Relax, You Two
This is a Ler!Riza, Lee!Edward and Lee!Ling tickle fic, with a little bit of Lers!Mustang and Hughes!! If this isn’t your forte, no need to read!
This is also Post-Promised Day, with the good ol’ Alive!Hughes au!
Summary: Riza easily notices how the two boys are still paranoid after it all. In her opinion, they need a day off.
The Hawk’s Eye catches all in her gaze.
A slight of hand, a petty crime preparation, the key to taking down drug rings. No matter how big or how small it may be, she sees it. She can stare at it as if it were clear as day. Nothing slips past her gaze, and everyone knows it.
So how could these two boys ever think their paranoia would go unnoticed?
Riza sees the way Edward throws himself into more research, almost in hysteria if he doesn't. She sees the way Ling gets jumpy near a window, or a door, or any dark place just big enough to hide a human.
Riza sees the way Edward stares off as Alphonse rests in the hospital, mere weeks after the Promised Day. The way his hand is placed on his brother’s chest, as if he can’t believe there is a beating heart just below the surface of pale skin, as if it will be ripped away from him if he wasn’t there to protect his little brother.
And Riza sees the way Ling’s body is constantly tense, fingers itching for something to curl around–something sharp to defend himself with– and how his head swivels about, scanning every inch and every crevice of every room he’s in.
Paranoia can do a lot to kids so thoroughly traumatized. She knows the feeling.
It does not mean she will let this slide.
So she took them for a day out with her.
.
.
.
It didn't really work.
She had tried to take them to a clothing store, and as a result she had to compensate for thoroughly checking every rack they went to in order to quell Ling's whining. He wouldn't dare come so close to them until she did.
She tried a jewelry store next, and all Edward would talk about was 'Alphonse would like this' or 'Alphonse would like that'. Which wasn't bad at all, mind you. She thought it was rather sweet, actually.
But 'I hope Al is okay' and 'Those doctors better treat him well' or 'I really need to check on Al so I should go' weren't exactly good examples of relaxing.
She took them to as many places as she could within four whole hours, and nothing seemed to bring their guard down all that much, save for a few seconds of vulnerability at least twice or thrice.
It's a concerning situation for them to be in.
And she can't let this slide.
So she vowed to do something as soon as possible.
That comes into play when they find themselves in Mustang’s office.
It doesn’t take very long for the boys to start up their bantering by Edward’s desk, going back and forth about some topic she couldn’t distinguish (or maybe they were flying through a whole plethora of topics at once, she wouldn’t be surprised if they were capable of that).
For once, she allows herself to do some minor paperwork from the comfort of the couch, seeing as there isn’t much to do today anyways. She had deliberately cleared her schedule of anything major today just to spend some time with the boys, after all.
She doesn’t really try to involve herself in whatever it is they are arguing over, at the moment, but the argument seems to find its way to her anyways.
“Lieutenant!” Edward whines aloud as he flops against the cushions to Riza’s left. She turns to him as Ling huffs with crossed arms, but he clearly seems to be holding in his amusement of the situation.
“Yes, Edward?” It’s not often she gets to hear this whiny tone from him, given he isn’t much of a person to complain–around her at least, she doesn’t feel very sorry for the others–, so she decides to provide them both with her attention.
“There’s this damn Xingese phrase that Ling keeps saying and he won’t tell me what it fucking means!-” “Well I think I’d like to keep my things to myself, Ed!” She blinks slowly as they start their back and forth again almost immediately.
“If you wanna keep it to your damn self, don’t say anything!”
“Well I’m not gonna tell a lie, am I? Nǐ kànshàngqù hěnpiàoliang!!”
“I DON’T KNOW WHAT THAT FUCKING MEANS!? I DON’T SPEAK BROKE ALIEN-”
Ling lets out a wheeze at that, laughing out ‘Broke Alien!?’ as he clutches his sides. Riza lets out a soft sigh as Edward grumbles and complains. They seem so carefree here. At first glance, anyone would assume so. Just two kids bickering and going at it over a silly phrase in Xingese.
But Edward’s shoulders are tense, and Ling falls into a seat on the other side of Riza, posture defensive, ready to fight back. His arms are the most mobile part of his body as they bickered; crossing, flailing, gesturing, expressing. They never stop, and they always stray too close to his pockets.
Edward’s bouncing flesh leg says a lot as it is, but the way he’s hunching so much seems to seal the deal.
It most certainly does for Riza.
