*I don’t mean to sound so cynical and please feel free to add input but I have a difficult time believing in romantic love.
It’s just that I’ve seen it be so terrible and toxic that it’s hard to believe that something that has the potential to be so beautiful is the same thing that could result in trauma and pain. like is it enough to feel?
I mean, at times, I don’t even believe it’s real.
I feel it’s more realistic to refer to it as “clinging” because in reality you can’t prove it’s existence. And the fact that there’s no way to know if it’ll last. No thankyou. There’s no way to measure it or keep track of it and yet I’m supposed to “just know” , know what exactly? It really doesn’t make sense to me because you have two strangers- who end up mutually liking one another- and somehow that’s good enough to one day have a life together? Obviously there’s more to it but to sum it up I feel like that’s about it. How do you know it’s love?
What if I just wake up and no longer feel that way? Is love enough? What if I just like the idea of them and end up hurting them? Then what ?
Personally, I’ve yet to be comfortable being emotionally vulnerable but I’m very good dealing with other peoples emotions...just not my own bahaghah.
I wouldn’t say this stems from a lack of confidence, or an underdeveloped character, like I’m actually very confident in myself and would like to believe I’m a genuinely kind person. Or maybe it does bc I’m unsure if I’m lovable or if it’s possible for me to be seen that way by someone.
Don’t get me wrong though, I love the idea of love, in fact, I admire it . Like are you kidding me?? I ball at any form of intimacy shown in anime and k-dramas it’s actually sad. It looks like it feels nice and I guess I’m curious as to what it’s like to be adnorned so much that it would physically pain the other person to be w/o me. Maybe it’s my ego talking lol.
I just don’t know if it’s something I feel like I could ever experience, let alone rely on.