No Excuses, Just Patience
I pray before I write this that I don't lose the motivation I have now that I am exposing what's been happening in my life.
With that being said, tonight I tried something different. I texted some of my readers for topics. I loved each and every one of the topics and I am making a promise at this moment that I will write on each one of them eventually. I thank you all who contributed to that. But while I was waiting on replies I thought about what I wanted to write about and its what has been happening here recently.
"For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not of your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may boast. for we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works, which God prepared beforehand that we should walk in them."
First, I need to take you back to teen week at church camp. I had one of those moments where God just would not stop talking to me through a service. I remember walking in the tabernacle, seeing my best friend Emily and sitting down next to her. I swear the moment my butt hit the seat God spoke to me and told me "Jessica, you said you were done playing games, You need to go lay it down now at the alter." I was like really God? Right now at this very moment? I'll look silly, service hasn't even started." Well lesson to be learned right here LISTEN WHEN HE SPEAKS. That whole entire service I couldn't sit still or pay attention. The devil even tempted me more by saying "You're sick" "Look over here, see that kid that stole your soda last night look at what he's doing" I finally couldn't take it anymore. Emily looked over at me asked me if I was okay and grabbed my hand. I am not even sure I could answer her. I can't even tell you what the service was about. But then when the speaker was giving an invitation the devil tried again letting me try to make an excuse, "But your mentor isn't even in here" It was like the illustration you see with God on one shoulder and the Devil on the other fighting. I really felt that happening. Finally I heard a voice say GO NOW! I was like "alright!" As I was walking to the alter I was just thinking in my head, I can't get out what needs to get out by myself I just know it. Who is going to pray with me..EXCUSE AND DEVIL FIGHTING number 2. But I was just thinking to myself you are already half way there just keep walking then a name popped in my head..Jane... I was like what? I don't even know where she is God. At the moment I saw her and she was already walking toward me. (How awesome is that?) We went to the alter prayed together and I truly felt a new me. But as always you leave camp and you tend to just sink lower and lower. That is exactly what happened. I was slowly losing that fire that was burning so brightly. I experienced so much during the summer I just didn't understand. I even questioned God asking why in the world this was happening if he knew I needed to start my life on a new track why would He allow it. The simple answer to that question is it was't Him. It was my own self letting myself fade and slip like I have allowed myself to do year after year.
One thing I was doing wrong is waiting for the time that God would just pop in my life and bam I would be renewed. Well guess what...if that is what you are waiting on stop it right now. That is not how it works. YOU yourself have to make an effort. God has given you a gift you just have to accept it. You can't just sit around waiting on Him to do all the work for you.
Now this brings me to my main point of the blog. I don't remember how it all started but I felt like this was my moment of I finally got it. I finally realized it was me that had to reach out and accept the gift God has been trying to give me all along from the moment I was saved. His Son! Maybe it did take a death of a friend, a sermon that I thought was for someone else, a talk I had with an adult, watching others. But I think I am finally there. Now I know I am going to have those bad days. I know the devil is going to be right up there fighting against God on my shoulder everyday but I feel like its time to knock him off and just live my life the way I know how. The first step I started the 365 day reading challenge on my handy dandy Iphone. I failed it last year but I am determined to keep going. 2nd step: Spending time in prayer. Trust me it is not that hard. Get off your phone/computer. Go to a quiet room by yourself for an hour a day. Or do it before you go to bed. 3rd thing: Let others know. Its true you can't run this race by yourself. There are so many supporters you can have that can give you the motivation you need when you need it. And I am so thankful to have a handful of people like that in my life. Letting others know will help keep you accountable and to help you not fail at your commitment. The supporter in me wants to end this by saying good luck if you try this and I am ALWAYS here to be a supporter and for the rest of you thanks for reading! :)
Note: This is not to glorify me at all. This is not about me. It is about God and what he is doing in my life. Thank you to all my supporters I really appreciate it. To God be the glory!-Jessica Deason
