#letstalkmen

[themidnightsunme]

Domestic Violence Kills More People Than Wars, Global Study Finds

Researchers say that violence at home is an overlooked issue that deserves more international attention.

Domestic Violence Costs

[darkko73]

A real case of gender discrimination and abuse.

I don’t have the statistics right in front of me, but even if I did it would not matter, because they would be wrong probably due to false reporting, no reporting, and skewed results. I can however report from my own personal experience that the abuse of men by women has reached epidemic, and maybe even pandemic proportions.

There are many personalities out there, and of course there are many men that abuse women. We have all heard the stories. It’s very prevalent. It’s why there are so many movements against men for the abuse against women, or even safe places for these women that confront, or stand up to this abuse.

Here is a real world example of such abuse, and names have been changed to protect others. Except for a couple of minor details it’s a true story.

A very young, pretty, beautiful 25 year old decided to befriend an older man about 40 years old. We have heard of this kind of relationship before, but It’s mostly platonic, but there’s an agreement of some sort of intimacy without sex. The woman treats him better then he has ever been treated. Cooks him wonderful dinners where he never has to do the dishes, and he doesn’t even attempt to do so. She even goes out of her way to bring him dinner that she has cooked. She always treats him when they go out to the movies, or other events, because he doesn’t have a lot of money, and isn’t working, but she doesn’t care. She writes him poetry, buys him small gifts, because she is always thinking about him, and never asks for anything in return which is a good thing, because he never gives her anything in return except the honor of his presence. He even hides their relationship. Not sure why maybe because she is so young, or he is just embarrassed for others to know about her, but she doesn’t hide him, and tells everyone. She cuddles with him when they watch movies, gives him full body massages every time they get together, and at one point even goes down on him to give him pleasurable fellatio. She asks to do it, because she wants make him feel good, and it makes her feel good doing this thing for him, because she’s in love. Even after all that all she wanted from him was a kiss. A loving heartfelt kiss in which he reacted with a disgusted look on his face, and he pushes her away saying that was gross, and that she needed to brush her teeth first. Even after she did what he asked and brushed her teeth, upon returning he still refused to kiss her. She asked why, was she that awful? Was kissing her such abad thing to do? He said he just didn’t feel like it, and he shouldn’t have be forced into doing what he doesn’t feel like doing, or feels uncomfortable doing, even after she went down on him. After some begging he finally let’s her kiss him like he’s doing her a favor, but he times it for 30 seconds. Wow pretty awful huh? Who times their kisses? But that was the only thing she could get from him, so she accepted the terms. She doesn’t ask for any favors in return, except things like a kiss here, and there that he pushes her away, or a hug, or to hold his hand, and most times he makes a reaction of his distaste for her, and she just wants him to be her loyal friend, because she’s lonely, and is very attracted to him, and feels that is all that she’s worth. She has no one else, and feels he understands her, and cares about her for who she is, because he’s with her right? That must be worth something? She enjoys giving to him out of her love for him. But the man never even attempts to reciprocate on anything, ever! She even once asked him for a special honor of his presence of having him come with her on her birthday to a concert that she would pay for, and he refused why? He didn’t feel like it. He preferred to do something else, and stay over at his best friend’s house. Nothing special going on, just that’s what he felt like doing instead. He takes, and takes, until the woman finally see’s something is wrong. At first she doesn’t want to say anything, because she knows if she confronts him on his bad behavior he will just leave. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t want him to leave, because she loves him, and she would be devastated, but she also doesn’t feel right in how she is being treated, and knows she has to stand up for herself. So she finally builds up the courage to do just that, and confronts him about it in which he then breaks the friendship/relationship due to her confrontation which was her worst fear, especially she having abandonment issues. She didn’t harass him. She didn't even yell at him. All she did is confront him on his behavior, and why was it right to use her like he did, and why he didn’t treat her equally, or never even attempted to reciprocate? All she did is stand up to him, and stated that what he was doing was wrong, and she didn’t deserve to be treated that way and taken advantage of. Tired of hearing this he finally threatens her with physical violence if she won’t stop harassing him. According to him she’s harassing him for writing him an e-mail confronting him, but doesn’t text, call, write him on Facebook etc, but she’s harassing him. He writes her an e-mail in all caps yelling at her, and even using cursing like “Jesus Christ all that is good and holy, leave me alone!” He even specifically tells her that his blood is boiling, and she’s lucky that it’s Friday, and that he’s in a good mood, but she better stop, or something bad will happen to her.

