#lexark fic

[pamrak]

lexark fic update

oh wow i finally updated this thing. i’m just gonna be totes honest, there were so many comments showing up on it lately that i felt so fucking bad for just leaving it completely unfinished so i went back to it and reread it from the start and i guess it got the spark going so wooohoo i’m back on this train :D

what can i say, eh? enjoy :D

I think I’ve met you before, Chapter 27 

[bittyblueeyes]

Lexark Plot Bunny!

The bunnies won’t leave me be! I’m not going to write this fic, but I must share my ideas. Anyone is welcome to use any/all elements here for their own writing. (Super long detailed plot bunny. Sorry not sorry)

So Elyza and Alicia aren’t the first to meet in this story. It starts when Strand brings the group back to his house and Elyza is there waiting for him. Without saying hi, she jumps right into scolding him for being two and a half days late. She’s been there on her own, stocking the boat. Strand asks if she was worried about him and her reply is “Fuck off.”

Elyza’s a bit concerned by the large number of friends (”you don’t have friends”) Strand invited, but she’s her friendly self and starts gathering more supplies and flirts a bit with Alicia. Everyone’s as wary of Elyza as they are of Strand, but it doesn’t bother her.

After they settle on the boat, Elyza goes to finally have a proper chat with Strand. He asks her opinion of the passengers and she gives brief character assessments. They want to know who might be a threat. Who would keep to themselves, who would argue about their course of action, who might fight. Alicia actually overhears a lot of it, including Elyza’s assessment of her. Alicia’s rather quiet at the moment, but Elyza is sure she’s going to blow soon. She’s being kept in the dark and told to just keep her head down. With all the building stress, it’s only a matter of time. Strand doesn’t want drama, but it’s inevitable. Alicia is caught and invited in. Both Elyza and Strand are completely unapologetic about the conversation they had. Alicia’s sort of upset for being judged, but Elyza’s kind and understanding of Alicia’s situation so she’s still unsure cocky blonde.

Things go bad between them when there’s the argument about whether to save the people stranded at sea. Strand, Madison, and Alicia are arguing heatedly on deck when Elyza appears. Alicia instantly looks relieved, thinking Elyza will take her side. But she doesn’t. She finishes the whole argument with a short, “we can’t save them.’ She then nods at Strand and tells him to push on. Alicia hates Elyza after that. (love comes later)

Okay okay, too much detail on the beginning of the story. How about some of Elyza’s backstory. Like how does she know Strand?

Elyza Lex moved to the US with her parents when she was about 10. I’m not sure of her dad’s job, but her mom was pharmaceutical scientist. or maybe geneticist? They lived in a mountainous region of Wyoming and she did a lot of outdoorsy stuff, especially hiking and hunting with her dad. When Elyza was 16 years old, her mom started having problems at work, just coming home frustrated and stressed. As time wore on, she finally opened up to her husband and daughter. The company she worked for had been taken over by the government. That wasn’t what really concerned her, not at first. It was the stuff she was working on. She was supposed to create and tweak drugs, but she wasn’t told everything, data denied her and her own work taken. She began investigating because what they were asking didn’t make sense. She was horrified to find that her highly experimental treatments were being tested on humans. It took months, but she gathered information and finally something she could expose that would put a stop to the testing. But she never came home.

Elyza was 16 when her mother was killed. They’d been told that her mother contracted something and needed to be quarantined and monitored. Two weeks later, her mother’s body was handed over. Elyza and her father didn’t buy their story for a second and Elyza’s dad dedicated himself to discovering and exposing the secrets his wife was killed for. A year later, 6 days after Elyza turned 18, she walked into the house to see her father in a kitchen chair with a bullet hole in his head. Suicide, they claimed. Elyza knew it wasn’t, but she didn’t know how to convince them. The fact that the gun was in his right hand when he was a lefty (like Elyza) didn’t do much convincing.

So Elyza took up where her father left off, dropping out of school to do it. She knew she needed help getting access to information and she needed to know just who was behind it. Finding Strand was a long shot, and anything good coming from it was even less likely, but a few years prior, Strand had swindled her father. She thought she might get support or a favor if she played it right. She found him in a bar. They flirted relentlessly. (ridiculous because they’re both gay af) Strand thought the young woman naïve and couldn’t resist trying to con her. He hadn’t suspected she’d con him. She stole $20k from him and waited for a few days in her hotel room for him to come to her.

Elyza hadn’t intended to tell him about what she was looking into, but she did. She could use Strand’s money to bribe certain people, but introductions with a rich, powerful businessman would likely help her more. After hearing and seeing evidence, Strand starts helping her.

