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Loves Me Loves Me Not - seven.

“It’s not that easy.” “It kind of is.” “It kind of isn’t. You wouldn’t understand.” “Try me.”

AU fake-dating, bartenderry // Harry is a bartender and new in town. A joke with her friends turns into reality after too much tequila, but nothing goes according to plan.

And she really, really hopes she hasn’t scared him off.

word count: 16.2K // language, a little angsty, bad family relationships, a little fluffy

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Y/N woke up with a headache from hell, an overwhelming pain in her ankle, and her mouth so dry it left her tongue feeling like a piece of sandpaper. As soon as she opened her eyes, all the drinks she had consumed the night before rose in the back of her throat. She quickly shut her eyes again, holding her breath, hoping it would block the flood of nausea that rushed through her.

Her whole body was desperate for water, but whatever force squeezing her skull together made it impossible for her to open her eyes again. She made a lousy attempt to blindly reach out and locate the bottle Harry had given her the night before. The fear of making any sudden moves, or even opening her eyes, made her completely immobile though. Because if she moved too fast or too much; the possibility of her being sick all over Harry’s bed was far too great.

And that was something she definitely wanted to avoid.

Especially after all of the events that had unfolded last night. He had already helped her too much. She couldn’t be sick in his bed. Not after he had agreed to go out with her friends, nearly ended up in a fight with Reece, offered to let her stay the night, and they almost kissed.

Her heart dropped to the pit of her stomach as soon as the memory of their lips brushing flashed before her.

She had almost kissed Harry last night.

And the reminder of his stubble scratching against her chin alerted her of the lack of warmth next to her and made the silence surrounding her obnoxiously loud.

Y/N forced herself to open her eyes again, to confirm her abrupt realization about the empty bed. She wasn’t sure what made her feel more nauseous - her raging hangover or the fact that Harry was nowhere to be seen. The bathroom door was wide open, the spot next to her cold and the room dreadfully calm.

He was just… gone.

Her already swirling head started spinning even more. Had she just ruined whatever chance she had of them being friends? He couldn’t be mad at her, could he?

No, she tried to remind herself, he was as guilty as her of their almost-kiss. She ran a tired hand over her face. He couldn’t be mad at her. They were both drunk. At least she had been.

But so much had happened last night, and Y/N’s muddled hungover brain couldn’t even begin to comprehend how she had ended up in his small bed again.

Although, as she tried to move and sit up, the painful reminder of her embarrassing fall swept over her. She hissed in discomfort and moved the duvet out of the way to get a good look at her aching foot.

”Fuck,” she mumbled to herself as she took in the sight of her swollen and bruised skin. Her ankle had doubled in size compared to what it normally looked like and a nasty purple-looking bruise was slowly spreading out across most of her heel. ”You’re a fucking idiot Y/N…”

With a small groan, she let her head fall back to the pillow, wishing the bed would just swallow her whole and remove her from the surface of the earth.

How could so much have gone wrong in just one night? It had to be some sort of record.

Everything had started out so well. Reece had seemed jealous. He had asked her to be on his team. He had been close, making sure that she was always within arm’s reach, his hand clinging to her lower back and hips. It was the most affectionate she could remember him ever being.

But then something switched and the night just went downhill from there.

Harry and Reece sizing each other up had not been on her list of things that could go wrong. It hadn’t even crossed her mind. In her head, the worst-case scenario was Reece not acknowledging her at all.

Or Harry being annoyed with her the whole night.

Her biggest concern had been with herself and how she was going to act with Harry in front of Arlo.

She wished it could’ve stayed that way. It would’ve been a lot easier.

Y/N wasn’t supposed to drink so much, but her nerves had simply gotten the best of her. Downing several shots of tequila seemed like a good idea at the time. The tension between the man of her dreams and her fake lover had been far too hostile for her poor heart to handle.

Their visit to White Deer had ended with her embarrassing herself in front of the full-packed pub. It should’ve been the only thing weighing her down as she woke up in a crippling hangover. Yet, it was not the thing tormenting her fragile mind.

Because she certainly wasn’t supposed to almost kiss Harry.

The mere memory of his warm breath on her face, his soft hand pushing a strand of her hair away, made her pathetic little brain nearly combust. No matter how hard she tried to remember how they had gotten themselves into that position - it didn’t make any sense. Had she made the first move? Or had he been the one to instigate it? Both explanations seemed as unlikely as the other.

But then again, drunk Y/N didn’t always make the best or most reasonable decisions. It wouldn’t actually surprise her if she was the reason behind their almost-kiss.

No wonder Harry had left. He had probably already filed a report against her for harassment and violation of his privacy. Her stomach twisted in distress, an overwhelming stir of regret washing over her.

She wasn’t sure how much time passed, her mind and body were too busy wallowing in anguish and self-loath, before the sound of keys jingling outside the door suddenly overtook all of her senses.

If Y/N had been able to, she would’ve made a quick escape and jumped out the window. But since her body was currently hanging on by a thin thread, trying to survive a hangover from hell and a sprained ankle, that wasn’t an option.

All she could do was stay put, and watch as Harry slowly made his way back inside the flat. Their eyes met the moment he opened the door. The obnoxious silence she had found herself waking up to turned into an uncomfortable one instead. It was unclear which one was worse, but both undeniably made her nauseated state triple within her.

He had changed into a pair of blue jeans and a simple white T-shirt, a mint green cardigan casually draped over his shoulder. A pair of black sunglasses sat on top of his head, pushing back his curls and stopping them from falling into his eyes. There was not a single trace of their night out on him.

Harry, without a doubt, looked ten times better than how she felt.

Fuck.

”You’re awake,” he stated after a moment of silence.

”Yeah…” she breathed out, her voice raspy and low. A lump immediately formed in her throat, pushing its way upward, and she quickly pressed her lips together in an attempt to stop whatever was trying to make its way out of her. Harry gave her a concerned look. She tried to give him a smile. ”Where were you?”

Her stomach twisted in regret as soon as she let the question escape from her broken mind and out into the uncomfortable mood between them.

”I just went for a little walk,” Harry cleared his throat awkwardly and then held up the tote bag he was carrying. ”Stopped by the store briefly.” Y/N opened her mouth to say something, but the same lump instantly made itself present again. Harry tilted his head to the side, watching her closely as she tried to swallow it back down. ”How you’re feeling?”

She took a shaky breath.

”Not too good,” she admitted and focused on trying to breathe through her nose slowly. Whatever force controlling the universe had to have some sort of vendetta against her. Y/N was sure of it. If she ended up being sick in front of Harry, in his bed, it would surely end whatever friendship she had going on with him.

And she would be on the next plane over to Svalbard as soon as she could move again.

”How's your foot?”

”Hurting,” she told him with another shaky breath.

”I can imagine,” Harry hummed. He stood still for a brief moment before putting down the tote he was carrying next to the dresser, kicking his shoes off. ”Let me see.”

Y/N couldn’t bring herself to open her mouth and speak again, so she gave him a small nod, ignoring the the way it left the whole room spinning.

Harry sat down next to her on the bed, gently lifting the duvet to expose her legs. She took the opportunity to pinch the bridge of her nose, praying and hoping that the small pressure would help her take her mind off of how fucking terrible she felt.

When his fingers brushed against her ankle she couldn’t stop herself from flinching back in surprise, a low groan slipping out at the discomfort it caused. ”Sorry,” he mumbled and threw a small glance up at her, to make sure she was fine.

”S’okay,” she replied quickly and nodded towards her foot again, letting him know he could continue what he was doing.

Harry turned his attention back to her ankle but let his hands rest on top of his thighs. She could almost see the wheels turning in his head as he looked at the bruised skin with furrowed brows.

Then he suddenly stood up again and walked over to his tote to retrieve something. The bed shook as he moved and Y/N was sure her soul left her body for a moment. She was not going to make it.

”We need to wrap your foot,” he said, pulling out a lime-green silk scarf. ”This was the only thing I could find this early. You need to get some proper bandages later, but this will have to do for now.” He came back and sat down next to her. ”If it doesn’t get better in a couple of days, you should probably go see a doctor as well.”

She wasn’t sure if it was the lump in her throat, still threatening to come up, that left her so speechless…

Or the fact that he had gone out first thing in the morning to look for some bandages for her foot.

His fingers were gentle as they wrapped around her ankle, carefully lifting it to put the green scarf underneath her foot. It hurt, but all she could really focus on was his soft touch. Anytime his fingers smoothly brushed against her skin Y/N could feel another part of her body erupt in goosebumps.

The makeshift bandage was wrapped tightly around her ankle, instantly giving it some much-needed support. Harry never took his eyes off her foot as he worked on it, his tongue poking out in concentration, and Y/N felt like her body was on fire.

Flashbacks of the night before pushed themselves to the front of her mind. He had been so close. A small tilt of her head and their lips would’ve met.

Y/N contemplated asking him about it and seeing his reaction but quickly decided it would be a terrible idea. If she was to bring it up it had to be under better circumstances - not when she was already struggling to breathe properly.

