. “and you think i have other girls?”
you remember staring at your phone every night and re-reading his messages, checking his instagram, wondering who else he was talking to. wondering who else he ran to. wondering who else got this version of him. sohee was doing the same thing on the other side.
“you think i wanted to sit in there with them?” his eyes widen. “i didn’t even notice them. all i was thinking about was where you were.” his voice shakes. “i was waiting for you.”
you let out a sob because you realize what’s happening here. maybe neither of you has understood the other at all.
“i was waiting for you to come to me for once.”
for a moment, neither of you says anything. the music from inside sounds far away and the night feels still. sohee looks at you, and everything in him softens.
“i like you, yn.”
you close your eyes, your hand still in his. you’ve wanted those words for so long.
“i know you like me too.” his voice is barely above a whisper now. he’s rubbing gentle circles onto your hand with the pad of his thumb. “so let’s stop doing this.”
you start crying harder, which only makes him look like he’s about to cry too.
when you open your eyes again, he’s looking at you like you’re the only thing he’s ever wanted. maybe you always have been.
“why didn’t you just say that?” you ask.
sohee stares at you for a second, completely baffled. then he shrugs, like the answer should’ve been obvious all along.
“i thought it was obvious.”
you let sohee's reply seep into you.
obvious. the word makes your blood suddenly boil. your hands start shaking. tears prick at your eyes again, but these aren't from heartbreak anymore. these are from anger. you pull your hand away from his.
"obvious?" you repeat.
sohee’s eyes widen in surprise at the venom in your voice. you're crying and laughing at the same time now.
"obvious," you repeat again, because maybe saying it enough times will make it make sense. it doesn't.
“sohee, you let me think you were sleeping with half the campus."
he stares at you in disbelief.
“you told me you hated me," his voice rises defensively.
"i didn't think you were stupid enough to believe it."
"then why would you say it?" the question flies out of him. he takes a step toward you. you can tell he's upset again.
"because i was hurt! because i was angry." you throw your hands up. the second the words leave your mouth, sohee's eyebrows shoot up.
"what?"
"i thought you were making fun of me when you dyed your hair." you hate how small your voice sounds. "i thought you knew how much i liked you. and since i said you’d look good blonde, you did it to be mean.”
"yn," he gasps. "i did it because you said if i did, you'd want me all to yourself."
the memory hits immediately, and you’re back in bed with his arm around your shoulders, your cheek against his chest, and your fingers tangled in his hair.
because i'll want you all to myself. you'd never said it out loud. you know you hadn't. you thought you hadn’t.
you stare at him. "...you knew how i felt?"
"kind of." sohee rubs his face. he suddenly looks exhausted. "i don't know."
he laughs weakly. "i'm a really simple guy, yn."
his eyes find yours with a shrug. "i thought you liked me too, but then you told me you hated me. so i figured i was wrong."
he pauses. "plus you left with riku."
your stomach sinks.
"you told me not to count on you coming over anymore." his gaze drops. "what was i supposed to think? i thought that was it." his voice gets quieter.
"i thought that was your way of ending things."
your heart shatters at the thinness of his voice. he sounds so small, so hurt. you did this to him.
"i thought you hated me." he laughs dryly again. "and then tonight you show up late with another guy."
you close your eyes. suddenly seeing the night through his perspective feels awful. you walking in with riku. riku's hand on your back. you avoiding him. you never going over to him.
you feel guilty.
the music inside sounds distant and muffled, like it belongs to another world until sohee speaks again. "those two weeks without you sucked."
your eyes open, and he's looking at the ground.
"i couldn't sleep at all. i think i went almost ten days without properly sleeping."
you remember the dark circles under his eyes when he showed up at your apartment, and how soundly he slept the next morning.
"when you texted me that night, i was about to go for a walk."
a tiny smile appears. "it was a really pathetic walk, trying to clear my head."
his eyes soften. "then i saw your name, and suddenly i wasn't going for a walk anymore."
sohee takes a deep breath and runs a hand through his hair.
"i couldn't think about anything except you."
the tears are falling again, quietly this time. you don't wipe them away.
"i try really hard to act cool around you." sohee lets out a breath. "but honestly, i have no idea what i'm doing. i just do whatever i think you want me to do."
your throat tightens. you think about the blonde hair and the apartment, the texts, the waiting. all of it.
you suddenly see it as it always has been. not as random moments, or coincidences, or wishful thinking, but as effort.
as someone trying over and over and over again, even when he wasn't sure you wanted him to.
"i think sitting and talking that night was good for us." his voice is quieter, gentle as it normally is.
