Lexa takes Clarke to the hair stylist and helps her choose a new more masc haircut aka short hair Clarke
Clarke has been rocking the bob cut for nearly three years, the shortest she can manage since she came out as Trans at 16.
Something about hair has always made Clarke feels weirdly dysphoric. Back then letting her hair grow out meant making her skinny face look more framed, made her feel more like a girl when her body at yet to respond to the hormones. It was her lifeline for looking at herself in the mirror and looking and feeling like a woman.
She was 25 when she met Lexa. A casual hook up at a pride event that turned into casual sex that quickly turned into two babies and a marriage. She feels as womanly as possible when she is with Lexa. Every touch, every kiss, every "this is my wife" that Lexa tells and every "this is mama" that their children share makes her feel like she is who she is meant to be. The bob cut happened shortly before their youngest was born. Knowing well how tiny hands like to yank at hair, Clarke thought it would be the fast bet even if it meant making her feel a little uncomfortable for a while.
It didn't. In fact, Clarke felt a strange sense of euphoria seeing herself in a mirror. Her body is fuller now, her face included. She feels stronger and when she looks in the mirror she no longer sees the awkward teen girl with a stubble on her chin, but a grown woman whose body feels more like her than it ever did before. Her style had changed. Womanhood no longer feels synonymous with flowy dresses and heavy make up, long painted nails and high heels for Clarke. In fact, they make her feel stuck in the idea of who she should present as as a trans woman. Lexa always understood, never made a fuss. She simply smiled and grabbed Clarke's hand away from bring colors and feminine patterns. At first, she'd pick the clothes. A men's shirt here, a bigger flannel there. The vintage leather jacket, the men's watch Clarke had been eyeing, reminding her of her dad. Lexa always tried to make Clarke has comfortable as possible. She never asked for Clarke to be anyone other than herself.
She keeps messing with it her hair on her own accord. Feeling like a child caught red handed when Lexa walks into the bathroom to see her with scissors in her hand, trying to cut her hair just a little shorter, to see how she would feel about it. Soon, she gets bolder and bolder with the scissors.
"I'm thinking of taking Aden to get his hair cut this weekend. He's been asking for it before classes start." Lexa mentions late at night, nestled in bed as she waits for Clarke to turn off the bathroom light. She's been standing longer staring at the mirror, wondering what is it about herself that seems to make her feel uncomfortable with her reflection.
"Oh, he has?"
Aden is 6 now. Since he could talk he has wanted his blonde hair to look like Clarke's, which has meant his hair his on the longer side for a boy his age. Clarke feels a strange sense of loss at no longer matching with her little boy.
"He said that you keep cutting your shorter so he wants to cut it now too." Lexa’s voice is soft, hinting at something.
They've been together long enough now that Clarke knows the voice Lexa uses when hinting at something related to Clarke's self expression. It's the same voice she used in the dressing room when Clarke tried on her first suit for a friend's weeding.
"Maybe it's time i cut mine do?" Clarke is not an insecure person. But at times like this, she always seems to need Lexa’s reassurance that she is doing what's right for herself.
Lexa's hand come to rest on Clarke's cheek gently, a soft smile on her pretty lips that always has Clarke feel like she can breathe easier, "I think that would be a good idea my love. Aden would certainly love to get a haircut with mama."
Clarkr closes the distance with a smile, kissing her wife. She can always trust her to help her with the final.push she needs, "I would love it too."
**
"Look if it isn't my two favorite blondies!" Octavia exclaims as Clarke enters her hair salon, holding Aden’s little hand, Lexa with Madi on her hips following behind.
Although not a kid's hairstyles, Octavia has been doing their kids' hair since they were little, as she is the only one Clarke trusts her kid's head with, alongside her own.
"Hiii aunty Octaviaa!!" Aden exclaims as he runs to her, excited to tell her what he wants. Between the excitement and the run sentences, Octavia looks at Lexa and Clarke for clarification.
"We're going short short this time." Lexa announces, as she sits on the waiting chairs, Madi asleep on her lap.
"Oh no. Don't tell me we are getting rid of these beautiful blonde locks. Dont do it Aden." Octavia coos.
"I wanna look like mama!" Aden announces with a pout, disliking the tone. Never liked to be told what to do this one, just like Clarke.
This makes Octavia snap her head at Clarke, eyes in shock, "Are we finally going short short?"
Clarke steals a glance at Lexa who simply smiles, "I might have told her a few months back that the change was coming at some point."
Clarke shakes her head with humor. Leave it to her wife to know what she wants and needs before she does.
