seen from China
seen from Canada
seen from Japan
seen from China
seen from Bangladesh
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from United States
seen from United States
seen from China
seen from Uruguay
seen from United Kingdom
seen from China
seen from China
seen from Russia
seen from China
seen from Italy
seen from France
seen from France
seen from United States
Sometimes I feel,,, strange in a way that's so unfamiliar. It's like... It's like I actually killed myself when I was younger but someone wished me back alive and I can tell. And now I'm living but kinda sideways It's not quiet disassociation it's lighter more ethereal but in a dark way that isn't as harsh as eldritch,,, am I making sense?? It's like I can feel like echoes of death..
A convo that happened yesterday with my friend :
[context: we were at the food court at the mall, along with her two year old daughter. She'd gotten some food, and it was all piled on one plate. I noticed that she was trying to separate off some to give to her daughter, but was struggling. I asked if she wanted another plate, but she said no. Knowing her as well as I do, I immediately realized her 'no' was because she, an introvert, would be uncomfortable going back and asking for another plate. So I, an ambivert that leans heavily towards extrovert, just got up and went and did it for her, because things like that don't bother me even a little bit. She was visibly relieved and grateful that she now had a second plate and hadn't had to get up and get one herself.]
Me, jokingly : See look, I used my powers for good!
Her : You always do.
Me : Uh . No. Not really.
Her : How so?
Me : Uhhh...
Her : Give me one example. Even one. I want proof.
My BPD, screaming internally in my head : WE ARE BAD WRONG TOXIC EVIL MANIPULATIVE FUCKED UP GARBAGE PEOPLE WHO NEVER DO ANYTHING RIGHT
Me, also internally, at my BPD: Okay, but like? Specific examples please?
My BPD, internally : ***PTERODACTYL SCREECHING*** BAD WRONG BAD TOXIC BAD EVIL BAD MANIPULATIVE BAD...
Me, out loud to my friend : I can't think of any off of the top of my head
Me: ....
Me: *weakly* ...but I know they are there.
My friend: *raises their eyebrow at me, giving the distinct impression that I am currently a stand - in for an imagined camera as if they are in the Office*
Me: *vibrates out of my skin from the cognitive dissonance*
Her daughter: *throws chicken at me*
Me, internally: oh thank god for chicken distraction
I wanna rip my apartment building up from the foundation and use it to vault myself into the sun
The professor yelled at the girls next to me but also me and he got really angry and yelled at them(us) loudly in front of the class and now I’m Furious and sad and my entire body feels sick and empty and hollow and I’m so tired of having my entire mood fucked up by stupid bullshit.
For the first time I'm thinking past tomorrow
//
Follow me on the gram @piercespoetry
I absolutely was not expecting my boredom post to get any notes lmao I'm so sorry yall relate I hope our pain subsides soon.
I'm not interested in licking the boots of every neurotypical person who "puts up" with my borderline ass. Is it too much for you? Cool. It's a million times worse for me. Don't want to deal with it? There's the fucking door.
I'm not going to praise a neurotypical person for treating me with base level respect if that aren't going to praise me for every moment I'm not acting on my urges.
