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Lethal Culinary Note: Bee Hives

@xnanosilverx I'll be doing the bee hives first on this file, and will do a random fruit (from a random moon) on a separate one.

Ayala's Culinary Notes:

Circuit Bees. Or Red Bees, as some would call them. A semi-regular encounter that can be had on multiple planets throughout the Thistle Nebula. One which is equal parts painful and anxiety inducing, thanks to insect's elaborate means of self defense.

These hyper-aggressive bugs generate strong electrical charges, which they will use both as a means of crippling prey, and disarming perceived threats.

These electrical charges can reach a volt count numbering as high as three hundred. A human will generally die after being exposed to around 100 volts of electricity. Meaning that virtually every encounter with a hive of Circuit bees doubles as a brush with death.

There was once a time where I too felt the nauseating sense of dread pool in the pit of my stomach whenever I heard the tell-tale buzzing of these tiny creatures. But after having spent so much time learning to understand them and how they work, I have gained something of an appreciation for them. So much so that I am now able to approach most hives without fear, for the sake of collection and relocation.

Circuit bees are predatory insects which double as pollinators. They venture out in groups to gather nectar and to hunt other invertebrates; both of which are used in the creation of red honey. This honey acts as the primary food supply for the colony during times of scarcity, and as such, must be fiercely protected in order to assure the future of the hive.

They build their hives on the ground, rather than on trees. This is likely a means of preventing electrical fires, as the bees also generally prefer to build their hive a certain distance away from plant life. It would be hard to keep a colony alive if it burnt its home down every time it became agitated, now wouldn't it?

The downside to this tactic is that it leaves the hive particularly exposed to predators. Which means that the honey, and more importantly, the Queen and her brood are at regular risk of predation.

This has caused the Circuit bees to develop the most intense Napoleon Complex known to man. They will ruthlessly attack any perceived threat, no matter the size. All for the sake of protecting their food supply and their next generation of workers.

However, despite the aggressive disposition of the bees, they are surprisingly easy to domesticate - so long as you're willing to take a few risks.

The process itself is simple on paper. It requires you to take possession of a hive and completely separate it from the colony.

Once you have done this, time is of the essence. The swarm will be on the lookout for their hive, and your goal is not to completely remove it from the planet.

Your goal is relocate the hive to a more preferable location for easy access in the future. You will preferably place the hive in a more isolated location, away from water or any potentially flammable material. I would recommend putting the hive on top of a rock to reduce the risk of accidental current exposure.

Once that is done, the next step is to find the Queen (which should be easy to spot, as the only other adult bees on the hive will be the male drones) so that you can dispatch her. You must pluck her from the hive and crush her, preferably with your hands, so that you may then cover yourself in her royal pheromones.

This will reduce the colony aggression towards you for the next 72 hours, which will make them significantly easier to tame.

Once the Queen has been dispatched, immediately place some distance between yourself and the hive and wait for the colony to track it down. Then wait for the angry buzzing of the bees to dull into more of an idle hum. You will know that the colony has calmed down when you can no longer hear the tell-tale electrical discharges of their agitated state.

Once the hive is calm, slowly approach while gently waving your hands in front of your body. The swarm will set out towards you, but so long as you remain calm and do not make any sudden movements, you are unlikely to be attacked; because you smell like the now dead queen.

For the next 72 hours, you will need to keep yourself around the hive to get the current batch of workers used to your presence. The bees will come and go in search of food. They will swarm you frequently at first, but as the scent of the queen fades, this will become less frequent. And by the time that protective perfume is completely gone, the hive will have become accustomed to your presence, thus making it relatively safe for you to be around.

It will take another 10 days for you to be completely in the clear, though. That is roughly how long it will take for a new Queen to be hatched. And this new Queen, which has grown up accustomed to your presence and to your unique scent, will go on to sire a new generation of workers that will have absolutely 0 issues with you. So be sure to spend as much time as possible around your hive.

I'd recommend leaving articles of clothing around the hive whenever they need to be away. This will at least keep them familiar with your scent whenever you cannot be physically there. And because bees are incredibly reliant on scent to tell friend from foe, this will be your best shot at becoming a part of the colony in the long term.

