hi. so Kitchen Fork by Jack Conte is on the lahof playlist which is awesome because its one of my favorite songs ever. to me it reads as a song about beef & mostly helsknight, the beginning feels like about beef especially, the rest about helsknight, but the end could also be about welsknight. what are your thoughts about it?
Yeah yeah yeah, Kitchen Fork is definitely one of those songs that's kind of half just there for vibes, could kind of apply to any of them at various point. I think you're pretty on the money though in terms of who is fit best by what part of the song. First bit is so absolutely Beef but I could also see Hels in there. Middle could be either Wels or Hels to be honest but leans more Hels vibes wise certainly. Ending is another bit where I could see all three of them but Wels does feel very correct. So 🎉 🤝 same braincell
do you have any songs that you associate with lahof characters?
There is!! A whole playlist of them!!! And it is the only thing I listened to for a good six months straight last year! And also all day today 😅
[Said playlist for your enjoyment if you haven't already seen it]
I love a good opportunity to do music analysis for characters though so I'm gonna. do that under the cut because it'll probably end up super long (update: it did)
Yippee let's go!!
Okay there was a brief moment here where I thought about going through every song on this playlist one by one and analyzing it and then I realized there were. 56 of them. so instead I'm going to go through some of my faves, probably at least two or three for each main character (and also probably 1 million for helsknight let's be real), and if you ever wanna know about any other specifics songs feel free to ask about them bc I will be thrilled to talk about it. obviously.
Um uh Beef first main character treatment
#1 for him is so Bird Song by Florence + The Machine
And #2 is The Wind by The Front Bottoms
Beef (especially in the first half of the fic before he gets to go on his whole restorative justice arc learning to make amends for harm and learning to forgive himself even if the person he hurt (Hels) can't forgive him) is a man wracked by guilt that refuses to face it, who is terrified of what it means to face his past with the cloning machine, the actions he took with it, the harm those actions caused, and the way it changed him. Hels calls him a coward, says that he's avoiding him not because he's scared of Hels, but because he's scared of what it means to acknowledge him, of letting the other Hermits in on what it is he did. And he's not wrong!! There is a sense, especially throughout chapter three, that Beef is terrified of what it means to have been the one who caused this, and some of it is just his own experience with the cloning machine having done something to him, made him scared of ever acknowledging the fact that it changed him, but a lot of it is blame avoidance, a fear of a lack of forgiveness, if not from Hels than from the other Hermits. It's the reason for his self-imposed isolation in that first half of the fic. Both of these songs are just. so that. That terror of discovery, of being forced to answer hard questions, one's you can't face, don't have the answers to.
And also this line from The Wind
Makes me insane in the context of Beef's whole relationship with Hels and Wels throughout the fic. Beef being Hels' sworn first kill, all of them running circles around each other to avoid a possible permadeath. Wels repeatedly putting himself in a position to take Beefs place as that first death. ough.
I also have Excuse by C418 on there. right off the minecraft soundtrack. nothing much I can say for that one except that it's a song that sounds exactly like its title. It is all quiet, solemn desperation and guilt, and obviously that is also very lahof Beef coded for the exact same reasons as the above songs. It sounds exactly like a desperate and cowardly excuse feels to hear.
#1 for Wels is definitely Rule #31 - Calamity by Fish in a Bird Cage. I mean. Come on
Tell me this isn't exactly the type of way Wels is thinking about Hels, all fear of the reflection of the self, the dehumanization, acknowledgment of emotion only so far as in rage, or accusations of insanity, unreasonable and dangerous. And "Who scraped through the dirt to survive a calamity" makes me feel normal things about Hels in the context of his struggle to cope with the whole thing with the cloning machine and his struggle to live following Wels around from server to server.
And also like
Tell me this isn't X and Hypno both trying to convince Wels to step back and take care of himself, accept help before he gets himself or someone else seriously hurt. "You might not prepare in time for the speed of consequence to plow into your radiant guise." As X's warning to Wels about putting himself in a position to possibly face permadeath, and also as a backhanded reference to Wels' knighthood being just as much performance as Hels' is, Wels' performative chivalry vs Hels performative cruelty. Normal. Normal Emotions.
