For your ask: character questionnaire, architect, and aesthetic?
Thank you! These were interesting...
Character questionnaire : What is the most important question to answer about your characters?
I usually phrase this internally as, “What is the biggest lie they tell themselves?” But what I mean by it is, “What is the part of themselves they don’t want anyone else to discover? What is the part they refuse to acknowledge is there?”
And of course, the follow up question to that is, “Why?” And from that springs not just background, but background that will be relevant to the story. Everyone has something about themselves, big or small, that they’re not proud of or believe could be better.
To me, the heart of a good internal conflict and character arc is the character confronting and resolving some personal attribute that has been holding them back, consciously or not. Character growth is about the character knowing themselves, and taking some measure of conscious control over how they think and behave, to move closer to their own ideal. (And sometimes that ideal also changes in the process.)
In the best stories, of course, the internal conflict and external conflict will intertwine and goad each other along.
Architect : Name the three most important things for you to plan
#1 is plot. Absolutely plot. Even for shorter fics (like a 5-10k one-shot), my ADHD brain will forget everything I wanted to do as soon as I’m down in the weeds with it, and will also forget the parts I’ve built along the way and therefore create weird and illogical changes in direction, loose ends, etc. I need my map. I love my map.
Other things I plan, but in less detail, include pacing. As I’m laying out my plot, I try to make sure that the “tonal rollercoaster” feels right, that any changes in POV come at logical points, that no POV is abandoned for too long, etc. I TRY to plan out major character relationships (not merely romantic ones), but often the story ends up having ideas of its own.
Things I don’t plan... For me, theme emerges as I write. Once that clarifies, I work to reinforce it.
Aesthetics : Look for three images which best showcase the overall aesthetic for your WIP
Lol, just going to admit I had NO idea how to approach this one.... I don’t really think in images so no idea if these will vibe with my writing for anyone else.
Yay! I'm so excited you're doing a prompt list. How fun! Is it cheating to suggest three in one? Somehow first snow, hot chocolate, and ice-skating all go really well together in my mind. If it sounds like too much, though, just choose the one you like best. You know I love fShenko! Of course, if the prompt doesn't end up inspiring your muse or for any reason it doesn't work well, no pressure in not doing it. Anyway, I'm excited too where you go with possible prompts!
I don't think it's cheating at all to ask for three, and I appreciate the challenge! I already had an idea for first snowfall for f!Shenko, though, so I wasn't entirely able to incorporate the ice skating into that, but it's kind of in there. Thank you so much for sending the prompt! It meant so much to me to see it in my inbox!
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Finding Peace
Pairing: F!Shepard/Kaidan Alenko
Word Count: ~2100
Summary: Shepard has seen snow before, but it's always been ground side while on missions. Having grown up in space, she's never had the chance to truly appreciate it until now.
Read it on AO3
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Shepard awoke to her room which was still in a dark haze. There was a noticeable lack of warmth by her side, prompting her to rub her eyes and look over to Kaidan's side of the bed. He was already awake, standing by the window, pulling the curtains back ever so slightly in a way that she couldn't see what he was looking at. Light washed over his face as he was squinting out the window, implying that it must already be morning.
"Everything all right?" she asked as she adjusted herself to sit up in the bed.
He promptly let go of the curtain, taking away the only sliver of light, painting the room in a dull grey. It was still bright enough to make out the smile on his face as he turned to her.
"Yeah, everything's fine," he said with a smile as he came to sit on the bed. "I was just waiting for you to wake up."
"Oh, and why's that?" she asked playfully.
"Do you trust me?" he asked, his grin still not fading.
She looked over to him and matched his smile. "I don't know. If you have to ask me if I trust you, that brings up a certain amount of suspicion."
He shook his head at her before he stared at her in wait for a serious response.
"Oh, come on, I think you know I trust you. The question is, why are you asking?"
"Well... It's the weekend. We don't have anywhere to be, and I uh... there's just something I want to show you."
