spin cycle: chapter 2 - missing threads
chapter one - delicates and disasters
chapter three - don't cry over spilled detergent
fairly angsty, good ending! hoping to add another chapter or two to this! i know it seems like things are moving fast, but 'tis a short story so!
warnings/notes: some swearing, mentions of death, megumi is so cute. proofread to the best of my abilities. i write late at night...my eyes don't move as fast as i type.
a few more knocks sounded and you rushed to the door.
toji with a scowl. megumi was crying. and in your shirt. in your mom’s shirt.
your eyes adjusted to the hallway light, you blinked a few times. you first took in toji. you watched his chest rise and fall faster and then it slowed as he watched your sleepy frame. his eyes raked downwards. your sleep shirt was way too long and toji wasn’t sure if you were wearing pants or not.
toji covered megumi’s eyes quickly. he raised an eyebrow at you. even half asleep and eyes barely adjusted, you whispered to him. “i’m wearing shorts asshole”
he uncovered megumi’s eyes. you heard a few sniffles. once your eyes adjusted, you knew it wasn’t toji. a few more sniffles came from below.
megumi was in your shirt and was crying. your eyebrows knitted together in concern. you compartmentalized the scene in front of you. megumi crying was your first priority, then toji’s feelings, then your shirt. that was using your degree.
“oh megumi, what’s wrong? did you have a bad dream?”
“no he didn’t.” he said coldly. “he has something to say to you.”
you stuck your hands out to pick megumi up. megumi looked at his father, who wasn’t looking at him, but at you. you wiggled your fingers for him to come to you. he walked through the threshold your door with unsure footsteps. you reached forward and scooped him up swiftly. he wrapped his tiny legs around your waist and his arms around your neck. you felt his tears immediately soak your shirt.
when you turned with megumi in your hands, toji invited himself in, closing the door behind him quietly. you paced between your living room and kitchen, bouncing slightly megumi hoping to calm him.
toji sat on the barstools at your counter, his weight making them creak in the quiet room. he watched you with megumi.
once megumi had calmed down, you stroked his hair.
“umm…i-i’m really sor-sorry for taking y-your shirt. i just really liked it. i kn-know i shouldn’t have stolen it.”
megumi tilted his head, a fresh set of tears wetting another spot on your t-shirt. “if you don’t want to be my friend anymore, i-i get it”. megumi hiccuped a few times between words.
you felt your heart break at his words. you pressed his head into your shoulder softly. you rested your head on his. one tear escaping your eye.
“megumi, it’s okay you don’t have to cry, honey” you whispered.
“i did something wrong” he argued with a sad voice.
you moved megumi in your arms so he could look in your eyes. he hugged himself but couldn’t meet your eyes. that was okay.
“stealing isn’t okay, yeah?” megumi nodded softly, wiping a tear with the back of his hand.
“i know you didn’t do it to hurt my feelings. but you can’t steal something just because you like it, okay? if you’d asked, i probably would’ve let you have it anyway” you said honestly.
megumi looked up at you with tired, sad eyes. a tiny glint of hope his eyes. “really?” megumi had the cutest voice, your heart broke even more than before.
“duh. you’re my new best friend!” you smiled. he rested his head on your chest.
“mhm”. you carried megumi into your room, grabbed the biggest pillow you had and walked back into the living room. you gave megumi to toji in the kitchen. toji’s anger had subsided just a bit. you heard him speaking lowly with megumi. a big hand rustled his hair and megumi giggled just a little.
“okay megumi, here’s your bed!” you announced proudly. a light pink pillow and a purple throw blanket made up his “bed”. you assumed megumi would make a comment about it being girly, but surprisingly? he just walked over and passed out.
you walked back over to the kitchen where toji was. “i know you should be sleeping right now, but do you want some coffee?”
“sure, doll, why not”. you shuddered a bit at the pet name.
as you started up your coffee machine, you could hear toji shifting on his barstool uncomfortably.
“you’re not his mom”. toji said pointedly.
you paused. “he said he wants you to be his mom”.
“i-i’m not trying to be his mom, he’s just a good kid” you tried explaining.
