The First Time I Saw You
Dear Mother,
I fell in love with a man at the first sight.
I understand that you might be worried because you are not with me for advice. I miss you. And, I know that nobody around me will give me as sincere and wise advice as you.
But, mother, please don’t be worried. When he and I first looked into each other’s eyes, at the summer party at Dr. Peterson’s house, we both knew that we were each other’s destiny.
It might sound crazy, but he was no stranger to me. Do you remember Dr. Gerald Thayer from my scientific magazines? The doctor who won the Lasker? It was him - my ideal.
When he approached me, I thought he walked out of my collections. My heart was pounding. He smiled and asked me my name. And, my entire world turned red - spinning.
I told him my name, and he said I look cute. Then, he offered me if I would like to go out to the balcony with him. There, we shared a few words and some beers. We chuckled for things that sounded smart and stupid. It was hot and muggy, and we were sweating.
Suddenly, we kissed. He wrapped his arms around me, and inside his arms, I felt complete - floating in a romantic dream.
Since then, it has been 3 months with Gerald, and I am grateful. He always teaches me how special I am.
He buys me apparels from Chanel because he said he was worried I would look like a slut little shallow. He is very thoughtful and sweet. He picks my outfit everyday along with underclothes. He also picks and sprays me a fragrance of his choice. He makes me his princess.
He also hired me as his only assistant for his research. We work together in his lab at night, as he is always busy with his other work in the day. He pays gives me $50/hr for the work, and he told me that this is not usual treatment for an undergrad like me.
He does so much for me, Mother.
But, Mother, I am scared. Sometimes, a strange fear comes into my mind, and it makes me feel useless. No, I am useless. I make too many mistakes at work and upsets Gerald. I’m sorry that I’m not good enough for him.
He does so much for me, yet I am a person who can never be better. He always assures me that he loves me. But, I know. He told me that a doctor like him risks more things to lose than an undergrad like me if our relationship gets revealed.
And, his words are hurting haunting me.
Mother, could you pray for me in heaven? I want to be a better person who qualifies him.
I want to be better.
I miss you. Love you.
-Love