I'm Not Falling Asleep by Andy Shauf is also very Welsknight to me if I'm being honest
Something about Wels hurting himself in his refusal to ever backdown against Hels, let someone else help him, the sleep loss, a general lack of safety in your own skin, own mind, always doing something, sifting through dozens of hand drawn maps in an exhausted haze after days on end in the nether. The tension between that and the server full of loving friends who would drop everything at a moment's notice to sit there with him, help him sort through it.
Also thinking about this made me add Hometown Hero by Andy Shauf to this playlist and I'm not gonna get into it right now cause. the thoughts are literally just forming but. ough. normal about him. totally.
HELS SONG #1!!!! On another Ocean (January/June) by Fleet Foxes. This song. feels like it was specially crafted for LaHoF Helsknight I don't even know if I can fully get into it like.
Him trying to make himself small and unintrusive across the different hermitcraft servers after he realized he couldn't get through to Wels through performance, hiding in the nether, staying out of the way as much as he can manage, stuck with this sinking weight, the reminder of his left behind home
Him never quite being what the Hermits', especially what Wels, expects of him. Timid and non-committal when Wels expects a villain, cruel and vindictive when he expects a mere bully or an easy fight. Being a lurking stalking presence, eyes you can feel on the back of your neck to Beef throughout the first half of the fic.
Do you (Beef) think you're above this? That somehow you get to never face the consequences of your actions? That someone will magically rescue you from yourself?
If only there was a way to reach you (Wels), a way to make you change, realize the falsity of your knightly persona, make you face the harm you caused without giving you some kind of justification for pursuing more of it
If I am half as strong as I believe myself to be this won't be the end for me. I will not be denied my revenge.
Oh but isn't it a tragedy that any of this is happening at all, that any of us should have to die or to kill because of it.
You uh. You get it. I. am so normal about this song.
I'm not going to go on my Answering the Phone by The Mountain Goats rant because I. Made a whole lyric comic about it already. But you get it. Helsknight song.
Cry for Judas by The Mountain Goats is in there for extremely similar reasons.
Self explanatory. Hels performative cruelty. Hurting himself by hurting others. Thinking of himself as in some way less than the Hermits, broken compared to them, both literally in his code being broken and the ways that affects him and figuratively in the way he feels unsocialized and almost less than human compared to them.
Feeling unable to go back once he has escalated things, being unable to reason with Wels and therefore deciding to just keep going, match the image Wels has of him, feeling like there is no one in his corner who could stop this for him.
Continued similar theming, feeling both like this is something the hermits, and Wels and Beef specifically earned for what they've done to him, but also like in pursuing his revenge he is some great evil, however performative that evil is, like he has debased himself in some way.
Just. Owchies. Banger song I heard it live in December and thought about Helsknight the whole time.
Not Joking by The Front Bottoms is also one of his songs to me. All about that performance, born from his life as a professional fighter, feeling trapped in the structure of roles and acting, never quite his own person, a piece of someone else's story, someone else's image of him.
You get it it's right there I don't have to go line by line for this one.
For last here's some general stuff :]
Tag! by Scarves is a bit of a reach but it feels very much like XB and I/skall in those early chapters trying to navigate Beef's paranoia and avoidance. just.
I'm always thinking about the world in which either Beef broke down a little earlier or was a little braver and someone else got to realize what was happening before everything went so incredibly wrong. Everyone is trying to help Beef and Wels at every turn and the two bastards can't look past their own guilt long enough to see that any one of their friends would in fact 'follow them anywhere' if it meant keeping them and the rest of the server safe.
Émigré by Alela Diane doesn't have much to do with the actual story aside from some shared themes of leaving home, death/violence, and collective struggles, but it is and always will be the theme song for chapter three. I listened to it the whole time I was writing that chapter and it has the perfect dark building tension for that chapter.
On a similar note. Would you uh. would you like to know the song I had on repeat the entire time I was writing the chapter with the fire? Because it was the Cheers theme, Where Everybody Knows Your Name by Gary Portnoy. Bad soundtrack for that chapter. Absolutely a Helsknight song to me. I mean.
Please let that man go home (I say as if I didn't write him into this situation and I don't decide whether or not he goes home at the end).