“you know he’s not your responsibility. you’re not his mom” he said again. “you act like it”.
you felt yourself getting upset with him, forgoing making the coffee. you looked him dead in the eyes. “he was crying, toji. what did you want me to do? just walk away?”
toji looked away, his jaw tight. “he cries. kids cry. doesn’t mean you have to step in like you know him.”
you scoffed. turning your back to him. “maybe i don’t know him, but i knew enough to stay with him” you bit back underneath your breath.
he heard you. toji stood to his full height. he walked up behind you, his shadow over your body. maybe to intimidate you, maybe not.
“you think i don’t care?” he asked quietly, but pointedly.
you turned around to face him. you craned your neck to meet his gaze. “i think you’re scared he needs more than you’re ready to give. and i think you’re scared it won’t be enough.”
he closed the distance between you two. you didn’t back down. “you think you’re doing him a favor. you’re not.”
“you aren’t his mom. he’s gonna think you’ll stick around and you won’t.”
you tried arguing with him, but he walked away. “you don’t know that. you don’t even know me”. he took your shirt off of megumi, careful not to wake him.
“toji, stop. you can’t just do that.”
he placed the shirt on the arm rest of the couch. picking up megumi. he started walking to the door.
“stop acting like i’m doing something wrong!” you tried fighting, grabbing at his shirt. your words land sharp in his head. he still ignored you. you felt your voice raising but didn’t want to upset megumi.
“do you think it’s better if he cries and nobody comes to him? a child needs-"
toji turned to you fast, almost knocking you off balance. he got in your face, the faint scent of cologne and detergent hitting your nose.
“you don’t know a damn thing about what he needs. degree or not, y/n”. he waited for your response. when you didn’t respond, eyes wide, mouth open. he scoffed in your face, turned and walked out of your home.
you stewed for a bit. how condescending. how rude. you only had good itentions. you weren’t trying to be his mom.
you’re not trying to be the parent you don’t have anymore.
your head swam with rambling thoughts bringing on a migraine. you went to bed, heart heavy.
you called on your mom. “i don’t know what to do…”. you picked up her shirt and hugged it close to your chest.
on friday, you did your laundry. you’d hope to see toji and megumi, but you didn’t. you were met with stale pastries, eating them to appease your neighbor.
you’d gone to work at the county. you watched orphan kids, tried setting them up with families; sometimes you were successful, other times you weren’t.
every kid reminded you of megumi. every cup of coffee reminded you of toji. especially the conversation you’d had — or tried to have.
all week you’d just gone through the motions. your morning routine. work. three meals a day. shower. sleep. repeat.
you always knew you had to be able to detach yourself from the children you met through your job. you expected a few to get past the boundary you set. you never thought your neighbor’s kid to have the biggest impact on you.
it was a saturday morning. you didn’t have work. but you didn’t have anything to look forward to. no real friends to do anything with.
you settled on your couch, hoping your comfort shows would distract you when you heard a soft knock at your door. “who could it be?” you thought to yourself.
you looked through your peephole but didn’t see anybody. ding dong ditched maybe?
you opened the door to look down the hallway when, “miss y/n! do you remember me?” a young voice asked you.
you were happy but you were immediately concerned at the situation. “megumi, where’s your dad? why are you by yourself?”
he hugged your legs and answered. “he’s still sleeping.”
“okay okay, come in, you can sit on the couch” you said sweetly.
megumi walked over to your couch. he sat down in the spot he fell asleep in a week ago, his purple blanket still there.
you sat down across from him, megumi’s feet dangling off the couch.
“you know you shouldn’t leave your home without your dad.”
“mmmm yes i know. i’ve been bored all week”, he crossed his arms, sporting a pout.
“well, how was school? did you make new friends? do anything fun?”
“oh i didn’t go to school last week, i just stayed home and played with my toys”. your eye twitched. you mentally noted this to bring up to toji when you caught his sorry ass next. neglectful.
“megumi that’s not good, you need to go to scho-", you stopped yourself, remembering toji’s words.
