intrusive.
time check: 2am – just as when i thought i would have more clarity and peace of mind from being disconnected to these social media i mostly invest my time on, facebook & instagram, it seemed to be more chaotic.
for the past few days that i’m grounded, different hues of thoughts have been giving me hard time to sleep.
i know deep inside i still have grudges towards my ex but at this very moment, i want to talk to him with nothing beyond friends. i miss how comforting and sort of a wake up call his advices and words seem to be. despite me despising his choice of words with no brakes at times.
my main problem is – me trying to run away from my emotions. i have already seen the signs i have prayed for and heard advices i asked for yet here i am looking for an escape so i can simply brush this off and move past it BUT oh boy, was i wrong.
the more days are passing by, the more it gets harder, heavier for me not being able to compose myself and take that leap of faith towards the uncertainties of this connection. and what bothers me the most? this isn’t just.. so me.
i was always a risk taker, i have always been heavy on believing about how it is now or never and everytime i think about jumping, it sends me adrenaline rush. i confuse my feelings as palpitation, heart flutters or anxiety. maybe i have to, maybe i won’t.
let’s just see what happens..
