the boiz get a bit jealous/left out when their own member lowk ditches them in concerts, events or even like hang outs to be with diff groups (can be any group/s u want :]) cuz already close friends with them & the boiz finally have a chat about it!
be creative and free & take ur time tysm! 🔥🔥
EVERYWHERE EXCEPT WITH YOUR MEMBERS
➪ pairing : ot4 lngshot x 5th member reader
➪ summary : it’s not that the members are jealous when you leave to be with your other friends…but they all make a plan to keep you with them during an event.
➪ other notes : YAY MY FIRST 5TH MEMBER READER FOR LNGSHOT !!! i hope i can get more requests like this because i do wanna start writing more ot4 plus 5th member.
you have quite a few bad habits. you always forget to remove your coffee pod from the coffee maker. you tend to round up in time, making your other members think they’re running late. you hog the bathroom after busy days with hopes of being able to decompress. all of this is fine, annoying yes, but overall your friends don’t mind too bad.
what they don’t like is when you leave them at every single event without fail. even if staff tells the five of you to stick together, at some point you just wander off. not to cause trouble but to hang out with your other friends. louis was the first one to actually notice your habit when he turns to where you’re supposed to be only to get taken aback that you’re nowhere to be seen.
“wait guys, y/n just disappeared !” he alerts his older members, immediately panicked. “nah, she’s with her friends,” ryul turns around and points at you. you’re laughing, seeming overjoyed that you get to be around other girls. “aren’t we also her friends ?” louis frowns, this was supposed to be a fun get together, some team building !
the other boys think about louis’ words and come to the conclusion that he’s actually right. and so from that day forward, it became a running joke between the four of them that you secretly want to get away from all of them. they don’t tell you, you’d probably beat them if you found out they were talking shit. but soon enough, that joke turned sour the more you left them.
“does y/n even like us ?” woojin randomly asks, shoving pork into his mouth. the guys were sitting around the coffee table, eating takeout as you were in the bathroom showering after a tiring day. “we’re a team aren’t we ?” ohyul states, taking a sip out of drink. “doesn’t mean she actually likes us…” louis mumbles under his breath.
“well it’s not like we can keep her with us forever,” ohyul shrugs, making the rest of the boys go silent. “technically …” ryul starts and ohyul shakes his head instantly. “no, don’t start-“ “this is for the greater good,” woojin tries to persuade him, speaking with his mouth full. “i said no, we are not that type of toxic friend group,” ohyul attempts to stand firm on his words.
“please hyung,” louis puts his hands in prayer position. and with those two words, ohyul’s resolve crumbles and dies out. he rubs his face, groaning into his hands. “okay, enough whining, let’s figure something out,” there’s a small celebration from the other three, accompanied by ohyul’s sigh before their planning starts.
by the time you’re done showering, steam fills the room, making it feel like a sauna. when you exit, you see your members all putting their hands together in what seems like an agreement. their heads snap towards you as if they’ve been caught red handed. “…okay, totally not suspicious,” you mumble, walking to your room. and that’s how the plan is officially set.
the next time the five of you are meant to go out together as a group is about a week later. the day starts out rough. louis is violently coughing, not wanting to get out of bed. he doesn’t feel too hot to the touch but that doesn’t mean he’s not sick. “i don’t know louis, you look like you’re on your death bed,” you scratch your head, grimacing at his toddler cough.
woojin watches from the doorway, feigning worry. he and louis make brief eye contact, a small signal that this is working…until you ruin it moments later. “well in that case, i guess you’ll have to stay home,” you shrug, pulling the blanket up to his chin. “wait what ?!” louis immediately sits up like he wasn’t complaining a second ago. you raise your eyebrow, suspiciously eyeing him.
“i mean, we still need to go, it’s a social event,” you put your hands on your hips. “a-actually i don’t think he feels that sick to stay home, right louis ?” woojin swoops in, sitting on louis’ bed, wrapping his arm around the younger boy’s shoulder a little too tight. “for sure, just give me like 10 more minutes and i’m up,” louis awkwardly smiles. you stand there for a few more seconds before sighing, “do what you want.”
you leave his room thinking to yourself that he’s such a weird kid. the two maknaes sigh in relief, despite their attempt not working whatsoever. the four of them regroup again, phase one : get y/n to take care of a fake sick louis - failed. “i’m glad you didn’t pursue being an actor,” ryul hits louis on the back of his head. “guys i was coughing for real !” louis whines, gripping his head from the hit.
“yeah bro but you overdid it, hooting and hollering,” woojin scolds him and the two start bickering. “okay that’s enough,” ohyul clears his throat. “everyone lock in and just act like everything’s normal, i got this,” he says with full confidence. “bro don’t mess this up,” ryul warns him, not wanting to step into phase three of getting ( forcing ) you to hang out with them.
when the five of you arrive to the event, the boys see you already eyeing the different small crowds. at this point they’re not even sure if you’re looking for any available friend or for a secret boyfriend. “ah,” you spot woonhak, waving at him, about to make your way towards him. “wait,” ohyul grips your arm, immediately making you frown at him. “sorry, just wanted to go with you,” he innocently smiles with teeth.
“okay ?” you turn to the other three who instantly look away from the two of you. “you know, he’s also my friend so it only makes-“ “i know that ohyul, you don’t need to explain it,” you furrow your eyebrows, already walking ahead of him. things are relatively going well, at least one member is around you. to you, it just feels like a looming presence.
“hey is he okay ?” woonhak whispers to you as ohyul is grabbing a small block of cheese from the waiter’s cheese board. “ummm he’s ohyul,” you shrug and that’s a good enough explanation. but by the time ohyul turns around, you and woonhak are long gone. “shit !” he curses, chewing on his cheese like a starving mouse. he tries to find you in the crowd but zero success.
he instead makes his way back to the group, shoulders slumped. phase two : be with y/n when she hangs out with friends - failed. “bro what did i say ?” ryul clicks his teeth. “i told you guys, she doesn’t even like us !” woojin makes a face. “wait, we still have one more phase !” a hopeful louis says, seeing that you’re now in a circle of different idols, how many friends do you even have ?!
the shaky four all take a deep breath before the second oldest makes his way to you. ryul lightly taps you, earning a surprised look from you. “oh what’s up ?” you ask, already wanting to return to your conversation. “could we talk to you ?” ryul asks, obviously nervous to even be asking you this. “uh sure ?” he pulls you away from your friends as you hastily say goodbye to them.
you meet up once again with all of your members, “what’s up guys ?” “umm staff said we have to be together,” ohyul lies but you have no reason not to believe him. “yeah that’s alright,” you nod before looking around to see if you have any nearby friends, unfortunately you don’t. what follows is three grueling hours of everyone making you tag along wherever they go.
you try to get away from them. this is the one time you can actually talk to other people about things not related to work, but they’re blowing it for you ! it feels almost suffocating, they’ve never been this clingy, especially not towards you. and like a looming cloud over you, your friends feel weird that your conversation is being heard by a third party…well technically more parties.
it doesn’t help that even when you guys are meant to separate, someone is always with you ! you need to go to the bathroom ? louis is waiting outside. you want a drink ? woojin is asking for two. someone talks to you ? ohyul is inputting his own opinion. you step outside for fresh air ? ryul is watching you, asking if you’re okay.
phase three : have at least one member be with y/n at all times - success ? by the end of the event, you feel extremely overwhelmed. you didn’t even get to say bye to your friends properly. you’d be lying if you said you weren’t at least a little peeved at all of them especially now that you’re touching shoulders with ohyul and woojin in the back seat of this stupid van on your way home.
the ride is very quiet. no one’s talking, not even to playfully argue about who was dressed the best. to them, their plan technically worked but it’s the fact that they had to go this far for your attention that bothers them. you on the other hand have no idea how to break the ice but soon enough when enough anger builds up in you, you finally snap. it feels like everyone is playing a sick joke on you.
“guys what is going on ? this whole day, it’s felt like i have gum on the bottom of my shoe,” you cross your arms, tired of whatever they have going on. “we just wanted to hang out,” ryul calmly says, attempting to not anger you. “we were though, we came here together and now we’re leaving together,” you say, confused by the situation.
they go quiet for a few seconds, not knowing how to say this nicely. then, louis finally blurts it out, “you never stay with us when we leave home !” the others gasp at his bluntness and they’re just about ready for you to storm off in disbelief. but you stay still, now even more confused by everything “what ?” ohyul raises his hands defensively, “i think what louis means is that we don’t match what a team is supposed to be.”