“you don’t know about a damn thing he needs”
“mmm, okay! well, maybe next week right? where’s dad been?” you asked, trying not to set off any alarms in your own head or megumi’s.
“i don’t really know. he leaves a lot, but then he comes back! i just play with my toys, or sometimes my dogs, or just watch tv” he said innocently. you eye twitched harder. you swore it made a noise.
“wow buddy. that’s…something!”, you smiled, maybe a little scarily. “okay and what about mom?”
“oh i don’t have a mom”, megumi admitted casually. your eyes went wide. maybe that’s why you took to him so much. you pressed your lips into a flatline, trying not to show any negative emotion, a skill you'd picked up recently from working.
“ah. right. sorry, i didn’t mean to-”. you felt awkward even though he was only six.
“that’s okay. dad told me a while ago. i kept asking about it and i think he got mad at me.”
your mouth twisted into a frown. “he said she died. she’s in heaven.” megumi kept smiling, like what he was saying was no big deal.
your mouth moved before your brain could stop you. “my mom is in heaven too”, you shrugged your shoulders. “i miss her sometimes”.
“that’s okay y/n. maybe my mom and your mom can hangout like we are”, megumi giggled at his own comment, you laughed too.
“i think she didn’t like dad very much”.
you poked megumi in his side. “don’t say that kid”. he giggled again.
you and megumi hung out for the rest of the day. you built pillow and blanket forts, played games, until megumi was wore out.
“alright dude, let’s get you back where you should be”.
megumi had fallen asleep in your arms on your way to toji’s apartment. it was dark outside.
you knocked once. no response.
you knocked again. no response. you were starting to get ticked off.
you knocked a third time and the door flung open. a drunk toji stood in the door way, one arm on the door, the other on the doorframe.
you turned your nose up at scent of the man in front of you, pushing past him. “where’s megumi’s room?” you asked. you were pissed.
toji closed the door, pointing a weak thumb to the left.
megumi’s room was surprisingly colorful. comic books and toys everywhere. it was neat too. maybe you judged toji to harshly?
you tucked megumi into bed, rubbing his back and cooed him to sleep. he fell asleep with a smile. you smiled at him one last time.
when you turned away from him, a scowl replaced the grin that had graced your face two seconds ago. walking out of the room, you spotted toji on the couch, damn near half asleep, drunk off his ass. you ran your eyes over the layout of his apartment. the same as yours, the model just a flipped version of yours.
you stood in front of the tv, staring toji down. “ah jeez princess, you’re blocking my v-"
“shut up” you said lowly. it was quiet but enough for toji to listen.
toji sat forward, elbows on his knees, his fingers cording through his hair.
you didn’t move. didn’t yell.
“you left a six year old alone for a week. that’s neglect y’know?” your lips were pressed in a straight line. you took several steps forward. toji looked up and you looked down at him.
he stared at you. his brow knit, like he wanted to defend himself. he tried to remember. nothing came.
you pressed forward, a finger pressing into his chest. “you don’t answer your door. he’s not going to school. you’re getting drunk, sleeping in, coming home late.”
toji grabbed your wrist, a light grip, like he wanted to stop you. but he didn’t.
a tear rolled down your cheek. “i don’t care how fucked up you are. he is six”, you choked out. you pressed him hard enough that his back hit the couch. he wouldn’t meet your eyes, he slumped lower.
“i didn’t ask you to play hero. didn’t ask you to play house. didn’t ask you to be his savior.” he finally found the strength to straighten his spine. he started sobering up.
“no you didn't, but he did.” toji tried standing up, you pushed him down again.
“he came to me. because you weren’t there. and when you were, you really weren’t”
you felt anger bubble in his stomach. “you’re lucky. my god. you’re so damn lucky he came to me and not someone else.” you were furious.
toji groaned, pinching the bridge of his nose. “jesus christ, you like act like you're a fuckin’-"
you rolled your arms, flailing your arms in exasperation. “oh, what? like a mom?”
“don’t worry. i’m not” you bit at him, taking a step back. another tear down your cheek.
toji tried butting in, but you wouldn’t let him.