"We're going short." Clarke announces, for the first time out loud, realizing then just how nervous she is about the change.
Octavia slaps her hands together once, managing to wake up little Madi for a moment, before a tiny head falls back into Lexa’s chest, "Shit , sorry. Let's get started then!"
Clarke stared at herself in the mirror, her hair damp and her front covered. Like this, the experimental cuts she has been giving herself become obvious not only to herself but Octavia, who leans in closer to her ear, making eye contact with Clarke in the mirror.
"Dont tell your wife but if I ever catch you cutting your own hair instead of coming to me Griffin, what I'm cutting next is your dick. Which would be a shame since you two make really cute kids."
Clarke rolls her eyes but nods with a smile, letting Octavia work. On the chair next to her, Aden reads a book as he waits for Clarke to be done, wanting her exact hair style and begging to go after her for that. He looks so much like Clarke did at his age and Clarke loves to watch him grow, the confidence in himself he has that Clarke only managed to find in her 20s, a sense of pride knowing her and Lexa were the ones who instilled that on him.
"Let me know when short becomes too short." Octavia's voice is softer now, grabbing the scissors and the comb. Clarke always has her nerves high when sitting on this chair, always fearful that with a single scissor snap she'll stare at the mirror and find herself staring at her 13 year old self, whose short hair made her feel so much like a boy that she bought a cheap Halloween wig to wear in her room, just to make the feeling disappear for a moment.
She watches the hair fall on the floor and on top of the black tarp around her, her heart beating fast as she waits for that feeling of dysphoria to hit with each clump of hair that Octavia cuts.
Instead, with each cut, Clarke feels more and more like herself. Her face is still full as is her chest. Her cheeks still rosy, the thin eyeliner she puts on every morning still there. As the hair shrinks to above her ears, her heart beats with a feeling she now knows better than the gender dysphoria.
Euphoria.
Its her. Finally, Clarke stares at the mirror and sees herself. Her blonde hair fluffy at the top of her head, the back still showing a few locks but short, so delightfully shorter than before. (Like this)
Octavia asks her to shake her head and Clarke does, feeling the hair move but not hit her face, the feeling making her heart beat with excitement.
"Whay do you think?" Octavia asks unsure, but a small smile plays at the corner of her lips already.
Clarke feels herself smile big, as if seeing herself for the first time. She look in the mirror behind her, and blue eyes quickly catch green. Clarke will never get over the love that lives there everytime she catches Lexa’s eyes. Much less the bright smile she has on her beautiful face before Clarke even caught it. Her cheeks are red from the smile and she knows Lexa feels the same thing Clarke is feeling. She feels like she's seeing Clarke whole for the first time.
"I-" Out of character for her, Clarke seems to struggle to find the right words, "I love it so much. Thank you O. Really." Her voice nearly breaks, and she has to swallow the tears, knowing her son won't react well if she starts to cry because of an haircut, believing it'll hurt him somehow.
"My pleasure Griffin." Octavia smiles, before turning to Aden, "What do we think buddy? Ready to look like mama?"
Aden’s eyes leave his book immediately, the excitement clear in his eyes, "YES!!! Mama it looks really good on you." He compliments in that sweet, barely there anymore baby voice that makes Clarke's mom heart flutter.
**
"He cannot stop talking about his hair cut" Lexa chuckles as she enters their bedroom, having finally gotten Aden to sleep, "He loves it and he loves how much he looks like you."
In her turn, Clarke is still staring at the mirror, admiring her new cut. The feeling of something being wrong is gone. In the mirror she sees the 13 year old girl who felt trapped inside of the body of a boy gleaming at Clarke, who finally found what makes her feel like a woman, even if what does is masculinity.
As she catches Lexa’s reflection in the mirror she turns around, smiling.
"You love it too." Lexa smiles, stepping closer to Clarke.
"I do. Feels like me." Clarke smiles back. There is a new wave of confidence inside of her, like she could conquer the world.
"You look so handsome my love." Lexa’s compliment makes Clarke's breath catch before she is crashing their lips together, making Lexa giggle against her lips.
Clarke wastes no time in undressing herself as she forces Lexa to walk backwards towards the bed, between broken kisses and giggles.
Once Lexa has fallen into be and Clarke has climbed on top of her, Clarke's chest in being cupped with greedy hands, hands that have always made Clarke feels loved and desired, never a doubt about what they feel. Agaisnt the fabric of her boxers, Clarke feels the hardness of her dick pressing.
"Show me how good I can make you feel handsome girl." Lexa’s voice is low, coated with desire for her.
Her handsome girl.