But Harry’s tender hands awakened something in her. Something she couldn’t put her finger on yet. It could, very possibly, still be the aggressive lump in her throat forcing its way up. ”I’ll give you a ride home,” Harry interrupted her wandering thoughts, making her head jerk back at the unexpected sound of his voice. ”Do you think you’ll be able to move?”

”Yeah, I think so,” she replied slowly, attempting to once again force the lump back down. Unfortunately, it seemed like the lump had gathered more strength after being held back for so long. She covered her mouth with one of her hands. Y/N had lost the struggle. ”Actually, no, I - I think I might be sick.”

Harry’s eyes widened as he took in her fragile condition. He moved fast, jumping to his feet, his arms wrapping around her as he hauled her out of bed. She didn’t even have time to think of the pain that spread through her foot and up her leg.

It was astonishing how they actually made it to the bathroom in time. Most of it was just a blur, but she let her body fall into Harry’s as he dragged her to the toilet. He said something to her that she couldn’t understand, the buzzing in her ears was too loud.

She had never felt more miserable or unattractive in her entire life.

None of it mattered though, because as soon as she could see the toilet Y/N fell to her knees and unloaded yesterday’s mistakes into the bowl. She wanted to tell him to leave, that he couldn’t see her like that; a coughing sputtering mess.

But the only thing coming out of her was the tequila from last night.

So, instead of getting him to leave, he knelt down beside her and pulled her hair away from her face, holding it in a loose grip at the back of her neck.

And Harry didn’t say anything either, but the comforting hand running up and down her back told her enough. He wasn’t going to leave her, and she accepted it.

Even if it meant losing the small amount of dignity she had left.

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”Oh Honey, what happened!?”

Y/N glanced up to see her mum standing by the doorway leading to their kitchen, looking at her with big frantic eyes. The house was filled with the scent of freshly baked scones and Lizzie wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing. Then her gaze averted over to Harry, who still had his arm wrapped around Y/N to offer his support. And she could see the worry in her mum’s eyes slowly turning into confusion.

Once Y/N had felt stable enough to get up from the bathroom floor, and she was certain there was nothing left in her to come out, Harry had helped her back to his bed. He made sure she drank some water and gave her some ibuprofen before leaving her alone, full of shame, in his flat again.

He simply told her to just get some rest while he went to get his car from where it was currently parked, so she wouldn’t have to walk too far on her injured foot.

Or rather, so he wouldn’t have to carry her too far.

Because when she was finally feeling good enough to actually leave - they both realized that getting down the steep stairs was going to be twice as hard as getting up had been.

In the end, Harry ended up giving her a piggyback ride. Of course, she tried to tell him she was fine and could make it on her own, but, in true Harry nature, he wouldn’t listen to her and told her to just let him carry her.

After some struggle, she ended up on his back, holding onto him tightly as he carried her down the stairs and all the way to his car. His hair tickled her face as she rested her chin on the back of his shoulder. As they made it outside a gust of wind blew past them and she caught a whiff of his cologne, musky and fresh.

He smelled lovely.

As always.

Y/N didn’t even want to think about how horrible she smelled next to him.

Harry moved fast, with a tight grip on her legs, and her body bobbed with the large strides he was taking. She closed her eyes in hopes to ignore the nausea that slowly started creeping up on her again.

She felt secure though.

It was soothing in some ways, to let her body relax against his strong back and feel his muscles move under her. The warmth radiating from him sent an electrifying rush through her and caused the small knot in the pit of her stomach to ignite.

Y/N could’ve fallen asleep right there, clinging onto him like a small koala, if Harry hadn’t gently tapped her leg to let her know they had reached his car.

And she realized that it was the first time she actually saw his car, and she wasn’t sure what she had expected… maybe an old Toyota with worn-out seats and a rusty surface? She had no idea, but whatever she had imagined - it surely wasn’t a shiny Aston Martin sports car. While Y/N didn’t know a whole lot about cars, the car in front of her definitely looked like it was worth more than what she would even make in a year.

Actually, it was probably worth more than what she had ever earned since she started working altogether.

She instantly felt bad for making him drive her home in her miserable state, and for getting his fancy car dirty with the horrid stench of vomit oozing off of her.

Under normal circumstances, she would’ve asked how he could afford such a fancy car working at White Deer, but her only aim was to survive the short car trip to her house. The bumpy ride made her feel sick all over again and she let her head fall against the side of the car, her eyes closed as she tried to control her breathing. It was far too hot in that car.

She could not be sick again.

She refused to be sick again.

Especially not in a car as expensive as the one she found herself in.

They didn’t really speak, but Harry noticed her struggling to keep it together. He took his hand off the steering wheel, swiftly pushing a button on his side of the car, and the window next to her slowly went down. Fresh air hit her face as they sped down the crooked roads, and Y/N could feel her nausea gradually easing up.

At least enough to make her confident she wouldn’t be sick all over the lavish interior.

When they eventually pulled up outside her house Harry was quick to jump out and jog around the car to help her out. Y/N didn’t even bother trying to object that time and simply just let him give her another piggyback ride to get inside.

Lizzie had met them in the hallway as he carefully dropped her to the floor again, her foot aching slightly as she accidentally put too much weight on it.

”I’m fine, Mum,” Y/N groaned. ”I just had a little stumble last night.”

”Are you hurt?”

”Only my pride,” Y/N complained with a huff and noticed how Harry stifled a laugh, pulling at his lips carefully, hiding his two dimples behind his hand. Lizzie stayed quiet, cautiously observing the scene in front of her, to make sure Y/N was indeed fine and not in need of immediate care.

When her mum eventually came to the conclusion that no ambulance needed to be called a cheeky smile fell over her thin lips.

”And who is this Handsome Gentleman escorting my clumsy daughter home?”

”Muuum,” Y/N sent her an embarrassed glare, feeling her cheeks getting hotter as Lizzie looked between them with a knowing look. ”This is Harry. He works at White Deer, he helped me last night and just drove me home.”

”Harry, hm,” Lizzie hummed, and Y/N didn’t like the glimmer of delight she saw in her mum’s eye as she stepped forward to shake his hand. ”Well, I’m Lizzie, Y/N’s mother. Thank you for helping her and getting her home in one piece.”

”Hello,” Harry cleared his throat awkwardly and shook Lizzie’s hand with a steady grip. ”No need to thank me. I’m happy to help.”

”Why don’t you come inside for a bit?” Lizzie suggested and Y/N looked at her mum with big eyes. ”I’ll go put the kettle on and you can have some tea with us. I just made some scones and the loaf of sourdough bread is done any minute now.”

”No, that’s okay. I was just helping Y/N inside and-”

”Oh, nonsense! Come sit down with us,” Lizzie interrupted quickly, shaking her head. ”It’s the least I can do for you after you took care of my daughter.”

”Mum, I’m sure Harry has other things he needs to do. I’ve already taken up enough of his time today,” Y/N tried and watched as Pluto suddenly popped up behind her mum. The small poodle immediately noticed Y/N was home again and jumped up and down excitedly before running over.

”Everyone has time for some scones,” Lizzie insisted with a small laugh and looked at Harry again. ”There is plenty of food and you’re more than welcome to have some.”

As Lizzie spoke to Harry, Pluto realized they had company, his little tail wiggling happily as he jumped to greet Harry.

And it wasn’t until Harry took a subtle step to the side, to stand behind Y/N a little bit more, that she remembered he wasn’t a big fan of dogs. She bent down to pull Pluto into her arms, scratching him behind his ear in an effort to calm him down and get him to leave Harry alone.

A sharp pain shot through her ankle as she crouched down. But seeing Harry uncomfortable, trying to get away from the small poodle, was enough for her to ignore it. He had been so helpful to her all morning, it was the least she could do.

”I don’t want to intrude,” Harry spoke slowly, keeping one eye on the dog in Y/N’s arms.

”Don’t be silly,” Lizzie shook her head again. ”A friend of Y/N’s is a friend of mine. You drink tea, right? Or do you want coffee?”

”Tea is fine,” Harry nodded. ”Thank you.”

When Lizzie disappeared around the corner, going back to the kitchen Y/N looked up at him with a soft smile.

”He’s harmless you know,” she told him and nodded towards Pluto who was also looking up at Harry, his tail still wiggling in excitement. ”He won’t bite you.”

”Mm, you say that now,” Harry muttered and kept a close eye on Pluto, just in case he’d escape Y/N’s arms and attack. ”I don’t trust dogs.”

”He just wants to say Hello,” Y/N continued and gave Pluto a small kiss on top of his head, still scratching him behind his ear. ”He’ll leave you alone after that.”

When Harry didn’t speak or made any attempts to move, Y/N reached up and took his hand, gently tugging at his arm to get him down to her level. ”Just let him sniff you a little,” she instructed quietly and slowly brought Harry’s hand up to Pluto’s nose. ”There you go. He just wants to say hello,” she said and looked at her dog, her voice turning more high-pitched as she spoke again. ”Isn’t that right, Buddy? You just want a little attention.”