The weekend. That was still a concept she was getting used to. Getting to go home at the end of the day working for Hackett ground side in Vancouver. Having an apartment to come home to with Kaidan. Actually having time off rather than being in a constant state of 'go' when they were still at war. It's exactly the kind of thing she'd always dreamed of but assumed she'd never get the chance to have. The thought of it put a gentle curve to her lips, feeling lucky to have Kaidan in her life.
"That sounds nice," she said, looking over to him again. "That still doesn't answer why I need to trust you, though."
"Well, let's just say my plan involves a certain level of unquestioning cooperation."
Shepard laughed as she stood up and moved to the closet to pull out some clothes. "Should I be worried?"
"No, definitely not," he said, moving over to the closet with her, making a point to pull out her warm jacket and a toque. "I know you're going to love it… but you're going to need to be blindfolded."
"What? Why?" she asked, as she looked at the clothes he handed her.
"Uh uh, no questions, remember," he said with a cocky grin.
She shook her head in amusement. "Mmm," she hummed in agreement. He had said as much. "All right. I'm all in," she said as she looked over at him, matching his enthusiasm.
"Glad to hear it. It'll be worth it. I promise."
---
"When you said I had to be blindfolded, I wasn't expecting it to be for so long," she said as she fiddled with the hem of the blindfold.
Kaidan looked over at her from the driver's side of the skycar. "Hey, don't take that off! It'll ruin the surprise."
Shepard promptly took her hand away from her face and looked over in his direction, despite not being able to see him.
"I wasn't really going to take it off, you know," she said with a laugh at how seriously he was taking it.
"I couldn't take the chance," he said with his own laugh at the situation. "Don't worry, though, we're almost there. It'll be worth the wait."
"Uh-huh. So, are you going to give me any hints?"
"And ruin the surprise when we're so close?"
Shepard laughed at that. "What if I had a guess already. You didn't exactly leave a lot up to the imagination handing me a warm jacket and hat."
Kaidan huffed out a laugh at that, himself. "I suppose you're not wrong there, but you're about to find out for yourself soon enough. We're already here."
Shepard felt the skycar slow down and land gently. She heard Kaidan turn off the engine.
"I'm going to have to ask one more thing of you first, though."
"Uh oh, what now?" Shepard asked with a smile.
"You need to put on these earmuffs too."
"Seriously?" she said, looking over in his direction again.
"Yes, seriously. Trust me, I have a reason for all this. As soon as we get out, you'll only have to walk a few feet before you can take everything off."
"Everything, you say?" Shepard asked, waggling her covered eyebrows in his general direction.
Kaidan snorted. "You know I'd never oppose that, but I don't think I'd recommend it in this particular scenario. Here," he said as Shepard could hear him leaning over from the rustling of his clothes. "I'm going to put these on you, and then I'll come to help you out of the car."
Shepard felt the earmuffs being placed over her ears. Everything was muffled now, but she heard Kaidan's door open and close behind him before she heard her own door open. She felt for the hand that Kaidan was offering and he helped pull her out of the car. There was an immediate and unmistakable bite of coldness in the air. They only walked a short distance before Kaidan stopped.
"Okay, you can take them off," Kaidan said as he let go of her arm.
She pulled off the earmuffs and her blindfold all at once and readjusted her toque quickly as she was met with a beautiful sight. Large snowflakes were falling all around her, if you could even call them snowflakes anymore. They were so big, they almost looked more like small clumps of snow, yet still entirely light and airy. She was surrounded by forest, freshly blanketed in a soft coat of it. The ground was absolutely covered and reached halfway up her calf. There was a pond in front of her that was steaming from the sharp temperature difference, the snowflakes melting away quickly as they touched the water. The absence of sound was striking, especially since living on starships her whole life and even in the city. She'd become accustomed to a constant source of white noise. But now, there was a serene calmness she'd never experienced before in her life. It was so quiet she could hear the flakes powdering the ground. The only way she could describe it was surreal.
This whole time, she'd been looking out at the scenery, barely even noticing Kaidan beside her. She looked over to him, seeing that this entire time, he'd been looking at her in wonder. He finally looked out at the forest, prompting her to look over it again.
"Do you feel it?" he asked, his voice hushed and gentle. "The peacefulness? The silence?"
