Lethal Culinary Note: The Nutcracker
@ectoplasm999 here we are.
Ayala's Culinary Notes:
The Nutcracker is one of those rarely encountered but heavily feared entities that will often dissuade a crew from visiting locations where they've been seen. It does not matter if you're experienced with their encounters or not. Just the idea of bumping into one can make the most hardened worker second guess going on a scrap run.
These would-be anomalies are actually artificially designed security guards. They tirelessly roam the grounds where they have been stationed, and will mercilessly gun down anyone determined to be an unauthorized guest... And that's if it doesn't decide to put its gun down and kick you into the next life.
My crew and I only recently learned that the Nutcrackers - as least the ones on Rend, where they tend to be the most common - actually have a special signal that apparently marks you as an "authorized" guest. Surprising as that was to learn in the heat of the moment... Well, I suppose it makes sense. You wouldn't want your security monsters to up and kill workers or other people who had permission to be there.
Anyways. If you happen to be on Rend and you spot at Nutcracker. Maintain a safe distance and wait for it to go into its usual scanning mode. Once it is looking at you, click your heels together and salute it like you would a member of the military. This seems to be how they figure out that you have permission to be there.
If you get insanely lucky like I did, the Nutcracker in question might even decide to give you a personal tour of the facility! Which was terrifying for me in the moment. But hey, we walked out of there with a LOT of scrap - and my guide even gave me their gun, for some reason.
Maybe it thought that I was of a worthy rank? I'm really not sure... But you're not here for aimless pondering! You're here to know if I've tried to eat the Nutcracker!
The answer is yes. Multiple times, in fact. I've personally had to put down a few when the aforementioned "salute them like a military officer" did not work (which has happened anywhere that is not Rend). A couple of these times I just happened to be left behind while my crew made a mad dash for safety (something that they've been doing more frequently now that they've determined that I'm capable of surviving on my own... Much to my dismay. Its never pleasant being left behind. And I certainly don't enjoy the life or death struggle to survive that the situation puts me into).
Anyways! In terms of edibility, I'd say that the Nutcracker is perfectly edible! I don't think that I'd of been willing to crack open its shell to dig into those meaty innards otherwise.
After multiple Culinary encounters, I can actually detail the (current) easiest means of harvesting a downed Nutcracker for meat.
You'll firstly need to kill the Nutcracker in question. Which is actually easier for me now that I've figured out how its body works.
The eye itself is not the weak spot (as was formerly thought), but it just happens to be placed in the same general vicinity of what you actually need to destroy.
When the head is open and the eye is exposed, you will see that the eye is suspended by a total of 6 large arteries. Three above, and three below.
Well. You technically only need to sever one of these six arteries to kill a Nutcracker. Because the one in question (the one in the middle, which is actually connected through the eye) effectively acts as the spinal cord. If you can time a good jab with a shovel while the Nutcracker is facing away from you, you can sever that vital "artery" and basically disconnect the brain from the rest of the body.
While this does not outright kill the Nutcracker, it is effectively a death sentence since you cut off the brain's ability to send signals to the rest of the body. It is a far more effective method of killing them, and it allows you to keep their eye intact; which I highly recommend, because it makes for good food!
Once the Nutcracker is downed, you'll need to drag its heavy body to your makeshift shelter for processing. Because, unfortunately, it takes a lot of work to get these bad boys open.
Once you're in a (hopefully) safe spot, the first thing you'll want to do is cut out the eye (if you haven't destroyed it) and set that aside for safe keeping.
After that, you're going to need your shovel. And you'll need to treat the Nutcracker like a giant crab. Put the edge of the shovel into every joint that you can find, and jam it in there. You might need to put your foot into it to get the shovel where you need to be, but if you can separate the joints, you can get the outer body of the Nutcracker off of the internal creature.
You may find it easier to completely remove the hands and feet of the creature beforehand, but there is meat inside of these parts. So don't remove and discard them unless you're willing to give up on some of the sweeter pieces of meat.
You can otherwise remove the individual fingers/toes and then separate the wrists and ankles to harvest the meat easily. It just takes some practice. But if you can stick it through, then each disconnected joint will make room for you to just slide the next part of the "shell" off of the meat. And there is rather a lot of meat inside of these things, surprisingly enough.
I've gotten 25 something pounds out of them, at most. The majority of it is actually found in the limbs. The torso is virtually hollow, and contains only a few organs. You can crack open the torso by jamming your shovel into two cracks found on either side of the mouth. This is the hardest part. And since the torso has the least amount of meat in comparison to effort, you can easily skip this step.
But if you decide to go through with it, you will find that the Nutcracker has has lungs, a heart, and a couple of other organs that I cannot yet identify. None of the organs are edible, outside of the eye. The thick arteries and veins are not edible either (take it from someone who has taken the risk and eaten them only to suffer the consequences).
Once you've harvested the meat, you have one more step before you can begin to cook it. And that step is to remove the arteries and veins that run throughout the meat.
This is a surprisingly easy process, because for some reason the meat is actually softer and more delicate than the veins. So if you can find the artery, all that you will need to do is pull. With a little effort, it will slide right out of the meat; leaving you with a sizeable amount of food.
The meat itself is surprisingly pleasant. A little stringy, like imitation crab meat, but with a slightly sweet and savory taste. It will be sweetest when raw, and more savory when cooked.
While the meat CAN be eaten raw, if fresh, the harvesting process tends to take so long that I cannot recommend eating the meat unless you are doing so within minutes of prying it out of the shell. Because I have found that the meat becomes unsafe to eat (when raw) in as little as 15 minutes after being pulled out.