“you leave for hours sometimes and there’s times where staff comes and asks where you are and we just don’t know how to respond,” woojin adds with a frown. “and it’s not a one time thing, it’s all the time y/n,” ryul looks at you as he says that. now it’s your turn to become silent. you think before sighing, “i didn’t think of it like that.”
your tone lacks anger, much to their relief. “to me, we hang out all the time, maybe not in public but i’m always with you guys,” you continue, rubbing your chin. “louis, we binge shows and movies all the time, we literally cried in every episode of ‘when life gives you tangerines’ !” he bites his inner cheek with glossy eyes. “yeah i guess that’s true,” he mumbles.
“ohyul, i spot you whenever you need help with weights,” ohyul nods in agreement with a small “yeah.” you’re right, you have done that for him more times that he can count on both of his hands. “woojin, i stay up till the crack of dawn watching you edit just so you won’t be alone,” he looks away from you, guilt starting to pool in his stomach. “ryul, i’m the first one to go with you if you need to go shopping and vice versa !”
you continue, “i even covered up for you when you bought that va-“ “okay that’s enough,” he cuts you off, looking around to make sure no one heard that. “ the point is that i do like hanging out with all of you…but i really need some space sometimes,” you try to gently tell them. “that doesn’t mean i hate you guys, i just kinda wanna feel normal with other people,” you make a disgusted face at your own words.
“plus we literally live together guys. we practice together, we eat together, we do everything together !” you accidentally hit woojin as you wave your arms around, making him mumble a small “ow.” “so you don’t hate us ?” louis turns around in his seat to face you. “no of course not !” you reply, still emotional. “it sucks when you disappear especially when you don’t say anything to us,” ryul shakes his head.
“sometimes you even look happier to be without us,” woojin leans his head against the window, it only makes you feel even more guilty. “i’m sorry, i didn’t think it mattered too much,” you apologize, rubbing your face, surely ruining your makeup. “just please tell at least one of us if you leave,” ohyul decides not to fault you even more.
“i will, i swear i will,” you promise, nodding. “but can everyone please gain some self respect and stop assuming i hate all of you,” you lean back against your seat, exhaling in relief. the boys grumble in agreement with some residual annoyance. your friends can be stupid sometimes but you can’t help but smile to yourself. they wouldn’t have done this if they didn’t love you.
summary; ryul spends months chasing the biggest opportunity of his career but by the time he turns around, the girl he’s been doing it all for is already slipping through his fingers..
warnings; angst, ryul lowkey workaholic, mentions of another girl, reader is a fashion / beauty influencer
wc; 9k - requested 1 & 2
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if anyone looked at you and ryul separately, they would’ve laughed if you told them you were dating
you were all soft edges and glossy lips, matching sets in pastel colors, skincare routines that took longer than some movies, a camera roll filled with outfit photos and blurry pictures of your matcha
your entire career revolved around aesthetics; fashion, beauty, lifestyle, everything looked pretty, soft, cute and mostly pink
meanwhile ryul looked like he belonged on the opposite side of the universe; messy hair, oversized hoodies, silver chains, rings on every finger and a permanent look on his face that made strangers think he hated everyone around him
he was one of the biggest names in the rap scene and unfortunately he knew it,
“they love me,” he’d say dramatically whenever fans gathered outside venues,
“you’re so full of yourself,”
“and yet you still date me,”
“somehow yeah,”
“see? love,”
he’d grin every single time, that little cocky and obnoxious grin, almost a little too confident
he had this bad boy image to the outside world, but the truth was that nobody got to see the version of ryul you did,
the version that sent you voice notes at three in the morning because he found a cat that looked funny, the version that begged you to do face masks with him, the version that laid on your lap while you edited content and complained about producers for hours, the version that secretly loved being taken care of
you worked because somehow the differences balanced each other out,
when he forgot to eat because he was locked in a studio for twelve hours, you reminded him, when you spent 40 minutes deciding between 2 nearly identical shades of pink lipstick, he chose one and told you they looked exactly the same, which usually started an argument,
“they do not look the same,”
“baby they’re both pink,”
“one is rose pink,”
“that’s just a different way to say pink,”
“get out,”
“this is my apartment,”
you genuinely hated him sometimes (in a loving way) he thought it was hilarious,
overall life was easy with him, at least for a while,
then came the show,
a competition series; multiple artists paired together to create performances, songs and challenges over several months,
it was huge, the kind of opportunity people waited years for, the kind of thing that could push an already successful career even further, the kind that had the whole industry in a chokehold,
you were excited for him at first, genuinely excited, because this was a huge deal after all,
he called you the day he got the offer and you remembered hearing him practically yell into the phone,
“baby we’re so back,”
“who is we?”
“me,”
“oh,”
“and emotionally, you,”
you laughed so hard you nearly dropped your phone and he spent the next week talking about nothing else,
ideas, performances, strategies, possible pairings, outfits, literally everything and when he found out he’d been partnered with djessy, he seemed even more motivated,
you knew who she was, everyone did actually, she was another rapper, super popular and so talented even people who have absolutely no idea about rap can tell she knows what she’s doing
she’s covered in tattoos, she’s cool in the effortless way people spent years trying to imitate (and fail)
ryul and djessy match in a different way, they looked like they belonged in the same world, something you tried not to think about,
at first, nothing really changed or at least not enough to matter, he was busy and you understood that, he had rehearsals, meetings, recording sessions, late nights in the studio,
you never wanted to be the girlfriend who complained every time her boyfriend focused on work, especially not when this meant so much to him, so when he cancelled date night once, you shrugged it off, when he forgot to call one evening, you told yourself it wasn’t a big deal,
when he responded 6 hours late with a quick ‘sorry baby studio was crazy today’ you convinced yourself that was normal too,
because it was,
right?
but then the little things started piling up, the good morning texts became shorter, the phone calls became less regularly, the random updates throughout the day disappeared completely and somehow djessy’s name started appearing everywhere..
“djessy had this idea for the performance,”
“djessy knows this producer,”
“me and djessy were talking about-”
“djessy thinks-”
“djessy said-”
djessy, djessy, djessy.
you hated yourself every time you noticed, because it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong, he wasn’t flirting, he wasn’t hiding anything, he was just talking,
but after hearing her name for the 50th time in a single week, something uncomfortable settled in your chest,
one evening you were sitting together on his couch, your head resting against his shoulder or at least it should’ve been, instead he was scrolling through messages, barely paying attention,
“look,” you said softly, turning your phone toward him, “they finally approved the campaign,”
“mhm,”
you waited.. but nothing,
“ryul,”
“yeah?”
his eyes never left his screen and you stared at him, then slowly lowered your phone again.
“nothing,”
it was stupid.. such a tiny thing, but somehow it stayed with you the entire drive home, because 6 months ago he would’ve been excited, he would’ve asked endless questions, he would’ve celebrated with you but now you weren’t even sure he’d heard what you’d said, but still, you kept trying,
you sent him photos throughout your day, you called him first, you asked about rehearsals, you asked about the show, you listened to him rant about judges and producers and performance concepts and you supported him through everything,
because relationships weren’t always 50/50, sometimes one person needed more support,
you knew that and you understood that, you repeated it to yourself every single night, even when your messages started looking embarrassingly one sided..
even when dates got postponed again, even when he promised he’d call and didn’t, even when you sat awake at 2 in the morning staring at your phone like an idiot,
he’s busy, he’s stressed, he’s tired, he still loves you, he’s busy, he’s stressed, he’s tired, he still loves you
eventually the words stopped sounding reassuring instead they started sounding like excuses and somehow that felt feeling became more and more difficult to deal with..
the most ironic part is that the internet noticed before ryul did, which was honestly not even surprising at this point, it started with small comments underneath your videos,
you look tired :(
is it just me or does she seem kinda sad lately?
hope you’re taking care of yourself queen
where’s the smile???
at first you laughed them off, people online noticed everything, one different tone of voice and suddenly everyone thought your life was falling apart, but then more comments appeared, more videos, more clips, people making side by side comparisons from a few months ago versus now
you hated watching them, because they weren’t entirely wrong,
you looked thinner, your cheeks weren’t as full, the bright energy people always associated with you seemed dimmer somehow,
but even through all this, you still posted, still smiled, still filmed your morning routines and skincare videos and little shopping vlogs, but it felt like performing a character lately..
and the worst part?
you couldn’t even pinpoint exactly when things started feeling different, there wasn’t a huge fight, there wasn’t cheating, there wasn’t some dramatic breakup worthy moment, just a 100 tiny disappointments stacked on top of each other until suddenly your chest felt heavy all the time,
meanwhile..
ryul’s show was everywhere,
every social media app, every trending page, every clip, every interview and unfortunately every comment section..
djessy and ryul are carrying this season!!!
holy shitttt their chemistry is insane!!!