This story is revealed little by little throughout, btw

Elyza got so far in the knowledge she’d gathered, but it was never enough and she felt stuck. She pushed her luck just a little too far and she and her friend were taken to the facility and locked up. They became the experiments. She wasn’t used in The Experiment, but she watched as people turned violent and went insane, screams surrounding her. It just got worse. The people were dying regularly; she knew that. But then the dead weren’t staying dead. Attacks were getting worse, more gruesome and disturbing. After 7 months inside, fighting madness and pain and illness, one of the scientists confessed she was holding off on The Experiment with Elyza until she was ready to try something new. They still had her mom’s work and they used some of her research and ideas. “Let’s see if your mom can save you.”

It was a vaccine. She received 2 doses in 2 days and then she was infected. Straight from the source, they brought in one of the infected. The dead man, hardly more than a head and therefore easily controlled, sunk its teeth into Eliza’s thigh. He was then taken away and they waited. Elyza was strapped to the bed for days, fevered and unconscious more often than not. She pulled through. But three weeks later, they tested with the bite of another infected. In the time of her recovery and the tests that followed, she thought up her escape plan.

She hadn’t known until she made it out that she wasn’t the only one who had escaped. The town had been evacuated and was heavily guarded by military. Some of the infected had escaped and the government was trying to lock everything down and hunt the undead. She needed to be careful to avoid them. It took her a few days to get to the hunting cabin where she hid her emergency gear. She really wasn’t sure what to do after that. They whole state was quarantined at that point.

She called Strand. She told him that they needed to leave. She’d explain everything as long as he took her with him. She tells him everything except about the vaccine, about her bites and her immunity. She has research and detailed data buried in the bottom of her bag, but she doesn’t share that either. What would it matter?

Okay! There’s Elyza’s backstory and the story starter. There’s more in my head, but I know I won’t write it properly.

If you want to write this, please do! And tell me so I can read it! If there’s anything here that inspires you, please use it! You don’t have to write this story. Take which ideas work for you and run with them. ^_^

[queer-el-yza-lex]

@anonfanfic I’ve been trying to reblog your ask about the Lexark fic but it’s glitching and keeps ending back in my drafts.

For the anon, there’s an awesome Lexark fic Elyza Lex FtWD by @coeurdastronaute

Also, I post a few things but this blog is predominantly Lexark :)

[queer-el-yza-lex]

Every Last Untidy Piece - Part II

Read Part I here

Part II

It took her eyes longer than expected to adjust in the dark. She thought she’d have been used to it by now. Murphy and the boys had a generator but used it rarely. Candle light was the best option at night time. Each of the ones in the room had burnt out or been blown hours ago, and Elyza winced as she tried to move from her position propped up against the closet door in the house she’d claimed for the night.

Shotgun in her lap, she glanced over toward the mattress on the floor where Alicia lay, back to her in protest at the arrangements Elyza had made with Madison and Travis. She was no threat to them, but she wasn’t sure they believed it. She couldn’t blame them, really.

Elyza blinked in the darkness once again and saw Alicia roll over on the mattress. The moon wasn’t bright enough to cast more than the faintest portion of itself into the room, the dark sheet over the windows barely allowing it to enter. It took Elyza a moment to realise Alicia’s eyes were open, staring, her lips pressed together as if trying to hold back a tirade.

 “Did I wake you, Princess?” Elyza kept her voice a fraction above a whisper, not a sound anyone would be able to hear from outside the closed door ahead of her.

“That would have meant I was asleep in the first place. This is a fucked up world, but the first time I can say I’ve been required to try and sleep at gunpoint.” The attempt to bite out the words was overshadowed by exhaustion.

Elyza took her in, could see her form now as it shifted beneath the blanket, the make shift sleeping arrangements still far more comfortable than her spot on the hardwood floor. She didn’t ask for this. None of them had. Elyza wanted to ask what Alicia’s life looked like before. What she would have done on Mondays, and where she’d seen herself in five years, but it all seemed so meaningless now.

“What would you have me do, Princess? I can’t return to where I slept last night, and the thirty odd nights before that unless I’m dragging your limp body along the ground behind me. I sleep in a room on my own and your old man puts one in the back of my head while I’m dreaming. I said I wouldn’t hurt you. I won’t. I would’ve let Titus shoot you if that’s how I rolled. Would’ve saved me all this fucking trouble.” She moved the shotgun onto the floor beside her and brought her legs up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them, grateful for the stretch in her lower back. 

“He’s not my old man.” There was no energy behind Alicia’s words and Elyza wondered if the girl had enough in her to even yawn. She needed sleep.

“Sorry, I just figured-”

“He and Mom are together, but that’s it.”

