Here are my answers to lemonsaremydivision’s Guess Who Said It quiz. I promise I didn’t look anything up, though I had to google the spelling of some of the names.
1. Why he can’t hear me.
Douglas Richardson, Helsinki
2. Oh, I’m sorry. Did I say ‘know’? I meant ‘care’. I don’t really care.
Douglas Richardson, Cremona
3. If you find we’re going over a bit of the world you like the look of, er, do please ring your little bell and one of the cabin crew will fit you with a parachute and chuck you out.
Arthur Shappey, Fitton
4. Not big enough to attack 737s, but I take your point.
Martin Crieff, Douz
5. They bring us three millennia of art, culture and architecture; we bring them thirteen City boys to throw up on it.
Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, Edinburgh
6. Ready once more to help me slip the surly bounds of Earth, put out my hand and punch the face of God?
Mr Birling, Edinburgh
7. So would I … Martin.
Martin Crieff, Rotterdam
8. Good morning, good morning, good morning, gents! Teas, coffees? Keys, toffees?
Arthur Shappey, Paris
9. With a waggly tail and a cold wet nose.
Douglas Richardson, Zurich (part 2)
10. Martin, you’re a berk.
Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, Abu Dhabi
11. Oh dear me. Tell you what: why don’t you write it down, put it in an envelope, tear it in half, throw it away, and shut your face?
Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, Ipswich
12. Well, as you pointed out, it is your plane.
Douglas Richardson, Johannesburg
13. Here you are, Skipper. Wow! Is that the Sahara?
Arthur Shappey, Douz
14. No! This is ridiculous! I’m not in the least tired.
Douglas Richardson, Xinzhou
15. Never am I separated from my bassoon.
Madame Szyszko-Bohusz, Gdansk
16. No. You are more like, er, old babushka.
Mr Aliakin, Molokai
17. Well, they’re State Rooms.
Excelsior Hotel receptionist, Cremona
18. Ooh! Full moon!
Douglas Richardson, Kuala Lumpur
19. That – I believe – is the sound seven o’clock makes … on a genuine Patek Philippe.
Douglas Richardson, Limerick
20. Si.
Señor Quintanilla, Johannesburg
21. Somewhere to put your god?
Douglas Richardson, Molokai
22. Snoopadoop the cockerpoo, noblest of hounds.
Herc Shipwright, Ottery St Mary
23. No doubt you’re a valued alumnus of the University of Life … or possibly Exeter.
Mr Birling, Edinburgh
24. … Why?
Martin Crieff, Ottery St Mary
25. Thank you for your offer. I’ll bear that in mind.
Nancy Dean Liebhart, Qiqiktarjak
26. Yes! I know these! I know them!
Martin Crieff, Gdansk
27. Hands on your head. Hands on your head!
Martin Crieff, Paris
28. My pleasure. It will allow me to catch my breath from all the hilarity.
Princess Theresa of Liechtenstein, Vaduz
29. Yes! Now pour it over me!
Gordon Shappey, St Petersburg
30. It’s always trouble when we’re ‘gentlemen’. I prefer it when we’re ‘imbeciles’.
Martin Crieff, Boston (random guess, sorry)
31. Oh, yes, I think I know it. My sister’s best friend from school had a …
Gerry the airport manager, Uskerty
32. Oh, just however it comes.
Mrs Crieff, Wokingham
33. Yes, that’ll make the day fly by on silver wings(!)
Carolyn Knapp-Shappey, Fitton
34. Ute, can we get some muffins up here?
Oskar Bider, Yverdon-les-Bains
35. Very stupid clocks.
Herc Shipwright, Zurich (part 1)
36. Oh yeah! Is it bigger than the box?
Arthur Shappey, Limerick
