#lizzieriot

[lizzieriot]

Burning Bridges...

Tonight, for the first time in a really long time, I feel like I'm going to be okay. That I'm going to survive this.

I shut down a very unhealthy relationship with someone who was using me for her own personal gain. I don't need her, and I don't want her in my life anymore.

I'm making amends, making apologies to those that I have hurt. To try and show them that I am truly sorry for the person I was when we were together.

The most important thing is - I'M TRYING.

So fuck you for judging me. Fuck you for using me. Fuck you for thinking that I somehow stood some sort of threat for what you believed you deserved from this life.

You don't know me. And you don't know us. You never will.

And I'm done letting you know about the things that are none of your goddamn business.

[lizzieriot]

Pot and Kettle.

I can't say anymore.

I can't say anymore, because I'm never going to be heard. I'm never going to be right. I'm never going to be innocent. 

I'll be lucky to get out in one peice.

I will always be the one to blame. Certainly I'm not claiming to be victim but this was not all my fault.

We are human. We all make mistakes.

But I have no regrets...instead I have stories. And that's all you ever really wanted, wasn't it?

[lizzieriot]

Follow Me!

I'm on the Twitterverse now!!

@lizzieriot

[lizzieriot]

The Hard Part.

Sometimes it takes more courage to walk away. Staying might feel right, but you know that inevitably you'll just end up drowning, losing yourself in a fight that you know you're never going to win.

So you do what you have to do to save yourself, your soul, your sanity.

You walk away. And it's hard. It's painful. It cuts you deeper than you ever thought possible. But staying is not an option anymore.

Be braver. Be stronger. Believe in yourself.

Because in the end - you gotta do you.

[lizzieriot]

You pretend like what happened didn't mean anything. That it didn't matter. That it wasn't real.

But you're lying to yourself trying to think otherwise.

I always gave you the benefit of the doubt. And you used my innocence against me.

You have ruined me. And as much as I hate you for that, I hate myself even more.

[lizzieriot]

Lost Art.

I miss the days when you could smoke in bars...

I would spend many a night, pen in hand and paper in front of me; with a glass to my left and an ashtray to the right. Putting words down on paper. Any words. Whatever came.

Now, it just all seems so impersonal. Laptops and power cords and the glare of the screen lighting up your face as you sit in the corner trying to get it all down.

Your thoughts, no matter how trivial.

The golden age of the great American novel has died. And a little bit of me has died with it.

[lizzieriot]

Burn it all to the ground. Everything.

Use the ashes from the past to rebuild, use them as a reminder of what once was and what never to return to.

Grow from the struggle, learn from the pain, embrace the disfuction.

Move on. Move forward.

One day at a time.

[lizzieriot]

Truth.

Sometimes you just have to say what's in your heart.

It might be too much. It might be crossing a line. It might be uncomfortable.

But the truths just need to be said...

The other side of this, is that you should always make sure that what you share is coming from a place of compassion. Not a place of blame. It needs to be from your prospective...how you feel, how you are affected, how you are processing. Never blame.

Just say your truth.

Hopefully, if done correctly, you can come to an understanding. A resolution. Will it be the outcome you desired? Maybe. Maybe not.

But if you don't speak up, if you don't give your feelings a voice, if you don't say what is in your heart - you will always be left wondering.

And the "what it's" are just the worst.

So don't be afraid to put yourself, your heart, on the line. It's far better than hiding, than pretending that your feelings don't matter.

Because they do. They always will.