“Okay.” Elyza nodded, lips pressed together to prevent the inevitable questions from tumbling out. If Alicia wanted to talk about her family, she would. 

In the silence Elyza could hear the sounds of the night. Outside the window beside her insects buzzed like they knew the infected were nearby, like they knew they’d have their opportunity soon. She shuddered.

“Why didn’t you just let that Titus guy shoot me?” Alicia’s voice wavered between a whisper and a rasp.

“He’s a shit shot. He probably would’ve got you in the guts or something and then I would have had a half-dead Princess to deal with.”

Alicia snorted through a laugh which she didn’t expect. Her face told Eliza she was unprepared and she tried for resentment after the fact, but continued to look amused.

There was stirring outside the room. Elyza imagined Madison or Travis, or the other older dude were probably sleeping as uncomfortably as she had, back against the bedroom door, ear to it even, just in case they needed to rescue Alicia.

None of them knew Elyza was their very best chance of survival.

“What now, then?”

Elyza frowned. “Sorry?”

“What now? For you. Here with us. What’s the next move? Tell me I don’t have to sleep with a gun aimed at my head each night. 

Elyza sighed. The despair in Alicia’s voice was evident. She didn’t want to add to it if she could help it. Twenty-four hours with this girl and already she found herself wanting to make promises. The truth was, Elyza wasn’t entirely sure of her plan. In some ways she wanted to gain the trust of this odd family, but she also didn’t do sticking around. It’s not who she was. The world, now, didn’t allow for something more.

“I don’t know. I don’t think I can go back to where I’ve been. The longer I pretend to aim a gun at your head, the longer I have a roof over mine, Princess, but this thing hasn’t pointed in your direction once all night.”

Alicia’s eyebrows knitted together as though she were trying to work out where Elyza fit in her new understanding of the world. Propping her head up on her elbow she allowed the faintest of smiles to grace her features. Elyza had to stop herself from mirroring it. This girl was going to get her into trouble.

They fell into silence as comfortably as strangers can, Alicia picking at loose threads on the blanket which covered the lower half of her body, Elyza running her fingers along the barrel of the shotgun she hoped she had no need to fire.

“Sleep.”

“If I’m honest, I don’t sleep very much when there isn’t an immediate threat to my life.”

“Hey, I told you-”

Alicia held up her hand. The grin on her face wider than any Elza had seen grace her features. “I’m kidding. I get it, okay. I believe you. But I really don’t sleep much.” As thought the word itself drained the remaining strength from her arms, Alicia sunk down against the cushion below her head.

“What did you do before?” She yawned through the words, her voice spreading across the room like a fog which hung low in front of Elyza.

“Settle in, Princess. That’s kind of a long story.”

[anonfanfic]

Clexa or Lexark 🤔 “I’m dangerous because I know I can survive.” U choose

This is a continuation of THIS prompt.

Alicia’s head was spinning. In what felt like nanoseconds she had been captured, nearly drowned, and reunited with her girlfriend. It just so happened that her girlfriend had become the leader of a fairly large sized colony in a matter of months. There were still so many blanks to be filled in, but Alicia could almost hear the clock ticking down the seconds before they were joined once again by the others. 

“Alicia, they’ll be back any second. Just trust me.” Elyza whispered as voices started growing louder outside of the tent. Alicia looked at Strand, it was obvious by his nod that he would take his lead from her. 

“Alright, promise me you’ll explain all of this.” Alicia answered quickly just as the door behind her opened and Elyza could only nod her agreement. 

“Enemy or friend?” The woman who had been sitting next to Strand spoke as they walked up to stand by Elyza. 

“These are friends. They will take the brand.” Elyza responded, her jaw tensed and Alicia knew it was because there had been no mention of a brand when Elyza was telling them they needed to bow. 

Strand opened his mouth to protest, Elyza shot him a quick look and it seemed to be enough to silence him. 

“Ready the brand Samson.” Elyza looked over at the man who had lead Alicia into camp. 

Samson walked over to the fire pit in the tent and pulled out a red hot iron. 

“Who first?” Samson looked at Alicia and Strand. 

“Me.” Strand stepped forward before Alicia could say anything. She felt a wave of emotions flood over her for the man. They had grown close in their time together. Alicia looked at him as more than a friend, he was her family now. Here he was, even though she knew he too was terrified, going first to show her it could be done. 

Victor rolled up his sleeve when he was instructed and held out his right arm to Samson. Alicia saw the muscles in his arm tighten as the hot iron came down. It bit into his skin with a dangerous hiss and within a second Strand was on his knees crying out in pain. 