“nobody is coming to save him. that much is clear.”
that got him. the twitch in his jaw, the flicker in his half-drunk eyes.
you moved further away, toji watching you. he wanted to stop you — he did. you wanted to stay. you weren’t going to be a stranger. you were going to stay. at least for megumi, but selfishly, he wanted you too.
“the next time he shows up at my door, alone. i will call someone. i don’t care”. you were tired, not even angry anymore.
you turned and walked away. toji stumbled as he stood, grabbing your wrist. “y/n wait”.
your back was still turned. you tried steadying your breathing. more tears formed in your eyes. toji gently tugged your wrist, the anger he felt earlier, gone. “look, i’m not good at this kinda thing”.
you turned around to meet his bloodshot eyes. yours were red with tears. “i know i messed up” he continued, “left him alone too long. didn’t think he go running off like that”, he sighed like the world’s heaviest weight was lifted off his shoulder. “that’s on me”
you paused for a moment. you shook off toji’s grip on your wrist. he felt heavier.
but you took his hand in yours. soft against his calloused hand. “he told me about his mom” you said gently.
toji flinched. just slightly, but you caught it. he exhaled through his nostrils, his shoulders tensing slightly. “she died giving birth to him”.
you didn’t know what to say. you and toji just stood in silence. you’d think it would uncomfortable, but it wasn’t. it felt like, for once, toji wasn’t putting on a front.
“i know i haven’t been father of the year” he admitted bitterly. “but i really, really, didn’t mean to leave him alone. i didn’t mean to drag you into it either”.
you looked at him now — really looked at him. you squeezed his hand firmly. “you didn’t drag me into anything. he came to me.”
toji gave a crooked, almost sad smile. the scar on his mouth stretching alongside his expression.
“kid’s got good taste i guess”.
you laughed, the rest of the tears you were holding onto spilling. toji caught them with his strong hands, thumbs pressing into your face.
“way to ruin the moment, you old fuck” you punched his chest. a few seconds passed.
“you always give a good performance like that to those parents at the county?” he asked seriously.
“like you know it all. like you just see through people?” he said unsure of himself.
“only the ones who think they’re invisible. or the ones who think what they doesn’t hurt anybody else”
he chuckled, quiet and tired. “yeah, maybe i deserve that”
“oh you definitely do” you joked.
“doesn’t mean you can’t fix it”
“are you gonna let me try?” he asked seriously.
“that depends. you planning on staying this time?”
for a while, you helped toji tidy up his place. pushing chairs in, throwing things away.
“i’ll come back in the morning to make breakfast for you two.” you said, breaking out of toji’s grasp.
“or you could just stay?” he paused, panicking for a second. “u-uh because megumi would probably like that.”
you bit you lip trying to stifle a quiet laugh. “are you sure for him or for you?” you pried further.
“you know you want me, too” he said teasingly.
“i never said that”, you dragged out never to get your point across. as well as you saw toji, he saw through you too. two big grabbed your waist, toji pulling you closer to him.
he looked at your lips then back at your eyes. you were staring at him, small smile playing at your features. “so…are you gonna…?”, you rolled your eyes.
“maybe if you’d shut up for a second”
toji gently pressed his lips against yours, craning his neck down to meet you. you raised on your tip toes, arms wrapped around his neck.
toji deepened the kiss, one hand pressed against the back of your head, pulling you closer to him.
you broke the kiss. toji, a grown man, six feet and two inches, whined as you backed away.
“hey i’m still mad at you” you pouted.
“okay. i’ll make it up to you.” you raised your eyebrows looking for more from him.
“aaaaannnnd memgumi. tomorrow?”
you smiled. “you’re still gonna stay right?” he asked.
“yeah, just don’t try anything funny, weirdo”.
chapter one - delicates and disasters
okay guys, wrapping this up hopefully by the end of the week! how do we feel about it?? i hope you love it <3, this is the first time i've written longer fics
comments, likes, reblog, and feedback always appreciated!
@evnyy @getofanclub @audreytoru @freakaszoyd @anything4yoongi @sugarrushbell