Wow! I know. No matter how many times it happens, and we hear about these stories when we hear a real story like this all we can do is shake our head in shame, and disgust. It’s obvious. He’s a bad man right? Everyone knows who’s wrong, and who’s right, and this guy needs to be taught a lesson for being abusive, and taken advantage of her. When will this kind of thing stop of men taken advantage of naive young beautiful women? Except……………… there is one problem. The genders have been changed in the story. It was the man that was taken advantage of, and was threatened with physical violence, and abused. Does this change your perception on things? It shouldn’t. The facts are the same, and everything is true except the genders. So why should it matter? Why would changing the genders make one the victim, and the other not? Abuse is abuse no matter what the gender is, or how the person looks. But this is how our society treats it not based on who did what, but on their gender. Would it make any difference if the woman was fat and ugly? It mattered enough for others to come to the abusive woman’s aid to put down this man, and even threaten him for telling her what she did was wrong. The woman even knows he’s a pacifist, and has bad triggers of abusive women in his past, but she uses this against him knowing these things, and pretends she’s afraid, and plays the victim knowing she was never in any danger, knowing that this man was very non violent, and even admits to knowing about his abandonment issues in an e-mail, then right after blocking him from all social media even though he didn’t do anything to purposely trigger him? And this woman gets away with it for one reason, because she’s a young, very pretty woman. That’s the only reason. If she were a man people might even be knocking on his door threatening violence, but she threatens physical violence against him for what, standing up to her, telling her what she did wasn’t right, and nothing happens?

Embarrassingly this man was me. I’m not the only one, and I’m not the first man this girl treated like this. It’s her M.O. She has told me other guys she has used for either friendship, or sexual favors without any reciprocating on her part, only doing exactly what she wants to do, and even admitting that one of those guys had said to her best friend that he “hated and loved her”, and she thought this was funny. I even questioned her on this, and said that’s not funny, that’s real, and he said that for a very real reason. Why did he say that? Because she had him bring her out to all sorts of places like they were dating, except one thing, no sex. She even kept him from having a normal relationship with another woman by keeping him on a leash until he finally broke free from her, and just faded away from her, and entered into a real relationship with someone else. She even admitted to me that she missed him. well of course who wouldn’t miss someone like that who you can use and abuse, and be selfish with? In one instance she even slept with two friends, and never told the other friend, and did it behind his back for him to only find out years later in which he confronted his friend why he did that, and she laughed at that too, and thought it was funny that they got into an argument over it, and even stated, “that was when I was the sluttiest. ha”. I say this not to just put her down, but to show that it was not just me, that is her M.O. and why she doesn’t even want to get into a relationship, and prefers on having it on her terms. We all know many men that do exactly that, and we know it’s wrong, so why can a woman like this get away with it? Besides what that one guy said to her best friend, I’m the only one that stood up to her, and confronted her, and got severely punished for it. She goes after these passive, desperate guys that she knows she can control. As I said it’s her M.O. but no one will see the truth, or see the problem with this. Only that she is a young, exceptionally beautiful woman, and that is all anyone needs to know on determining who’s the victim, and who’s the abuser.  I have P.T.S.D. due to childhood trauma, and due to other abuse, and she knew about this, because I told her. She is actually the only one I ever did tell, excuse i trusted her. She used it against me, and triggered me so bad that even after a year I still have to look my exterior screen door day and night 24/7. I have a hard time getting up during the day due to fear, and anxiety. I lay in bed not tired, but unwilling to get up for the day due to real fear. I didn’t do this before her. This is real. I had problems before her, and I’m not saying she caused all of it, but she knew about it, and used it against me even telling other people about my most private abuses, and exacerbated my triggers, trigger a huge break down that still has huge repercussions even after a year.  I won’t explain it all here for there is more. the reason fro this mainly is due to sharing very intimate things that I never shared with anyone else. That’s big part of it. Even writing this is causing me great anxiety so much so that I had to down some Diphenhydramine, and whiskey to calm my nerves, and I’m not big drinker at all, but I feel it needs to be said for others that have been treated the same way, and to allow them a voice to speak out. That is a lot more that has happened, and more details of abuse, but I wanted to keep this simple,and write a simple story, and event as an example of why this kind of abuse is ignored.