"i'd like to do it again." a small smile appears. "the next morning too."
he looks embarrassed, and you think he’s adorable.
"i've really been trying, yn."
his eyes are shining with hope and his voice is barely above a whisper.
you stare at sohee and his blonde hair and his red eyes and his shaking hands and see him for what he is.
for the first time, you’re realizing that sohee doesn’t belong to everyone else. he’s always been yours.
“you’re such an idiot,” you say, realizing that sohee spent weeks thinking you hated him.
he laughs. “that’s not the reaction i anticipated.”
you shake your head, and more tears spill down your cheeks. sohee’s smile falters at the sight.
“i can’t believe you,” your voice cracks. “i can’t believe you let me misunderstand so much.”
sohee frowns. “yn…”
you take a step towards him, then another, until there’s barely any space between the two of you.
everything that happened up to this moment feels silly. so much time was wasted, being hurt and guessing, because neither of you could say what you wanted.
you look down at the two of you wearing the same shoes and almost laugh. maybe he always has been obvious. when you look back up, his eyes are already on you, waiting.
“you should have just told me,” you whisper weakly.
sohee swallows. “you should have told me, too.”
“i know.”
“me too.”
the music from inside seems to fade into the background as you stare at his mouth. the air feels warm and soft around you. sohee’s lips are pink, and you know they’ll be warm and soft, too.
sohee mirrors your actions, then meets your eyes again.
“can i kiss you, yn?” he asks quietly. there’s something so boyish and hopeful about the way he asks it that it makes you want to cry.
this is sohee, who’s had you wrapped around his finger for months, who’s memorized every inch of you. the boy who’s kissed you a hundred times. this one feels like the first.
you nod before he finishes breathing.
the second his hand reaches your face, your eyes close. the kiss starts soft and tentative, like neither of you knows what to do with all the things you’ve just confessed. but the second your lips touch, something familiar rushes back.
a shaky breath leaves sohee. his hand slides into your hair. your fingers fist the fabric of his tank top. sohee hooks his arm around your waist and pulls you even closer into him. he breathes hot air into your mouth and you do the same, too afraid to pull away first. you kiss sohee like you need him to live, chasing after him when he pulls back slightly. you feel him smile into the kiss when you bring a hand up to fist his hair. his palm finds the back of your head to keep you in place.
you’re running out of air and your heart is racing and sohee is pushing his tongue into your mouth. a small whimper escapes you at the feeling before you touch your tongue to his. your hand on sohee’s chest also finds its way to his hair, tugging lightly. sohee lets out a soft groan into your mouth and you smile.
when you pull apart, neither of you gets very far. your foreheads rest together and sohee’s hands find your waist. this is how it always should have been. how it always should be.
sohee laughs. you can feel the sound of it. “see?” he murmurs.
you hate how smug he sounds. “what?”
his thumb brushes beneath your eye. “i knew you liked me.”
you break out into a grin, catching your breath. “from how i kiss you?”
sohee nods. “like you won’t let me pull away.”
“i feel more deeply than that for you, hee,” you coo, bringing your hands to fluff his hair. sohee’s lips part. you stand on your toes until your lips are right at his ear.
“i have other ways to show you those feelings, too.” you whisper before taking a step back, giving the boy an innocent smile.
sohee thinks he’s going to pass out. his grip on your waist tightens and his gaze darkens slightly. he can feel himself getting wrapped around your finger again, and the proud curve of your smile only makes it worse. he doesn’t care about anything else right now. he just needs you.
“will it be my place or yours?” sohee croaks.
you’re drumming your fingers on his stomach over the thin fabric of his tank top. you hum when your hands reach the hoodie he only has half on.
“did she do this to your hoodie, or did you?” you ask. you try hiding a smile at how quickly sohee’s chest is rising and falling, and how every touch you leave on his skin makes his cheeks warm.
“i did it.”
“good,” you smile at the boy, your arms wrapping around his waist and pulling him into a hug. sohee melts into you, his arms wrapping around you. you listen to his heartbeat, the sound steady under your ear.
“my apartment is 15 minutes from here,” you mumble against his chest.
you feel him let out a deep breath. “ok. mine is 5.”
“yours, then,” you breathe, rubbing your hands up and down his back. you aren’t sure either of you could wait that long.
