Coming from a fellow Sailor, I just want you to know that I’m sorry.
I don’t know what sub life is like personally or what he’s like as a person, but I’m sure he’s trying to distress or has to do some offloading/in port work.
I’m about to head on deployment in a few months myself, and I can’t imagine not wanting to talk to those important to me when I’m able to.
I just get this feeling he’s got something going on, and can’t reach out to you for whatever reason.
first off, thank you for sending this!
secondly, i know he's on leave right now, so that's kind of what's been getting to me. that and the fact that like... he WAS answering me, and then suddenly just didn't? at all? i'm really struggling because he has no track record of just falling off communication but at the same time, it's entirely possible he's just being a big ole coward because i just asked if we were good, he said yeah, and then his feelings changed and he doesn't want to say that bc maybe he just told me what i wanted to hear at that time?
the issue is that i don't know. and when i tell you i have done my very best to be SO understanding of the situation. i have made so many accommodations the entire duration of our "relationship" or whatever it was that we had. it just reached the point where, aside from any personal emergency, i really don't understand how he can't even send me a message that says "i'm sorry, i can't talk right now" or "i can't talk for a few days" or whatever.
trust me when i say i have thought through EVERY possibility here lol. including like, having my friends call and see if he answers so i at least know he's alright, if completely blowing me off.
the trouble is... we were never "official" or whatever so there's no one who would know to reach out to me if something DID happen. i've been freaking out a little bc he's not on socials and the only places i CAN see if he's active he hasn't been, so i don't really know if he's actually alright, but my friend did actually call today and his phone rang all the way through so i at least know it's on. that offered me a little reassurance.
idk. reconciling this with his past track record is hard but we all know people can change really quickly or rapidly show their true colors. and he has had a very mild habit of prioritizing "the boys" over me before, in port, which i mostly allowed bc i knew it was their time for freedom. to me, it's just... I had to reach out to HIM to learn he was back. we didn't talk about seeing each other. and after a 3:30am heart to heart i didn't hear from him again. like. it's been almost 5 days. i feel like i should take the hint.
i've been saying he has a blinking half-heart of health left with me, if he reaches out again in a reasonable time frame and either tells me something terrible has happened or apologizes and immediately corrects the behavior, but otherwise i just have to call it. i want a relationship. i have waited seven motherfucking months for a relationship i thought i was going to have and been rapidly watching those hopes dashed before my eyes. i don't have it in me to just... sit here and wait around to be conveniently there, you know? i'm a real person with feelings and needs and a life.
anyway. i'm sorry for the diatribe lol, you probably didn't expect (or need) it. i'm just sad and angry and tired and so very, very disappointed.
i do wish you all the best on your deployment, though! it's tough. it sucks. i did a lot of research on it ahead of time trying to prepare for what he would go through emotionally (and what i would likely go through) so i've learned a lot and it's probably not necessarily a highlight of the job but! you got this!