There are others like me, but I think most don’t realize they are being abused due to society’s standards, and the perception that men aren’t victims, only women are. That is why the statistics would be wrong, because most men would not report that they were abused, or manipulated, or they are ignored, and laughed off until they hid in shame.

There is one major litmus test I use when showing abuse against men, and I think its very effective as well as showing why our society standards need to change when it comes to gender. You take a story, or event, and if you suspect abuse either to you, or another guy, but others may disagree; switch the roles. I mean switch the genders. Now reevaluate the suspected abuse, manipulation, or event. Does it now seem like it was abusive? What has changed? The event is the same, but the only thing that has changed is the gender.

I don’t want revenge on this woman. It hurts. it hurts a lot, and I may suffer from it for a long time. I only wanted her, and others to fully understand what she did, and know it was wrong. I really valued her friendship, and maybe yes I’m so insecure that I felt I deserved this kind of treatment. I confronted her, and was bullied by her friends for it, and even physically threatened. People may even think there is more to the story, and there is, actually of more abuse on her end, but the facts are there that is if I were a woman this would be a shut and closed case of abuse that we have heard a million times, and the real damage it does to the victims male, or female

I don’t have the statistics right in front of me, but even if I did it would not matter, because they would be wrong probably due to false reporting, no reporting, and skewed results. I can however report from my own personal experience that the abuse of men by women has reached epidemic, and maybe even pandemic proportions.

There are many personalities out there, and of course there are many men that abuse women. We have all heard the stories. It’s very prevalent. It’s why there are so many movements against men for the abuse against women, or even safe places for these women that confront, or stand up to this abuse.

Here is a real world example of such abuse, and names have been changed to protect others. Except for a couple of minor details it’s a true story.