She sighs, tossing the pen onto the table before her as she lets the papers fall onto that table with it. “That’s quite enough boys.” She spoke up.
Before either of them have time to properly react, she gently presses their heads against her lap, shutting up the duo immediately; Edward’s silence spoke volumes of realization, whilst Ling’s…she isn’t quite sure what he might have been thinking.
She’s done this to Edward a few times in the past years, but it has been a while she must admit. Perhaps she’s gotten rusty? Only one way to truly find out.
“Lieutenant, please.” Edward muttered as Ling absentmindedly turned on his back, spacing off. Edward’s face steadily grew rosey as she did not, in fact, let them up.
“I’ve been trying to help you two relax all day. Although, I suppose it would have been futile no matter what I tried. Or so I had thought.” Riza casually spoke as Edward tensed up, throwing his arms around his torso and ducking his face into his chest. He knows better than to try and escape anyways, the first few times he did were always a hellish reminder, she knew that well. The only thing he can really do is feebly try and protect himself, whilst his partner stays entirely oblivious.
“Huh?” Ling eventually hums, confused with a tilted head. Riza smiles down gently at him, disarmingly. He smiles right back at her, eyes closed with a grin of cheeky cuteness. Innocent and harmless.
Until she digs her nails into Ling’s side.
The yelp that greets them is high and startled, and Edward flusteredly flinches as Ling begins to giggle feverishly, squirming away from her touch. “H-Hehehehehey!! What gihihihives!?” He cries out, rolling this way and that under her arm.
“It’s simply a last resort. Perhaps I should have started with this first?” Riza contemplates to herself, seeking out anything that will get her a laugh out of the soon-to-be-Xing-emperor. He squeals at a pinch to the ribs, so Riza takes advantage of that, scribbling all along his ribs-wherever she can reach. Which is pretty much everywhere, he doesn’t seem to know how to protect himself.
Meanwhile, she smiles down at the flustered blond to her left, the anticipation alone having him flinch every time her fingers so much as twitch. “You seem awfully nervous, Edward. Is something wrong?” She asks, putting on yet another innocent facade.
“Nohoho…!” Edward practically whines, turning his head all the way away from her and giggling when Ling jerked and pressed the top of his own head against Ed’s. He gasps when her finger traces down his side, and almost instinctively snatches and holds it up.
Ah yes, as if that will save him from the inevitable.
For now, she concentrates on Ling.
“You don’t seem to be trying to protect yourself, Ling. I wonder why that is?” Ling squeaks as her hand travels to his neck, and his legs kick out like an excited little puppy as she flutters her fingertips at the junction of his neck and shoulder. He really seems to be enjoying this, isn’t he?
“That tihihickles! Pleehehehehease, oh myhihihi god!” Ling begs, his fists shaking as if he doesn’t know whether or not to grab her hand away. Her heart practically swells at such a cute display, she can’t help but tease her fingers right under his chin.
At that, Ling jerks harshly and his eyes shoot wide open as a loud squeal rips out of him. “TICKLEEES!! NAHAHAHAHA!!!” He shrieks, startling both blondes as he loudly laughs and shakes his head, raven hair flying wildly. She almost couldn’t keep her fingers on his chin from all his squirming.
“A sensitive chin? Now that’s new.” Riza observes, quelling the urge to smirk at the way Edward rolls half-way onto his stomach, ears pink and flustered. He even lets go of her hand, which she doesn’t waste hovering it right over his spine. He’s probably had enough of waiting, anyways.
“Are you ready for your turn, Edward?” Her nonchalant question makes the boy flinch, and he shakes his head rapidly with giggles already spilling out. “Why are you laughing already? I haven’t even touched you yet.”
“Be-becahause Ling’s laughihing!” Edward complains. “IHIHIH’M SAHAHARRY!! IT TIHIHICKLES-IT-IT-IHIHIHI CAHAHAHAN’T STAHAHAHAP!!!” Ling sputters and wheezes out between his laughter. “Edward, how could you laugh at your friend like that?”
Edward stutters for an answer, but the moment he opens his mouth all that comes out is a loud, high-pitched yelp as Riza drags all five fingers down the length of his spine, causing him to arch away.
He exploded with laughter, maybe even louder than Ling’s as she massages her knuckles into the center of his shoulder blades, a loud resounding snort escaping along with it. That only causes Ling to laugh harder, scrunching up his neck.
So she tries the next best thing and goes for his belly.
He immediately melts at the affectionate tickling.
