@lightendures said: you never let me down. not once.
IT'S ALMOST ENOUGH TO BREAK HIS QUIET STORM, the shock of this sudden gentleness that softens war-torn features, voice so quiet and certain and genuine. moments like these, where obi-wan’s mask just barely slips, are rare. anakin almost wants to stare, to commit this to memory.
another part of him wants to laugh.
not once, huh? it's hard to believe when he can easily recall every disapproving stare, every exasperated sigh and lecture. every mishap. every close call.
it's hard to believe when he remembers zigoola— rather, he remembers the man who came back, the unflappable negotiator thoroughly rattled, hollowed out by a horror he refused to speak of. even now, despite obi-wan’s objections, anakin can see something weighing him down, the dark pools under his eyes everlasting. if i hadn’t lost artoo . . . if i had been there, if i had done something, anything—
it’s a dangerous line of thought, he knows. he can practically hear his old master reminding him not to dwell on what has been, to ground himself in what currently is. once anakin snags that thread, though, he can’t help but to pull, unraveling until there’s nothing left but a gaping hole.
‘ well— ‘ it's not just you, he wants to say. it's my men. it's padmé. it's the chancellor. it's the whole republic— no, the whole galaxy. so many people are counting on me. so many people are suffering and i can’t do anything about it.
what good is being the chosen one if i can’t save them all?
sour guilt churns in his belly, threatens to rise to his chest and ooze from every pore. anakin swallows thickly. i’ve been letting you down a lot lately. argument dies in his throat, and suddenly, anakin doesn’t know what to do with himself. ‘ . . . never mind. forget it. ‘