they work so well together
omgggg they literally look like they belong together
you stopped reading after that,
you told yourself it didn’t bother you and honestly? it wasn’t even the shipping comments, because you knew how fans worked, they shipped anyone standing next to each other,
what hurt was knowing strangers were seeing more of your boyfriend than you were..
they got new content every week, you got unanswered messages
one afternoon you received an email, a popular variety show wanted you as a guest and your first instinct was to tell ryul, to share this news with him, you even opened your messages, your fingers hovering over the keyboard;
guess what!!! i got invited to-
you stared at the screen,
then deleted everything, because suddenly a horrible thought crossed your mind,
what if he doesn’t care?
the realization made your stomach twist, so you didn’t tell him,
nonetheless you accepted the invitation, you showed up anx filmed the episode, smiled when the cameras pointed at you, laughed when everyone else laughed and went home exhausted afterwards
when the episode aired a few weeks later, the reaction wasn’t what you expected, people weren’t talking about your outfit or your jokes or even the stories you shared,
they were talking about how different you looked
she seems really low energy :(
is she okay?????
i hope she’s eating enough…
she looked so tired during this episode what happened???
you tried ignoring it, until your phone lit up with a message from ohyul;
ohyul: hey
ohyul: u okay?
you stared at the screen,
then another message appeared
woojin: hyul hyung showed me the episode
woojin: you look kinda sick ngl
woojin: come over tonight
woojin: we’re making dinner
before you could answer, another text followed,
woojin: and don’t say you’re busy
woojin: because i know that’s a lie
you laughed softly, for the first time in days
they’d always been kind to you, they treated you like family long before you and ryul became official. which made declining feel even worse..
you: i’m okay
you: promise
you: just tired lately
ohyul: bullshit
you: language
ohyul: come eat dinner
you knew exactly why you were saying no.. because ryul would be there.. and somehow seeing him felt harder than missing him, you couldn’t handle sitting across from him while he checked his phone every 5 minutes, you couldn’t handle pretending everything was normal while deep down you’re longing for something that’s not really there.. right now..
so you stayed home,
a week later filming finally paused for a short break, you were lying in bed scrolling mindlessly when your phone buzzed,
ryul: baby
you blinked,
then sat up when another message appeared,
ryul: miss u
ryul: want to hang out tomorrow?
your chest immediately tightened. because part of you wanted to cryc another part wanted to throw your phone across the room and another part hated yourself for still feeling relieved
you replied yes and the next day he picked you up and acted exactly the same as always, like nothing had changed, like months hadn’t passed, like you hadn’t spent countless nights staring at your phone wondering if he remembered you existed
he greeted you with a grin, kissed your forehead, stole your sunglasses, called you dramatic when you complained, took you to your favorite café, ordered your favorite drink without asking and everything felt painfully normal, almost enough to make you think you’d imagined everything
until halfway through the afternoon when his phone buzzed and immediately his attention shifted, just for a second, but you immediately noticed.. because lately you noticed everything
“what?” he asked,
you quickly looked away, “nothing,”
“djessy’s asking something about her verse gimme a sec,”
he squeezed your hand, smiled, and went back to talking once he was done and somehow that hurt more, because now you can see with your own eyes that this version of him still existed, he just wasn’t around anymore..
not around you at least,
when filming started again, things somehow got worse,
you didn’t even know how that was possible but he disappeared again,
longer gaps between replies, even shorter conversations, more cancelled plans, less effort.. less everything..
you stopped asking to see him first, stopped initiating calls, stopped expecting things because somehow it hurt less that way or at least that’s what you told yourself..
one evening woojin called unexpectedly,
“can i ask you something?”
“depends,”
“why is ryul acting weird?”
you froze, “..what?”
“nah i’m being fr,”
you heard voices in the background, probably the rest of their team,
“he’s been impossible lately,”
“maybe he’s stressed,”
“yeah but he’s also stupid,”
“that’s true,” you chuckled softly,
woojin continued, “why didn’t he invite you to dinner?”
your smile dropped immediately, “what dinner?”
silence, immediate silence that could literally cut through steel..
the kind that told you everything,
“..woojin?”
“shit,”
your stomach dropped, “what dinner?”
“there was a team dinner..”
you waited,
“..last week,”
you swallowed, “oh,”
“i thought you knew, everyone was there,”
and of course djessy had been there, everyone had, except you..
and that hurt more than if he’d intentionally excluded you, because it meant he genuinely hadn’t even thought about it..
a few days later ohyul texted asking if you wanted to stop by the company, he had some downtime before practice
you agreed, mostly because you missed having friends and you could use some ohyul jokes in your life right now,
when you arrived, ohyul was running late,
5 minutes, he texted, so you waited near one of the rehearsal rooms and that’s when you heard voices,
familiar voices,
ryul and ohyul
you weren’t trying to eavesdrop, you would’ve walked away immediately if it wasn’t for you hearing your own name..
“..i’m serious ryul,”
ohyul sounded angry, like genuinely angry..
“she’s not doing good,”
silence.
then ryul, “what are you talking about?”
“exactly what i said,”
another small pause,
“have you even looked at her recently?”
your stomach dropped,
“bro-“
“she’s lost weight,”ohyul cut him off immediately, “she looks exhausted all the time,”
silence.
“woojin and i literally had to text her because we were worried,”
more silence and your heart hurt instantly.. you felt heavy in a way you’ve never felt before
because suddenly you realized; he didn’t know, he genuinely didn’t know..
“she’s just busy too,”
“bullshit,” ohyul sounded furious now, “you’ve been so focused on this show that you haven’t noticed your own girlfriend falling apart,”
your heart started pounding so hard you could hear it in your head,
“that’s not fair,”
“really?”ohyul laughed bitterly, “then tell me the last time you took her on a date
silence.
“the last time you called her?”
silence.
“the last time you asked how she was doing?”
silence.
“bro when’s the last time you saw her smile..?”
you squeezed your eyes shut, because somehow hearing it out loud made everything real and for the first time since all of this started..
ryul had absolutely no answer
“you know what i don’t understand?”ohyul’s voice echoed through the room,
“what?”
“how literally everyone noticed except you,”
ryul sighed heavily,
you couldn’t see him but he looked exhausted, he had dark circles under his eyes, his hair messy from rehearsal, his phone still buzzing every few minutes with new notifications,
“bro i’m tired,”
“yeah? imagine how she feels,”
silence.
“you’re acting like i’m doing this on purpose,”
“i’m acting like you’ve been a shitty boyfriend,”
ryul looked away immediately, because that one landed hard,
“she knows i’m busy,”
“busy doesn’t mean absent,”
another silence.
“do you even know what she’s been doing lately?”
ryul frowned, “what?”
ohyul stared at him, waiting.. and when no answer came, his expression somehow got even more frustrated,
“exactly,”
“come on,”
“no seriously,”
ohyul sat forward, “do you know what projects she’s working on?”
silence.
“what brands she’s partnered with recently?”
silence.
“when’s the last time you asked her about her work?”
more silence.
ryul rubbed a hand over his face, the guilt was starting to creep in now.. slowly and uncomfortably,
“things have been crazy lately,”
“that’s your excuse for everything,”
“because it’s true,”
“and what’s gonna happen after the show’s over?”
“what?”
“you’re gonna wake up one day and realize she’s gone,”
that finally got a reaction, ryul’s head snapped up immediately, “she’s not gonna leave me,”
ohyul laughed, but there wasn’t anything funny about it, “you sure?”
the room fell quiet and for a moment neither of them spoke, then ryul shook his head,
“you’re making this way bigger than it is,”
ohyul looked like he wanted to throw something at him but instead he asked,
“how many hours a day are you spending with djessy?”
“what?”
“answer,”
“i don’t kno-“
“exactly,”
ryul groaned, “why are you bringing djessy into this?”
“because she’s involved whether you realize it or not,”
“she’s my team mate,”
“and?”
“and nothing,”
ohyul looked unconvinced and ryul continued before he could say anything else,
“we’re working together all day,”
“and?”
“and she’s helping me with the performances,”
“and?”
“and she gets it,”
the second the words left his mouth, ryul froze and so did ohyul..
the room suddenly felt very quiet,
“..she gets it?”
ryul immediately knew how bad that sounded, “that’s not what i meant,”
“really?”
“yes,”
“because it sounds exactly like what you meant,”
“dude-“
“are you hearing yourself right now?”
ryul sat back, frustrated and tired, his head hurt,
“i’m not saying she’s better,”
“good,”
“i’m just saying she’s there,”
the second sentence somehow sounded even worse and ohyul’s jaw tightened,
“and your girlfriend isn’t?”