Pluto let his wet nose sniffle all over his hand. Harry was tense next to her, barely moving a single muscle, and Y/N made sure to keep her hand over his, giving it a light squeeze to assure him everything was fine.

Pluto pushed his head against his hand, silently demanding Harry to pet him. She threw a quick glance at the grumpy man next to her, a little anxious she was forcing him to do something he genuinely didn’t want to, but was happily surprised to see a small smile tugging at the corner of his lips again.

Carefully she guided his hand to rest on top of Pluto’s head and told him to give him a small scratch behind his ear. The poodle let out a heavy sigh, happy to finally get the new human’s attention and affection.

”He’s very soft,” Harry admitted quietly, his fingers running over Pluto's curly coat of hair in small timid circles.

”I know!” Y/N beamed and felt a rush of excitement run through her. Her hand was still on top of his, and she could sense the tension in him slowly easing up, allowing his body to relax.

She could understand why some people didn’t necessarily trust dogs. But her little Pluto was the kindest dog she had ever met.

Granted, she was a bit biased, but he had been a gentle dog ever since they got him as a puppy. He was her best friend in a lot of ways, staying up with her all night when her swirling mind wouldn’t let her rest. Pluto was perhaps the only living being who had truly seen her at her worst.

And Y/N just wanted people who met him to like him and feel the same comfort she did. ”He gives the best cuddles.”

”I’m sure he does,” Harry nodded, giving Pluto one final pat before he pulled his hand back and stood up again. The small dog looked at him, clearly disappointed with the abrupt stop to his cuddles, but didn’t push his luck.

Instead, Pluto let out a low sneeze, shook his head, and just walked off. No longer interested in Harry and his unfamiliar scent.

”See,” Y/N grinned up at him. ”I told you he’d leave you alone. He only wants some sniffs and some pats and he’s good for the rest of the day.”

”Yeah, yeah,” Harry rolled his eyes and then held out his hand to her to help her stand up again. "I see where you get your stubbornness from now.”

”Huh?”

”Your mum,” he pointed out. ”Here I thought you were the only one in your family who was so demanding.”

”Oh… Um, I mean, you don’t have to stay. She just wants to thank you, but I understand if you’re bu-”

”Ducky, I’m joking,” he interrupted her short rambling.

”Right,” Y/N breathed out, feeling stupid.

She wasn’t sure if it was still her pathetic brain that made her feel so dizzy, or if it was the strong arm that once again wrapped around her waist, supporting her as she limped across the hallway to the kitchen. ”Well, you’ll be glad you stayed. Once you have a bite of my mum’s sourdough you’ll never want to eat any other type of bread ever again.”

Seeing Harry in her kitchen, talking and laughing with her mum, certainly didn’t help clear her foggy head.

It all felt like a fever dream.

The delicious smell of fresh bread that surrounded them made her mouth water. Yet, Y/N found herself struggling to actually eat anything. With every bite she took there was a dangerous churn in the pit of her stomach. Her sickness still looming over her, even if she felt a lot better than she did when she woke up that morning.

It just wasn’t worth the humiliating task of trying to get to the toilet in time.

Harry had already held her hair once that morning, and that was already one too many times.

Instead, she sipped on her tea, nibbled on a single scone, and tried to understand if the scene in front of her was actually real or if she was still passed out on the floor in Harry’s bathroom.

Because the Harry in front of her was a completely different version of him compared to what she had seen before.

And even if he didn’t really share much about himself, Harry listened intently as her mum told him different stories from Y/N’s childhood and talked about the history of their small village town. He asked a couple of follow-up questions, laughing loudly when Lizzie told him about the time Y/N cut her own hair at the age of four.

And how she later tried to run away from home when they told her she couldn’t glue it back on.

Y/N didn’t have time to be embarrassed by the stories her mum was sharing though. She was too lost in her own clouded mind, trying to figure out who the man next to her was and if he had always been so ridiculously charming.

An hour had passed when he announced he had to get back home. Lizzie made sure he got some scones and bread to take with him, giving him two small bags full of her homemade goods.

Harry shot Y/N a teasing look when Lizzie told him she wouldn’t accept no for an answer.

And when he eventually left and she watched the door close behind him, Y/N found herself feeling rather empty.

”I like him,” her mum announced as soon as he was gone. She turned to face her daughter with a big smile on her lips and the same twinkle in her eyes as before.

”You do?”

”He’s lovely,” Lizzie continued as she started to clean the table, stacking their used plates on top of each other.

”I- well, he-” Y/N fumbled with her words, not knowing how to respond. It felt weird to pretend in front of her mum, essentially lying, about her relationship with him. Although, as Lizzie’s words sank in, Y/N realized that agreeing wouldn’t actually be a lie at all. Because underneath his hard exterior, Harry was indeed lovely. ”Yeah.”

”Am I wrong to assume he is the reason you’ve been so happy lately?”

”What?”

Lizzie laughed at the startled expression on her face, and Y/N was just happy her mum couldn’t see how fast her heart was beating.

”You just seem like yourself again,” Lizzie said. ”You’re smiling more and doing more things. You’ve also spent the night at some mysterious bartender twice now.” Y/N opened her mouth to question how her mum could know she had stayed the night with him once before, but Lizzie explained before she got the chance. ”I ran into Arlo at the supermarket a while ago.”

Of course.

”Arlo is just… Arlo,” Y/N scoffed, feeling her cheeks getting a little hotter under her mum’s knowing eyes.

”Is he wrong though?”

”I…”

”Honey, relax,” Lizzie said, putting a comforting hand on her shoulder as she walked past on her way to the kitchen sink. ”I’m not interrogating you. I know dating nowadays is a lot more complicated than it was when I was young. I don’t need to know about all of these friendships with benefits type of-”

”Mum, please stop,” she interrupted with a groan and put a hand up to get her to stop.

Lizzie laughed.

”I’m just trying to say that I’m happy you’re doing more and hanging out with your friends again,” she told her softly. ”And Harry is definitely not too hard on the eyes is he? You’ve snatched yourself one handsome young man there.”

”Okay, well, this has been fun. But this is done now, I’m too hungover for this,” Y/N said and ran a hand through her tangled hair.

The whole thing was making her far too uncomfortable. It wasn’t so much the topic of the conversation that made her feel that way, she had always been close to her mum and they could talk about most things. Her relationship with Harry was just… complicated.

Y/N wasn’t even sure if they had any type of relationship, or if it was all fake.

She tried to stand up and leave the kitchen but hissed at the pain that shot through her ankle, falling down to her chair again. Maybe she should’ve asked Harry to carry her to her bed before leaving.

”God, you’re just like your brother sometimes,” Lizzie rolled her eyes, but the fond smile across her lips stayed intact. ”So bloody stubborn. Stay there - I’ll go see if I can find our old crutches in the garage.”

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Harry was fucked.

It had been over a week since he last saw Y/N, and no matter how hard he tried; he couldn’t get the silly girl out of his head.

He had let himself get carried away and allowed himself to get caught up in the moment, not realizing what he was actually doing until it was too late. He was supposed to tell Y/N he didn’t want to be part of her stupid scheme anymore, instead, he almost kissed her.

And had tea with her mother.

He was fucked.

Everything reminded him of her. His bedsheets smelled like her, if he closed his eyes he could almost feel her hand in his hair and the warmth that spread through him as she pushed herself closer. It had been so long since he had last shared a bed with someone and actually felt something.

As soon as he had gotten home from her house he had been overwhelmed by how empty the place he now called home was.

How lonely he was.

And the realization sent a flood of panic through him.

Because he had been more than fine being on his own when he first arrived. He wanted to be left alone.

It was why he chose the small village to start with. It was the only place he could remember being truly happy and content as a kid. No one would remember him or who he was. His grandma had gotten remarried before she moved to town to live with her new husband, taking the last name Burton. No one would be able to connect his name to hers. It was the perfect place to start over and live a quiet life - a clean slate. He could do whatever he wanted, and not care about anyone else.

Then Y/N stumbled into his life and made herself a permanent spot in his already troubled head. With her stupid plan, captivating eyes, and adorable presence… he found himself wanting to keep her in his pocket forever and protect her from ever getting her heart broken.

If only he could make her realize what a stupid prick Reece was. He would feel a lot better about breaking their deal if he knew she had come to her senses. Then he wouldn’t be the bad guy for letting her down, and he wouldn’t have to worry about her getting hurt.

He was so fucking fucked.

Therefore, when his phone alerted him of a new text later that night - he decided, for the first time since meeting her, to not reply.

Y/N 11:39 pm

thank you for helping me today grumpy… and last night. i appreciate it. my foot already feels a little bit better, so hopefully its just a light sprain. i'm never drinking again x

He left her on ’read’ for the entire week, going into work with a tight knot in his stomach, fearing she’d show up at the pub and look at him with those big sad eyes. He’d crumble if she did. Just the thought of that happening was excruciating.

But it was also why he knew he was making the right decision.

If ignoring one text from her was making him feel so terrible - it was more than enough proof that he had let the chatty girl get too close. His guard was down and he couldn’t let that happen.