A very young, pretty, beautiful 25 year old decided to befriend an older man about 40 years old. We have heard of this kind of relationship before, but It’s mostly platonic, but there’s an agreement of some sort of intimacy without sex. The woman treats him better then he has ever been treated. Cooks him wonderful dinners where he never has to do the dishes, and he doesn’t even attempt to do so. She even goes out of her way to bring him dinner that she has cooked. She always treats him when they go out to the movies, or other events, because he doesn’t have a lot of money, and isn’t working, but she doesn’t care. She writes him poetry, buys him small gifts, because she is always thinking about him, and never asks for anything in return which is a good thing, because he never gives her anything in return except the honor of his presence. He even hides their relationship. Not sure why maybe because she is so young, or he is just embarrassed for others to know about her, but she doesn’t hide him, and tells everyone. She cuddles with him when they watch movies, gives him full body massages every time they get together, and at one point even goes down on him to give him pleasurable fellatio. She asks to do it, because she wants make him feel good, and it makes her feel good doing this thing for him, because she’s in love. Even after all that all she wanted from him was a kiss. A loving heartfelt kiss in which he reacted with a disgusted look on his face, and he pushes her away saying that was gross, and that she needed to brush her teeth first. Even after she did what he asked and brushed her teeth, upon returning he still refused to kiss her. She asked why, was she that awful? Was kissing her such abad thing to do? He said he just didn’t feel like it, and he shouldn’t have be forced into doing what he doesn’t feel like doing, or feels uncomfortable doing, even after she went down on him. After some begging he finally let’s her kiss him like he’s doing her a favor, but he times it for 30 seconds. Wow pretty awful huh? Who times their kisses? But that was the only thing she could get from him, so she accepted the terms. She doesn’t ask for any favors in return, except things like a kiss here, and there that he pushes her away, or a hug, or to hold his hand, and most times he makes a reaction of his distaste for her, and she just wants him to be her loyal friend, because she’s lonely, and is very attracted to him, and feels that is all that she’s worth. She has no one else, and feels he understands her, and cares about her for who she is, because he’s with her right? That must be worth something? She enjoys giving to him out of her love for him. But the man never even attempts to reciprocate on anything, ever! She even once asked him for a special honor of his presence of having him come with her on her birthday to a concert that she would pay for, and he refused why? He didn’t feel like it. He preferred to do something else, and stay over at his best friend’s house. Nothing special going on, just that’s what he felt like doing instead. He takes, and takes, until the woman finally see’s something is wrong. At first she doesn’t want to say anything, because she knows if she confronts him on his bad behavior he will just leave. She doesn’t know what to do. She doesn’t want him to leave, because she loves him, and she would be devastated, but she also doesn’t feel right in how she is being treated, and knows she has to stand up for herself. So she finally builds up the courage to do just that, and confronts him about it in which he then breaks the friendship/relationship due to her confrontation which was her worst fear, especially she having abandonment issues. She didn’t harass him. She didn't even yell at him. All she did is confront him on his behavior, and why was it right to use her like he did, and why he didn’t treat her equally, or never even attempted to reciprocate? All she did is stand up to him, and stated that what he was doing was wrong, and she didn’t deserve to be treated that way and taken advantage of. Tired of hearing this he finally threatens her with physical violence if she won’t stop harassing him. According to him she’s harassing him for writing him an e-mail confronting him, but doesn’t text, call, write him on Facebook etc, but she’s harassing him. He writes her an e-mail in all caps yelling at her, and even using cursing like “Jesus Christ all that is good and holy, leave me alone!” He even specifically tells her that his blood is boiling, and she’s lucky that it’s Friday, and that he’s in a good mood, but she better stop, or something bad will happen to her.

Wow! I know. No matter how many times it happens, and we hear about these stories when we hear a real story like this all we can do is shake our head in shame, and disgust. It’s obvious. He’s a bad man right? Everyone knows who’s wrong, and who’s right, and this guy needs to be taught a lesson for being abusive, and taken advantage of her. When will this kind of thing stop of men taken advantage of naive young beautiful women? Except……………… there is one problem. The genders have been changed in the story. It was the man that was taken advantage of, and was threatened with physical violence, and abused. Does this change your perception on things? It shouldn’t. The facts are the same, and everything is true except the genders. So why should it matter? Why would changing the genders make one the victim, and the other not? Abuse is abuse no matter what the gender is, or how the person looks. But this is how our society treats it not based on who did what, but on their gender. Would it make any difference if the woman was fat and ugly? It mattered enough for others to come to the abusive woman’s aid to put down this man, and even threaten him for telling her what she did was wrong. The woman even knows he’s a pacifist, and has bad triggers of abusive women in his past, but she uses this against him knowing these things, and pretends she’s afraid, and plays the victim knowing she was never in any danger, knowing that this man was very non violent, and even admits to knowing about his abandonment issues in an e-mail, then right after blocking him from all social media even though he didn’t do anything to purposely trigger him? And this woman gets away with it for one reason, because she’s a young, very pretty woman. That’s the only reason. If she were a man people might even be knocking on his door threatening violence, but she threatens physical violence against him for what, standing up to her, telling her what she did wasn’t right, and nothing happens?