"Yeah," she said, matching his gentle tone. "This is beautiful, Kaidan."
He smiled as he looked behind him. "Here, why don't we sit?"
She looked behind them to see a large log cabin with a deck and rustic, wooden patio furniture. He sat down on a bench, prompting her to sit beside him. She hadn't even noticed the two thermoses in his hands before now. He poured out some hot liquid in a cup and handed it to her. She smelled it and savoured the chocolatey aroma and warmth before taking a sip. Kaidan poured his own cup before he started talking.
"I know you've seen snow before. We were on Noveria together, after all, so I knew this wasn't exactly a brand new experience for you. But do you remember what you said when we were in port there, waiting for authorization to get in?"
"You mean before we were attacked?"
"Yeah. You were silent for a moment, looking out past the Normandy. It was the first time you told me about growing up in space. You said you never got the chance to appreciate snow before. The only time you'd ever seen it was ground side in the middle of missions, but you never got to savour it. You always thought it looked pretty from the vids on the extranet."
"Yeah, I remember that," she said with an amused laugh. "I joked about possibly getting some shore leave there if we finished the mission quickly enough."
Kaidan nodded. "Yeah. I remember that too. I think about that a lot, actually. I don't think Noveria's the best place to experience snow, mind you. The constant blizzards, the insanely cold temperatures and all that, but the closer you and I got after that, the more I thought, "I can't wait to take her back home with me." Winters in BC were some of my favourite memories growing up. The snow is special, but there's nothing quite like the first snowfall of the season. It always feels like it puts the world to a halt the way it insulates against the noise. I've never felt more at peace than I have the first time it snows. Even though you were joking on Noveria, I always sensed a lot of sincerity there too. Ever since you said that, I've imagined a time that I could share this with you. It's not every day you get to witness someone experience that for the first time."
She looked at him genuinely, feeling as though she could cry for how sentimental it was. He was right. She'd always wanted a chance to admire the snow in peace. To feel it in her hands, to catch some on her tongue as it fell from the sky. To not need to be in an environmentally controlled suit to be able to withstand the harsh temperatures. It had always been a dream of hers, but she'd never gotten the chance. It was even more than she ever expected it to be. She laced her fingers in his and looked at him. "It's not every day you find someone thoughtful enough to want to share that with them."
Kaidan unlaced his fingers from hers and wrapped his arm around her. "No, it's really not," he agreed. "Was it worth all the trouble I put you through?"
She smiled at him gently. "That wasn't any trouble, Kaidan, but... it was definitely worth it," she said as she took a sip of her hot chocolate, looking out over the forest and the dense flakes falling. She could imagine them making a tradition out of this. Rushing up to the woods to watch the first snowfall, cuddling under a blanket and sipping hot chocolate. Next year, she'd have to watch Kaidan's face light up as they stepped into the snow, the same way he got to watch her this time. She could imagine his sense of wonder and calmness. "I think this is the nicest thing anyone's ever done for me."
He held her tighter towards him, and she rested her head on his shoulder.
"We've got some free time coming up over the holidays. What do you say to coming back here?"
"I think I could be convinced," she said as she sat up, flashing him a grin.
He smiled back at her. "Good. Mom reserved this cabin all winter for the family to use. We just have to make sure to ask to use it for a certain time. That pond's going to freeze over soon enough. I figure I can teach you how to ice skate."
Shepard let out a roar of laughter. "Oh, I don't know about that. You've seen me dance. I don't think I could get away with ice skating."
"Hmm, good point," Kaidan said as he took a sip of his hot chocolate. Shepard elbowed him in the side and he almost spat out his drink. "What? You're the one who said it, not me," he said with a laugh.
She rolled her eyes at him playfully. "Listen, I'd say we're about on par with the dancing skills, so you might want to shut it," she said, her smile returning.
"All the more reason we could still give it a shot. I'm not half bad at skating. Maybe you'll be better at it than you think. I won't pressure you, though. Whatever you're up for."
"And what if I fall and hurt my hip or something?"
