My Relationship with Death
My grandmother was born February 10th, 1925. And her story will close its final chapter very soon. Earlier last year, my grandmother woke up and went on her porch and said that she was going to look for her husband, my grandfather. He has been dead for over 40 years. I knew then that my grandmother would not be around long after that. My premonition was not due to any concern about her cognitive state or health concerns, but my understanding that sometimes the universe taps us on the shoulder to let us know that, simply, it’s time. That implication can be related to death, the beginning of something or just a simple reminder to move forward.
I have views and responses to death very different from those around me. I have been around death and the grieving for quite some time. At 20, I interned for a victim witness unit and worked with family members of murder victims. I marched with families and to death sites when individuals were slaughtered in Chicago streets. I fought for justice for men whose lives were cut short by hyper-vigilant cops. I cut into the dead for education. I visit with and sit at family gravesites without hesitation.
I have a strong conviction that death is more of a transference rather than a hard cessation of existence. The bodies may cease to function but the person transitions on. There are many religious theories around where they transition to, but I believe that death is a process of moving on. My family has been torn and pained by my grandmother’s transitioning phase, understandably so, but I cannot bring myself to feel that level of grief and loss. There is even a rejoicing inside of me as if I would like to dance around her to guide her joyfully into her next state of actuality. To guide her into a realm where she will be reunited with the young daughters she lost and cared for in their sickness. Be with the man she loved and cherished and held in her arms as he took his last breath. I also believe there are spirit guides who assist those that we love and lose and I trust them to guide my grandmother as she enters the next phase of her existence.
My grandmother gracefully squeezed 94 years out of this life. She moved through, cared for her children, survived her husband 40 years after his death and outlived five of her children. She cared for grandchildren and great-grandchildren in her home while parents worked, ran the streets or just figured themselves out. She did not deal with long-term illness or have to suffer through frequent doctor visits. She cared for herself and her home almost until the very end. What a life to have LIVED! She did not just exist in the world, she lived in and impacted it. So for me, there is no cause for sadness or loss. There will be a change, no doubt. But there is a lot to carry gratitude for. My grandmother leaves me with a guidebook of life and the type of woman to be and the way to love others - unconditionally. Of course, I will miss her physical body, but I will never lose her presence.
Peace