Day Diary - His Holiday [Part 2]
That is it. I am not messaging him.
If he doesn’t need to see me then why should I feel any different? Of course I acted like I was ok with him cancelling our plans the previous day but I wasn’t, I am not okay.
He’s in town for 14 days, 6 of which have already gone past. I made myself available, I cancelled plans with everyone… just in case, I even got an extra day off work dreaming of a quick weekend get away. I know I can’t have the relationship back, I know the good time with him will be an illusion until he has to get back on that 11 hours flight, but I am ok with that. A little happiness is better than no happiness.
I had too many expectations I guess, expectations which he cannot meet, or maybe expectations that he does not want to meet.
It was about 20 minutes past 5pm, I should have left the office already, I hadn’t really had anything to do but I wanted to keep occupied somehow. Everyone is still here. Everyone is going out together for someone’s leaving drinks but I am not in the mood. I am not in the mood to pretend I am happy, I am not in the mood to pretend I am satisfied with my life, and, for as selfish as that could be, I am not in the mood to hear about other people’s lives.
“Hey! I am on my way to Waterloo but my phone is dying! Wanna meet tonight?”.
It’s him! he wants to meet! but it’s also late, last minute… does he expect me to just run for him?
I know I should feel annoyed but I am not. I am happy! I am going.