"Then I'll nurse you back to health in front of the fire," he said, leaning in closer to her and grazing her lips gently in a kiss. "There's plenty of other things we could try. Skiing, sledding, snowball fights, you name it. I honestly don't care what we do, just that we're together."
That was a sentiment she knew well. "In that case, I'm up for anything."
For your ask: Tuesday, Wednesday, September, October?
THANK YOU! <3
tuesday: name a fic you have posted which you think is overrated?
As far as kudos and comments? In Cupid’s Little Bag of Trix. I love it but the pov switches every sentence and I wrote it in near stream of conscience, on purpose. I LOVE it, I think I did good work on it but it completely skews my stats, lol.
wednesday: name a fic which you have posted which you think is underrated?
answered here!
september: share a comment or review which still warms your heart?
My first comment ever on AO3 was on Telling Tales, which was a post-Act 2 reaction fic to Fenris breaking up with Hawke after the first night together. It was a comment on how lovely the friendship between Isabela and Hawke was and I was so damned tickled that someone thought it was good. <3
october: name the darkest or angstiest fic you have written and/or posted?
Just wanted to say how much I love your art! It's vibrant and unique. It's fun seeing your characters and the different ME species. Have to say, Fish is my favorite. Anyway, I love the color and emotion in your pictures. You're very talented!
Thank you! You’ve made my evening :)
I’m on a little art hiatus at the moment due to the one braincell I have for creating things being used by writing, but still very much will be drawing my Mass Effect guys in the future.
S: Show us an example of your personal headcanon (prompts optional but encouraged)
Okay, so I mentioned here that one of my headcanons is that Caleb Shepard walks away from Kaidan on Horizon. I actually did a writing prompt that started that headcanon, but here’s a snippet of that:
Kaidan’s gaze narrows. “What I see is a man in black and gold,” he bites out. “I see a man whose words are as pointless as his actions, supporting a terrorist group that he once fought against.”
Coldness breaks past the dam, shooting through Caleb, filling him instantly. On its heels follows the anger, dark and foreboding. Really? This is how you want it to end? Can I trust you that little anymore …?
He glances over at the krogan and salarian and jerks his head in the direction of the landing platform. Mordin is the first to react, for once without a word spoken, and Grunt follows reluctantly. There is no sign of Delan in the area; just as well, the man was a coward at best, and Caleb certainly has no time for him now. To Kaidan, he turns one last time, lips pressed into a thin line, a grim expression crossing his features.
He holds his gaze for a long minute, tempted to make one last statement, one last plea for understanding, but it’s not in his nature. The trust has been broken. Without a word, he turns and walks away.
V: 3 OTPs from 3 different fandoms
Mass Effect: Shenko (including f! and m!)
Dragon Age: fCousland/Alistair Theirin
Mass Effect Andromeda/Mass Effect: Rydenko
Z: Just ramble about something fan-related, go go go (prompts optional but encouraged)
Okay, well I’d really love to be able to take Shepard back to their origin (Earthborn/Spacer/Colonist) in any of the games (most likely ME1) and be able to have their companions go with them to get a better understanding of Shepard, maybe? I know it’s impossible, especially with Earthborn, and the closest we get with Spacer is talking to Hannah, but it would be a fun thing to explore. Maybe a mission of some sort.
As a COUNTER to that, however, why not a mission to Vancouver/Orchard for Kaidan and one to Sirona (I believe) for Ashley? Those would be easier to do, I’d think. Set it up like a MP battlefield or something, a bit of backstory behind it, and some small mission/quest.
Blue: What’s more important to you: characters or plot?
Characters always. Without good characters all plots fall flat.
Yellow: What’s a common writing tip that you mostly ignore?
Write with your audience in mind. I don’t write with an audience in mind. I try to write something I’d want to read. It has worked for me so far.
Grey: What’s a common writing tip that you almost always follow?
Get it on the page; you can fix everything in revision. That’s my best advice to anyone for any writing. Just draft it, but don’t go back and revise.
Oooh. This is an odd one. Before Andromeda came out, I started doodling a “what if the AI approached Kaidan Alenko?” story. I didn’t finish it before the game dropped, and then never came back to it. I now have plans to cannibalize parts of it for my next fic, but here’s a (lengthy) snippet that isn’t one of those useful bits. Pardon the rough prose - I was really rusty at the time.
