I'm begging all BIPOC sapphic people or BIPOC queer people who date women to read Juliet Takes a Breath by Gabby Rivera. There's also a graphic novel and Audiobook. And for my fellow trans and gender diverse people, the opening sounds suspicious but it's later used to show why overly focusing on "pussy power" doesn't make someone a good ally.
The best part of the story is that it teaches you how to not take that as a sign that you are a bad and evil person. But there is an entire community of other women and people who have been through this and understand. With a competent partner you don't just have to be chill about racism and avoid mentioning it because it "ruins the vibe." People who understand that constructive criticism is a part of life and it doesn't mean you hate something or are arguing.
That allyship isn't just white people flipping out and making situations worse. And plenty of other people have a problem with this behavior; it's not just you. You aren't a bad person for talking about it.
There are so many of us who have gone through this kind of nonsense. Wanting to talk about the racism that affects our daily lives is not something "unfair." White people can and will claim to "set a boundary" when they are stonewalling you; learn the difference. Because the only defense we have against being tokenized is community. This book is a way to understand that, And if you're new to being queer it talks about a lot of that stuff too.
Tw: opening has some catcalling that escalates, but she leaves the situation unharmed.
This is the book I wish I had read before I dated a white person; to know that needing support around racism and holding a white person accountable is not abusive. Now I know how to screen people I consider dating. How to set standards in friendships and relationships. Better friends are out there, better people are out there. Don't settle for people just because you've been told your whole life that you're too much.