Samson pulled the brand away and it was like something changed the moment the brand was burned onto Strand’s skin. Samson put the brand back into the burning embers and helped Strand up. He reached out and shook his hand. “Welcome, brother.” 

Strand winced as Samson grasped his hand, but still pulled something in between a grin and a grimace as he shook back. 

Samson let go of Strand and looked behind him to lock eyes on Alicia. “You’re next.” His voice had once again become harsh and rough. 

Alicia looked at Elyza before moving forward. She rolled up her own sleeve and saw the tattoo she had given herself when everything started to fall apart. This wouldn’t be much different, would it? She thought as she stopped in front of Samson.

She refused to show the man how scared she was. She set her face and looked into the dancing fire as he once again pulled the iron out. A heat that had nothing to do with the flames licked at the back of Alicia’s neck. She could feel the sweat forming there as her toes and fingers started to tingle in anticipation.

 Alicia caught a glimpse of the brand and saw the familiar loops of an infinity symbol. It was just like the one Elyza had tattooed on her side. Her mind went to Elyza’s skin, Elyza’s body...

The searing pain jarred her from her thoughts. It was like her bone was going to melt away. She let out a scream, but remained on her feet. Alicia thought she may pass out from the pain. Just when she thought she couldn’t take it anymore the brand was pulled away. 

Alicia looked down through blurred eyes and saw the deep burn just above her tattoo. Somewhere in her dizzy, fog covered mind she was grateful to still have it. 

Samson looked at Alicia and she knew the same thing that had happened with Strand after the brand had happened with her. He looked at her in a much softer way now. The respect came with the brand here, that is what Alicia could tell so far. 

“Now we feast!” The woman who had helped capture declared and the rest of the room, except Elyza, Alicia, and Strand, cheered in agreement. 

“Prepare the food and we’ll catch up. I need to make sure our new members remember the rules.” Elyza told Samson. This seemed to please the man because he gave a grunt and lead the others from the tent. 

Once they were sure they were alone Strand turned to Elyza, clearly upset with the events that had just taken place. 

“What the hell.” He marched over to her and gingerly crossed his arms to avoid rubbing the fresh burn. “Could you have warned us we were going to be branded?” 

Elyza held her hands up to calm him. “Victor, I couldn’t risk giving you too much information and the others finding out I know you.” 

“Why?” Alicia asked. “Why can’t they know that we know each other.” 

Elyza kicked the hard dirt floor with the toe of her boot. She looked around the tent and bit her lower lip before she answered. “Because I told them my group had been torn apart by infected. I told them I was the only one who made it out.” 

“You told them we died?” Alicia was slightly stunned and a little hurt that she felt like Elyza had given up on her when she had never stopped trying to find Elyza. 

“I told them what I needed to tell them so I could stay alive long enough to find you.” Elyza closed the distance between them in tow large steps. She put her arms on Alicia’s shoulders and looked at her. “In their minds, I’m dangerous because I know I can survive at all costs. They know it now too.”

“Is that how you gained their trust so much to become their leader?” Strand asked, his wise eyes studying Elyza as he tried to figure out his own plan for this situation. That was Strand always planning an escape when needed. 

“That and just before I found them their community was attacked. Most of their leadership was killed or turned.” Elyza reached down to hold Alicia’s hand while she looked at Strand. It took some of the sting out to know that Elyza wanted, or more like needed, to touch her constantly. 

“Right place and the right time.” Strand said, but Alicia could tell her was still suspicious about something.

“Basically.” Elyza said, and Alicia could hear in her voice that she felt Strand’s lingering questions in his tone. 

“For now you’re safe.” Elyza spoke again, either not willing or not ready to go into more detail about her situation. “We just can’t act too friendly until you’ve been here for a while at least.” 

Alicia and Strand both nodded. Alicia was happy to have Elyza back and she hoped that in time everything would just fall into place. But as she looked between Strand and Elyza who were staring at each other, she realized that nothing in this world ever just fell into place. 

[bittyblueeyes]

So I wrote a little thing…

Elyza Lex Character Study (Alicia’s pov)

Alicia watched her, had watched her from the start. Elyza had such a big presence, so candid, and was unlike anyone Alicia and company had ever met. She commanded attention with hardly any effort, often at the center of discussions, but that naturally drawn attention also seemed to give her the ability to go forgotten or unnoticed when it suited her. No one but Alicia noticed when Elyza would quietly duck out of a room. While everyone was still suspicious of Elyza, no one saw the way different supplies disappeared into her pockets.

