AN: the reader is a grounder who was captured by the ice nation and tortured, but the commander isn't willing to let you go, not you.
Characters: Queen Nia, Commander Lexa
Pairings: Lexa x reader
Spoilers: none
Warnings: none
Prompt: “Hey i was hoping maybe you could do an imagine if they arent closed? If theyre open i was hoping for something along the lines of a lexa x reader where the reader had been captured and tortured by azgeda but after lexa had gotten her back?”
The pain you felt was unimaginable, like nothing you'd ever experienced but, as one of the Azgeda Warriors dug the tip of his blade deeper and deeper into your skin, you pulled against the chains that were holding you up, bit down on the back of your jaw and refused to scream. Your body was a wreck, one part burns, two parts bruises and three parts cuts and you knew, deep down, that this would be the place where you died. Alone, far from your home, far from your people, and far from your commander. The memories of your last free day swam before your eyes. You remembered the sun on your face, the steady movement of your horse under you, the laughter and jokes passing between yourself and the other guards, and Lexa’s smile, warm and easy.
It had been a difficult year for your clan, with Azgeda kicking up a fuss at every opportunity they had everyone had been on edge. This trip was supposed to mark the end of that, Azgeda had officially joined the coalition so now, everything was supposed to go back to normal. Your people would finally have peace.
Of course, that's not what had happened. Two days into your journey back from Polis you'd been attacked and you'd thrown yourself in front of Lexa, screaming at the guards to get themselves and the commander back to safety. You'd let yourself be captured and, in doing that, you'd given the rest of the guard time to get Lexa to safety. Although the attackers had been unmarked, you knew they were Azgeda. Queen Nia had seen her opportunity to derail Lexa once more, and she'd taken it.
That trip was four days ago. Despite the torture, you couldn't get yourself to regret your decision, as the head of the Commander’s security detail, You'd done your job, you'd protected Lexa and because of that, the good work she was doing could continue. Not that that thought eased the pain.
The door to your prison opened wide, letting in a burst of ice-cold air that momentarily shocked your system and soothed your aching body. A menacing silhouette stormed in, her crown and fur coat making her seem more monster than woman; Queen Nia, your captor. Despite yourself, you felt your heart stutter.
“Anything?” She demanded, barking at your guard.
He shook his head, bowing before his queen, “Nothing yet your highness. She's been trained well.”
The queen made a noise of displeasure and grabbed your jaw, forcing you to meet her cold clinical stare. She scanned your face, as though searching for signs of weakness in your eyes.
“Of course she was. Do you think Trikru would let a novice guard their precious commander?” Nia asked, her lip curling. The guard shuffled, and you tried no to wince as Nia pressed her fingers into your jaw harder and harder. “Well?” She snapped, “You obviously have something to say, so out with it.”
The guard flinched, and you felt a sick sense of satisfaction at seeing his discomfort. “I mean no offense, my queen, but if she won't give up information, why bother taking her?”
Nia cocked her head to the side, still studying you, as you imagined stabbing your knife into her skull, again and again and again.
“She belongs to Lexa,” Nia said, “by taking her, we are giving Lexa the opportunity to ruin herself, and her precious little coalition.” She explained, “Soon enough Lexa will come back to Azgeda to attack me, and the whole thing will crumble; all so she can save this little thing.”
Nia released your jaw and moved to discuss something with your guard.
As you processed her words, you felt something bubble up in your chest unexpectedly; laughter. It burst out of you like a tidal wave, echoing across the stone room. The queen turned back to you, something like rage flickering across her face.
“You’re-you're insane.” You told her through your laughter, “You're completely insane.”
“Oh?” Nia responded, her voice dangerously calm, “And what makes you think that?”
You shook your head, your body still shaking with fits of chuckles, “Lexa won't come looking for me. Your plan is intrinsically flawed.”
The queen’s lip curled into a cruel sneer, “Oh but she will. I know she will, she won't be able to help herself.”
“You're wrong.” You insisted.
“I'm not. Lexa will come to my keep, she will demand to see you, she will kill many of my people in her rage and then, when I, like the gracious queen I am, allow her to search my castle, she will find nothing.” Nia assured you, her sneer still in place.
You felt something like ice flood your veins. It had never occurred to you that you weren't in queen Nia’s palace but, it made a sick kind of sense. Her advisors will never let her do anything so foolish, you reminded yourself, she won't come looking for you. You will die here. You felt your body relax. You shook your head again,
“You're wrong.” You whispered again.
“We’ll see.” Nia responded. She looked to your guard as she walked away and simply said, “Break her.”
And you felt death touch your shoulder.
The day passed in a haze of pain and exhaustion and, after your voice was hoarse from screaming, you let your mind wonder, clinging to the memories of your home; of brown hair and flashing green eyes. On a normal day, you would’ve shaken your head and forced your thoughts away from Lexa, reminding yourself that she was your commander and that these thoughts were inappropriate but you were going to die, there could be no harm in it now.