Y/N had asked him for help to make another bloke fall in love with her. That was all it was, even if Reece was completely wrong for her. Harry was nothing but a pawn in her stupid scheme. He couldn’t let himself get lost again. People had told him what to do all his life, how to act, and what to say. Working as a bartender in the small town was the first real thing he had decided for himself. It was what he wanted to do, at least until he could figure out what he was supposed to do with the rest of his life.

He never should’ve agreed to help her in the first place. He was done doing things for other people and their benefit, and yet it was one of the first things he had gotten himself into.

It had to stop.

He needed to get back on track.

But nothing was helping him to clear his mind. No matter where he went he was always reminded of her in some way.

His normal running route was where the whole mess began, where he agreed he’d help her with her stupid plan.

And all he could worry about as he went on his daily run was accidentally running into Y/N. Because even though she was injured and should be resting, she was stubborn enough to ignore her injured foot and go for a walk with Pluto.

Maybe he should’ve found a new place to go for a run?

White Deer was where he met her for the first time.

And Tracy’s coffee shop, where she hid behind the counter, was just across the street from where he worked and lived.

He craved the lush brownies from Pebble’s that she had gotten for them after spending their first night together.

Or perhaps, what he craved most, was to once again see the ecstatic smile she gave him as they walked to the small bakery.

The toothbrush he had given her was still next to his in the bathroom.

Yeah, he definitely shouldn’t have gone for a run around the same trails, tormenting himself with the possibility of potentially seeing her again. Because seeing her again, after ignoring her for a week, meant he would possibly have to see the disappointment the unanswered text had caused.

As Harry got to know her better, he learned that Y/N was an expert at trying to hide how she was truly feeling, always trying to please the people around her, hoping no one would notice the discouraged look in her eyes.

He did though.

He had also learned how to read her, for better or for worse - Harry didn’t know yet. He just knew he didn’t like the way her shoulders slumped when someone dropped a comment about her ideas or made her feel like she was bothering them.

And Harry really wasn’t sure he could handle being the reason the brightness in her eyes disappeared, even if it was only momentarily.

It really made no sense for him to still go for a run so close to where she lived.

Yet, he did.

When he met her there the last time she had shown up with a runny nose and her hair an unruly mess. He had recognized her immediately as the girl who had tried to pay him for a date at the pub.

Had he not been so taken aback by the dog running and jumping on him, he would’ve found it endearing how out of breath she was when she finally caught up to her furry little friend.

Logically, Harry knew the small poodle couldn’t really hurt him.

But a bad experience with his neighbour’s dog, when he was six years old, had left him wary of all dogs. The ugly scar on his forearm, due to the bad stitches he had gotten, was enough to make him stay away from all dogs.

Patrick had told him to stop being a baby and handle it like a man, despite being so young. It was just another thing he felt he needed to change to finally be accepted. It was easier to avoid all dogs rather than to learn how to deal with the stress and fear that came with them.

Y/N had been so gentle with him though, when she told him to just give the small dog a little pat. She had looked at him with such a reassurance in her eyes, telling him it was okay. For the first time in a long time, he didn’t feel so stupid and childish for being apprehensive of a small animal.

Because it was silly, being afraid of a small dog at his age. But he really appreciated how she hadn’t made fun of him for it.

Instead, she made him feel at ease.

And it was another thing about her that had gotten under his skin. There really wasn’t a bad bone in her body. It was just something about her - he truly had never met someone with such a kind heart before.

Admittedly, a stupid heart.

A heart that was going to break itself if it kept going along with what everyone else wanted; if it didn’t wake up and realize how stupid Reece was.

”Fuck,” Harry exclaimed loudly to himself, stopping in the middle of the trail, panting heavily from running. A bird flew out from behind a tree, startled by his voice, and he closed his eyes.

He had to get himself out of the scheme.

He had to get away from Y/N. He wasn’t ready to have someone else hold his heart in their hands again. There was too much that could go wrong and he was yet to heal. There was no way he could allow himself to get into a position where not even the small town he grew up loving would be a safe place.

No matter how awful the unanswered text in his phone made him feel.

However, when he returned to his car and looked at his phone again, there was something else waiting for him. It pulled him right back into the dark hole he had slowly been working his way out of.

For weeks his mail inbox had been empty. Not a single message. When he left London he deleted every single one of them, not wanting a reminder of anything related to his previous life or work.

But now there was a small red circle, with a single digit letting him know someone had tried to reach him.

The blood inside his veins turned to ice as he opened the app. There was only one person Harry knew of that preferred to contact people via email and he hadn’t heard from him since the day he left London.

A large part of him told him to just delete the e-mail, but an even larger part of him couldn’t ignore it.

With a deep breath, anxiety already creeping up on him, Harry decided to read it.

Harry.

I am reaching out to you to give you one last chance to get your act together and come back. You need to stop this foolishness. I don’t know what you think you will achieve by giving up on your responsibilities like this. I am deeply disappointed by your reckless actions. Your mother is very upset and so are your siblings. What kind of example do you think this sets for them? That it is okay to do as you please and ignore your responsibilities? To disrespect the people who made it possible for you to have the life you have?

You have let everyone down.

This whole thing reflects poorly on our entire family, on the empire my great-grandfather created long before you were born. Do you think he just got up and left whenever things didn’t go his way? I can tell you for a fact that he didn’t. He stayed, worked hard, and fought for it. What you have done is unacceptable. People are talking and you have brought embarrassment to both the family and the company. We are a well-established and highly respected corporation. Our employees are hard-working and ambitious. They fought for their positions. You have had an easy ride, I took you on board right after you finished university, trusting you to do a good job despite lacking the experience we demand from our new recruits.

Now, I look stupid. Our company looks stupid. Only the best get an opportunity to work for us and people kept telling me I couldn’t give you a job just because you are Denise’s son. And maybe they were right because you have made us look unprofessional, leaving your coworkers with all your workload as if they are not already working overtime to achieve their goals. If everyone just decided to not show up for work one day none of us would be as successful as we are.

I expected so much more from you Harry.

If it were up to me you would never set foot in our building again, but your mother has begged me to give you one last chance to come back.

So here it is.

I expect to see you back at the office on Monday, we can move forward and put this whole mess behind us. There will be some changes in your position, as I am sure you can understand, but we will discuss the details when you are back.

I am positive you can fix things with Tamara as well if you just put some effort in.

I really hope you will make the right decision. Think about your image. Think about your family.

If you want to waste the opportunities handed to you and live a life with no self-respect - go ahead. But don’t come crawling back in a couple of months when your money is running out. The choice is yours.

Kind Regards,

Patrick Lovell.

Harry read the e-mail over and over again, feeling his heart drop more each time he finished and let the words written by Patrick fully sink in. He felt empty, and yet at the same time, every little part of him felt like it was falling apart. He wanted to scream out in frustration, throw his phone out of the window and leave it in the woods. But despite the overwhelming need to let everything out, something held the profanities back.

So instead, he sat in his car, just staring out into nothing for what felt like hours. The phone next to him felt like a threat. The blank screen stared back at him tauntingly, pulling him back down into the darkness. It had been reckless of him to just leave, he knew that much, and he probably wouldn’t have ever done such a thing had he worked somewhere else. His co-workers would be fine though, he made sure to finish up any loose ends before leaving.

And to be frank, Harry didn’t really care about any of his old co-workers. They were all a bunch of twats.

The only thing that really left an unsettling feeling in his stomach was the fact that his mother was upset.

Or, at least, according to Patrick, she was.

Harry wasn’t really sure his mother was capable of feeling upset over anything other than a failed botox injection.

Their relationship was a tricky one. Harry knew she loved him, in her own way. His mother had worked hard to provide for them when he was a baby and had set him up with a comfortable life. He couldn’t remember much of their relationship before Patrick came into the picture, but she had done everything in her power to keep him safe and fed. Somewhere, between the expensive lunches and designer handbags, his mother had changed though. And it wasn’t until the twins were born that Harry really saw it. Or maybe he had just been too young to see it before. For many years he had dreamed about being an older brother. His classmates all had siblings and he wanted the same experience they did. As the years passed, and they all grew up, Harry realized how different the three of them were treated and the excitement quickly died down. While he was seen as the black sheep of the Lovell family; Leo and Millie were everyone’s darling angels. Denise was fully accepted into the family, having given Patrick two biological children. Harry was simply just the son of another man. A man with a much lower rank than any of the Lovells.

There was no doubt that there was a disturbing hierarchy in the family. And it had taken him over two decades to realize that no matter how hard he tried he would never fully be part of it.

He wasn’t a Lovell, and he didn’t want to be. It still didn’t stop the painful tug at his heart as he read the e-mail over one more time. No matter how many times he convinced himself he was better off alone - the truth of his loneliness hit him hard.

His mind was still clouded in a thick fog as he eventually started his car back up and sped away from where he had stood parked for over an hour. There was a loud ringing noise in both his ears and he soon realised it was a bad idea to drive in his current state of mind.