Alicia was Elyza’s greatest defender, arguing the fiercest when her group didn’t want to allow Elyza to join them, but she was still as wary as the rest. Elyza was playful and sarcastic and nearly always smiling. Alicia was always seeking a glimpse beneath this persona and when she first caught sight of it, as Elyza was sneaking provisions into her pockets, she’d only become more wary. But it was only a couple granola bars that she’d withheld on a supply run, not direct theft, so Alicia didn’t say anything. She just watched closer. And it happened each time. Their group shared supplies, always showing their spoils after each supply run and deciding what should be done with it. Only Elyza held back - small snacks, boxes of matches, and other things Alicia never got a look at. Part of her wanted to confront Elyza, but she wasn’t sure why. Elyza may hold back, but no one ever contributed more than her either.

But Alicia knew why it bothered her: it set Elyza apart from the group. It didn’t matter how many times Elyza playfully assured Alicia that she’d never be able to get rid of her; the way Elyza always kept her things so close made it feel like she was ready to leave at any moment. But Alicia would never tell her. No, she just watched.

As weeks progressed, Alicia noticed more. She’d been looking for the ‘real Elyza’ in the times Elyza had believed she was alone, but she came to understand that Elyza’s sincerity was always present just beneath her playfulness. She would joke about what she’d suffered and things she’d had to do. She sounded apathetic, but her light delivery was not to be believed. When she spoke about people in her last group dying, her light tone and chuckle were to be ignored. When she said she “missed those idiots” it was a heavy, painful truth. And though Elyza’s overt and comical flirting was confusing to Alicia, she did come to realize that Elyza genuinely felt something for her. As corny as her delivery was, when Elyza called Alicia beautiful, she meant it.

And again, Alicia paid attention to the contents of Elyza’s pockets. And all of Elyza’s belongings. Because when Alicia’s stomach had growled, only a second later, Elyza was pushing a snack in her hand. When Alicia lost her lighter, Elyza was quick to replace it and also a set of batteries for her flashlight. No sooner had Alicia lost her bat in a horde of infected than Elyza was digging a spare knife out of her bag. The time Elyza forced Alicia to drive her motorcycle spoke loudest. Elyza trusted her. She cared.

Elyza had lived a life where she had never known when things might be taken from her. She had no intention to up and leave; she only needed to hold onto that which she couldn’t afford to lose. No one could predict what might happen, so she had to make sure she had what she needed to take care of herself… and what mattered most to her.

Alicia studied and came to realize so much about Elyza, but she just watched. Their banter was much the same as it had been the first time they met. She wondered if that was why Elyza was so surprised the first time Alicia kissed her. As Elyza had been draping her leather jacket over Alicia’s shoulders, she’d teasingly suggested a kiss for compensation. Alicia didn’t hesitate to give her just that.

She didn’t need to watch Elyza for her reaction. She knew what Elyza felt because she felt it, too. But it was worth watching - she was always worth watching - to see the sincere, loving, hopeful look in her eyes.

[saltyqueerfanfic-blog]

“A work in progress” Final

Alicia looked down at the other girl through the corner of her eye. She watched as Elyza rolled onto her back, and stared up at the night sky. Her body stiff, face hard. The tip of the cigarette glowed as she took a long drag. Smoke billowed out her nose, taking with it some of the tension in her body.

“What’s going on with you?” The questioned tumbled out before Alicia had time to catch it.

“Nothing is going on with me.” The words were terse and cold. Meant to cut the conversation off before it even started. Alicia pressed on,

“You say that, but we both know that’s not true. Talk to me Elyza, please?” the blonde girl sat up sharply, taking one last drag from the cigarette before flicking it in the murky abyss. She rounded on Alicia, her eyes blazing in the darkness.

“Alicia you know shit all about me. Don’t pretend like you know when I am acting out of character.”

Elyza watched as the malice in her words struck a chord in the other girl. Her posture stiffened, her face wiped clean of any emotion. She sat there shaking, anger rolling off her in hot thick waves.

“It doesn’t take a genius to figure out when someone is being a bitch.” She spat the words, nostrils flaring. The two girls stared at each other in the darkness. Alicia plagued by frustrated longing, Elyza drowning in bitter guilt.

“Fine whatever Elyza. Be miserable I’m done caring” Alicia rose, heading briskly for the house. She felt the anger dissipate, quickly burning through what little fuel it had. She halted, looking over her shoulder. The other girl had curled in on herself, arms wrapped around her legs, head bowed. Her back trembled as silent sobs rocked her. Alicia slowly walked back over and sat wordlessly down in the grass beside her.

