Hardest week
hello,
year end come closer and I’m still stuck at this place. that is suck.
well, its not that I’m not happy, this is already a routine for me to spend a new years eve far away from home,without those people who I want to spend new years eve with. and actually, celebrating new years eve here is sooo much better than at home. my family dont really care about new years eve, we just watch a movie on tv and when the time strike midnight we go out to see fireworks. thats how our new years eve work, no going out, no barbeque or roasted corn, and I end up getting annoyed to the point I just sleep, so very uncool. but I sincerely miss those annoying feeling. I miss home.
the thing is, my mom-since three months ago- said that she will pay a visit to me and checking my boarding house. this isnt a good idea, my room is in catastrophic mode, I dont really care about that and will not care about that. I’m that ‘I’m okay if theres still a room for me to sleep’ person. and to think that my mom will end up unhappy seeing my room, I tought the idea of mom to pay a visit is kinda not great. Then in the following days I got so many reasons to prevent mom to visiting me. that week would be one of my hardest week in this term. lots of final practical class’s exam, report, report, an open recruitment that I signed up, and report again, and practical class, and lots of other thing that I should do, that thing will never end huh?
but when I tought I will be rejoice because mom couldnt visit me-and prolly will never know about my catastrophic room-, my heart feels heavy instead. mom said with her-almost-shouting-but-cheerful-voice that she finally get to know my new boarding house, and she is happy she will visit me for the first time. she really want to be here but I search a million reasons to prevent her for visiting me when she couldnt stop asking me to accompanying her to take a look at this city. at that time I couldnt help but thinking that I’m not good enough as her daughter.
I blame my self for a million reasons, my mom may really couldnt visit me because lots of nonsense things I should do. ah, why do I feel sad? it will be good if mom here and give me some advice for my hardest week cheer me up. I should apologize, but I’m not better than a coward. I suck. I need to watch a drama as an excuse for crying. ha, and I tought that I’m a good daughter for my parent. as if.
when this freakin term gonna end? I couldnt wait to lay on my own catastrophic room, in my house of course.