“that’s not-”
“or have you made it impossible for her to be?”
silence,
heavy silence.
then finally-
“do you like her?”
the question hit the room like a bomb and ryul stared,
“huh?”
“do you like djessy?”
“no,”
“does she like you?”
“..no,”
“you sure?”
“yes,”
“because from where i’m sitting it looks like you’ve become so emotionally dependent on your teammate that you’ve forgotten you actually have a girlfriend,”
ryul opened his mouth, then closed it, because for the first time all day he genuinely didn’t know what to say
not because he liked djessy, but because suddenly he couldn’t remember the last meaningful conversation he’d had with you, couldn’t remember the last date, the last phone call, the last time he’d asked how you were doing,
outside the room, your vision blurred, you couldn’t stay there anymore, every word felt heavier than the last,
you didn’t even realize you’d started crying until you reached the hallway,
you wiped your face quickly,
just keep walking.. just keep walking,
you were almost at the elevator when a familiar voice called your name,
“yn?”
you looked up
woojin
his entire face lit up immediately and he walked over quickly,
“what are you doing here?”
before you could answer he wrapped you in a quick hug, the kind he’d always given, warm and easy, but also safe and for a second you almost broke down completely,
because somehow his hug felt more familiar lately than your own boyfriend,
woojin pulled back and froze once he saw your face,
his smile dropped instantly, “..hey,”
you looked away, wiping your face quickly,
“what happened?”
“nothing,”
“bullshit,”
you laughed weakly, the exact same word ohyul had used,
woojin’s expression softened,
“you look really pale,
“wow thanks,” you chuckled sarcastically,
“yn-“
“i’m okay,”
you weren’t but the problem was that you were too tired to explain why,
“did you eat today?”
you almost laughed, because apparently everyone was asking that lately,
everyone except the person you wanted to ask.
“i should go,”
“wait-”
“i’ll text you,”
you wouldn’t, both of you knew that, but woojin still nodded,
because he knew pushing would only make you leave faster.
you turned, walked toward the elevator, and disappeared..
a few minutes later woojin entered the practice room where his other friends were having their .. little moment,
“yo,”
neither of them looked up,
“weird question,”
“what?” ohyul sighed,
woojin frowned, “what happened with yn?”
the room immediately felt different,
“why?” ryul asked,
“because i just saw her,”
silence.
woojin looked between them, clear confusion on his face, “what?”
ohyul’s expression slowly fell, “..you saw her?”
“yeah,”
“where?”
“here in the hallway,” he pointed at the door,
another silence and he frowned again, looking between the other two guys, “yoo what is going on?”
ohyul closed his eyes, the realization hitting him immediately and hard..
“fuck,”
“what?” woojin asked,
ohyul looked at ryul,
then back at woojin,
then at the floor, like he was trying not to lose his temper.
“she heard us,”
woojin froze, “..heard what?”
“she heard the conversation,”
the room went completely still and ryul frowned,
“how do you know?”
ohyul looked at him like he’d lost his mind,
“because we were gonna hang out?”the words came out sharp, “she was literally here to see me,”
silence.
“you think it’s a coincidence she suddenly left?”
ryul opened his mouth, closed it like he was not even sure what to say before opening it again,
“maybe she didn’t hear everything,”
ohyul laughed, a short, bitter sound, “seriously?”
“i’m just saying-”
“you’re still not getting it,”
that one came from woojin and both guys turned toward him, woojin rarely got angry, which was exactly why the look on his face felt strange
“she looked awful,”
ryul frowned, “what?”
“she looked awful,”he repeated it, slower this time, “she looked like she’d been crying,”
silence.
“she could barely look at me,”
more silence.
“and now you’re sitting here talking about maybe she didn’t hear everything?”
ryul looked away, something unpleasant beginning to twist in his stomach,
“i didn’t mean-”
“then what do you mean?” woojin cut him off,
“because honestly man what the hell have you been doing lately?”
the question hung in the air,
it was heavy and unavoidable at this point,
“i’ve been working,”
“so has she,”
immediately, without hesitation..
“what?”
“she’s been working too,”woojin stared at him, “that’s not an excuse,”
“i never said it was,”
“then stop acting like it is,”
silence.
ohyul leaned forward, his arms folded now, anger written all over his face,
“do you know what she told us when we asked her to come for dinner?”
ryul shook his head, “she said she was tired,”
“because she was,”ohyul snapped, “because she’s been dealing with all this shit by herself,”
the guilt was getting harder to ignore now, harder to push away and even harder to explain
“no,”he cut him off immediately, “what’s crazy is that strangers online noticed she wasn’t okay before you did,”
silence.
random people in comment sections,”
silence.
“her followers,”
silence.
“me,”
silence.
“woojin,”
silence.
ohyul’s jaw tightened, “everyone noticed except her own fk boyfriend,”
for the first time since the conversation started ryul had no comeback,
nothing sarcastic, nothing defensive,
absolutely nothing
because every sentence sounded worse than the last but none of it sounded wrong,
woojin shook his head, looking disappointed more than angry now, which somehow felt even more confronting,
“she always defended you,”
ryul looked up, “what?”
“every time,” woojin shrugged in disbelief, “every time we asked if she was okay,”
silence.
“‘he’s busy’”
another silence.
“‘he’s stressed’”
and another.
“‘he’s working hard’”
woojin laughed quietly, without humor tho,
“she made excuses for you before we even had the chance,”
something dropped in ryul’s chest, because he could actually hear your voice saying those things,
he knew you would and that’s exactly what made it hurt..
“and meanwhile?” woojin continued, “you’re forgetting to call her?”
silence.
“forgetting dates?”
silence.
“forgetting to invite her places?”
silence.
“forgetting her?”
that one hurt, because suddenly he remembered the team dinner, remembered seeing the empty chair, remembered assuming you were busy, remembered never actually asking..
the room fell quiet again and nobody was speaking,
nobody moving until finally ohyul stood up,
“you should probably text her,”
ryul looked down immediately, his phone already in his hand, already opening your chat..
already typing,
ryul: baby
nothing sent,
the message failed instantly and his stomach dropped,
he tried again,
ryul: where are you?
failed, again.
ryul: can we talk?
failed.
for the first time all day, actual panic started creeping in, it was small but definitely there
“her phone’s off,”
a manager appeared in the doorway, “ryul,”
nobody answered,
“ryul,”
he looked up,
“you need to go,”
his next schedule.. another rehearsal, another interview, another obligation waiting for him, but suddenly none of it felt important,
he stood slowly, still staring at his screen, still refreshing the chat, still hoping something would change
but it didn’t, outside the room he tried calling,
once,
twice,
three times.
but it went straight to voicemail, every single time.
“come on..”
the words left quietly, almost desperate and he called again,
voicemail
again,
voicemail.
again,
voicemail.
eventually someone called his name from down the hallway, telling him he was late, telling him everyone was waiting, telling him he needed to move and somehow that felt like the biggest slap in his face because for months you’d been the one waiting and now, that he finally wanted your attention..
you were gone.
the next few days were hell,
at first ryul kept telling himself he was overthinking, you just needed time, that’s all
you’d answer eventually because you always did, except this time you didn’t, his messages remained unread, his calls went unanswered and somehow every day that passed made the silence feel louder
the worst part was that he had absolutely no idea what to say anymore, every message sounded stupid.
ryul: hey
deleted.
ryul: how are you?
deleted.
ryul: can we talk?
deleted.
ryul: i’m sorry..
deleted.
sorry for what?
because there wasn’t one thing to apologize for, there were hundreds,
hundreds of little moments, little absences, little disappointments and none of them could fit inside a text message
meanwhile your account kept appearing on his feed, except now there was less of you, there were less stories, less updates, slowly fhere was less everything
a week ago you’d posted 3 times a day, now it was once, then every few days, then nothing.
and once again, people noticed immediately,
where is she?
hope she’s okay :(
miss your videos queen
taking a break?
he found himself checking your page constantly like some kind of addict,
refresh.
nothing.
refresh.
nothing.
refresh.
nothing.
at some point even others on the show noticed, they were backstage preparing for another performance when one of the guys looked over,
“you look like shit,”
normally ryul would’ve laughed but instead he just stared at his phone,
“thanks,”
“girlfriend?”
his stomach twisted and he looked away, which was answer enough
the other guy sighed, “that doesn’t sound good bro,”
“i know,”
“then fix it,”
if only it were that easy.. because every time he reached for his phone he froze, every time he opened your chat he felt sick, because he wasn’t sure he had the right to ask for your attention anymore
and that terrified him, so much
days passed and you disappeared completely..
no posts, no stories, no lives, literally nothing.
at first everyone assumed you were taking a break buf then people started getting worried and it didn’t take long before the articles started,
“concerns grow for lifestyle influencer yn after sudden social media absence”
“fans express concern over recent appearance””speculation surrounding influencer’s wellbeing continues”
ryul hated every single headline because he didn’t have answers either,
one evening he walked into the apartment and immediately found woojin,
“yo,”
woojin looked up, “what,”
ryul hesitated, which already felt strange because he never hesitated, not like this at least
“have you heard from yn?”
woojin’s expression immediately softened, then dropped questioning, “..no?”
something sank in ryul’s chest, “nothing?”