Elyza tried desperately to fight back the torrent of tears streaming down her face. She knew fighting would be futile against the now open flood gates. There was nothing left to do but weather the storm. All the anguish that she had meticulously placed away in tiny parcels around her subconscious broke free. She felt them seeking each other out, fusing, threatening to consume her. The events of the past few months, the thoughts she had refused to have, they all bubbled to the surface; a thick black tar sticking to her like oil on feathers. It slowly began to congeal, shaped by her subconscious into grotesque figures. They lumbered through her mind, converging on the last small circle of light she had curled into. The boundary of her safe barrier shuttered as the figures pressed relentlessly against it. She stared in wide eyed horror as all her memories; fears; lost hopes were reflected back to her in their dead black eyes.

Suddenly heat radiated up her arm. She looked down to find a hand resting gently just below her elbow, a life preserver in the ever encroaching sea of black. She slowly raised her tear soaked eyes to find Alicia’s concerned face staring back at her. Elyza stared at the girl’s almond shaped eyes, the beautiful green a muted grey in the darkness. They had changed since the day she had pulled that trigger. They no longer had that almost imperceptible air of innocence. No, they had hardened into the precious stones they so strikingly resembled. The soft glimmer of uncertainty that she could never shake, despite how hard she made her face, had finally been lost. Such a subtle shift and yet it was all Elyza could see when she looked in those striking emerald pools.

“I’m so sorry.” she felt herself sob the words, fresh tears cascading down her cheeks. She closed her eyes fighting off the wave of nausea that had washed over her. The guilt sat in her stomach, a lead weight pulling her back down into the darkness of her mind. She had been the reason Alicia had lost that rare glimmer of innocence. In a world that had robbed Elyza of all that she had been, she was the reason the girl sitting in front of her had lost a piece of her former self.

She felt hands lightly cup her cheeks, pulling her face gently up. She opened her eyes to Alicia’s softened features, eyes swimming with worry. She felt herself look away, terrified despite the darkness of the reflection that lurked in the girl’s eyes.

“Elyza look at me.” The words soft but firm.

Elyza looked up, wincing ever so slightly.

“Why are you sorry? What is going on?”

“I failed.” The blonde girl’s head sagged, a new round of sobs shaking her frame.

Alicia’s heart ached, tears stinging the corners of her eyes. She remembered the shock of seeing Elyza laying vulnerable in her bed after the bullet had taken it’s toll. Even that had not prepared her for seeing the girl she cared for so raw and broken. She felt helpless as the girl before her grappled with an adversary only she could see. Alicia reached out gently placing her finger under Elyza’s chin, lifting her head up once again.

“What do you mean you failed?”

Alicia watched the blonde girl’s face contort, a battle between letting some of the pain go or fighting to gain control.

“You should never have been there.”

Alicia’s nose wrinkled in momentary confusion. She hit the rewind button in her mind, searching for the answer to Elyza’s cryptic words. She paused her memories on the broken glasses and the ever growing pool of blood.

“Is this about Jason?” she whispered softly.

“You should never have been there Alicia. You should never have had to pull that trigger. I failed, I was supposed to keep you safe,” Elyza’s voice began rising with her hysteria, “You had come this far without compromising yourself and then you met me. You compromised who you are because of me.” Her voice broke, lip trembling.

“Elyza it’s not that big of a deal, really.” Alicia was shocked at the truth behind those words. Part of her had thought she would say them in an attempt to soothe the other girl, yet they had come forth so easily.

“It is that big of a deal Alicia. I have given away pieces of myself day in and day out since the moment the world turned upside down. I look in the mirror and I’m not the same person I was months ago. You see a version of me that is so new, even I don’t know what she’s capable of at times. I wanted to keep you from that. You see enough of the dead when you’re awake I didn’t want them to plague you when you close your eyes too. This world hadn’t tainted you yet, hadn’t shaken your concept of morality. I wanted to…” Elyza’s words trailed off, her head falling into her hands.

“This was going to happen one way or another Elyza. This is how the world is now and besides I wouldn’t change what happened. You’re here because I fired that shot. You’re sitting in front of me right now because I gave that piece away. I would give all my pieces away if it meant keeping you right in front of me.”

The blonde girl raised her head, her face wearing a fierce scowl,

“I’m not going to let you lose yourself because of me.”

“That’s not your choice to make now is it?”

The girl’s glared at each other. Tension danced between them, both steadfast in their pigheadedness. Alicia watched the other girl closely, slowly taking in every part of her. Her eyes were inky black pools in the night, her lips pursed in a defiant scowl.

“Alicia…”

Before Elyza could finish she was cut off by the other girl’s lips on hers. It was a hesitant kiss, a tentative offering. Elyza’s brain wreathed inside her skull, drowning slowly in the endless tidal waves of guilt, yet underneath the blanket of turmoil Alicia’s lip had lit a small spark deep within. Her brain reached desperately out for it, taking hold and running with it.

