From the coming third chapter of "The Emotional Hierarchy of Trust: An Excuse to Buy Lingerie", in Nina's POV
"Wylan dipped his head into the curve of Kaz's shoulder like he couldn't help but nuzzle closer when the chance was offered. Nina didn't blame him. Even the barest brush of skin against hers was white hot and saccharine. When in love with a boy who was too far to reach, every step forward felt like a new experience. Kaz made her aware of each time skin contact felt like a blessing to receive, because now she saw what a curse it could feel like. She no longer took for granted each time Inej's hands slowly slipped through her hair, or ignored the gentle weight of Jesper's hands at her hips. The greatest gift Kaz had given her was not only his love, but how his entry into her life made her appreciate how to love so much more.
In that way each of her partners had given her new perspectives into intimacy. It felt like against her will, she was loving herself. Like they found something within her to love so tightly she could not hold her grip on her hatred of it anymore.
Trust, she knew how to hate herself. She had seen the most vile parts of herself in the haze of withdrawals, and no amount of positive thinking or growth mindsets could convince her to think of such a hideousness as 'desirable'. Vomit was not desirable. Hurling insults in their faces was not 'sexy'. Sagging skin was not an alluring feature. And yet, here she was. In the heart of a den of luxury with two boys who trusted her absolutely. Two boys who, mind you, had held her hair for her during said withdrawals.
They had seen her in such a low state she would not have questioned it if they never met her gaze again once their business was concluded. Once the reality had sunk in again, and they had time to come to terms with how much she had changed over the course of things. She would not hold it against them if she was no longer beautiful in their eyes. And yet, they lingered with her. They touched her skin with reverence. Their breaths caught each time she was near them. If was still within her to check, she'd reach out to feel if their heart still skipped a beat when they looked into her eyes.
They loved her. Fuck if she knew why, but she wasn't going to look such a lovely gifted horse in it's mouth. If they could still find it in themselves to love her, she would by no means turn them away. It was too precious a commodity to ignore."