He finally goes for some form of defense, balling up fetally to try and protect his poor belly, but Riza’s hand was already there and it wasn’t leaving anytime soon.
“Oh wow, I’m surprised that you’re both so ticklish.” Riza happily comments to the two snorting, giggling, cackling boys, heads in her lap with varying degrees of blush on their faces. Carefree, just like she’d been going for all day.
No tension in the shoulders, no discreet defensive stance, no underlying tension like only minutes before.
It was just them, giggling and cackling away like nobody’s business.
“HEHEHEHELP MEHEHEHE!!!” Edward cried out, causing the smile Riza sports to stretch further. “I CAHAHAN’T!!! I CAN’T-PLEHEHEHEHEHEAAAHAHAH-” The poor thing snorts gain when she switches to his side.
Ling tries with all his might to latch onto something-anything to ground himself, eventually finding Edward’s arm and holding on for dear life as he giggled himself silly. However, Riza decides to take advantage of this, and the Xingese soon-to-be-emperor squeals and tries to defend himself when she starts drilling right under his arm.
This, as luck would have it, clearly didn’t weaken his grip on Ed’s arm, only causing him to fling it up and out of the way and only making Edward even more accessible to her.
This was almost too easy.
Edward screams out the moment Riza targets his armpit, his thrashing increasing tenfold as his legs begin to kick and kick endlessly. She had to switch to the other one just so he wouldn’t throw himself off the couch.
“LEHEHET ME GOHOHO!!! LIHIHIHIHING!! LETGOLETGOLETGOLETGO-AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH NOT THERE NOT THEHEHEHEHERE!!!” Pleading got him nowhere, his free arm flailing wildly and frantically colliding with Ling’s shoulder as the two poor teens seemed to only make it worse for each other. It was beyond hilarious to witness.
“STAHAHAHAP, I BEHEHEHEG I BEG-PLEHEHEHEHEASE!!!” Ling failed miserably to keep himself together, arching his back away as if that would ever help him escape. She didn’t even have to tease either of them like Colonel or-God forbid-Havoc would have certainly done; her staying silent through this ordeal only seemed to make them beg more.
Edward yelps out curse after curse, with Ling squealing and pleading desperately by his side as she gives them no mercy. And honestly, she would have given them this kind of treatment for an extra twenty minutes or so.
If it weren’t for Edward accidentally grabbing and clawing at Ling’s shoulder blade, that is.
“HOLY-FAHAHAHAHAHAHACK!!!”
Riza and Edward both jolted at the curse that split the air in two, and the former was so surprised that she immediately let up in her assault, causing the two teens to fall right off the couch in a mess.
“Fuckfuckfuckfuckfuhuhuhuck!!” Ling desperately pawed at his shoulder blade, trying to vanquish the tingly sensation as Edward melts into a fit of natural laughter across from him, clutching his stomach.
“Whahahahat the fahahack!? When’d you start cuhuhursing, idiot prince!?” Ling balled in on himself with embarrassment, letting out a high pitched whine that had Edward positively rolling. Riza could do nothing but sigh fondly as Edward’s relentless laughter was teasing enough for the Xingese Prince’s ‘bad manners’.
Well, he kept laughing until the door was pried open, at least.
“Lieutenant Hawkeye! We heard screaming and-”
Everyone in the room paused the moment both Colonel Mustang and Brigadier General Hughes entered the room, an almost awkward kind of silence kicking in.
“...Ah.”
“DON’T YOU ‘AH’ ME, DUMBFUCK!!!” Edward was quick to get defensive, pointing an accusatory finger at the two now smirking men, face redder than the coat he used to wear. Ling lets out an aborted wheeze as the Colonel makes eye contact with Riza.
She can just tell what he’s asking for.
And she, once again, shows no mercy.
“The boys are all yours, Colonel, General.”
It hadn’t even taken five seconds before something crashed in the office, the frightened shriek of the former-Fullmetal Alchemist and the loud ‘HAVE MERCY!!!’ from the Xingese Prince only serving to make her smile more indulgent.
The two men got to work on making the melody of their laughter pound through her very ribs, as Riza herself simply picks up the files and pen she previously abandoned.
She breathes in the positivity like well-made coffee, chuckling to herself as the four, man and boy alike, run and race around the room, the two youngers getting caught and escaping with barely their lives to spare, only to get tackled once again for their sweet, uplifting laughter.
Yes, this was better than their paranoia.
Much, much better.