The five stupid words that had haunted him all his life were the only thing he could focus on.

“You have let everyone down”

Harry couldn’t breathe.

Patrick’s words were slowly squeezing the air out of his lungs as they repeated themselves over and over again. He couldn’t escape them. He had been naive to think he could. All his life he had been told he wasn’t good enough, that he was a disappointment and ungrateful. It was stupid to think that would ever change.

Then a familiar street sign caught his attention, and without really thinking, he took a left turn when he really should’ve just kept driving.

Harry was fucked.

✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄✄

Y/N had almost dozed off when she was jolted awake by a sharp knock on her door.

She sat up groggily, looking around the room in confusion, her vision slightly blurry. The Netflix show she had been watching still playing quietly on the laptop next to her on the bed. Her eyelids felt heavy as she lifted her hand to rub the sleep away.

Did she have a dream? Or had there actually been a knock on her door?

Aside from the laptop playing her room was deadly quiet. Though, it was still bright outside so she couldn’t have been asleep for that long. She had spent most of the day in bed, just scrolling on her phone and binge-watching whatever show she could find.

Actually, since she had stayed home from work because of her foot, it was what she had been doing for most of the week. Luckily, the injury was nothing but a light sprain and she had only been on crutches for a couple of days.

Still, her mum told her to take the entire week off to rest it properly. Because standing up all day for work was not really an ideal situation to help her ankle heal.

Instead, she had been in bed for pretty much the entire week, messing up her sleep schedule, sleeping in late, and staying up all night.

The stupid, unanswered text she had sent Harry didn’t exactly help her go to bed at a reasonable time either. It left a thundering cloud above her head that she couldn’t quite shake off, no matter how hard she tried.

And spending an entire week alone in her room, in bed, definitely didn’t do her any good when she was trying to reduce her overthinking. Every day that passed with her stuck in her room - the bigger and more lonely her bed felt.

Rather than having the walls closing in on her the room somehow became a large hollow void. She was no good at being alone for so long. Sure, her mother was home, but the hole she was digging for herself kept her in bed. The quietness surrounding her awakened a lot of thoughts that had been buried deep for some time.

The fact that she had almost kissed Harry, and had him basically carry her to the bathroom because she had to be sick, only for him to not reply to her message later, just added to her internal crisis.

But before her mind could catch another train of thought to take her to the overthinking village - there was one more loud knock on her door.

Y/N blinked the sleep out of her eyes and looked over to the door, only then realizing that behind the curtain covering the big window stood a tall shadow.

And judging by the broad shoulders and rigid posture - she knew exactly who the person on the other side was.

“Shit,” she swore quietly to herself and slammed the lid to her laptop shut, jumping out of bed. There was a slight ache in her ankle as she landed a little too harshly on the floor.

But she didn’t really have any time to worry about it, because a sense of panic flowed through her as she looked around the room. It was a mess in there.

Y/N swiftly gathered the clothes scattered across the floor and shoved them under her bed, along with the dirty plates of food she hadn’t been bothered to wash up. She threw a quick glance to the door to make sure he was still there, he was, and Y/N swore all the organs in her body just stopped worked.

What the hell was he doing at her house?

She hadn’t talked to him in over a week, and now he was right there. God, why did he have to show up when she hadn’t showered in days, only wearing her old ragged Barbie pyjamas and worn-out slippers!?

More importantly; why couldn’t he have just responded to her text? Or at least have let her know beforehand that he was going to come over?

There was another knock on the door and Y/N glanced at it with wide eyes. Maybe she could just ignore him and pretend she wasn’t in there.

No.

No, he had probably already talked to her mum who told him she was in there.

She couldn’t ignore him.

With a deep breath, hands flying to her hair in an attempt to flatten down the tousled mess it had turned into from laying in bed all day, Y/N staggered towards the door on light feet.

And as she opened she was suddenly face to face with the green-eyed man who had been occupying her mind for most of the week.

“Harry,” she breathed out the breath she had been holding. “Hi.”

“Um, Hey,” he replied, scratching the back of his neck. “Y’alright?”

“Yeah,” she nodded, cautiously letting her gaze fall over his features. Though he looked the same as he always did, the same stoic stance and sharp jawline - there was something different about the way his green eyes refused to meet hers. “What are you doing here?” The question slipped from her lips with ease, it didn’t really make any sense for him to show up at her place like that out of the blue.

Unless… something was wrong. Her heart sank inside her chest as she took in the gloomy mood spread out across his face and the way he somehow looked smaller than she had ever seen him before. “Did something happen? Is everything okay?”

Harry quickly shook his head, the muscles in his throat moving as he swallowed harshly before speaking up.

“Yeah, yeah, yeah, no everything is fine,” he started, his voice strained and brows furrowed. Y/N tilted her head to the side, trying to understand whether or not he was telling the truth.

When he left her house the previous weekend she had been embarrassed and confused.

And when he didn’t reply later, Y/N simply took that as proof he no longer wanted anything to do with her. But seeing him now, outside her home with a defeated look on his face, a small seed of concern was planted in her belly - a gut feeling something was wrong slowly growing inside her. “I just wanted to… I - can I come in?”

“What?” She blinked, too wrapped up in what was going on to form another reply at first. His nervous pout made his question repeat itself in her head though. “Oh! Yeah, of course.”

Y/N stepped to the side to let him enter and found herself once again trying to fix her messy hair, hoping she didn’t look like a complete disaster.

Although to be fair, he had probably already seen her at her worst when he held her hair as she was throwing up. “Sorry, it’s a bit messy in here. I didn’t expect any visitors,” she mumbled, feeling a little self-conscious, both of her own appearance and the room.

Harry only hummed a low response, his shoulder bumping against hers lightly as he walked past her, looking around with curious eyes. Y/N closed the door again, pulling the curtains to the side to let some natural light come in and brighten up the dull room.

The expanding void she had found herself in for the past week suddenly crept in on her within a few seconds. The four walls of the room were so much smaller with him inside. He was standing a good six feet away from her, and yet, she was wrapped up in his presence. The tiny ache inside her chest gradually eased, the loneliness fading, as a warmth spread around her at the mere sight of him.

She ran another hand through her hair, catching a strand to twirl around her fingers nervously as Harry took in her room and personal belongings.

“It’s cozy,” he spoke eventually, still not looking directly at her. Instead, his eyes landed on the colorful posters that hung across the walls and the mess she had created during her week at home. “Very you.”

“Thanks…” she mumbled and felt her cheeks flush as he spotted the large teddy bear in the corner of her bed.

After 15 years, she couldn’t bring herself to get rid of it. It held too many memories. Her dad had gotten it for her when they went to Disneyland in Paris. Hugo had won a big Buzz Lightyear action figure and she got a small consolation prize in the form of a keychain shaped like the Cheshire cat - and she didn’t even like Alice in Wonderland.

So, 10-year-old Y/N had thrown a fit, and after calming down her dad had slipped away for a moment, only to surprise her with the bear she had been eyeing earlier. Lizzie had scolded him for giving in to her hissy fit, but years later the bear still meant the world to her. No matter how childish it was - there was no way to get rid of it.

But she really wished she had had time to stuff it away before letting him in. That and her pyjamas really didn’t help her feel less like a loser.

“How’s your foot?” Harry asked then, cutting off the sweet memory playing in her head. He looked down at her feet with a worried glance

“It’s good,” she told him, her belly fluttering as she noticed the corner of his lips hinting at what could be a small smile. “Almost healed up now! I’m going back to work on Monday.”

Whatever smile that was threatening to plaster itself across his face immediately dropped. Instead, Y/N swore she saw him flinch at the mention of her going back to work.

She frowned.

“Good. That’s good,” he nodded, his chest expanding as he inhaled a deep slow breath. Something was definitely wrong. Almost as if he could sense her picking up on his strange mood, his eyes fell down to her feet again. “Nice slippers.”

Y/N followed his gaze down to what used to be a pair of fuzzy, purple slippers and curled her toes, trying to hide the sad excuse of footwear from him. The fuzzy fabric, once soft and fluffy, was coated in years of dust and dirt, and several threads had come undone and stuck out loosely around her foot. Underneath, a part of the sole had started to come off as well and it wouldn’t be long until it would come off completely and leave the slipper with a large hole.

Harry tried to give her a teasing smile, but it didn’t quite reach his eyes, and Y/N knew he was trying to distract her from asking any questions.

“Yeah, well, they’re comfy,” she shrugged and gave him a small chuckle, trying her best to follow suit and make him less uncomfortable. “And my toes are always cold.”

“Oh, I know,” Harry laughed lightly. “I’ve shared a bed with you.” And for a moment his mood seemed genuine and there was a light sparkle to his green eyes.

Though, it was short-lived.

Because as silence filled the space between them, a deep crinkle formed between his brows and he turned around, letting his back face her instead. He focused his attention on the small shelf on the wall, studying the pictures and various items displayed on it. The familiar tension in his shoulders was still apparent, at the same time, it was different from the usual tension that came with the grumpy man.

It seemed painful almost.