“definitely mine.”
sohee orders an uber almost immediately. he has half the mind to go back inside and tell anton that you’re both leaving, and you tell riku the same. both boys respond with a thumbs up and a smile and a quick “congrats” whispered in your ear.
sohee slides into the backseat of the uber beside you, and his hand fits in yours like a glove. it takes everything in you to not kiss sohee during the five minute ride. instead, he brings your joined hands to his lips, pressing a slow kiss against your knuckles without ever breaking eye contact. you’ve never needed him so badly.
the second you climb out of the car, sohee’s arm finds your waist again. he guides you across the parking lot, which you swear has doubled in size since the last time you were here. every step feels impossibly slow. his touch burns against your skin with need, with desperation, with want.
“sohee,” you whine, hurrying to keep up with him.
a grin spreads across his face as sohee tucks his fingers underneath the waistband of your skirt, making you yelp before dissolving into helpless giggles. you retaliate immediately, sliding your hand beneath the hem of his tank top and smoothing your palm up the warm skin of his back. he glances over his shoulder at you, the corner of his mouth curling into a smirk that only makes your face burn hotter.
by the time you reach his apartment, it feels like you’ve crossed an entire city.
sohee fumbles with his keys at his door, muttering something under his breath as he tries the wrong one. you give his back an impatient slap that earns you an amused laugh, but you don't find any of this funny. your heart is beating so hard it almost hurts. you're beginning to think you might actually cry from how badly you want him.
“i’m sorry, baby,” he coos when he feels you lean against his back.
with a small, defeated sound, you wrap your arms around his waist from behind, pressing your cheek between his shoulder blades. Sohee nearly unlocks the door right then out of sheer pity for how desperate you've become.
then he thinks of everything you’ve put him through and figures there’s no harm in making you squirm a little longer.
you feel the laugh rumble through his chest before you hear it, and immediately peel yourself away from him with a dramatic sigh.
“i’m going to leave if you don’t open the door.”
“oh, really?”
he finally turns to look at you, clearly trying and failing to hide the grin spreading across his face. you fold your arms over your chest, glaring at him with all the conviction you can manage. when the smile only grows, you huff, turn on your heel, and start marching back toward the parking lot.
you barely make it a few steps.
sohee catches your wrist with an easy laugh, tugging you gently back toward him as the lock finally clicks open.
"there," he murmurs.
the moment the door swings shut behind you, his hands are on your waist, pulling you close, and then his lips are on yours.
sohee’s kisses are sloppy as he presses you against the door. he doesn’t give you a chance to breathe before he’s sticking his tongue in your mouth. you let him kiss you however he wants because it’s been so long since you’ve had him like this. you can feel sohee’s saliva cooling on the skin surrounding your mouth as he tucks his fingers into the waistband of your skirt again to pull you in closer.
you’re pressed completely against him and whimpering into his mouth every time he licks further into yours. sohee’s chest pushes into yours with each breath he takes. you slide a hand along the warm skin beneath his tank top and bring the other to his nape.
sohee loves when you play with his hair. once, he told you he could die happy with your hands tangled in it. you also know that sohee thinks it feels nice when you rub the shell of his ear. a breathy laugh slips against your mouth the moment your fingers find it.
“i missed you, yn.”
sohee is breathless, his forehead resting against yours as he whispers the words. you missed him, too. more than you thought was possible. you don't trust your voice yet, so you hope the slow circles you're drawing over his ribcage with your thumb say everything for you.
the way his eyes shine gives you just enough courage to answer.
"i missed you, too."
a smile spreads across his face before his hand comes up to cup your cheek. his thumb strokes your skin with impossible tenderness, and he gently tugs at your bottom lip before watching it spring back into place. sohee looks at you like he’s in love with you, and you let yourself believe it.
“i don’t want to miss you ever again.”
“i’ll always be here, yn. as long as you let me.” sohee doesn’t wait for you to answer. he takes your hand and leads you to his room.
sohee’s bed is always perfectly made. the sheets are pulled tight enough that there isn't a wrinkle anywhere. he still tucks the corners in so neatly that it almost feels wrong when you fall backward onto the mattress, the comforter creasing beneath your weight.
you almost apologize. then sohee climbs over you from the foot of the bed and he’s all you can see.
you reach for him automatically, your hands finding his hair again before anything else. it's almost unbelievable that it's still this soft after everything he's put it through. maybe that's why you can't stop touching it. the blonde slips through your fingers like silk, messy now in the prettiest way. you wonder if anyone else has ever seen it like this.
probably not.
his cheeks are warm with color. his lips are swollen from kissing you. there's a shine to them every time they catch the light, and you can't stop staring. you've always thought sohee was beautiful. tonight he feels almost unfair to look at.
he braces himself above you, one arm beside your head and the other settling carefully near your waist, leaving just enough room that you could move if you wanted to. you don’t. his weight and warmth are familiar. the faint smell of his laundry detergent mixed with the clean sweetness of his shampoo is familiar. for weeks, you’d been trying to remember what this felt like. your memory never came close.
