May 11
lellele im so jolly what what what!! what!! whatt! what! what!
#lelelelelelelelelele#leeeelelleee#leleeeleleee#llleleleleleleleelee#lelelelele#lelelelelle#lelelelelleelelle#plwhlellelelee#plehlelelle#ok i was just using the above tags to hide these ones#'you seem like your doing so much better!' oh no i definitely have but ive also gotten soo much better at hiding what hasn't gotten better#ive definitely gotten better at masking most of my weird traits to people i know irl because for some#GOD FORSAKEN REASON#strangers online somehow understand me and my struggles better than people i know#we all have had to make it seem like we havent had amnesia for so long about so many things because of stuff that happened years ago#its so greatly impacted me and the others that it's getting genuinely so fucking hard to even want to stay awake#to even find the courage to get out of bed is getting harder and i cant even get help for my problems#i dont fucking trust adults anymore because one person had to ruin it all#adults dont do that on accident.#i hate even telling people about struggles outside of the everyday human experience because people have it worse than me#its so fucking exhausting#even with all my symptoms i feel like im faking it all because i can hardly remember the trauma that caused us to split in the first place#not only for that reason but i split new headmates so fucking easily i hate the fact i have to walk on eggshells just to not get stressed#and i have so many self destructive headmates. they know who they are. and even if i love them because they're what could've been apart of-#-me it just gets exhausting#whatverrr who carrs