This probably has something to do with the fact that the meat has never been exposed to the outside air until it is removed. The Nutcracker is just not designed to be able to endure exposure to outside pathogens.
The meat remains perfectly safe to cook for up to 4 hours after being pried out of the shell. Keep an eye on it. If the dark red flesh starts to turn grey and green, then unfortunately it has spoiled and I cannot recommend trying to eat it. So it is important to cook the meat as quickly as possible once it is pulled from the shell.
The meat of the Nutcracker is very versatile and worth the struggle that it takes to harvest and prepare it. I've found that it is one of the most appetizing things that can be eaten as is, because the meat is tender enough and flavorful enough that you do not need to season it for it to be tasty.
You can find some of my favorite recipes on how to prepare Nutcracker below.
NUTCRACKER RECIPES:
Stewed Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, water, salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)
Fill your cooking utensil to the halfway point with cold water and place the whole eye of the Nutcracker in the center. Chop your 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat into small cubes and add to the water. Sprinkle with salt if you have it. Add in any additional seasonings or ingredients now, if you have them, making sure that everything is in small pieces.
Place container over a low flame, and bring to a steady simmer. Keep the cooking liquid moving, to assure that the ingredients can cook evenly (this also prevents the liquid from boiling over).
Cook for 20 minutes, rotating the eye every 5 to assure that it cooks through. You will know that it is completely done when the eyelid has pulled back tight to completely expose the eyeball.
Pop the eye, and allow the contents to drain into the broth while continuing to mix.
One the eye has completely drained, pull from heat and allow to cool for at least 30 minutes to allow the stew to thicken. Then enjoy!
Stew will have a rich, umami flavor. The shriveled eyelid is perfectly edible and will be a bit chewy.
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Grilled Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, salt (optional), pepper (optional)
Peel back and skewer the eyelids of the Nutcracker eye. Be careful not to puncture the eye itself, or it will leak and fail to cook properly. Sprinkle with salt and pepper, if you have it.
Arrange the skewered eye over an open flame and cook for 20 minutes. Rotate the eye every 3 to 5 minutes to prevent it from burning. The eye will visibly wrinkle and darken in color as it cooks.
Once cooked through, remove the eye from heat and allow it to cook for at least 10 minutes (ideally 20). It will then be ready to eat as is, like a big, soft apple (disgusting comparison, I know... But it taste good).
The eye itself will have a texture akin to the yolk of a medium-well egg. I find that it tastes like something of a cross between steak and bacon when cooked over an open flame like this!
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Milk braised Nutcracker Eye: Ingredients: Nutcracker eye, 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, 1/2 cup milk (do not question how I obtained this), salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)
Cube and place your 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat, the eye, and any other seasonings or solid ingredients in a shallow container and place over a low flame. Grill for 12 minutes, flipping the pieces every 3 minutes to prevent burning while you develop a savory crust on everything.
Once your cooking dish is thoroughly seasoned with grilled meaty parts and all your meat has a crust, add in your milk and pop the eye.
Cook for 20 minutes, mixing everything regularly to prevent the milk from burning while the sauce thickens and the eye drains.
Remove from heat and allow to sit for at least 10 more minutes to assure that the sauce gets nice and thick. Then dig in.
This will be a rich, creamy stew that is absolutely packed with flavor, even if you only had the base 3 ingredients. Its perfect to warm you up on those colder nights.
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Grilled Nutcracker: Ingredients: 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat, salt (optional), vegetables (optional)
Cut all of your ingredients into bite size pieces and skewer.
Arrange over an open, low flame and rotate constantly to allow an even crust to form on the meat as it cooks through, 7-10 minutes.
Remove from heat and allow to cool for 5 minutes, then enjoy.
Meal give off a very pleasant aroma and will be crisp on the outside but juicy on the inside. There will be a faint sweetness to it, but the meat itself will be nice and savory.
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Boiled Nutcracker (or Nutcracker Soup): Ingredients: 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, water, salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)
Fill your cooking utensil to the halfway point with cold water and place over a low flame. Chop your 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat into small cubes and add to the water. Sprinkle with salt if you have it. Add in any additional seasonings or ingredients now, if you have them, making sure that everything is in small pieces.
Bring contents to a light boil Keep the cooking liquid moving, to assure that the ingredients can cook evenly (this also prevents the liquid from boiling over).
Cook for 15 minutes, or until the cooking broth takes on a brownish color and you can see fat floating on the surface of the water. Then remove from heat and allow to cool (do not try to drink boiling broth).
Cooked ingredients can be removed from the broth and eaten as is, or given a quick stay in a hot pan to develop a crust and extra flavor, and the broth can be saved as a pick-me-up for later. Or everything can remain in the broth as a sort of soup.
Expect a pleasant meaty flavor from the broth. Like slightly watered down beef stock.
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Milk braised Nutcracker: Ingredients: 1/2 pound of Nutcracker meat, 1/2 cup milk (do not question how I obtained this), salt (optional), any other seasoning or vegetable (optional)
Cube and place your 1/2 pound Nutcracker meat and any other seasonings or solid ingredients in a shallow container and place over a low flame. Grill for 10 minutes, flipping the pieces every 3 minutes to prevent burning while you develop a savory crust on everything.
Once your cooking dish is thoroughly seasoned with grilled meaty parts and all your meat has a crust, add in your milk and bring it to a simmer.
Cook for 20 minutes, mixing everything regularly to prevent the milk from burning while the sauce thickens and darkens.
Remove from heat and allow to sit for at least 10 more minutes to assure that the sauce gets nice and thick. Then dig in.
This will be a rich, creamy stew that is absolutely packed with flavor, despite only having 2 major components.