If you have completed this process correctly, then congratulations! You now have unlimited access to your own colony of Circuit Bees! Which on its own, does not sound like much. At least until you realize that these bees, if in the right location and properly looked after, will go on to create absolutely massive hives that produce literal gallons of honey each week. Plenty of which you will be able to help yourself too (just be sure not to take too much, or else you'll risk hurting your hive).

Sounds like a lot of effort just for some honey, right?

Wrong! You also gain access to plump bee larvae; which taste a lot better than you'd think. But the honey itself really is worth the effort, as it is rich in essential electrolytes, high in sugar, and laced with a substance that I can only compare to non-caffeinated caffeine.

In other words, the honey itself is a healthy alternative to energy drinks. And when you work in a field that requires you to regularly run for your life... Yeah. That honey can be a life saver. And it tastes pretty damn good!

Anyways! Onto the recipes! That's all you really bother reading my notes for, isn't it? To see what sort of crazy shit I've gotten up to while trying to survive my frequent bouts of isolation on these hazardous rocks. And to figure out how my experiences can be of use to you.

Update: Do not attempt to eat the adult bees. Adult bees are inedible and let off an incredibly painful charge when bitten into, which will cause intense migraines and swelling of the tongue and/or throat...

CIRCUIT BEE & RED HONEY RECIPES:

Honeycomb: Ingredients: Honeycomb from a Circuit Bee hive

Quick Note: Best if taken from a mature hive which has grown to massive size (these hives can get quite large and are capable of supporting hundreds of thousands of bees).

Scour the hive in search of comb which is free of brood; the bees store their honey and their larvae in different sections of the hive.

Once you have found a section that is stocked with honey, take a sharp instrument (a sharp stone will work, but a knife works best) and carefully cut out a small section of the hive; roughly 4 x 4 inches in shape. Repeat as many times as you wish, just be mindful not to take too much, as you do not want to inhibit the bees ability to tend to their needs.

Once the honeycomb is collected, it is perfectly fine to eat as is. The honey is very sweet with fruity undertones (similar to cherries and pomegranate). It is rich in antioxidants and electrolytes, and contains a substance similar to caffeine. The comb itself has a pleasantly crisp texture, but does not have much taste in this state. As is, the raw honeycomb will make for a pleasant energy boost.

However, if you would like to bring out the hidden potential of the waxy comb, the best course of action is to cook it over an indirect flame.

If you happen to have a cookie tin or a piece of sheet metal on hand, station that a couple of feet above a low fire and allow the metal to heat up. Once the metal is good and hot (you can test it with a few drops of water. Listen for a good sizzle), carefully place your squares of honeycomb on top.

The sugar in the honeycomb will immediately begin to caramelize.

Allow the honeycomb to cook for two minutes, then flip and repeat the process; for a total cooking time of four minutes. Then remove from heat (you will preferably remove the honeycomb from the hot metal entirely).

Allow to cool for at least two minutes, and then dig in. The grilled honeycomb is best eaten while warm and gooey!

You will find that the honey has lost most of its excess moisture due to the heat, which will give it a slightly chewy, almost gummy texture. And thanks to some sort of chemical reaction from the caramelized sugars from the heat, the true flavor of the honeycomb has come out!

I find that it tastes like toasted pecans. And combined with the sweetness of the honey, this grilled honeycomb tastes almost exactly like honey roasted pecans. The only difference is the texture.

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Energy Tonic: Ingredients: Red Honey, Water

This is a very simple recipe for which I don't have any exact proportions, but I do have a general rule of thumb.

Combine 2 parts water per every 1 part Red Honey. This creates a sweet, vaguely fruity beverage that doubles as a simple energy drink.

The honey itself can be easily collected with nothing but a blunt instrument and some sort of a shallow vessel. Getting the honey into you water container might be a little messy, but honestly, it will be worth it.

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Circuit Bee Larvae: Ingredients: Circuit Bee Larvae. Preferably plump, and days away from pupating.

Alright. We're getting into the potentially disgusting territory. And honestly? As far as my culinary adventures have gone, this one has had one of the more surprisingly pleasant endings. I can definitely see why such a "recipe" might not work for everyone, but it isn't horrible and it'll get you what you need in a pinch.