~
Kaidan should feel a twinge of guilt. Being overdue with a mission debrief, even for something as useless as the Hammerhead field tests, isn’t exactly characteristic. Something the Admiral had been sure to point out. But it is useless. The Hammerhead is a waste of time. It all feels like a waste of time, ever since-
Even thinking the word 'Alchera' makes his chest tighten in a way he’d rather it didn’t. Almost two years later and he still fights the urge to brush ash off his shoulder plates, to force himself to turn around and go back instead of get into that pod.
In the corner of his eye blooms the phantom glow of a drive core going up, and followed by the same cold punch in his gut that knocks the breath from his lungs as hard now as it did then. He wipes his mouth with one hand, raises the other to signal the waiter for a beer.
“Lieutenant Alenko?”
Kaidan jumps, looks up and sees the N7 logo emblazoned on a breastplate of black armor. His heart stops.
“Mind if I sit?”
It takes a moment for the blood to stop rushing through Kaidan's ears. It’s not Shepard. Of course it’s not Shepard; Shepard’s dead. This man is older, maybe by a couple of decades, face craggy and riven in a way that reminds Kaidan a little of Admiral Hackett. The only resemblance he has to the Savior of the Citadel is the grim set of his jaw, a soldier’s exoskeleton of starched posture and that keen sense of awareness that makes it clear he knows where every exit is and how to take as many down as he can on his way out.
Kaidan must have acknowledged the man, who looks maddeningly familiar now that he's processing things with a little more sanity, because he sits down across the table. Stiff. Formal. None of Shepard's languid movement. Shepard has an absurd way of just flowing into a space, even with that starched soldier's posture.
Had. You'd think he'd be used that by now.
The waiter brings the beer, turns to the N7 soldier to take his order, but gets waved off.
“I was hoping you could spare a few minutes of your time,” he says, voice like gravel. Kaidan wonders if a piercing stare is a prerequisite for the N program.
“Sir,” Kaidan says, because he’s still not entirely sure if he’s said anything yet.
Nothing shifts in the N7’s expression. It’s like looking at a boulder. Kaidan really wants to take a pull from the beer, but leaves it untouched.
“I’ve been keeping an eye on your career. Eden Prime. Virmire. Battle of the Citadel. I’ve been curious to see what you were capable of outside Shepard’s shadow.”
Kaidan flinches. He tells himself that the N7 didn’t see it, but it’s a lie. If he’s anything like Shepard, he not only saw it, but has already figured out how to use it as an advantage. The bastard.
He’s not sure if he’s referring to the N7 or to Shepard, decides not to try and figure it out.
“I was beginning to think I wouldn’t get a chance to see it before departure, but I just read the mission reports from Aite. Nasty job. But you got it done. I’m impressed.”
Something clicks in Kaidan’s brain. He sits up a little straighter, like someone just splashed cold water in his face. “You’re Alec Ryder,” he says, unable to keep a little bit of wonder from creeping into his voice.
Ryder nods, the movement crisp. Sharp. His shoulders tighten so subtly that a moment ago Kaidan would have missed it. But he’s paying attention now. He thinks about saluting, or Shaking Ryder’s hand. Both seem stupid. He settles for a respectful nod. “It’s an honor to meet you, sir.”
Kaidan thinks about asking him the same questions he probably gets asked by every single person who meets him. What was it like being on the first team through Charon? What’s Grissom like in person? How does it feel to be a hero? But his own experiences as of late push the questions aide. His answers to those kinds of questions feel disappointing; he can’t imagine Ryder’s are any different. You have a job and you do it. No matter what the cost. No matter who you lose. In the end you don’t feel like a hero so much as you just feel…tired.
Ryder’s gaze doesn’t falter, not for a moment, but something about it seems a little more at ease.
Ryder pushes a datapad across the table to him. It’s encrypted. High level encryption that even Tali might have had to pause for a few to crack it open. Kaidan picks it up. The display shows only a simple blue and white logo featuring a long, sleek ship and the words Andromeda Initiative. He glances back to Ryder, who is watching him carefully.