Embarrassingly this man was me. I’m not the only one, and I’m not the first man this girl treated like this. It’s her M.O. She has told me other guys she has used for either friendship, or sexual favors without any reciprocating on her part, only doing exactly what she wants to do, and even admitting that one of those guys had said to her best friend that he “hated and loved her”, and she thought this was funny. I even questioned her on this, and said that’s not funny, that’s real, and he said that for a very real reason. Why did he say that? Because she had him bring her out to all sorts of places like they were dating, except one thing, no sex. She even kept him from having a normal relationship with another woman by keeping him on a leash until he finally broke free from her, and just faded away from her, and entered into a real relationship with someone else. She even admitted to me that she missed him. well of course who wouldn’t miss someone like that who you can use and abuse, and be selfish with? In one instance she even slept with two friends, and never told the other friend, and did it behind his back for him to only find out years later in which he confronted his friend why he did that, and she laughed at that too, and thought it was funny that they got into an argument over it, and even stated, “that was when I was the sluttiest. ha”. I say this not to just put her down, but to show that it was not just me, that is her M.O. and why she doesn’t even want to get into a relationship, and prefers on having it on her terms. We all know many men that do exactly that, and we know it’s wrong, so why can a woman like this get away with it? Besides what that one guy said to her best friend, I’m the only one that stood up to her, and confronted her, and got severely punished for it. She goes after these passive, desperate guys that she knows she can control. As I said it’s her M.O. but no one will see the truth, or see the problem with this. Only that she is a young, exceptionally beautiful woman, and that is all anyone needs to know on determining who’s the victim, and who’s the abuser.  I have P.T.S.D. due to childhood trauma, and due to other abuse, and she knew about this, because I told her. She is actually the only one I ever did tell, excuse i trusted her. She used it against me, and triggered me so bad that even after a year I still have to look my exterior screen door day and night 24/7. I have a hard time getting up during the day due to fear, and anxiety. I lay in bed not tired, but unwilling to get up for the day due to real fear. I didn’t do this before her. This is real. I had problems before her, and I’m not saying she caused all of it, but she knew about it, and used it against me even telling other people about my most private abuses, and exacerbated my triggers, trigger a huge break down that still has huge repercussions even after a year.  I won’t explain it all here for there is more. the reason fro this mainly is due to sharing very intimate things that I never shared with anyone else. That’s big part of it. Even writing this is causing me great anxiety so much so that I had to down some Diphenhydramine, and whiskey to calm my nerves, and I’m not big drinker at all, but I feel it needs to be said for others that have been treated the same way, and to allow them a voice to speak out. That is a lot more that has happened, and more details of abuse, but I wanted to keep this simple,and write a simple story, and event as an example of why this kind of abuse is ignored.

There are others like me, but I think most don’t realize they are being abused due to society’s standards, and the perception that men aren’t victims, only women are. That is why the statistics would be wrong, because most men would not report that they were abused, or manipulated, or they are ignored, and laughed off until they hid in shame.

There is one major litmus test I use when showing abuse against men, and I think its very effective as well as showing why our society standards need to change when it comes to gender. You take a story, or event, and if you suspect abuse either to you, or another guy, but others may disagree; switch the roles. I mean switch the genders. Now reevaluate the suspected abuse, manipulation, or event. Does it now seem like it was abusive? What has changed? The event is the same, but the only thing that has changed is the gender.

I don’t want revenge on this woman. It hurts. it hurts a lot, and I may suffer from it for a long time. I only wanted her, and others to fully understand what she did, and know it was wrong. I really valued her friendship, and maybe yes I’m so insecure that I felt I deserved this kind of treatment. I confronted her, and was bullied by her friends for it, and even physically threatened. People may even think there is more to the story, and there is, actually of more abuse on her end, but the facts are there that is if I were a woman this would be a shut and closed case of abuse that we have heard a million times, and the real damage it does to the victims male, or female.