part of writing from today
“I don’t want to think about it,” said Sym. “I want to move forward. I was thinking….I had a lot of time to think, in the infirmary—we are on the same world now. We could take advantage of it. Forget about the past, forge a new future.”
My heart flipped. I wasn’t sure about it. I had so many things going on right now—I couldn’t think about it till after the war. I couldn’t let things get…complicated.
I missed her, I realized, sitting close to her like this. Maybe it would be a mistake to let that spark die…..maybe we could keep this as uncomplicated as possible. Stay friends for now, and then, after the war—I’d have my new leg, and maybe we could move forward. It was true that we didn’t have one of the obstacles we’d had before, when she’d been one of the shunned Nobility. I could only have a...permanent relationship with an approved Noble, never a regular citizen. I’d hardly given it much thought, to be honest—just a twinge at the edge of my mind—the very thought of it made my heart thump hard with the dread of being tied down too soon….I wanted to take things slow. I didn’t want tons of casual relationships; I wanted to find the one I loved and then settle down with her for life…..most Marches were like this, but some, like Vy, were more flexible.
“I think…” I said, “I want to stay friends. For now.”
Her face fell. Her lower lip pouted. “Really?”
“I don’t want to complicate things.”
“All right.” She crossed her arms, looked away. “If that’s what you want.”
“Okay.” She turned toward me, a blush across her bronze cheeks. Entrancing, I had to admit. She’d always been beautiful—even for Nobility—but then, I’d seen her heart. Beneath the gilded veneer, it was a good one. I almost wished I was ready—but knew I wasn’t.
She laid her hand on my cheek. “We could—take advantage of this—just this once.” She drew her hand down over my neck, and my skin thrilled. Rested it on my chest. It felt good—at the same time, a shudder ran through me, fueled by the nightmare—anyone who touched me intimately meant she wanted to possess me, control me—
“I’ll be careful and try not to release too much of my power.” She slid her hand down over my stomach, tiny sparks, barely enough to bite, jumping into my skin. That felt good too….
My heart flipped over. I took her hand, firmly but gently. “I—I’m not ready. I’m sorry.”
“I’m sorry too. But I’ll live. I’ll just have to admire your beauty from afar.”
“You’re very beautiful too,” I said. Cupped her chin in my hand, brushing back soft strands of her hair. The blue facets of her eyes pierced mine like ice. Perhaps, someday, she’d be mine….