There are a lot of songs in there that tend to kind of lean towards one particular character in my head but that could also apply to. all three of them. Cause all of them are mirroring each other in various ways throughout the fic (struggles with personal responsibility, guilt, self harm and punishment vs forgivness of both the self and the other, isolation and miscommunication, masks and assigned roles, etc)
Moonsickness by Penelope Scott is definitely one of those for me
Very much that struggle with duty/responsibility and harm caused by taking on impossible struggles by yourself, self loathing, etc.
Peace by Shayfer James is very similar to me in that regard
All guilt and shame and the belief that you deserve what's happening to you in some way, do not deserve to step away from it.
Okay I'm gonna go eat dinner now I've been here for like three hours now but. OUGH. normal about them and the story and. music. in general.
[Part 1 of the LaHoF Director's Commentary Ending Walk Through Thing] as was decided by the poll the other day
Hope all the LaHoF heads out there have fun in joining me in exploring where this fic would have gone given the chance, enjoy getting to see my thoughts and drafts and such, and mayhaps join me a bit in grieving the actual proper version of this we could've had in a better reality
Poll for the LaHoF gang. For the ending summary director's commentary thing. Would you rather
A) Wait to get the full thing all at once
B) Have it split in half, first half probably next week, maybe earlier, second half uuuuhhhhhhh. at some point
For context. I've gotten about to that halfway point and it is. 9000 words. So. I figure people might prefer to get that bit now, have something to chew on while waiting for the other half. Rather than waiting another few weeks or months for what will probably end up being almost 20,000 words. Lot to sit down and read all in one sitting. But idk maybe y'all want the definitive full explanation all at once so 🤷 I leave it in your hands
“Save it for the next speech, big guy.” She says, scooping the disembodied head up from off the ground and turning to leave the now desolate room.
Ghosts au fic sneak peak :] (the first few chapters of this thing are going to take so long for me to parse as I work out structure for the chapters do not expect this fic any time soon just bc of this 🙏)
18. If you keep them, share a deleted sentence or paragraph from a published fic
I don't keep a lot of my deleted stuff due to the way i tend to edit (I probably should though, I know it's good practice), but I do have. Like. Half a chapter of LaHoF that never got published due to. The circumstances. And while a good chunk of that will be included in the final ending summary thing, there is a half written scene regarding X's interview with Beef after he wakes up that won't be included, and I can give you a bit of that :]
“So, I’m going to walk you through my understanding of events, and you can fill in the blanks, okay?”
X looks up at him from the book, and it takes Beef a moment to realize the admin is waiting for some kind of confirmation from him.
He clears his throat, nods once, “Got it, yeah.”
X’s gaze lingers on him for a moment, before he leans back on the couch, crosses his legs, and turns his attention back to the page in front of him.
“I understand this all started week one, you had an encounter with him in Wels’ base and things spiraled from there?”
Beef nods, hums in affirmation.
X continues, “Right, so, he impersonated Wels and attacked you?”
“Not exactly.” He says, causing X to look up from his notes, “He, uh, was just stealing things out of Wels' chests, I think. Didn’t expect anyone to walk up on him. I was the one who mistook him for Wels, he just went along with it.” He looks at the ground, hands clasped tightly in his lap, “It was dark, I hadn’t thought about him in awhile, had never actually met him before then. Maybe I would’ve noticed quicker if I had, I don’t know.” Wels is tense beside him, the room seems far too quiet for his liking, “Anyways, I wouldn’t even really call what he did attacking. He really just seemed to not want Wels to realize he was there at first, maybe to mess with me a bit, but he, uh, got angry, after that,” He pauses, “About Wels and I, and the, um,” He hesitates, “The whole business with the cloning machine.” He says quietly, like it might deemphasize the weight of the topic.
(Longer than a paragraph lol but I really liked this portion of that chapter and am kind of upset it was tainted by he who shall not be named so you get the one unharmed section)
28. Your least favorite part of the writing process
Honestly I'm not sure I. Have one? Maybe the actual process of like. Getting into the groove. Getting to the point where I can actually sit down and write effectively. But beyond that idk. I like it all once I'm in it, even with the struggles
