What should I call this, episode 18? Live show 4? Anyway, it’s the results from last night, so lots of filler, no real thriller, and I’m thinking that I should probably combine live weekends going forward because it’s a lot, man, it’s a lotttt, and it’s all connected. Anyway, @newleafover, @justlarried, etc. etc., and I’m sweaty from all the hot tamales I ate earlier, so let’s just get to it, the high point on any Sunday night, my drunken random thoughts!
I wonder if Simon'll be on the coke tonight like he was last night because that was kinda fun.
Louis’s 1960s-era apres ski/British Olympic team AU realness has powered me through pretty much most of today (shout out to @thewindmakesnicewaves for making me really appreciate his hair; props to @2tiedships2.tumblr.com, for the gif):
For at least three years now, I’ve only had two thoughts when it comes to Little Mix, mainly, they should be WAY bigger in the US than they are, and who the fuck hates them so much that they dress them like this (I’m all for fashion, and I’m all for kitschy camp ugly fashion, but this feels like something Heidi would MURDER you for on Project Runway, I can literally hear her Germenglish chirp in my head, “sad”):
There’s a bunch of dramatic, drawn-out bullshit because all of this is obviously rigged, but it boils down to Janice going home immediately (because: racism), and then a tacky, dystopian, end-of-society-as-we-know-it graphic about the vote being reopened for the bottom bunch.
Shout out to that feeling when you’ve realized Louis is your new king, so you can say insult the old king (“Well, welcome, you’re on the X Factor, and you're head judge”) because he’s so coked out of his mind that he has no idea where he is right now:
Kylie sings while we wait for a showdown that has already been determined (related: I’m surprised she’s still pushing the country album), and I love her horse shirt/white pants and the fact that Dermot barely gives a passing nod to the huge thing that was Kylie + Robbie in the ‘90s and how she managed to get not one but two pool tables plus a full bar on stage (me as Dermot, when the crowd only gives a smattering of applause, “Come ON…KYLIE!!!!”):
(And if you think rbb and sbb wouldn’t be knocked out by this spectacle, then you aren’t prepared for the Met Gala, let me show you the door right now, this is ‘90s-level Britney.)
We come back to the "shocking’ news that Bella is the immediate save based on public votes (Louis’s face vs. Simon’s face, lmaoooooo); Louis yelling good luck to Molly across the stage while he’s hugging Brendan when they’re down to the final handful is my new religion, breathtaking, this is the hunger games:
We’re left with the choir and Brendan, and god bless Dermot for noticing that Louis’s in full papa bear mode with Brendan, so he just leaves it alone before break (in America, that would not have happened, and I love both Louis and Dermot equally in this moment for the way they protect him).
When you read a fic and a character is “spitting out” his words but you don’t quite buy it, go visit this episode and watch Louis because, “I’m absolutely speechless, I don’t think Brendan DESERVES to be here,” is Websters, the spit in it, Jesus, it’s so fucking REAL.
Radiohead for Brendan’s sing off is actually a good choice, not only because of the notes but because Louis knows about Simon’s boner for acapella openers (he pointed it out last episode), geddit, sbb, and I love how fucking here for this performance Louis is, the full scronch, arms raised, standing O during the final bits, god, to have his support must be something else, the words he's pouring in to Brendan’s ears at the end when he hugs him, can you even imagine????
The explanation of what a deadlock is means that that's what we’re gonna get...thanks, editorial team!
Simon’s a terrible actor, and I’m actually insulted by watching him pretend to deliberate that a fucking CHOIR is going to win this, so I fully support Louis yelling at him off mic. It boils down to Ayda, and because we know a deadlock is coming, that’s what happens.
This entire thing takes me back to Spain, and Liam and Louis and Nile talking about these guys’ LIVES being affected by this bullshit, and you can see it in Louis’s face (it’s not about him, not at all, so I’m not here for people trying to say it’s sabotage on Louis; he wouldn’t think so either):
The choir loses because, yes, of course, they do, so while Robbie’s deadpanning his, “It was a genuine shock, I couldn’t see it coming, I’m gonna miss my scousers,” Louis’s off on the side, giving all the love in the world to someone being mind-fucked on national TV:
We leave this episode with a real-life trick-or-treat preview for next week: James Arthur (ugh) and Liam Payne (FUCK YES)