“nothing,”
he tried sounding casual buf obvious failed,
“not even a text?”
woojin shook his head, “last thing she sent me was a reaction pic,”
silence.
“like 2 weeks ago?”
2 weeks? 2 weeks? 2.. weeks..
the number echoed in his head,
and a little later he found ohyul, asked the same question but got the same answer,
for the first time a genuinely horrible thought crossed his mind, what if nobody knew where you were? what if you were alone? what if something actually happened?
the panic finally became unbearable and that same night he messaged your assistant, then your best friend, who was the first one to reply,
ryul stared at the screen reading the message over and over again,
friend: she’s okay
the relief hit immediately.. but followed by dread because there was more?
friend: she just wants space right now.
his fingers immediately moved,
ryul: why?
the familiar 3 dots appeared quickly,
friend: she didn’t want to bother you.
the words hit harder than any insult ever could, he stared at his phone, suddenly unable to move or even to breathe,
another message followed.
friend: every time i told her to talk to you she said you were busy
another;
friend: and every time i told her she looked exhausted she just brushed it off
ryul physically sat down, because he could hear your voice again, “he’s just busy, he’s stressed, he’s working hard, he didn’t mean it, he loves me..”
the realization felt unbearable because you never got angry, you never screamed, never even demanded his attention, you just kept making excuses for him until eventually there was nothing left,
his phone buzzed,
another message.
friend: and ryul?
friend: stop trying to figure out what happened.
friend: she already did
he frowned.
ryul: what?
the response came immediately,
friend: she spent months looking for answers by herself, she already forgave you
that was the problem..
his chest tightened, because he understood exactly what she meant, you’d created your own explanation, your own closure, your own reality, one where ryul wasn’t a bad person, one where nobody was really at fault, one where you simply weren’t meant for each other
because it was easier that way, easier than waiting, easier than hoping and easier than getting hurt..
for the first time since all of this started, ryul felt genuinely terrified, because people fought for things they still wanted, but acceptance?
acceptance was dangerous, acceptance meant letting go,
were you letting go..?
that night a message finally appeared, it was from you and his heart nearly stopped, he opened it instantly,
just one sentence.
you: i’m okay, don’t worry
that’s all, nothing else,
his fingers moved immediately.
ryul: baby
but before he could finish, another message appeared,
you: i just need some space
and suddenly he couldn’t breathe, because the message wasn’t angry or emotional, it wasn’t even sad?
it was calm.. horribly calm,
the kind of calm that only came after crying about something for so long you ran out of tears,
the kind of calm that happened when someone was already halfway gone,
the next morning he was standing outside your apartment, he didn’t remember driving there or making the decision, he just knew he couldn’t sit still anymore, after several knocks the door opened,
you looked surprised, but not shocked or emotional,
just tired.. so unbelievably tired,
“ryul?”
he hated how formal his name sounded, hated how distant and unfamiliar..
“can i come in?”
you hesitated but stepped aside, the apartment was quiet and he followed you inside,
he immediately noticed things, little things, things he would’ve missed before, things he couldn’t stop seeing now, the fridge; nearly empty, a few drinks, half a container of fruit but nothing else
his stomach twisted..
then the living room, shopping bags stacked neatly beside a shelf,
he frowned, “what’s this?”
you glanced over, “nothing,”
he looked closer, then froze, because every bag had his name written on it; birthday gifts, small things you’d bought over months, a hoodie he’d mentioned once, a vinyl record, snacks, little presents, all unopened and untouched
waiting.. waiting for a moment that never came, his chest hurt,
then he noticed the calendar hanging on the wall, covered in little pink hearts and stickers, at first he smiled because it looked exactly like something, you’d make, then he stepped closer and the smile disappeared,
date night, crossed out. movie night, crossed out. dinner, crossed out. aquarium, crossed out. café, crossed out.
dozens of them, months worth..
his vision blurred because suddenly every crossed out plan became real, every promise, every cancellation, every “next time”, every “i’m busy”, every “sorry baby”
all of it.. documented, sitting on your wall, proof he couldn’t ignore anymore,
slowly he turned around and you were standing by the kitchen, watching him.
“you kept track?”
your expression softened, not happily but more sadly, like someone remembering an old memory, “at first,”
at first.
the words shattered something inside him because at first meant eventually you stopped, eventually you stopped expecting him to come, stopped hoping, stopped waiting,
you looked away, staring down at your hands and when you spoke your voice was so gentle it almost destroyed him,
“it’s okay,”it wasn’t, but you continued anyway, “i get it now,
his stomach dropped, “get what?”
you smiled softly, the kind of smile people gave when they were trying not to cry, “we’re just different people,”
every word felt like a knife, “you have your world,”
another knife, “i have mine,”
another, “and maybe i kept trying to force something that wasn’t supposed to work,”
ryul stared, he was unable to move because now he’s here.. he realized what you’d done,
you’d spent months building this explanation, piece by piece, trying to make sense of the hurt, trying to make sense of his absence, trying to make sense of why someone who loved you could still make you feel so alone and eventually you’d found an answer, not because it was true but because it hurt less and somehow that realization hurts more than he could ever imagine, because standing there in your apartment, surrounded by unopened gifts, cancelled dates, all the empty spaces where he should’ve been,
ryul finally understood,
you hadn’t stopped loving him, you’d simply started teaching yourself how to live without him, you hadn’t stopped loving him, you’d simply started teaching yourself how to live without him,
the silence that followed felt unbearable and ryul couldn’t move, couldn’t think, couldn’t even look away from you,
because for the first time since all of this started he understood exactly how close he was to losing you,
and the realization was horrifying to him
“don’t,”
the word slipped out before he could stop it and your eyebrows pulled together slightly, “what?”
“don’t do that,”his voice sounded strained, almost desperate, “don’t decide that for me,”
you looked confused because you’d already accepted it, you’d accepted something he hadn’t even realized was happening,
“ryul-”
“don’t,” he shook his head immediately, “please,”
the word sounded pathetic, small and nothing like him, nothing like the cocky rapper everyone knew, nothing like the guy who walked into every room like he owned it,
because suddenly none of that mattered, not the music, not the show, not the career, none of it
not when he was standing in your apartment realizing he might’ve broken the best thing he’d ever had,
you stared at him quietly, waiting and somehow that was even more painful, because you weren’t fighting him, you weren’t yelling or crying, you just looked tired and ryul would’ve preferred screaming, he would’ve preferred anger, anything except this, anything except acceptance,
“i know what this looks like,”
you laughed softly, “do you?”
the question hit hard, because honestly? no, he didn’t,
not until now, not until the empty fridge, the gifts, the calendar, the silence, all the things he’d somehow missed, all the things he’d never noticed
“i was so focused on the show,” his voice cracked slightly,
“i know,”
“no,”he shook his head, harder, frustration building,
not at you but at himself, “no you don’t understand,” he dragged a hand through his hair,
already spiraling, already struggling to explain something he barely understood himself, “i got obsessed,”
the word hung in the air,
“every day was rehearsals and meetings and interviews and recording and planning and more rehearsals and more meetings and every day i kept thinking-“
he laughed bitterly, “i’ll call her tomorrow,”
your chest tightened, “ryul-”
“no i’m fr,” he kept going, the words coming faster now, like a dam finally breaking, “every day-“ another laugh, angrier this time, “i kept saying tomorrow,”
he pointed toward the calendar, toward all the crossed-out plans, “tomorrow i’ll make it up to her,” his voice cracked, “tomorrow i’ll take her out,”
another crack,”
“tomorrow i’ll call..”
another, “tomorrow i’ll have more time..”
silence.
