#lifeblog2014

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so like my roommate asked me if i wanted to watch the hobbit: the desolation of smaug tonight and a) we didn't finish and b) he laughed at me when there were two pugs in laketown and i freaked out because 1. DOGS and 2. WHY ARE THERE PUGS IN MIDDLE EARTH

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last night was all kinds of fucked up and not in the good way

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i'm seriously considering becoming a vegetarian again (not being again, but seriously considering), however, i need to think closely about this.  i've had periods of times where i really wanted to try it out, but was very sick at the time and couldn't afford to change my diet. i have also considered trying out being vegan.

i'm just not sure if it's because i actually want to, or i'm having thoughts about controlling what i eat creeping into my head again (that i haven't acted on much at all in my lifetime and everyone who spends more than five minutes with me can testify, but that doesn't make them any less unhealthy or detrimental. also i worry about developing such habits even now because i don't feel like i'm in control of my life right now? this has turned into one giant aside.)

basically i am eating like shit, but i have to eat like shit because i can't afford otherwise and i don't even get breaks at work to eat so i end up eating a million french fries and also probably a million gluten. i just can't ever change anything i do unless i make rules. but food rules are dangerous. very much so.

on that note, goodnight. sweet dreams, tumblrz.

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you know you're getting better when you see those fuckers and you don't freak out and anxiety all over everything. not gonna break, haters. 

go me

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gonna go to work

to-dos for today: not gonna cry, try not to be sad though it's like post-visit slump time coming on gonna get out of this lease somehow -- multiple roommate interviews lined up gonna deal with my massive pile of parking tickets deal with my massive to-do pile in general remember to eat maybe give my "two weeks" (one month) notice write in my planner and organize things to make myself feel better start a packing inventory/list/plan ship some shit so I can just pick up and leave stare at cute pictures of animals stare at more cute pictures of animals reward myself with netflix and not moving

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i don't want to be too gross or sappy, but i miss my girlfriend. already. i've been gone less than 12 hours. that was most definitely the best week i've had in a long time, and we didn't even do much. it was just really nice and refreshing and hey, we're on the same continent again? i don't know. it's nice to be with someone that i care about but also just like sit and do nothing and it's not like i expect either of us to be exceptionally perfect or exciting? just weirdos bein' weird together. it was wonderful.

i can't wait until she's here in three-ish weeks and then we can see each other regularly on weekends. golly gosh. soon enough.

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i'm officially moving back to maine, at least for the time being and i couldn't be happier about it. gorham/portland, here i come.

oh maine, how i've missed you. i've missed my family too. and i'm coming back for a good reason and to further my academic goals.

i'm currently making plans with my girlfriend about driving back and am going to be figuring out housing so i'm just getting really excited and might be living on a rainbow floor? #thedream

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i just don't feel like i can go back to and make it through work. especially with the cats from hell visit tonight -- 12 cats in one apartment that have to be kept in specific rooms and all eat different things and have like weird habits. dear lord. too much for one brain right now.