Y/N’s fingers itched to reach out and comfort the strained muscles in his back but found herself at a loss. Because despite having shared a bed with him twice, and being sick in front of him, it was still unclear whether or not they were actually friends.

The unanswered text in her phone threw her off.

Harry wasn’t the most talkative person - that was obvious from the first time she met him. But ever since exchanging numbers, he hadn’t ignored a single text message from her. It didn’t make sense why, after going through the trouble of helping her with her foot and taking her home, he would suddenly go quiet.

And Y/N really didn’t want to push him by asking a bunch of personal questions again. He had opened up a little bit, and he did so on his own. She couldn’t risk him shutting the small window he had opened for her.

It was just… she saw him as her friend.

Even if he didn’t think they were.

And if any of her other friends had shown up out of the blue, with the same painful tension controlling their bodies, she would’ve asked what was wrong and tried to help.

“Harry,” she spoke softly and waited for a reaction - for him to turn around and face her again. He didn’t. “Are you sure everything is all right?”

“Yeah, I’m fine,” he replied instantly, his voice laced with a deep defensive tone, as he kept his eyes on the shelf in front of him.

“Hm, okay…” Y/N hummed and gnawed on her lower lip, trying to figure out how to continue. “So, is there a reason for your little visit then?” It struck her then that, even if he had had tea with her mum the other day, it was the first time he was at her place. In her room. Which only reinforced her suspicions that something was wrong. He wouldn’t just show up without a reason.

“I- not really.”

“Oh.”

“I was just out for a run nearby and thought I’d stop by since I was in the neighbourhood…” he trailed off and threw a glance at her over his shoulder, meeting her concerned gaze for only a moment, before turning back to whatever had captured his attention on the shelf. She watched as he reached over to pick something up, though she could not see what. ”To see how you were.”

“Right,” Y/N nodded, a little taken aback by his strange behaviour. “Well, I’m good. Much better than the last time you saw me,” she let out a forced laugh, hoping it would lighten his mood.

It did nothing and she sighed.

Harry kept his focus on the item he had picked up, keeping himself busy by turning it over in his hands.

It forced her to take a step forward, moving closer to him, and she noticed the small angel made from clay between his fingers. “Hugo made me that,” she told him then, smiling sadly. “I broke my elbow during his first semester at uni and he made me that for Christmas. Told me I needed a guardian angel to keep me safe.”

“That’s very sweet,” Harry spoke lowly.

“It is,” Y/N agreed, and found herself smiling at the bittersweet memory that flashed before her. “You know, I meant it when I said that I’m here for you. I know I was drunk, but you really can talk to me if something is bothering you, Harry,” she told him, raising her hand slowly to put on his shoulder, before stopping herself halfway and letting it fall to her side again. “I mean… I mean, we’re friends… right?”

Despite having his back turned to her, Y/N could sense her own nerves spiralling out of control. It was such a simple question, childish even, but she knew that if he told her that they weren’t - she’d be hurt. After spending so many weeks talking to him, scheming, hanging out, and eventually opening up a little… Y/N couldn’t imagine them not being friends.

Their whole relationship had started out with her offering to pay him to take her out (she still needed to do that part) and that first night she had had no intention of actually befriending the bartender who turned her down.

Sure, it hadn’t taken her that long to realise that she perhaps wanted them to be friends.

But now she was certain she needed them to be friends.

A whole week had passed and they hadn’t talked, and it had already hurt her in more ways than she ever could’ve expected.

Harry had gone from being her fake date to someone she considered to be a real friend.

Or at least, he could be, if he let her.

“I just…” Harry sighed, putting the small angel back on the shelf. “I heard from home and… I-I don’t know.”

“Your mum?” Y/N held her breath as the question slipped past her lips.

“Nah,” he shook his head and then turned around to face her. “Patrick.”

“Oh,” she faltered, her heart sinking inside her chest as she took in the man standing before her. The coat of sadness falling over him, his eyes glossy and hands clasped in front of himself, made her own eyes tear up. “What’d he say?”

In a soft motion, she moved over to sit down on one of the chairs at the small table, gesturing towards the other chair, inviting him to sit down and keep the conversation going.

“He wants me to come home,” he admitted after a moment of silence, eventually accepting her offer to sit down. His knee bumped into hers underneath the table, and the warmth inside her flared up once again.

The only reason her body wasn’t fully engulfed by flames was the possibility of Harry returning to London. The thought alone left her mouth dry and she struggled to swallow the lump that immediately formed in her throat, though she tried her best to not let it show.

“Well, that’s nice,” She said instead. “Isn’t it?”

“Not really,” he muttered.

“They probably just miss you,” she tried weakly, knowing she had already suggested that to him before and been turned down.

“I doubt it,” he swallowed harshly, shaking his head, a curl falling down across his forehead and into his eyes. “I can’t go home.”

“Why not?”

“I don’t have a good relationship with them. It’s- It’s not like your family. You and your mum.”

“Do you wanna talk about it?” She asked warily.

“I don’t even know what to say,” Harry grumbled and let his head fall into his hands. Y/N stayed quiet, hoping the silence would let him gather his thoughts enough to continue talking to her.

It was strange to see him so unassertive. It was so far from the Harry she had gotten to know, and maybe that was what made her feel extra protective over him at that moment. “They expect me to be someone I’m not… and I just can’t do it anymore. I’m so tired.”

“Have you told them that?”

“I can’t do that.”

“Why not? I’m sure they’ll understand if you just explain how you’re feeling.”

Harry laughed dryly, his head still in his hands, making sure to keep his face away from her eyes.

“It’s not that easy.”

“It kind of is,” Y/N frowned.

“It kind of isn’t,” he repeated, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands. “You wouldn’t understand.”

“Try me,” she offered softly and, at last, she let her fingers dance across the table until she reached him. Harry flinched at her surprising touch and looked up at her with red eyes as she placed a comforting hand on his arm.

Neither of them spoke or moved for a while after that. The frown on his face disclosing the internal conflict going on inside him about whether he should tell her what had truly driven him to her home or not.

Y/N desperately wanted him to know that he was more than just a part of her stupid scheme. That he really could talk to her - she was there for him.

When she woke up that morning she had made a list of the pros and cons of what could happen if she went over to White Deer on Monday during her lunch.

Pros - she would see Harry again and hopefully come to the conclusion that she had been overthinking the unanswered text. Sometimes people didn’t reply and it didn’t have to mean anything.

Cons - she would see Harry again and come to the conclusion that he was in fact avoiding her and wanted nothing more to do with her after she was sick all over his bathroom.

The cons had outweighed the pros.

But she never could’ve imagined he’d show up at her home, and certainly not like this.

If only she could put him in her pocket and keep him there forever, protect him from whatever demons he was running from.

“Patrick comes from quite a wealthy family,” Harry spoke again, taking a deep breath before continuing. “It’s such a different world. It’s all so… superficial… ever since my mother got married to him I’ve trying to get accepted into the family and… I’m never gonna be. No matter what I do - it’s never enough. I’m not enough. It’s- I’m never going to be a real part of that family.”

Unaware of her actions, Y/N’s hand tightened on his arm, subconsciously squeezing every ounce of comfort she could muster out of her fingertips and into him. “If I told them I- they would just tell me to suck it up and move on.”

“Have you tried?”

“Mhm, didn’t change anything. When Leo and Millie were born I thought things would be different, that I wouldn’t be alone with all that pressure to be perfect, but they’ve had everything handed to them from the day they were born. I’ve been trying so hard to fit in with them. I turned into someone I didn’t- I don't want to be.”

“So… you left?” She asked carefully, the image of Tamara and her ring popped up again. Her whole body ached for him because it all just made so much sense. Just like that Harry made sense to her. Everything from his stern persona to the expensive car.

The man, who she thought was just a naturally grumpy guy, had fought all his life to find his place in the world. To find acceptance. His family wouldn’t give it to him. The person he loved couldn’t give it to him.

He was on his own.

His guard was not up to keep anyone out, it was simply doing what a guard should do - keep him safe.

And now he had opened up another little crack in his shell, giving her another piece himself.

“Yeah,” he confirmed and leaned back in the chair, causing her hand to fall from his arm. Y/N started to reach for him again, but just like she had earlier, she stopped herself before she could touch him.

He looked so tired; the dark circles underneath his eyes were a stark contrast against his otherwise washed-out skin. Perhaps if she hadn’t been so self-absorbed about getting with Reece, and forcing Harry to help her, Y/N would’ve seen the stress simmering within him.

So far, Harry had done a whole lot more for her than she had for him.

And she decided she needed to change that.

“You know,” she began and eyed the long curls falling over his face. “You still haven’t used the free haircut I offered you. I could give you a trim now if you’re up for it?”

“You really don’t have to,” he said. “I never expected anything from you.”

“Well, I promised you a haircut,” she objected. “And I would feel really bad if you didn’t let me keep my word.”

“Y/N, you-“

“C’mon, it’ll be fun for me!” And a good distraction for you hopefully, she thought. “I haven’t been to work all week. I’m feeling restless and your hair keeps falling into your eyes and it’s annoying me.”