“and then suddenly months passed,”
the apartment felt painfully quiet and you looked away first, unable to watch him because there was something so strange about hearing it out loud,
he wasn’t lying.. that was the problem, he wasn’t lying, he’d just forgotten, forgotten over and over and over again, until forgetting became normal
“i know i hurt you,”his voice sounded rough and raw,
“i know that,”
you looked at him again and what you saw made your chest ache, because he looked terrified.. genuinely terrified,
“but don’t tell me we’re not meant for each other,” he swallowed hard, “don’t say that,”
“why?”
the question came quietly, not cruelly, just honestly, because you genuinely wanted to know, you weren’t trying to win an argument, you were trying to understand,
“because that’s not what happened,” his answer came immediately without hesitation,
“then what happened?”
ryul stared at you and for a second he couldn’t speak, because how was he supposed to explain this? how was he supposed to explain that he loved you so much it physically hurt but somehow still managed to make you feel alone?
he stepped closer, slowly, carefully, like he was afraid you’d disappear or step away from him, “you think i stopped loving you,”
your eyes widened slightly, because that wasn’t what you’d said, but somehow he’d found the real wound anyway, the one underneath everything else,
“you think i stopped choosing you or i found something better,”
he stopped, “..or someone better,”
your gaze dropped immediately and that was all the confirmation he needed, the sight almost destroyed him because somehow after everything, after all these months, you still thought the problem was you.
“baby-“ his voice cracked completely, “look at me,”
you didn’t,
“please,”
slowly your eyes lifted and ryul’s entire heart broke, because there was still love there, still so much love, but there was hurt too and exhaustion.. and disappointment, the kind that came from trying for too long,
“there isn’t anyone else,” his voice shook, “there was never anyone else,”
you didn’t answer, which scared him because months ago you would’ve believed him immediately, months ago you would’ve laughed but now you just looked uncertain and that terrified him,
“you wanna know something embarrassing?”
you blinked, confused by the sudden question and he laughed weakly,
“i’m obsessed with you,”
you stared, “ryul
“no seriously,” he looked half crazy at this point, half panicked and completely unraveling, “i’m actually so obsessed with you,” another laugh, another crack in his voice, “you think i don’t notice things?”
his eyes scanned the apartment, “i know which makeup products are your favorites,”
you froze,
“i know which keychain goes on which bag, which pair of shoes you wear when you’re nervous,”he stepped closer again, “i know which hoodie you steal when you’re sad,”
another, “i know which side of the bed you sleep on when you’ve had a bad day and how you take your coffee, j know every single stupid little thing about you,” his eyes started watering and that shocked you more than anything,
because ryul never cried..
“you’re my favorite person,”
the confession came out broken, raw and super honest,
“you’re literally my favorite person on the planet,”
you looked away immediately, tears threatening, because part of you wanted to believe him, part of you always would, “then why did i feel so alone?”
the question shattered him completely, because there wasn’t an answer, not a good one at least, not one that could undo the damage, just the truth.. a horrible truth,
he hadn’t noticed, he’d been selfish, careless, thoughtless and by the time he finally looked up..
you were already drowning.
his hand moved to cover his mouth, like he physically couldn’t breathe, “i don’t know,”
tears finally slipped down your face, exhausted tears, not dramatic ones, the kind that came after months, months, months of trying and seeing you cry was somehow worse than anything else, because now he knew, he finally knew, this wasn’t one bad week,
this wasn’t one misunderstanding or one argument,
this was months of accumulated hurt sitting between you, months he could never get back, months you spent missing him while he wasn’t paying attention,
“i’m so sorry,” his voice cracked, “i’m so fucking sorry,”
and for the first time since entering your apartment, ryul looked genuinely scared, not scared of being yelled at or getting blamed, not scared of consequences..
but scared of losing you, scared that he’d realized everything too late, scared that while he was busy promising himself tomorrow.. you’d finally reached a point where you no longer needed him to show up at all,
for a long time neither of you spoke and the apartment felt too quiet, too full of things that should’ve been said months ago,
ryul stood a few feet away from you, looking completely lost and terrified and for the first time since you’d met him he somehow looked young, not the confident rapper everyone knew, not the guy who could walk on stage in front of thousands of people without blinking, just a 19 year old guy realizing he might’ve ruined the best thing that ever happened to him,
“say something,”his voice was barely above a whisper,
you stared at the floor, then laughed softly, not because anything was funny but because suddenly you didn’t know where to start, where did you even begin? with the cancelled dates? the unanswered messages? the nights spent staring at your phone? the comments? the loneliness? which part hurt the most?
you weren’t even sure anymore, “i don’t hate you,”
the words slipped out quietly and you watched relief flood his face, instant relief like he’d been holding his breath, like those were the words he’d been desperately hoping to hear,
until-
“that’s the problem,”
the relief vanished instantly, replaced by confusion, fear..
“d-what?”
you looked away because suddenly this was harder than you’d imagined, harder than crying, harder than being angry, harder than pretending everything was okay.
“i don’t hate you,”you repeated, “i’m not angry anymore,”
the silence that followed felt unbearable because ryul knew those weren’t good things, not anymore, not said like this,
“baby…”
your eyes filled with tears again and this time you didn’t stop them, you didn’t hide them, didn’t pretend,
“i was angry,” your voice shook, “for a long time,”another tear slipped down, “i was so angry,”
you laughed weakly, wiping at your face, “every time you cancelled,”another laugh, “every time you forgot,”
you sighed, “every time i sat there waiting for a text,”
ryul physically flinched and you saw it, but kept going anyway, because he deserved to know, “every time your name popped up on my phone i got excited,” your voice cracked, “and then it would be some 2 word reply,”
his eyes squeezed shut,
“or you’d promise to call,” another crack, “and then you wouldn’t,”there was a small silence, “or i’d tell you something important and you’d forget,”
you chuckled in disbelief, “or i’d see another clip of you and djessy,”
immediately his head lifted, “baby i swear-”
“i know,” you cut him off softly, “that’s not the point,”
but somehow that’s even worse, because even now you were still defending him, you looked exhausted, like someone who’d been carrying something heavy for too long,
“you know what the worst part was?” your voice barely rose above a whisper
ryul shook his head, unable to speak,
“i kept making excuses for you,”your gaze dropped to your hands, “i told myself you were busy and tired and that you loved me,”
his chest tightened violently,
“because i knew you did,” your voice broke completely, “but that made it hurt even more, because if you loved me…” you laughed weakly through tears, “…then why was i so lonely?”
the question shattered whatever was left inside him, because there wasn’t an answer, there never had been
only guilt and regret, only the horrible realization that you’d been suffering while protecting him from blame,
“everybody kept asking me what was wrong, your voice sounded distant now, like you were remembering something, “and every time i defended you,”you smiled sadly, “i got really good at it,” you chuckled softly,
ryul felt physically sick, because he could picture it, every conversation, every excuse, every defense, every time you’d chosen him, even when he wasn’t choosing you back..
“and eventually…”you hesitated, looking around your apartment, at the gifts, the calendar, the empty spaces, all the evidence, all the months and all the hurt, “eventually i got tired,” the words were simpl but they hit harder than anything else, because tired wasn’t dramatic, tired wasn’t fixable, tired was what happened after trying for too long,
ryul felt panic rise immediately, “don’t,”
your eyes lifted, “what?”
“don’t say that,”his voice sounded desperate now, completely desperate,
“why?”
because he knew, he knew exactly what came after tired; acceptance, letting go, moving on.
he stepped forward, then another, until he was standing right in front of you, his eyes were glassy, voice shaking, “because i’m scared,”the confession slipped out before he could stop it
you froze and so did he, because ryul never admitted things like that, never
“i’m scared,” he repeated, quieter this time, more honestly, “i’m really fucking scared,”
your heart cracked, because he looked terrified, like genuinely terrified, like the ground beneath him was collapsing,
“i know i hurt you,” his voice shook, “i know i did,”
tears filled his eyes and somehow that scared you too, because you’d never seen him like this, not once.
“it sounds like you’re already saying goodbye,”
your throat tightened, because maybe he wasn’t entirely wrong, maybe not goodbye but something close, something that looked like acceptance, something that looked like learning how to survive without him and the realization seemed to hit him too, all over again, because he understood you weren’t standing here wondering whether he loved you,
you’d already answered that question yourself, you weren’t waiting for reassurance anymore, weren’t waiting for explanations, weren’t waiting for him, you’d already started building a life around his absence, you’d adapted, the way people adapt to injuries, the way people adapt to loss, until eventually the hurt became normal, until eventually they stopped expecting things to be different,
ryul’s face crumpled, “baby..”his voice cracked completely, “please don’t be done,”
the words hung in the air,
nothing like him, nothing like the confident man everyone knew, just a terrified boyfriend begging the girl he loved not to give up on him,
“please,” another crack, another tear, “i know i don’t deserve that right now,”his chest rose unevenly, “i know i don’t,”
you felt tears sliding down your own face again, because for the first time.. he really understood, not just what happened, but what it had cost and standing there in front of you, looking completely shattered, ryul finally looked like someone who understood that losing you wasn’t a possibility anymore, it was something that had already started happening..
and he was desperately trying to stop it before it became permanent,
it was quiet again, the kind of quiet that hurt, the kind where every breath felt too loud, every movement felt too heavy,
ryul stood in front of you looking completely broken, for months you’d imagined this conversation, imagined what you’d say, imagined finally telling him how much he’d hurt you, imagined finally being understood, but now that it was happening, it didn’t feel good, it just felt sad
really, really sad.