Scour your Circuit Bee hive to find where the brood are stored. Then look for the largest, plumpest of the larvae. The ones that practically fill the entirety of their individual combs. They will be pale white in color, with little pink heads. Ignore any which appear to be developing a black stripe along their bodies, as these larvae are on the very brink of pupating and are currently full of feces.

Depending on the size of your hive, you may only be able to take a handful of these walnut sized grubs. But from the larger hives, you can realistically get away with taking a few dozen at a time. Especially if you're trying to keep the overall size of the hive at a reasonable level.

Once you have the larvae, you have two options.

You can eat them raw, or you can cook them. Each option comes with its ups and downs, but for the more faint of heart, I would have to strongly recommend cooking the larvae, as this vastly improves their otherwise unpleasant texture.

If you're content to brave eating the larvae raw, then do just that. There is no special preparation that must be done. Just pop them one at a time into your mouth.

The raw larvae have a texture akin to a fried mushroom; soft and squishy. They will burst in your mouth and release a rush of honey, which makes the otherwise unpleasant experience more bearable. Their bodies are also soft enough that you can just crush them with your tongue and swallow, which I find makes them easier to eat if you're eating them raw.

They don't taste bad. Their overall flavor is sweet, because they have only ever eaten honey by this point. But their texture can be gag inducing for anyone unable to tolerate something squishy, like soggy bread.

The cooked larvae have a far improved texture and admittedly a more pleasant taste.

To cook the larvae, place them on a metal sheet (like a cookie tray or some sheet metal) and grill over a low flame until their white bodies turn yellow and tighten up. There is no need for any seasoning, as the larvae themselves have been naturally seasoned by the honey inside of their bodies.

The cooked grubs take on a texture reminiscent of a fully cooked egg yolk. Thick and creamy. They strangely take on a taste similar to a fried egg as well. Which makes the fact that they also taste like honey a very peculiar, but not unpleasant experience. It is very much a flavor combination that, while unexpected... Is pretty nice. Had I access to fresh eggs, I might even be tempted to see if the honey and egg combo was any good.

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Fruit and Honey Tonic: Ingredients: Red Honey, Water, any fruit

This makes for a mildly fermented, and therefor slightly alcoholic, carbonated drink. As such, I must advise caution when drinking this. Please be responsible.

For the recipe, you will need at least half a cup of water, half a cup of honey, and one cup of the fruit (or fruits) of your choice. Or in more simpler terms, a ratio of 1:1:2 for water, honey, and fruit. Which I am clarifying because this beverage is easiest to make in large batches, to make use of available pickle jars (which you should be sure to have thoroughly cleaned by boiling them).

You can collect your honey with a blunt instrument. Scraping it directly from the hive into a prepared jar will be easiest.

Then combine the collected honey with an equal amount of water, and mix until thoroughly combined.

Take your fruit and cut it into small chunks, no larger than an inch in size. If your fruit has a tart skin, I would recommend removing it as it will add an unpleasant bitterness to the resulting drink. Naturally, you can leave the skin on if you prefer that bitter note.

Combine your fruit with the honey-water mixture, then tightly seal to prevent anything from getting inside.

Leave in a warm, dark place. At least 24 hours, and for as long as five days. Be sure to burp your vessel every 24 hours to prevent the resulting gasses from building up too much (I have learned the hard way that these glass jars can burst).

Allowing the drink to ferment for longer will allow for more alcohol to develop in the drink (and I repeat: PLEASE drink responsibly!), and the distinct flavor of the added fruit will definitely become more prominent.

Once you've decided to end the fermentation process, open your container back up and remove all of the fruit. This can be eaten if you like, but I prefer to leave it out for the bees as thanks for all that they can provide for me.

Once the fruit is removed, your drink is ready! Just add it to your drink canister and enjoy! Any extra can be kept in its current jar for storage, but should be moved to a colder environment to stop (or at least greatly slow) the fermentation process.

Your resulting drink will be pleasantly carbonated, fruity, and slightly (or moderately) alcoholic. It also doubles as an energy drink thanks to the many beneficial properties of the honey!

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Honey roasted vegetables: Ingredients: Red Honey, water, root vegetables like carrots / beets / radishes, or leafy vegetables like kale / brussels sprouts / spinach

This is sort of an all in one recipe that only really changes depending on which sort of vegetable you decide to use.

