don’t worry about me, i got me

it’s okay to be alone sometimes x

[igotmeseries]

I am meant for so much more.

It annoys the heck out of me how most men are into casual relationships rather than serious one. I have been single for 2 years now and it gets me frustrated how no one ever dared try to show me interest. I never feel liked or appreciated by someone for so long. But that's okay I mean what can I do if they do not possess any qualities I look for in a man.

I want someone who is:

- taller and older than me ; because as the eldest in my family, I want to feel the protection I give off.

- can reciprocate my time and effort ; my love language is quality time and words of affirmation. Even if I am busy, I can squeeze and make time to talk and bond with my significant other. I like being told how I am loved and appreciated.

- would cross the ocean for me

- can cook

- pays attention to detail of what I want, dislike and how I want things to be

- well established ; I seriously would never go for someone who is still building themselves and would ghost or even leave me at the latter part of the relationship just because they need to "find or work on themselves" that's bullshit

- will love and accept not just me but also my family

- believes in me ; I get series of insecurity wave at times and I got goals and dreams that seems too good to be true. I need someone who believes in me and supports me as much as how I support them

- has a plan to be with me in the future ; if it's just all for fun and games, what's the point then?

- would never ever hurt me physically or emotionally ; none of my exes did lay a hand on me. But all of them most especially my recent one gave me so much anxiety and depression that lead me to my first and last panic attack. (Fuck you still!)

- who would never make me question my worth ; I get jealous so easily. So if my potential partner still has connection with their ex for some god damn reason, it's a big red flag for me

- someone who would never manipulate me so I can show my true self

- same level as me ; I would never date someone if I feel like I will be the one to fill them up more than how it should go both ways

- untouchable by other women. Temptations are everywhere - I do not need to explain

Dear future husband,

Where the fuck are you? And who will you be? I'm getting impatient to meet you. Please come meet me soon.

[igotmeseries]

𝟷𝟽𝚝𝚑 𝚘𝚏 𝙳𝚎𝚌𝚎𝚖𝚋𝚎𝚛 𝟸𝟶𝟸𝟸,

After what has been chaotic days of battling with my emotions, push and pull force making me try to run away and escape my thoughts, I am finally taking this leap of faith.

I have asked different people with regards to their opinion about this situation including my friends, people I barely know in and out of your culture. I guess I really have to be more straightforward.

I have seen countless signs I prayed for and advices I want to hear and now it is really up to me what to do and which step to take next.

I have always considered confessing or atleast letting you know how I exactly feel towards you but something has been holding me back. The timing? Composing the words how to tell you? I do not know.

One last time, I went through our WhatsApp conversation reminiscing on the breadcrumbs because I do not know how will you react once I finally confess. Will you block me? Ask me to stop? Feel the same way? End this connection? I don’t even have an idea how to respond.

But one thing is for sure, I am now finally doing it. Been taking risks lately and heavy on “it’s now or never” because life is short.

Just like what you said, don’t late ‘til it’s too late.

𝑦𝑎 𝑝𝑟𝑜𝑛𝑡𝑜 𝑣𝑜𝑙𝑣𝑒𝑟𝑒𝑚𝑜𝑠 𝑎 𝑒𝑠𝑡𝑎𝑟 𝑗𝑢𝑛𝑡𝑖𝑡𝑜𝑠 𝑠𝑖 𝐷𝑖𝑜𝑠 𝑙𝑜 𝑝𝑒𝑟𝑚𝑖𝑡𝑒, 𝐷. ♡

[igotmeseries]

intrusive.

time check: 2am – just as when i thought i would have more clarity and peace of mind from being disconnected to these social media i mostly invest my time on, facebook & instagram, it seemed to be more chaotic.

for the past few days that i’m grounded, different hues of thoughts have been giving me hard time to sleep.

i know deep inside i still have grudges towards my ex but at this very moment, i want to talk to him with nothing beyond friends. i miss how comforting and sort of a wake up call his advices and words seem to be. despite me despising his choice of words with no brakes at times.

my main problem is – me trying to run away from my emotions. i have already seen the signs i have prayed for and heard advices i asked for yet here i am looking for an escape so i can simply brush this off and move past it BUT oh boy, was i wrong.

the more days are passing by, the more it gets harder, heavier for me not being able to compose myself and take that leap of faith towards the uncertainties of this connection. and what bothers me the most? this isn’t just.. so me.

i was always a risk taker, i have always been heavy on believing about how it is now or never and everytime i think about jumping, it sends me adrenaline rush. i confuse my feelings as palpitation, heart flutters or anxiety. maybe i have to, maybe i won’t.

let’s just see what happens..

[igotmeseries]

𝐀𝐧𝐨𝐧𝐲𝐦𝐨𝐮𝐬

This blog –

I know this won’t last forever.

I know this will only last for a good short period of time.

Yet I choose to do it.

I have no one to pour my thoughts to.

I don’t want to imprison stuffs in my mind.

I want to vent out without anyone knowing that it is me.

I want to be anonymous,

Even for awhile.

[igotmeseries]

You’re going to lose people along the way. But that’s okay. Sometimes what we loss is a gain.

KC

[igotmeseries]

Debut

30th of June, 2018

Hello! I made this blog to compile my thoughts about finding solace within myself. Photographs, thoughts, cliches and stories will be shared through this page.

For me,

And for you aswell.

All the love,

KC

Side note: credits to the owners of the photos I’m using on this blog ( my avatar and header )