“i’m not done,” the words left your mouth quietly,
and ryul froze completely because he wasn’t expecting that, he’d prepared himself for goodbye, he’d prepared himself for hearing that he was too late, that he’d ruined everything, that he didn’t get another chance.
your eyes stayed fixed on the floor, unable to look at him.
“i just…”your voice cracked, “…don’t know how to do this anymore,”
that hurt him more than anything, more than anger or accusations, because suddenly he understood, you weren’t leaving because you stopped loving him,
you were exhausted, you’d run out of ways to keep holding everything together by yourself
tears slipped down your face again, “i miss you,”
the confession came out broken and ryul physically felt his heart shatter,because you sounded so sad, so genuinely sad.
“i miss you all the time,”you laughed weakly wiping your face, “which is stupid because you’re not even gone,”
another tear, “you’re right there,”your chest tightened, “i see you online, i see interviews, i hear people talk about you, but somehow i still miss you,”
ryul’s eyes squeezed shut because every sentence felt like a knife, because he knew exactly what you meant, he’d been physically present in the world,everywhere,
except where you needed him,
you looked around the apartment, at all the little pieces of your life, and suddenly everything came pouring out, months of it, all at once,
“i’d buy things and think you’d like them,” your voice shook, “and then i’d realize i didn’t know when i’d see you next,”
his chest tightened and you pointed vaguely toward the gifts,
“those started as one thing, but i kept buying things and eventually i just stopped trying to give them to you,”
ryul looked over toward the bags, the evidence of all the moments he’d missed and the guilt became unbearable,
“i kept waiting,” your voice cracked, “for things to go back to normal and for the show to end so you’d have more time,”you sighed deeply,
the tears wouldn’t stop now, months worth of hurt finally surfacing, finally escaping, “and every time i thought things were getting better..” your shoulders shook, “..they got worse again,”
ryul couldn’t take it anymore, couldn’t stand there listening, couldn’t stand there watching you cry not when he was the reason,
“baby,”his voice broke, “baby please,”
you shook your head immediately, not rejecting him but just overwhelmed,
“i tried so hard,”the words came out as a sob, your first real sob, the first one you’d let escape all day and it destroyed him completely,
“i know,”
“i tried so hard,”another sob, “i really did,”
your hands covered your face and suddenly all the composure disappeared, all the acceptance, all the calmness, gone, because underneath it all you were still hurt, still grieving and still heartbroken.
“i know,”
ryul stepped closer, very carefully like approaching something fragile, “i know,”
“i kept telling myself i could handle it,” your voice muffled behind your hands, “i kept saying it was temporary,”
another sob, “i kept saying you’d come back,”
that one broke him because he understood you’d spent months waiting for him, believing in him, trusting him, while he was too distracted to realize you needed him.
his own eyes filled again and before he could stop himself, he dropped to his knees infront of you,
he physically couldn’t stay standing anymore, couldn’t keep looking down at you, couldn’t keep pretending he deserved the distance between you,
your breath caught immediately because this was ryul,
your ryul, the cocky one, the stubborn one, the one who never bowed his head for anybody and yet here he was.
looking completely shattered,
you slowly lowered your hands and the second he saw your face, all red eyes and tears and exhaustion, he almost cried again, because this was what he’d missed, not the crying, not the pain, but the fact that he should’ve been here, months ago, the first time you cried,
the second time, the third, all of them, he should’ve been here,
“i’m so sorry,” his voice shook violently, “i’m so sorry,”
again and again like he couldn’t stop saying it, like he needed you to understand,
“i know that doesn’t fix anything,” another tear slipped down his face, ““i know it doesn’t, but i need you to know i see it now,”
his hand moved, hesitating and waiting, only touching yours when you didn’t pull away,
“i see all of it,” his fingers tightened just slightly, he sounded devastated, genuinely devastated, it wasn’t defensive or angry, just devastated..
“i see it,” his voice dropped to a whisper, “and i hate myself for it,”
immediately you shook your head, “don’t,”
because despite everything, despite all the hurt, you didn’t want that, didn’t want him destroying himself, didn’t want him suffering, you just wanted him back.
and somehow that realization hurt too, because after all of this, you still loved him,
ryul let out a shaky laugh, one full of tears, full of disbelief, “you know what’s insane?”
you looked at him, confused,
“after all this you still care,”
and for the first time that day something softened between you, not fixed or healed, just softer, because maybe the love never left,
maybe it just got buried, buried underneath loneliness, underneath disappointment, underneath months of hurt,
but it was still there..
and ryul looked at you like he’d just realized he’d been given something he didn’t deserve, something precious, something he almost lost forever.
his thumb brushed gently against your hand, like he was afraid you’d disappear,
and when he spoke again his voice was barely a whisper,
“if you’ll let me..” his eyes filled once more, “i want to earn my way back,”
not fix, not erase or pretend,
earn
because for the first time, he finally understood what he’d broken,
and for the first time, he was willing to take responsibility for putting the pieces back together.
Kim Ryul x 5th Fem Member!Reader
"You and Ryul were inseparable. Late nights together talking shits about the show you're watching, those drunk nights where he would take care of you, or the extra time you'd spent together after practice. But one misunderstanding and an argument ruined it all." ✧Inspired by "Never Let Go - LGNSHOT"✧
Wc: 3.2k
Warnings: Angst (with happy ending), Arguments, Curse words, Kinda suggestive at the end.
masterlist
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
You didn't know what went wrong.
Ryul is more distant toward you, his eyes don't meet yours whenever you talk, and he seems to be avoiding you if you're in the same room with him.
No more spending time together from 2 am til morning, no more going to the cafe near the studio after practice. It feels like he's going farther away from you intentionally.
It was another usual evening at the dorm, everyone had just come back from the studio. You immediately went to the kitchen looking for anything to drink in the fridge. It was an intense practice, and your throat felt like it was about to collapse if you didn't hydrate it right away.
Everyone pretty much just went to their own rooms, probably going straight to sleep. Usually, you'd come home late after practice with Ryul, bringing home coffee or any drink from a cafe near the studio for the others. But these days, you've been coming home on time.
You took a can of soda from the fridge and went to sit at the countertops with your feet dangling. You were lost in your own thoughts, trying to reminisce and find out why Ryul was acting like this with you, but you couldn't remember any bad interactions with him. Being with him was always pleasant, comforting even.
"You okay there?"
You looked up to see Woojin making his way to the fridge to get himself a drink. The light from the fridge made you realize that you were sitting in the dark the whole time. Woojin turned on the lights and stood beside you, drinking his own can of soda.
"Why are you in the dark alone? That's creepy." He teases.
"I like the dark...?" You hesitantly answered.
You don't want anyone to know that you have your mind on Ryul and how bothered you are with it these past days.
Woojin chuckled beside you, probably thinking you sounded stupid with that sentence.
"What's up with you and Ryul? You know I've been waiting for a coffee from you guys."
You were surprised that he noticed, well, maybe it was easy to spot because you're usually glued to Ryul. It wasn't surprising at all.
"Huh, what? Of course we're okay. We were just... too tired from practice and didn't have time to grab some coffee on the way home." You explained, trying to assure him that everything is fine between you and Ryul.
"Yeah, right. Don't bullshit me Y/n, you think we didn't notice the way you two suffocate each time you're in the same room? Or the silence between ya'll? It was pretty obvious." Woojin countered.
Well, maybe you could ask him to help you. You were confused as to why Ryul is acting this way, and it's pretty agonizing on your side to ignore each other.
"Yeaaah... Here's the thing Woo, I don't know what's up with him. He has been avoiding me these past, like, what? a week? And I couldn't remember if I did anything wrong..."
You were actually feeling bad because you thought maybe you did something that upsets Ryul, but you didn't memorize it.
Woojin squints his eyes at you, probably trying to figure out Ryul too.
"Hmmm... What's the date today?" Woojin suddenly asked, taking you off guard with that question.
You sniffled a laugh while looking at the date on your phone.
"It's May 16th." You showed your screen at Woojin.
He nods his head knowingly. You thought he figured something out, a way to help you, or what's wrong with Ryul, maybe? But why does he need to know about the date?
