Oct 22, 2025
I would like to offer a general apology for not having been around, everything is bad. I promise I'm not trying to ignore anyone, god just wants my family whacked for some reason and trying to stop that is taking up all available time, energy, and general resources.
#personal#getting ssi in this country is like juggling god knows how many things while balancing on a giant ball#and having to be prepared at random for someone to throw MORE things in to the juggling#and you can't fall or drop anything or you have to start over.#every time i think i've figured everything out there's another FUCKING setback.#to say nothing of everything else that's going wrong. this family's go-to state is at least 2 crisis at once#and we just resolved *1* so i KNOW there's something waiting in the wings. there always is.#i never met granddad's bio mother- my great grandmother- but allegedly she was once institutionalized#relating (as far as anyone can tell) to this conviction she had that the universe was out to get her and her family.#like. them specifically.#and having lived as a member of this family for 27 years and learned all the therapy terms and had Magical Thinking explained#to me many many times all i have to say to that is I Get It.#i do. 'magical thinking' my ass. YOU can lecture ME on magical thinking when i've given you the unedited uncensored version#of whatever my loved ones are trying to swim through on any given month because IF I DIDN'T LEAVE SHIT OUT#YOU'D THINK I WAS LYING FOR ATTENTION/SYMPATHY. THE ONLY TIME I TOLD THE WHOLE UNEDITED TRUTH#WAS ON LAST YEAR'S THANKSGIVING AO3 NOTE TO EXPLAIN WHY IT TOOK SO LONG AND PEOPLE WERE *FLABBERGASTED*.#i have tried therapy. i have tried religion. every day i inch closer to investigating anyone who knows shit about witchcraft#to ask if they know how to break a bloodline curse because i can't deal with any more#placating or learn-to-accept-what-you-cannot-change shit i need RESULTS.