[ 𝙳𝙰𝚈 𝟻𝟼𝟽. ] as a surgeon , it is easy to forget your own vulnerability. you cannot afford vulnerability in the operating room -- not when you are holding an organ of a patient who is depending on you to save their life. even after a successful surgery , it is easy to get caught up in feeling like you are invicible.
𝒏𝒐𝒃𝒐𝒅𝒚 𝒊𝒔 𝒊𝒏𝒗𝒊𝒄𝒊𝒃𝒍𝒆. even those who act like gods ... they are fallible. the realization dawns on her as she scrubs at her skin , wiping away any evidence of surgery from her flesh. the feeling of celebration fades as reality sinks back in. meredith rides on these highs ! has to ride them as a means of survival. but the crash ... ? the crash always comes. it hits like a wave , washing over her as she scrubs her skin raw. meredith grey is not invicible. as much as she wishes could be -- she is not.
[ george. mark. lexie. derek. derek , derek , derek -- it is day 567 of a post - george , mark , lexie , & derek world. ]
❛ sh , aw -- ow ! ❜ a high - pitched hiss of pain escapes her lips as she looks down , realizing her skin is now angry red. she quickly turns off the faucet , shaking the water off of her hands. meredith is quick to grab a paper towel , quickly drying her hands off. after tossing the paper towel , meredith grabs the edge of the sink. leaning over the edge , meredith takes a breath in ... [ 10 ... 9 ... 8 ... 7 ... 6 ... 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ] & a breath out ... [ 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... 1 ... ]
her eyes close as she steadies her breathing , she turns around , grabbing her head in her hands. the fabric of the scrub cap feels rough against her skin & she forcefully takes it off in attempt to find comfort. but as she opens her eyes , meredith releases a sigh of frustration as she looks at the person in front of her.
❛ i had a successful surgery. ❜ her tone leaves no room for argument. ❛ i had one. & i’m not -- i can’t freakin’ enjoy this. i haven’t been able to enjoy life. & 𝐲𝐨𝐮 ! ❜ meredith says the last word almost like a cry. ❛ you won’t leave me alone. is this how izzie felt when she saw denny ? because i can’t shake you off. & i love you , @lexipedia. i do love you -- ... ❜ the words die on her tongue , but lexie knows what she wanted to say : i am tired of being haunted by ghosts. her gaze drops down , staring at the ferry boat scrub cap in her hands. her jaw twitches as she redirects her gaze , holding up the scrub cap. ❛ are you here because of him ? because you shouldn’t be if that’s the case. i’m fine. it’s fine. ❜ [ wow , you sound almost convincing , meredith ! ]