“Is your foot gonna be okay?”

“My foot is fine! C’mon, please, I have everything I need here at home. You won’t even have to come into the salon and listen to Arlo and Margot’s bickering!”

“That’s a pretty good deal,” he mused and Y/N’s heart skipped a beat as she saw his lips turning into a soft smile.

“I know,” she bit her lip to stop her own grin from getting too big. “I promise you’ll thank me later! I’ve been dying to get my hands on your hair forever now, you have to let me give you a haircut. If not for yourself - you have to do it for me.”

“You’ve been dying to get your hands on my hair?” Harry teased and her eyes widened.

“Shut up.”

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It wasn’t until Harry sat in front of her, with the black cape covered in bleach fastened around his neck, that Y/N realised that she could hear her own heartbeat. The scissors were heavy in her hand. The silence within the four walls around them made her far too aware of every single movement her body made, especially with Harry taking up what felt like the entire room.

His presence, sitting on the small stool waiting for her to make the first cut, sent an explosion of nerves from the pit of her stomach to the tip of her fingers. It had been over a decade since the first time she cut someone else’s hair, and even back then; she hadn’t been as nervous as she was standing behind Harry - the back of his strong shoulders lightly brushing against her midsection.

“All right,” she said, more so to herself than him, and placed the scissors down on the tray next to them, not trusting herself and her sweaty palms just yet. “It’s no salon but I’ll try to give you the best non-salon-salon experience you’ve ever had.”

She wiped her hands on the apron she was wearing, quietly sending a distress signal to Little Y/N inside her head - begging her to reprogram her brain from the inside.

Harry was a normal client. A normal client, whose existence was creating a wall of butterflies within her, but still just a normal client. She knew how to cut hair. Harry’s hair was no different. It was just hair. There was no need to be nervous. “Do you have any specific preferences?”

“Not really,” he shrugged and turned his head around to glance back at her. “Not too short, I guess. You can do whatever though,” he paused for a second before continuing. “I trust you.”

Little Y/N was swarmed by the butterflies then, preventing her from doing any kind of reprogramming on the brain. The butterflies decided to shock her, causing an eruption of goosebumps to spread over her body.

“Okay, sure,” Y/N tried to smile and wiped her hands on the apron again. “I can definitely do that. I’ll just - I’ll cut your hair.”

“That’s kind of the point of getting a haircut, yeah?” He said and pressed his lips together to stop a smug smirk.

Y/N gave him a sarcastic smile in return, and snatched the spray bottle filled with water from the same tray the scissors were on, spraying him once right in the face. “Heey!”

A giggle escaped from her when she saw him pouting back at her, and that was enough to ease the irrational nerves in her belly.

After instructing him to turn back around and sit up straight, she picked the bottle back up to get his brown locks saturated. A part of her regretted the offer to cut his hair at home since she could not give him the full treatment she would’ve been able to give him back at BLOOM. There was no way for her to wash his hair comfortably without a proper wash station, the spray bottle would have to do. But she would’ve loved to ladder up his hair with a good shampoo, a shampoo that wouldn’t completely dry out his strands, and run her fingers through it; giving his scalp a well-deserved massage to help him relax.

Though, not having a wash station didn’t actually stop her from doing so, she realized.

With a slight tremble in her hands, she put the bottle down and buried her fingers into his thick curls, running them gingerly over his scalp, creating small circles as she reached the back of his neck.

Harry let out a content sigh.

Using her fingers to comb out any tangles in his hair, Y/N gradually moved her fingers across his scalp again, continuing the pattern of small circles. When she reached his temples she added a little pressure to her motions, gently pressing her thumbs into the skin by his hairline. “Mm, that feels nice,” Harry murmured, and a tingle tickled the insides of her tummy as she caught the low moan that followed.

When it was time to pick up the scissors again Y/N held the sharp item in her hand with a lot more confidence than before.

The first cut came easy, starting at the base of his neck, and the split ends fell to the floor one by one. It wasn’t until she came to the top of his head that a little doubt started to seep through again, uncertain of how short to make his messy waves. While she had been honest when she told him it annoyed her to see his hair always falling into his eyes, the swirls of hair still looked very pretty falling down his forehead and she didn’t want to cut it too short.

“Is two inches too much?” She hesitated.

“Take off whatever you need to,” was all he replied.

Y/N twirled a curl between her fingers, and even when she realized two inches would probably not be enough to remove all the damage, she found herself continuing to play with his damp hair.

It was addicting.

Especially as Harry let another low moan slip from his lips.

As she continued to turn the locks around in her hand Y/N decided two inches would have to do, and she would simply force him to let her put a hair mask in his hair before he left.

Said and done, she picked the scissors back up and started cutting off the rest of his damaged hair, leaving the top a little longer than the rest.

He tried to argue with her that she didn’t need to put any kind of treatment on him. But she ran off, retrieving the small tube from her bathroom, before he could figure out how to get up without stepping in all of the hair around him.

“Don’t be a baby,” she joked. “You just have to keep it in for like 15 minutes and you can use my shower to rinse it out. Your hair will thank you! I promise.”

“It’s really not necessary.”

“I’m the professional here,” she argued. “Besides, you kind of smell from your run. A shower would do you good.” He didn’t actually, but she really wanted to moisturize the dry locks. “I still have the clothes you let me borrow, you can put them on when you’re done, and really feel your new look!”

After putting the mask in his hair, as they waited for the timer to go off, Y/N started sweeping the floors to clean up all the hair.

Harry sat quietly, just watching her, and she cursed herself for not changing out of her old pyjamas. The once neon-coloured shorts had turned into a dull murky pink, and the bows printed across them no longer looked like bows, having faded so much it left the shorts looking dirty instead. They were also far too short for her to wear around someone else. Her cheeks turned hot as she worried he could see her ill-fitting panties through the thin fabric.

Although she thought, the childish t-shirt with a large photo of Barbie across the chest was probably worse.

God, she really should’ve changed.

But, just like the worn-out slippers, it was far too comfortable. The fabric was so soft it felt like air on her skin. A perfect set of clothes to wear when you were just planning to spend the whole day in bed.

And rather than explaining her unreasonable compulsion to keep everything that reminded her of her childhood, she told him to follow her into the bathroom.

Once in there, she pulled out her favourite shampoo and conditioner, ordering him to use both, before roaming through her drawers to find the right gel to help his curls transform.

Then her phone rang, letting them know the 15 minutes were up, and after pulling out a towel for him, Y/N left him alone to do his thing.

She fell on her bed with a heavy groan, using one of the pillows to silence the loud noise leaving her. Too many thoughts swimming around in her head to get a clear picture of what had just happened.

If anyone had told her that morning that Harry would show up at her house, let her cut his hair and then take a shower in her bathroom - Y/N would’ve laughed them right in the face.

Because what an absurd suggestion. Especially after not having talked to him for a week. Harry was not the type of person to casually show up anywhere, nevertheless, show up to see her.

Although, he did bring her a brownie at work that one time...

No! she immediately shut her brain down. Don’t start overthinking now.

Harry had never even acknowledged the potential friendship between them. Never confirming, nor denying, their deal had maybe developed into something else.

For all she knew, he was counting down the days until she wouldn’t show up at White Deer to pester him into another brilliant scheme.

But then, as soon as she heard the shower running from inside the bathroom, images of Harry getting undressed, water dripping down his tired body, breached her already shattered mind.

The protective instinct to make him feel better had pushed away the unwanted feelings the unanswered text had left her with. She didn’t like not knowing how he was doing or how his day had been. Even if she was the one to usually text him first- he always replied. Always.

Until last week, and maybe she wasn’t really ready to admit it yet, but she had genuinely missed him.

The tingle in her stomach, as she had finally been in the same room as him again, caused a flood of mixed emotions to tear down every wall she had ever put up.

And she didn’t know which one to hold onto to save herself from completely drowning.

“Um, Y/N?” Harry’s voice interrupted. She lifted her head, the pillow falling down next to her, to see him peeking out from behind the bathroom door. “I have no idea what you want me to do with this gel.”

“I told you. You have to like scrunch it into your hair - like this,” she scolded him as she sat up, using her right hand to demonstrate the technique she had explained to him earlier.

“How much?”

“Hang on.”

Without really thinking twice about it she was back on her feet and made her way back into the bathroom, pushing the door open and basically forcing him to let her in.

It wasn’t until they were face to face again that she understood that she should’ve stayed put on the bed.

Because as she looked up at him, and she really did try her best to look up, it became painfully hard to ignore the fact that he stood before her with nothing but a towel wrapped around his hips.

A couple drops of water fell from his freshly washed hair. Y/N struggled to not let her gaze follow them as they rolled down his chest, following the outlines of his muscles down the patch of hair below his belly button, until said drops were absorbed by the towel hanging loosely around him. “Ehm, you don’t- um, I didn’t- I- Here, I’ll do it for you.”

She didn’t bother waiting for his reply and snatched the tube of gel out of his hands, needing something to distract herself from his naked body.