To create your basic glaze, combine 1 part honey with a half part water (1 cup and a 1/2 cup, as an example). Mix thoroughly. You will use this slightly runny honey to season your vegetables, whatever type you decide to use.

Make sure that all of your vegetables are thoroughly cleaned before you start any cooking.

If you happen to be using hardy vegetables, like carrots or beets, you must first chop them into reasonably sized pieces. You'll then want to steam these pieces for 5-10 minutes, just to soften them up a bit (if you happen to be using brussels sprouts or something similar, steam these whole). This can be easily done by pouring water onto a hot sheet of metal and covering it to prevent the steam from escaping. Just be careful not to burn yourself.

Once your vegetables have softened up a bit, you can begin the glazing process. This can be done by either directly pouring the glaze onto the vegetables, or by adding the vegetables directly to the glaze to thoroughly coat them before returning them to the heat.

Cook for an additional 10 to 15 minutes. Make sure to move your vegetables around every so often to prevent them from burning. Reapply any remaining glaze if you like. Remove the vegetables from heat once they're nice and soft. Pull a couple minutes early if you'd like a little extra firmness to them.

The caramelized honey will add a very nice sweetness to the vegetables, along with a faint smokiness.

If you're roasting leafy greens, simply toss the greens with the glaze (you can technically eat this as is, as a sort of salad. If you don't feel like cooking).

Once your greens have been thoroughly coated with their glaze, move them to your cooking surface and allow to heat up. Remove your greens once they have wilted, and enjoy! This particular dish is more about the texture than the taste, as I've personally found that leafy greens don't have a very intense flavor. Though you may find that these honeyed greens have sweet, herbal notes to them.

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Honey smoked meat: Ingredients: Red Honey, any meat of your choice (roughly 1 pound), salt (optional), any vegetable (optional)

To create your basic glaze, combine 1 part honey with a half part water (1 cup and a 1/2 cup, as an example). Mix thoroughly. You will use this slightly runny honey to season marinate your meat.

Take your portion of meat and chop it into sizeable cubes. 2 x 2 inches works best from my experience. If you happen to have salt, sprinkle the meat with salt and allow to sit for about 10 minutes so that it will work its magic.

Take your meat and your glaze and combine them in a sealable container. Store in a cold place for at least two hours, preferably overnight.

Once the marinating process is completed, remove your meat chunks and skewer them (DO NOT THROW OUT THE MARINADE YET!). Either on a sharp stick, or on a metal one if you have it. If you happen to have access to vegetable, chop them into reasonably sized pieces and skewer them along with the meat, alternating between meat and vegetable with each addition to the skewer.

Use any remaining marinade to coat your meat (and vegetables) skewers, then carefully arrange said skewers around a slow flame. Ideally a flame which is producing a lot of smoke, as the smoke amplifies the flavor of the meal.

Cook this way for 30 minutes and up to an hour, rotating the skewers every 10 minutes to make sure that everything cooks evenly on all sides.

The resulting meal with be sweet, smoky, and savory all at once. If you were able to add vegetables, they will add a nice earthy undertone to everything that is absolutely *chefs kiss*. This is one of my favorite ways to put the red honey to use, as it makes for a delicious and energizing meal.

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Honeyed Grains: Ingredients: Red Honey, any available grain, water, milk (optional)

Take your available grains and combine them with enough water to fully cover them. Be sure to use a vessel suitable for boiling, as your next step is to bring the mixture to a full boil over either a very low flame, or some very hot coals.

Allow the grain to boil until they are fully cooked. 10-15 minutes. Then carefully strain the hot water out of the grain.

You will then mix in at least 2 tablespoons of honey for every 1 cup of cooked grain that you have prepared. If you have not collected your honey before this, just bring your container of hot grains straight to the hive and scrape some honey in.

If you do not have access to milk, then the dish is done and you are ready to eat. These honeyed grains make for a pleasant meal, similar to oatmeal. You can even crush up the cooked grains if you'd like to eat something with a bit of a stickier consistency.

If you DO have access to milk, then you'll want to add around 1/2 a cup per every cup of cooked grain that you have made. If you're like me, you may also want to add a little extra honey to really amp up that sweet taste. The addition of milk makes for a creamier, better rounded meal.

If another crewmember has made this for you and they happen to have used milk, do not ask where it came from. We do not like having that conversation.

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