#lithromantics

[positively-queer]

[gohn-sucks]

hey, i’m really, really, confused about something! any lithromantics that are willing to answer a few questions? 

[hunterinabrowncoat]

Hi. Do you mind defining lithromanticism?

Hey there anon!

Lithromanticism, as defined by aromantics wiki:

Lithromantics are individuals who experience romantic attraction (or similar,) but do not desire their feelings to be reciprocated. Lithromantic people may want to avoid dating and romantic relationships entirely, may be apathetic to reciprocation, or may be actively repulsed by romanticism from others. Lithromantics might have relationships, queerplatonic or otherwise, but these will typically occur under special circumstances where the romantic orientations of all parties are in sync. Although some lithromantics are accepting of reciprocation, they do not feel it is necessary the way most romantics do* .

However, I am not lithromanic myself, and only recently discovered the term. So I'm not the best person to consult on this particular orientation.

This blog is super helpful, though, and is where I discovered the term, and a pretty useful resource for all lithromantics and lithsexuals :)

[demigray]

Do you have any idea where the line is drawn for being Gray-A? ...I have been slowly beginning to identify (mostly just to myself) as being gray-ace//lithromantic but I'm not sure if it's just being generally uncomfortable with sexuality due to lack of experience and distrust of these things from seeing other people's PDA and sexuality/relationship issues or low self-esteem (& therefore not being able to see myself with another person) or if it's really being gray-ace?

To be honest, there isn’t really a line because asexuality is a spectrum. Like for example, if a young woman has found 5 girls attractive and 2 boys, would she identify as lesbian or bisexual? It would be up to her. It’s the same way with gray-asexuality—there’s no generally accepted line boundary between labels. It’s not like, if you’ve found 5 people sexually attractive, you are officially not asexual enough to call yourself grey. Most grey-asexuals identify as such because they identify strongly with the concept of asexuality and feel like they are definitely different from other people, so if identifying as gray-asexual makes you feel more secure about yourself, you are welcome to use the label.

However your problem seems to be less about your feelings for other people and more about your feelings regarding sex in general. I think it’s the same concept though—there’s no identity police going around saying, “you are averse to sex for this reason, so you cannot identify as grey.” It’s up to you and how you feel about using the label.

That said, I think if you had sexual feelings to begin with, you would be aware of them, and then your lack of experience and distrust and stuff would come into play. I doubt you are repressing your sexuality through these factors because even if you didn’t have sexual feelings, they would manifest themselves in other ways. Asexuality is about the absence of sexual feelings—being repulsed or uncomfortable about sex is secondary as not all aces feel like that.

So like I said, if identifying as gray-asexual helps you better understand yourself and feel more confident in your identity, you are welcome to use it. Try not to let the doubt get to you—even asexuals who have self-identified as ace for years will get twinges of it sometimes (ex: “help I find that person too good-looking what if I’m not really ace”), but what’s important is using the label to validate yourself and not letting it feel like you have to fit into a box to use it.