So you let yourself imagine that you were home with her, that you were together, holding one another. It was a beautiful thought. As day turned to night, you became aware of the fact that you were singing. Nothing special, just nonsense songs from your childhood, ones that your mother had sung to you to help you sleep. Somehow, it helped.
You knew that you were dying. The combination of bleeding, beating and lack of food and water was sapping the strength from your body, and you knew that it wouldn't hold up for much longer. You felt woozy, everything was fuzzy and thick, you thought that you'd heard noises, but you flicked the thought away. Your eyelids felt heavy, and you barely noticed as the thick door burst open as people came rushing in. Everything felt like a dream, and you smiled in a dopey fashion as one of the new members ran his sword through your guard. A familiar voice barked your name, and you vaguely felt as someone pressed their hands to your skin. You smiled at the person as her eyes seared into yours and, as you slipped out of consciousness, their greenness stuck with you.
Eventually, it was the coolness that woke you, the feeling of someone pressing a damp cloth to your forehead. Your eyes fluttered open and your first instinct was to frown. The surface above you didn't look like stone, in fact it looked rather like… You sat up, ignoring the wave of dizziness that flooded through you and the way your body screamed for you to lie back down. The healer beside you jumped back, obviously terrified, but she looked familiar.
“You shouldn't be moving so soon,” an even more familiar voice called, sending shivers down your spine, “you're hurt. Take it slow.” Lexa’s eyes clung to yours as she leant against the doorframe, “You're home, you can relax.”
Your body began to shake as Lexa’s voice flooded over you like a blanket of comfort and, to your horror, you whimpered and tears started to leak from the corners of your eyes. You hadn't cried since you were a child, and it horrified you to think that Lexa was seeing you be so weak. You braced yourself against the cutting comment that you were expecting, that you had heard Lexa make to others over the years, but it never came. Just as you broke down, Lexa dismissed the healer and rushed to your side, sitting down on your bed and pulling you against her chest.
“Shh, it's okay.” Lexa whispered, stroking her fingers through your hair comfortingly, her voice oddly strained, “It's okay my brave warrior, you're safe, you're safe, I've got you.”
You sobbed for what felt like hours, caught somewhere between relief, confusion and fear and tried to ignore how amazing it felt to be close to Lexa like this. She whispered comforting words into your ear, keeping you close and promising that you were safe with her. Eventually, you ran out of tears and just sat with your commander, your head nuzzled between Lexa’s shoulder and neck, trying to find a patch of solid ground to keep you from drowning. Everything about this was wrong. You should be dead, you should be, why aren't you dead? And was Lexa’s arm really around you? Was she really stroking your hair and squeezing your shoulder? You nuzzled into Lexa’s skin, breathing in her scent.
She stiffened beneath you and you suddenly realized how many lines you'd crossed in the he past hour. You flushed with guilt and sat up picking up the cooling pack that the healer had dropped and pressing it to your split lip, avoiding meeting Lexa’s eyes as you leant back against the bed’s headboard.
“I'm sorry Heda,” you said, your voice raspy and hoarse, “that was inappropriate. I shouldn't have let my emotions get the best of me.”
Lexa reached out, as though she was about to touch you, but stopped and instead just looked at you, as though she was drinking you in. Her eyes were tinged with red, as though she'd been crying, it made something in your chest flutter.
“Are you okay?” Lexa asked, her voice still strained.
You nodded, which felt like a lie, because you were very much not okay, but you never could bring yourself to worry Lexa. From the look she gave you, it didn't seem like she'd bought it. Lexa gestured at your torso, which you were cradling with your arm.
“Can I-would it be okay if I checked that?” Lexa stuttered, sounding unsure.
This shook you, because you were pretty sure Lexa had never been unsure about anything in her life. It almost made you smile. Almost. If your face hadn't been flushing at the idea of Lex seeing your mottled skin that is. Despite that, the idea of having Lexa’s hands on you again was far too tempting, and you nodded. Slowly, Lexa reached out and lifted the hem of your shirt. Unable to bare the horrified look that you were sure would be on her face, you shut your eyes. You heard a soft whimper, a strangled little cry that made you open them again. Lexa’s face was pulled tight, her eyes welling up with tears and you noticed, with a sense of shock, that her hands were shaking. She looked so lost, so frightened, so helpless; it made you feel sick with guilt, but it also made you feel remarkably more calm. In all your years working with Lexa, you'd never seen her look so young.
Suddenly, you remembered the discussion you'd had with Nia, how sure she'd been that Lexa would come looking for you, and she'd been right. Despite the risks, despite how stupid it was, she'd saved you. You dropped your hands to cover Lexa’s making her look up.
“It's okay.” You told her, forcing yourself to sit up, wincing at the pain, “I'll heal. I always do.” Lexa nodded, but she didn't look any less frightened. “Lexa,” you asked quietly, “why did you rescue me?”
Her head shot up, “What?”
You blushed, but held her gaze, “Why did you rescue me? You could've-you could've ruined everything. Why?”