he turns his head just enough to press a slow kiss against the corner of your mouth. it's softer than all the kisses you've shared tonight, almost careful.
when he pulls away after only a second, the loss of his lips is immediate enough that you find yourself following him without thinking, chasing another kiss before your mind has time to catch up. you’re squirming in need when he brings a hand to cup your center.
you grind against his hand immediately and whimper his name. you bring a hand to sohee’s wrist to keep him there as your hips buck up. sohee watches you in awe. he's never seen you want him this openly before. his smile falters for a moment. the pressure beneath his jeans grows almost uncomfortable, and he has to remind himself to breathe.
he pulls his hand away from you and leaves a soft kiss against the exposed skin of your stomach in apology.
you bend your legs at the knee instinctively and watch with a dry mouth as his hands finally find the button of his jeans. every slow movement feels drawn out on purpose, like time has decided to stretch itself just to test your patience.
when sohee finally stands in front of you, completely bare, you think he deserves applause.
you watch his dick jump when he slides your skirt down your legs, revealing the lace panties you wore for him just in case. he brings his hands to your knees, prying them apart. you spread easily for sohee, always.
“can i eat you out, baby?” sohee swears he can smell you from where he’s leaning over you. he doesn’t mean to lick his lips, but it’s been so long since he’s tasted you and you always look so pretty spread out for him. he's surprised you're taking this long to answer. you looked so overwhelmed with wanting him a moment ago that he thought the words would come easily.
“maybe in the morning, hee,” you breathe. “i need you now.”
you watch sohee’s dick jump again in response to your words. he leans down fully and hides in the crook of your neck while his bare dick grinds against your clothed folds.
“fuck,” he hisses, then places a wet kiss under your ear. you let out an embarrassingly loud whine when his tip catches on your clit. you’re so pent up you think you could come like this.
“sohee, please.”
you tug gently on sohee's blonde hair, hoping he'll understand the desperation behind it. he's so close to where you need him.
sohee has never made you beg like this before, but you're starting to think you deserve it. maybe this is what happens after months of misunderstanding each other. maybe this is your punishment for making him wait, for making yourself wait.
he finally pulls away from your neck.
when you meet his eyes, they're warm and unfocused, heavy with want. he looks at you for a long moment, breathing just as unevenly as you are.
to your dismay, sohee ignores your pleas and starts rubbing harshly against the lace, his tip continually prodding your clothed entrance. “you’re soaking wet right now,” he groans above you.
your legs start to close around sohee’s waist as you feel your muscles tense from the pleasure. sohee begins thrusting into your covered hole, each one stretching you slightly more. you shut your eyes in pleasure and accept that you’ll have to come like this.
“it's even wetter inside,” you whisper weakly, making one last attempt to convince him to give you what you want.
you feel him twitch against you before a breathy laugh slips from his lips.
“ok, baby.”
he finally pulls away from you, only long enough to press a lingering kiss to your forehead. his thumb brushes gently across your cheek as he smiles.
“i'll give you what you want.”
you take the chance to fully undress, tossing your shirt onto the floor as sohee tugs your panties down your legs. you lean back to rest your weight on your elbows and open your legs for sohee. he stares at your glistening center with his lips parted like it’s his first time seeing you.
“condom or no?” sohee asks.
“there’s no time,” you insist.
sohee nods immediately, guiding you until you're lying fully against the bed. he follows you down without letting go, one hand cradling the back of your head as if you're something precious.
he kisses you again. this kiss is different from all the others. it's slow, and gentle, and unhurried. there's no teasing left in it now, no impatience, no playful grin waiting behind it. he kisses you like he's been wanting to for months. like every misunderstanding has finally fallen away. it's full of love. it doesn’t match the greedy way he’s pawing at your chest, kneading them and pinching your nipples.
sohee’s tongue slips into your mouth at the same time he pushes into you and it feels like the first time. you pulse around him as he slips further inside and you’re moaning into his mouth at the intrusion. the pressure of him against your walls makes you feel lightheaded. sohee can only get a few inches in at a time, kissing away the furrow in your brow following each push.
“you fit inside me so well, hee,” you whisper when he’s fully sheathed.
“it’s cause we were made for each other,” sohee replies, eyes fluttering shut. you’re so hot and wet around him he doesn’t know how he went the past few weeks without you. “you squeeze me so fucking good,” he adds.