Alicia felt Elyza pull her in closer, the kiss deepening. The distanced between them closed as she was pulled into the other girl’s lap, her legs wrapping instinctively around Elyza’s waist. She felt the clip gently pulled free from her hair, the thick wavy curls spilling down over her shoulders. Alicia pulled away momentarily, her eyes opening to find Elyza staring intensely back at her. The tips of their noses brushed, their breathing shaky. Alicia felt finger tips creep slowly under the back of her shirt leaving a trail of heat along her spine. Desire burned in her stomach, the heat radiating down in tantalizing waves of pleasure, a soft moan escaped from her lips. Elyza pounced, kissing her hard. They crashed into each other, desperation meeting longing. Alicia felt lips kiss lightly along her jaw, nipping at her neck ever so slightly. White hot lines ran in trails down her back in the wake of the other girl’s nails. Their lips found each other again in the darkness, hunger fueling their movements. Her shirt was effortlessly pulled up and off her, tossed to the side becoming lost somewhere in the dark. Elyza moved with ease, quickly shifting the other girl onto her back in the warm grass. Alicia felt the fabric of her shorts sliding over her hip bones, the other girl’s lips leaving a burning trail as they moved at a teasingly slow pace from her navel down. Suddenly Matt’s face materialized behind her closed eyes, confusion burning up the desire that had cloaked her.

Elyza felt the girl hesitate beneath her, and slowly looked up. She could see the anxiety dancing in the other girl’s eyes. She knew it would be wrong to push her any further. Her subconscious sage nodding in approval, reminding her that this needed to be Alicia’s choice. Elyza rolled away, groping for the discarded shirt in the darkness. Her fingers wrapped around the cloth and she handed it back to its owner, turning her back so the other girl could have a moment of privacy. She let out a shaky sigh, running her hands through her hair.

“I’m sorry.” Alicia felt her face burn in the darkness as she wrestled with her shirt, “I just, I don’t know what I want. I mean I do, I just.” Her words tumbling out in a nervous jumble.

“There’s no need to be sorry,” Elyza paused thoughtfully, “you’re just a big old tease is all.” Alicia could just picture the sly smirk the girl was wearing. She slid up beside her, punching her playfully in the thigh. Elyza laughed, wrapping her arm protectively around the other girl.

“Face it sweetcheeks you want me.”

“Wow, and here’s to think for a minute I actually was starting to miss your smart ass remarks.”

The two of them stared at each other, Elyza feigning hurt, Alicia trying hard to remain stone faced. After a moment the two girls broke out into a fit of giggles. They fell back into the grass bodies shaking with laughter. Slowly the fit subsided and the two girls lay breathless, finger trips brushing. Slowly Alicia inched closer to Elyza, coming to rest her head gently on the blonde girl’s chest.  

“You know you can’t keep me one hundred percent safe right?” Alicia’s voice was soft yet firm.

Elyza felt herself nod as she slowly wound a strand of the other girl’s hair around her finger. As they lay there in the darkness she felt herself smile at how easy this felt. She looked at Alicia’s head resting on her chest, committing the moment to memory. She lay back in the grass, a feeling of calm settling over her.

“I’m not going anywhere. I will be here when you sort through it all.” She heard herself whisper softly.

Alicia looked up at the other girl staring intently up at the sky. The words had been so gentle she felt tears prick at the corners of her eyes. She brushed her lips lightly against the other girl’s jaw,

“Let’s just call us a work in progress?”

[saltyqueerfanfic-blog]

“A work in progress” Part 2

Alicia sat on the edge of her bed chewing absent mindedly on her lip. She had been tossing in her bed unable to sleep, when the lightest of footsteps had drawn her attention. Her body had instantly gone rigid. Her muscles taunt, ready for the imposing threat. A shadow flitted past her door and she felt her body relax, she knew the owner was Elyza. The other girl moved with such a smooth predatory gait she was unmistakable. The urge to follow the girl surged through her. Between the trip to Strand’s house and Elyza’s accident there hadn’t been much time for the two of them to be alone. Alicia stood and crossed the room to the open doorway. The memory of their fight earlier burned white hot in her memory sending a wave of uncertainty rolling through her. She stopped at the door way, chewing nervously on her lip again. The thought of another fight churned her stomach. She watched in her mind’s eye as anger, hurt and rationality toppled around each other, vying to be the deciding factor in her movements. Righteous indignation crept from the back of the fray, seating itself in the driver seat of her conscious, propelling her forward.  