“I’m not familiar with the Andromeda Initiative."
“You’re not supposed to be,” Ryder replies. “It’s not an Alliance project. Civilian run. Do you know Jien Garsen?”
Kaidan racks his brain. “I’ve heard the name, but not much more than that.”
Ryder gives no sign whether this surprises or disappoints him or none of the above. “This datapad will give you the mission details. For your eyes only. Understood, soldier?”
Kaidan nods, more from reflex than intention. He's willing to bet Ryder doesn't hear ‘no’ from many people. Another thing he probably has in common with Shepard.
“What’s the mission?” Kaidan asks, shoving thoughts of Shepard abruptly from his mind. White noise. It’s just white noise.
“Andromeda.”
For a moment Kaidan thinks Ryder is just repeating the name of the initiative. But then it sinks home a little bit. His eyes widen. “Wait. You’re going to Andromeda?”
“Colonization effort," Ryder replies, expression still stoic. "It’s been in the works for ten years. The datapad will give you the details. But we need people. People like you. Tough. Skilled. Resourceful. And I won’t lie, the Alliance training will be a big help.”
“You’re taking humanity to Andromeda.”
“Not just humanity. Asari. Turians. Salarians. This project is huge, Alenko.”
Kaidan inhales. This time he does take a pull from his beer. Ryder offers him the encryption key to the datapad. Waits patiently until Kaidan uses it. Patience is something he and Shepard do not share.
Stop thinking about Shepard in the present tense.
Ryder doesn’t say a word as Kaidan flips through the contents of the datapad. The schematics. The mission statement. There’s Alliance hands in this, civilian project or no. The propaganda has a lot in common with the Alliance recruitment tactics that got him on his feet after BAaTT.
The beer is gone when Kaidan finally looks back up, a second one well on its way. “This is impressive,” he admits. “But I’m not sure why you came to me.”
“We need people like you.”
Kaidan laughs, but it sounds nervous. Flustered. “I’m flattered, but I have a job. I can’t walk away from the Alliance.”
“Can’t you?”
The question hangs like a noose. A sudden urge to flip the table and walk away grabs hold, and it’s only a deliberate sip of his beer that keeps him in his seat. “I’m an Alliance soldier,” he replies, voice quiet. Shepard would recognize it for the thin ice it was. Shepard isn't here.
“An Alliance soldier who knows about the Reaper threat but can’t do anything about it,” Ryder says. “An Alliance soldier who watched as his commanding officer’s legacy was manipulated into political propaganda while his crew was silenced. An Alliance soldier who wants to make a difference.”
But can’t. The unspoken words hover like a thick fog and refuse to dissipate. Kaidan looks back to the datapad. Anything to escape that goddamned stare.
“Talk to Garsen,” Ryder urges. “Listen to what she has to say. The Reapers are coming. You believe it. I believe it. If we can pull this off, we might still be able to save ourselves. But we need people like you to do it.”
Ryder’s chair scuffs against the floor plates, armor joints creaking as he gets to his feet. Kaidan doesn’t look up, and no farewell is offered. When he’s sure he’s alone, he puts his head in his hands, eyes squeezed shut, willing the crowds in the restaurant and the corridors of the Presidium to fade into white noise.
There’s a few. I love heavy angst fics. Fics that make sit on the edge of my seat. As well as whump fics. I also love mystery fics. I love figuring out the mystery and wondering who did the deed until the whole story finally surprise me.
2. Is there a trope you’ve yet to try your hand at, but really want to?
Not sure about tropes. But I’d love to really try mystery again. I know I’ve been saying that for a long time. But I never seem to get to everything lol.
3. Is there a trope you wouldn’t touch with a ten foot pole?
Everything that can lead to smut. I don’t touch smut at all. Probably most fluff tropes too since I’m really bad at fluff. One trope I’ll never touch on is “there was only one bed”. I just never really got that trope. I know a lot of people like the trope but it isn’t for me.
13. What’s the best writing advice you’ve ever come across?
Forget the rules. Or something like that. It gave me more freedom.