“so romantic,” you coo, bringing a hand to pat his hair. sohee is blonde and he’s inside of you. the realization alone makes you pulse around his dick. “you can move now.”
sohee pulls his hips back and gives you a small thrust that already feels like too much. you’re not going to last long. you’ve been so pent up and sohee is finally inside of you for the first time in what feels like forever. your head falls back with a gasp and his lips find your neck.
sohee makes sure you can feel all of him every time he pushes back into you, slow and deliberate. sweat starts to bead on his forehead from the restraint he’s showing, but he wants to take his time with you. he needs to make you understand how he feels.
when sohee’s tip hits especially deep, tears begin to prick your vision. he feels so good inside of you. you can feel him everywhere, and it's almost too much to bear. the closeness of him, the warmth of him, the certainty that he's really here after everything, overwhelms you all at once.
you wish you knew how to tell him what your heart is trying so desperately to say.
sohee brings a hand down to your clit, his jaw falling slack from how wet you are to the touch.
“sohee! feels so good,” you moan as he rubs small circles on your nub, bringing you closer to your release.
you lift your head because you need to see him.
your eyes wander over every part of his face you've memorized. his big brown eyes, damp around the edges now. the sweep of his long eyelashes. the gentle slope of his nose. the warmth blooming across his cheeks.
you love him. the realization isn't loud anymore. it isn't frightening. it settles inside you with complete certainty.
you think you've spent so long trying to convince yourself you could live without sohee that you forgot what the truth felt like.
he's become necessary to your existence.
the moment sohee notices the tears slipping down your face, his expression changes. the corners of his lips begin to fall, concern replacing everything else. he slows immediately, searching your face with wide, worried eyes.
before the frown can fully reach him, you shake your head and press your palm gently against his back, drawing him closer until his chest is flush against yours. you need to feel his heartbeat. you need him close enough that there's no room left for doubt.
"you're ok."
his voice is quiet, almost reverent. the words settle somewhere deep inside your chest.
you're ok.
he isn't asking you if you're alright. he isn't telling you to stop crying.
he's telling you you're safe. that he isn't going anywhere. that after months of wondering, and hurting, and loving him from a distance, you don't have to hold yourself together anymore.
your forehead rests against his shoulder as another tear slips free. for the first time in what feels like forever, you believe him.
the gentleness in his voice tips you over the edge. you hide your face in his neck as more tears fall. sohee’s hips kiss yours one more time and then you’re clamping down on his dick and releasing. the sensation undoes sohee, as well. he groans into your neck, a hand reaching for your breast as he cums.
he's trailing kisses along your cheeks where the tears keep falling, brushing each one away as though he could kiss the sadness out of you. one hand cradles the back of your head while the other combs slowly through your hair.
"you're ok, baby. i'm here now."
he presses one last kiss to your forehead before wrapping both arms around you and pulling you flush against his chest. his hand moves slowly along your arm, stroking your skin with absentminded tenderness, like he's trying to soothe something much deeper than your tears.
the gentleness of it makes your heart ache.
you wonder how sohee always seems to know exactly what to say.
without thinking, you burrow farther into him until your ear is resting over his chest. you've grown to like listening to sohee's heartbeat because it's the only thing you've never been able to doubt.
"your heart is always racing when i listen to it," you murmur over the steady thumping beneath your ear.
"yeah?" he looks down at you with an easy smile.
you nod against his chest. "it never slows down."
sohee's fingers drift through your hair, smoothing the strands away from your face.
"because i'm with you."
the words make you go still.
sohee feels it immediately. his hand pauses in your hair for only a second before continuing its gentle rhythm. he worries he said the wrong thing. he never wants to make you cry again. he was only telling you the truth.
"sohee," you mumble against him.
"hm?"
your fingertips wander absentmindedly across his stomach, tracing the familiar moles you've loved for so long. you rest your chin against his chest until you're looking up at him.
"you love me?"
the smile that spreads across sohee's face is so bright it makes you smile too. you think, not for the first time, that he's the cutest boy you've ever seen.
"i love you, yn."
you close your eyes for a moment before pressing a soft kiss over his heart.
"and you're mine?" you ask quietly. "for good? not only sometimes?"
sohee shifts lower on the bed until you're face to face. he cups your cheek, his thumb brushing away the tear you hadn't realized escaped. all the teasing leaves his expression. there's nothing left but warmth.
"i'm only yours, yn." he smiles, the kind that reaches his eyes.
"for as long as you'll have me."
you think about the last eight months. about staring at your phone waiting for his name to appear. about memorizing the smell of the back of his neck because you were afraid one day it would be all you had left.
about falling asleep listening to his heartbeat because it was the only thing that never lied to you. this one doesn't, either.
you close your eyes and listen to it for a little while longer.