It wasn’t until she had squirted a blob of the gel into her hand and rubbed them together that the flaw in her plan became apparent. To get the gel into his hair she had to get closer, and there was just no way to ignore the toned man in front of her when he was so close.

The heat from his body captivated her like a moth to a flame, and it left her lightheaded as she let her fingers sink into the wet locks of his hair. Not a single coherent thought went through her head as she tried to hug his strands of hair into their natural wave pattern. She simply had no idea what she was doing, and it wasn’t until she felt his firm hand on her hip that Y/N caught onto the fact that she had lost her footing, stumbling slightly to the side.

“Y’okay?” His deep voice shook the floor beneath her feet.

“Mhm,” she hummed quickly, giving him a shaky smile. “Super.”

“You sure?” Harry pressed, his hand still burning through the thin fabric of her stupid pyjama shorts. “Is your foot hurting?”

“I’m fine!” Y/N snapped and pulled her hands close to her chest, imagining they would somehow help suppress the sound of her racing heart. “Sorry, um- I’m fine. I-I think that’s good now.” She had to get out of there.“I’ve got a hairdryer in the bottom of that cabinet.”

Originally, she had planned to dry his hair herself, but her lungs needed air and the stuffy air inside the bathroom had sucked every ounce of oxygen out of her. “Use it on low heat and, please, do not put it directly on your hair.”

The sound of the whirring dryer felt miles away as she sat in her bed, just waiting for him to be done. No matter how hard she tried - she couldn’t get the image of wet shirtless Harry out of her mind. It was burned into her memory now, leaving her body to experience all kinds of emotions at once.

In a desperate attempt to gather herself before Harry came back out, Y/N pulled her computer back onto her lap. She really, really could not allow herself to even begin trying to figure out what any of the conflicting emotions meant, not when he was right there on the other side of the wall.

When Harry eventually emerged her racing heart had thankfully gone down to its normal rate. He ran a hand through his new hair, giving it a slight shake.

It was the first real look she got of her work since her head had been elsewhere as soon as he sat down before her. It looked good. The matted waves already had a new life to them, a new shine. While the sides were much shorter, a thick strand fell down from the top of his head in a gorgeous soft-looking curl.

Y/N couldn’t hold back a smile as she witnessed the new look. It brought a glow to all of him that hadn’t been there before. The shorter style showed off his prominent jawline even more and the familiar itch to run her fingers through it made another appearance.

Harry stopped before he could reach her, fidgeting with the strings of his hoodie timidly.

“Do you like it?” She asked, chewing on the bottom of her lip, afraid he wouldn’t share her excitement.

“I do, yeah,” he nodded but didn’t make any indications of moving from the spot he stood frozen.

“I’m glad,” Y/N breathed out a small sigh of relief. “You look really nice.”

“Thank you.”

There was a glimmer behind the green as their eyes locked, leaving her heart to start another game of racing in her chest. Harry ran another hand through his hair, hopefully enjoying the unfamiliar softness of his strands, and Y/N couldn’t help but notice how his cheeks flushed in a deep colour of pink.

“You can take the gel home with you, and the other stuff too,” she offered softly. “I’ll just get some new ones from work on Monday.”

He thanked her again and the boyish grin he gave her was perhaps the cutest thing she had ever seen, the corner of his eyes crinkled as his lips parted, showcasing a row of sparkling white teeth. In that short moment, he radiated a brightness, a genuine happiness, she didn’t know he had in him.

The deep dimple on the side of his cheek was just the icing on the cake. It was enough to completely erase the empty void that had occupied the room for the last couple of days.

She might’ve screwed herself over by giving him a haircut.

“Can I join you?” Harry surprised her with his question and nodded to where she was still sitting on the bed.

“O-Of course.”

It was a different experience having him slide down next to her in her own bed, compared to sharing the cramped twin-sized bed at his place. There was plenty of space for them to share, the mattress didn’t creak under their weight, and a sense of security embraced her as his shoulder pressed against hers.

And despite the fact that he smelled exactly like how she would after a shower - it was the best thing she had ever experienced.

“Thank you for this,” he told her then. “Truly.”

“Don’t worry about it,” she waved off his appreciation. “I owe you for helping me with Reece and everything.”

The mention of the blonde man’s name caused his body to stiffen next to hers and regret immediately soared through her as the mood between them shifted. “I’m just glad you like it,” she added, hoping to save the situation. “I’m also very happy you stopped by. I definitely needed the company. I was worried you had had enough of me after the last time we hung out… I know I annoy you.”

“Never,” Harry assured her firmly. “It’s just… It’s been a lot. A lot to figure out.”

Y/N hesitated before speaking again.

“Are you gonna go back to London?”

“I don’t know,” he said with a long sigh.

“Do you want to?”

“Not really.”

“Well,” she began and turned her head so she could look him in the eyes again, feeling the most confident that she had ever been as she prepared her next words. “Screw Patrick and whatever it is he wants you to do then.”

“I’m not so sure it’s that simple.” Harry tilted his head backward, staring up at the ceiling as he let her words sink in.

“You’re allowed to live your life the way you want to, Harry,” she told him, surprising herself by reaching out and stroking the now shorter lock of hair away, letting her finger linger on his cheek for a moment. “They don’t get to decide what makes you happy. You do.”

Harry turned to glance at her again, letting himself get a little lost in her touch as she felt him lean into her hand. It was a subtle move on his part, but Y/N didn’t miss it. How could she? When her whole body was filled with wild tremors from his enchanting gaze.

“Just for the record,” Harry started, his voice no louder than a whisper, and caught her hand in his. “We are friends, Ducky.”

And all of a sudden, the stubble across his chin scratched against her face the same way it had the last time she found herself in bed with him. She had no idea how his face had gotten so close to hers. All of her sense had been preoccupied by the way his thumb gently caressed the skin by her knuckles.

They might not have been drunk, but having him so close again left her head spinning more than tequila ever had. When his warm breath fawned out over her already parted lips, Y/N let her eyes fall shut - determined to not let him slip away from her a second time.

And then he was kissing her, softly at first, only giving her a small taste of himself, his lips grazing hers no more than a light summer breeze would. It didn’t stop the warmth that had been brewing in her belly from boiling over though.

Her hand fell to the back of his neck and she pushed herself closer, afraid she’d lose the touch of his soft lips if she didn’t.

It was all it took for him to circle his arm around her, gathering her against his hard chest. He groaned softly, low in his throat, as she clung to him.

Whatever had held him back as he first took the plunge and let their lips meet in a gentle kiss was gone. His mouth explored hers like he had been starving for the past three months.

And she kissed him back with the same eagerness, his hair curled around her fingers, now silky and smooth, drawing herself as close as she could.

The taste of him on her tongue was intoxicating, a delicate whine leaving her when his touch found her skin under her stupid shirt. His fingers digging into her sides, keeping her as close as possible.

She had been right to think a kiss between them would change everything.

She couldn’t get enough of him, and she knew, knew that she was lost.

Forever lost in that kiss.

That was until she felt him pull away, heavy breaths mixing between them as he leaned his forehead against hers.

“I’m sorry,” he panted. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

“It’s okay,” she said breathlessly, still keeping her eyes closed in an attempt to wrap her mind around what had just happened.

“It’s not,” he grumbled, sliding his hands down from under her shirt, leaving the places he had touched feeling cold. Y/N fell back, and Harry took the opportunity to carefully shove her off him. “I have to go.”

“What?” She blinked her eyes open and watched him scurry around the room to find his shoes and the clothes he had arrived in. “No, it’s- Harry you don’t have to go.”

If she hadn’t been so stunned by the turn of events the kiss had taken - Y/N would’ve jumped up and blocked him from leaving. Unfortunately, her body was unable to move from where she was still sitting on the bed.

Harry ran a hand through his hair, averting his eyes to anywhere but her, his cheeks rosy and chest rising and falling with heavy breaths.

“Thank you for the haircut eh- we’ll - I’ll see you around.”

As soon as the door closed behind him, Y/N felt herself getting swallowed by the hollow void once again.

.

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A/N: I’M BACK!! and it was a long one!! As always I’m sorry it’s taken a while, but a lot has been going on in my life. My mum was sick for a bit and some other personal stuff.

BUT!!! What a ride huh? A lot happened here and I’m dying to know what you all think! I think it’s safe to say Harry is a little scared and our little Ducky is definitely confused to say the least, and there is still much more to come!! I’ll be honest I’m a little scared too, to hear what you all thought of this part. I know there was a lot going on but it needed to happen and it didn’t make sense to split it up anymore than it already is. PLEASE drop a little comment with your thoughts, share and like (if you liked it hehe)

Until next time, be safe and do things that make you happy<3

💏 TAGLIST: TAGLIST: @annesauriol @boomitsallie1 @caramello-styles @tenaciousperfectionunknown @perfectywrong @behindmygreyeyes @carolina-kiwi @jessitpwk @sunshinemoonsposts @inlikea-coolway @matildasatellite @duhstyles

let me know if you want to be added<3

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