She crept quietly through the house with a grim determination. She wasn’t sure how she knew she would find the other girl outside, the knowledge just sprang forth, as if Elyza’s mind were a familiar playground for her. The back door stood open a crack, a light breeze rustling the curtains. They were lit faintly from the glow of the pool, giving them an eerily ethereal appearance as they billowed in a beautiful interpretive dance. Alicia slowly pushed them aside to step into the darkness of the night.

The surge of the fresh night air washed over Alicia. She took a deep breath, letting the open confines of the back yard momentarily tamper the frustrated burn that was simmering just below her skin. She stretched her arms above her head and felt the tension in her back unfurl. She let out a soft groan of pleasure, a fleeting feeling of peace washed over her. She let her eyes lazily scan the patio for the other girl. The patio furniture stood empty, and forlorn in the shadows. A small wave of relief washed over Alicia, she wasn’t ready for the confrontation she knew she was about to face. She wandered over to the edge of the pool and lightly dipped her foot in.  The lights illuminated the refreshing cool water from beneath, giving it life of its own. It swirled and danced, radiating an aura of calm. A small sound off in the darkness caused her gaze to snap up, her body tensed. The sound came again, and then again followed by a hushed curse. Alicia felt her muscles relax, Elyza’s accent was unmistakable. She walked in the direction of the sound her ears acting as her guide while her eyes adjusted to the murky black around her.

“Shit come on.” Elyza cursed at the malfunctioning lighter. She gave it a small shake listening intently for the soft burble of lighter fluid. Pleased with what she heard, she brought the lighter to the tip of the unlit cigarette that hung limply between her lips. She flicked the mechanism again, much to her displeasure the spark still refused to catch. She felt her eye twitch as she fought the urge to chuck the piece of plastic into the abyss in front of her. She closed her eyes and focused on her breathing. Someone had once told her to focus on her breathing whenever she felt out of control, that it was supposed to ground you. Elyza didn’t feel very grounded, in fact she could still feel her eye twitching incessantly behind her closed eyelid. She let out a frustrated huff of air, mentally giving her mystery advice giver the middle finger. “Look if there is any sort of cosmic power up there, could it just give me this one small break.” She mumbled into the still night air. After a moment she let out a long dejected sigh and tried the lighter again. The spark caught and a flame flickered to life. Elyza inhaled deeply, silently thanking whatever was up there for enabling her smoking rampage. She laid back in the grass and stared at the sky, a steady stream of smoke trickling up and away from the cigarette between her lips. For a brief moment she felt calm, a small piece of her old self peeking through the layer of blood that coated her new persona. Her attention sharpened as she heard the rustling of footsteps behind her. The small glimmer of the old her dissipated, fizzling out with the surge of adrenalin; a stark reminder that there was no escape from this new world. She listened carefully, her body assessing the potential threat. The movements were too steady and sure to belong to the dead. The fight fled her body like a deflated balloon. She was tired of constantly needing to fight, tired of constantly looking over her shoulder. She just wanted one night where she could lay in the grass, her mind a soft buzz in the background.

“I didn’t know you smoked.”

Elyza felt Alicia sink to the grass beside her.

“There’s a lot of things you don’t know about me.” She mumbled tonelessly, making a point of taking a deep drag on the cigarette. She knew she was acting like a petulant child, but she was remiss in her desire to be the bigger person. The nicotine radiated a moderate level of calm throughout her, tampering the gurgling well of annoyance Alicia’s presence had unearthed.

“I feel like I’ve known you forever.” The other girl’s soft hesitant voice cut through the thick chemical haze that lay over Elyza’s mind. She turned her head in the grass to get a better look at the girl beside her.

Alicia sat with her legs up, chin resting on the bony prominence of her knees. Her arms were wrapped tightly around her legs, as if she were trying to hold herself together. She had gathered her thick curly hair up in a hasty bun, a small plastic clip trying desperately to hold it all back. A loose tendril had managed to escape, curling down against her cheek in solitary defiance. The white tank top she wore hugged her slender frame, grey pajama shorts showing off long tanned legs. She gazed into the distance chewing absent mindedly on her lip, eyes glazed as her thoughts shifted and swayed; invisible specters haunting only her. She looked so small and innocent, Elyza wanted desperately to pull her down into the grass. She wanted the both of them to lay there watching the stars, laughing till the sun began to creep across the horizon. Instead she lay there wondering what it would have been like if they had found each other before chaos had descended upon the world; wondered if they could have ever had a normal life together. The pit of her stomach constricted, an ominous feeling slithering from the depths of her subconscious. She didn’t know how she knew, but she knew that deep down they would only ever find each other in the darkest of places. Knew that their lives were intricately woven around tragedy. They would never know the meaning of normal, not when they were together.