Lexa’s mouth opened and shut again, and you watched the cogs in her head spin. “Y/N, I-it's you,” she explained lamely, “how could you think that I-“ she petered off.
“I'm just a guard Lexa, I'm expendable, you're not. You should've let me die.”
Lexa shook her head, suddenly clasping your hands firmly, “No, no you're not expendable Y/N. You're-I couldn't let you go! I wanted to go looking for you the second they took you, but they wouldn't let me. Gods above Y/N I was so scared. I couldn't lose you, not the way I lost Costia. Do you understand that? I couldn't lose you.”
You were shocked, and something in you lit up like a fire. Things felt, different, somehow, and you leant forward, cupping Lexa’s cheek with your hand to calm her down.
“Shh, it's okay, I'm okay.” You promised, “But Lexa, you can't just risk the coalition for a subject, I'm not worth that. What would've happened if you'd stormed Nia’s palace hmm? What then?”
A flicker of anger ran through Lexa’s eyes, but she leant into your hand as though it was anchoring her, “I would've torn it down brick by brick, and then burnt down the whole of Azgeda to find you.” She said, her voice stable and completely even and you shivered under its intensity.
“Lexa,” you started, your voice breaking, “please-“
“What Y/N? Are you in pain? What do you need, just tell me and I'll get it.”
“I want to know why you're doing all of this for me.” You admitted, your chest aching.
The commander was suddenly very still, as though you'd sucked all the air from her lungs and she wasn't sure how to move forward. You waited for Lexa to answer, your heart pumping in your chest at a million miles per hour. She said nothing.
“Lexa, please, tell me what's going on.” You asked, a note of pleading in your voice.
The next thing you registered were Lexa’s lips on yours and her hands tangled in your hair. Every single cell in your body was burning as you kissed back, your head spinning at the realization that the woman of your dreams was kissing you, her body flush against yours. How could this be happening? You thought of pulling away, but Lexa kept you close, whimpering every time your lips left her's for even a second. Oh Gods above, this was happening. You practically vibrated with happiness because this, this felt right. This explained so much, this was everything you'd ever wanted. As your confidence grew, you bit down on Lexa’s bottom lip, drawing a guttural moan from the woman that did something sinful to you. She pulled you onto her lap, murmuring praises into the skin of your neck, her lips lighting you up and filling you with need. Lexa squeezed your waist, and white hot pain shot through your body, making you cry out.
Lexa instantly pulled away, her brow creased with worry, “What's wrong Hebe, did I hurt you?”
“Yeah, but it's alright I-wait, what did you call me?” You asked, giving Lexa a surprised but not unhappy smile.
The commander blushed, but kept your gaze as she sat up and pressed gentle kisses to the skin of your jaw. This wasn't frenzied, filled with need and desire like before, it was soft and tender, as though Lexa were worshipping your skin instead of just kissing it. You'd never imagined Lexa like this, so passionate and open and vulnerable, like it physically hurt her to keep her hands off of you.
“Hebe.” She repeated, her voice warm and smooth as syrup, “The Goddess of ever-lasting youth and beauty, mistress of elegance and charm.” You chuckled, and she continued, “I saw you in the market and, God, you just looked so beautiful, I had to know who you were. I asked everyone, but no one, no one knew your name.” Lexa told you, sounding frustrated about that even now, “So I just kept calling you Hebe, and iI thought that that would be the end of it, but then one day you walked into my throne room, all decked up in your guard’s gear and I just,” she sighed into your neck as you started running your fingers through her hair, “God I wanted you so badly, and it didn't help that you were always so goddamn oblivious.” She sounded absolutely wrecked, like you were pulling her apart piece by piece, “And then I got to know you, and it just got so much worse because you're so funny, and sweet and adorable and strong and it was like a virus and I just couldn't stop thinking about you. Everyday I just wanted to see you and spend time with you but I couldn't, and then you were gone and Nia was going to take you from me and I couldn't have that-I couldn't lose you because I just love you so much and-“ she froze, as though suddenly the flood of unstructured words that had been pouring out of her mouth had dried up.
Your answering smile was radiant and you pulled Lexa in for a heart-breakingly tender kiss, pouring years and years of silent pining into it in the hopes that, if you could just kiss her hard enough, you could stop time and just live in this moment forever.
“I love you too.” You admitted, “I never thought you could ever-“
“What? Love you?” Lexa asked incredulously, “Y/N, it's you, who else could I ever-? There could never be anyone else.”
You pressed your forehead against hers, relishing in the feeling of being together. Lexa sighed, her body relaxing into yours like they were made for each other.
“I love you so much Y/N.” She told you, “I swear to you, I'll never let anyone hurt you ever again.”
“I'm the head of your guard Lexa, that's not possible. My job is to get hurt so that you don't have to.”
Lexa smirked, “Looks like I'll just have to work harder for peace then.” She said, “Because I've just gotten started with you Hebe, and I'm not ready to lose you yet.”