"He's on his period." Woojin said that flatly, it took you a second to register what he had just said before laughing, hitting his shoulder playfully.
That's when both of you hear the cracking sound of a door opening. It was Ryul, he didn't even acknowledge the both of you and went straight to the bathroom without a single glance.
Your laughter silenced, and so is Woojin's. He glances at you, you are still looking in the direction where Ryul was, your face flat, even after the laugh. Woojin immediately catches what's going on.
"Ooh, that's sharp..." Woojin grimaces. He put his hand on your shoulder, then looks at you in the eyes. "I think you should talk to him first, even when he doesn't want to. Take some time together, the two of you." He suggested.
You were contemplating it, you were scared even. What if Ryul doesn't want to talk to you? What if it turns into a fight?
But for now, you can only nod at Woojin's suggestion. He gives you a reassuring nod and a tight smile.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
It was another day of filming for LNGSHOT. Today, all of you are going to do some challenges for a Youtube video.
At one point, the producer asks them to split into two teams. Usually, you'll pick Ryul as one of your team members, but you were so scared that he would deny it. You're not risking it and getting yourself embarrassed in front of the camera, so you went straight to Louis.
The filming process went as usual, laughing everywhere, Woojin's cheating, and Louis being the groups baby.
But one thing is 4sho, Ryul is not being chaotic as usual, he's just kinda... there. He would crack a joke here and there, but that's about it. At this point, the staff members probably notices the huge transparent gap between you and Ryul.
"Okay we will do the 'how well do you know each others' challenge." The producer announced. "Y/n and Ryul is up first."
Your heart stopped beating for a second too long, you can already feel the awkwardness creeping up your spine. But you make your way in front of the camera anyway, without looking at Ryul of course.
You could hear his boots thumping closer, you finally turn your head toward him, still avoiding eye contact. You were looking everywhere but his eyes. His shoulder, the button on his shirt, or the blonde tips of his hair. Ryul, on the other side, looked you in the eyes without a single flinch.
The challenge began, you two answered each question the PD threw at you, and all of them were correct answers. Of course, since you two are the grand duo of LNGSHOT, you would know each other's habits or favorite foods obviously.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
You all went straight home after the filming. You were not letting Ryul avoid you anymore. You had planned to talk to him no matter what, you'll follow him anywhere he goes if you need to, and that's exactly what you're doing right now.
You want to talk to him, but you couldn't build up the courage to say a word. So here you are now standing behind the couch in the living room while Ryul sits there watching a random drama.
"Stop being a creep Y/n."
Finally, a single sentence from Ryul to you after some days. He probably wants you to leave him alone based on that sentence, but you're not giving up.
You make your way to stand in front of him, blocking his view from the TV.
"I need to talk to you." You sternly said.
He looks up at you, looking unbothered as ever, sipping his drink that he has been holding.
"Did I do something that upsets you?" You asked almost pleadingly.
Ryul looked at you, not saying a single word for a concerning second.
"What are you talking about?" He questions you back.
You were confused. He says that as if he didn't ignore her the whole week.
"Hey, now. Don't act like you didn't actually treat me as if I'm nonexistent these past few days." You snapped. You were annoyed. You didn't get it. What does he want? You look at him with literal fury in your eyes.
Ryul stared at you for a second too long after you said that. There was a hint of anger in his eyes as he tried to hold back. "You really want to know?" He quietly say.
"I'm sick of you Y/n. I'm sick of you clinging to me 24/7. You're annoying, loud. I can't stand being with you anymore."
That was the harshest thing you've ever told your whole life about yourself. You were… speechless, your mouth opening and closing, but nothing is coming out of it.
You couldn't believe what he just said to you, your heart is broken into a thousand pieces, and you could feel it continuously breaking apart as your eyes let out a single tear, hardly noticed due to the dim light.
Ryul was also speechless, not moving a single inch at all. He tried to process it, the things he said about you. He regrets it. It feels like a blur, he couldn’t control his mouth. Why did he say that you?
He was about to say something, but you were already running away to your room, slamming the door and locking it behind you.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
Ryul never meant to say all of that shit. The truth is, he is silently suffering too.
You and he are undeniably close, the other members know that, the staff knows that. Heck, even the fans labeled you two as the grand duo of the group.
The thing is, Ryul likes you, he has this growing feeling towards you. He was in denial at first, he's also super confused about why he has this feeling for you, and he is scared that he will ruin the friendship between the two of you just because he has feelings for you. That would be dumb.
But you know what's dumber? He ruined his friendship by saying stupid shit and hurting your feelings.
He was too scared. What if you notice? What if you don't like him that way? That's why he decided that it's probably best to keep some distance from you.
Until he heard you laughing your heart out with Woojin in the kitchen after practice.
He doesn't know why, but Woojin making you laugh made him feel this rage, some sort of jealousy.
He pressed his ears against the door, listening quietly as you laugh with Woojin in the kitchen. His heart was thumping hard in his chest, trying to break free. He hated how it felt, he hated that your laughs weren't because of his jokes, he hated how you sounded so happy and carefree with Woojin and not him.
He then opened his door, announcing his presence to you and Woojin. The laughs immediately died down, which hurts him even more. Thinking that you probably hated seeing him.
He went to the bathroom, he didn't know why he went there, and he didn't even need to use the bathroom. It was just the closest room he could hide in. He looks at his reflection in the mirror, gripping the sink tightly, trying to control his emotions. He could see anger in his eyes, jealousy, and sadness.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
It was another day for you all. Today you will be working on a new song, making the lyrics and all those things.
Ryul was sitting on the couch they have at the studio, trying to figure out the lyrics for his rap line. But he couldn't focus, his mind just kept getting back at you, at how your face distorted from anger to sadness in just seconds. And you make it even harder by just existing in the same room as him.
Ohyul notices how bothered he is. The members knew about your fight in the living room, well... it's your own faults for arguing too loudly while the others were trying to sleep.
"Did you mean what you said?" Ohyul flopped himself on the couch, startling Ryul with his question.
"I said what exactly?" Ryul tried to act dumb in front of Ohyul, hoping he wouldn't bring up the argument.
"Oh, please. When you said she's annoying and loud, and... all of that talk about you being sick of her." Ohyul whispered with a deadpan.
Ryul looks at him, his face is flat, Ohyul couldn't figure out if he was mad, sad, or annoyed. But Ryul just sighs and goes back to scribbling lyrics on the paper.
"Dude. You can't be like this forever with her, you have to do something. We're literally a group Ryul. We solve our problem, don't just wait until it dies down. Besides, I know you don't feel that way about her, I know you love her man. Just... you know, don't give up with your own feelings." Ohyul said, slapping Ryul's shoulder as he got up, then leaving Ryul with his own mind.
Ohyul was right, he shouldn't just run away from his problem, and besides that, he couldn't keep being like this with you. It breaks him in ways he never imagined before.
Later that night, when everyone is asleep, Ryul is sitting on his desk with a pen clutched in between his fingers. He kept thinking about you, about those things he said to you, and how sorry he feels. And apparently, it gives him ideas for his line in the new song, he was too scared to directly apologize to you. Coward.
So he will be rapping the apology to you.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
It's finally the day to record the new song, ‘Never Let Go’.
Everyone has gathered in the studio, evaluating their own lyrics and warming up their vocal cords.
You were standing, pacing back and forth trying to memorize your line. But you were distracted, Ryul has been staring at you, sometimes making some awkward eye contact.
You were still mad at him, the things he said just couldn't be erased from your mind. The way he looked so unbothered while saying all that made you positive that he truly hates you.
So you have been avoiding him too. That's what he wants, isn't it? But why does he keep invading your space today?
It's finally time to record your own lines. You and the other finished yours, then it's time for Ryul to record his.
You watch him as he makes his way inside the recording room, his eyes glued to the paper he has been clutching. He looks nervous for some reason, and you don't know why, he wasn't usually like this. Is it because of you watching? Is it that awkward if you watch him or something?
He clears his throat, getting ready to sing his part, waiting for the music to start.
"Let's start." He told the producer.
The music starts, his head bobbing to the beat of the music, his eyes closed, fully invested in focusing.
"Yeah, I wanna get a chance,"
He starts singing. You can't help it, but you were watching him intensely. You miss his voice, when he talks to you, when he makes jokes about your hair in the morning, his laughter, everything.
"넌 내게 항상 priceless." (You're always priceless to me)
He looks at you, meeting your eyes with such passion as he sings deeply from his heart.
"값을 매길 수가 없지, don't get away, 영원하길 바라, 나 timeless " (There's no way to put a price on you, don't get away, I hope this lasts forever, I'm timeless)
Those lyrics make you realize that he is talking to you. Through the melody, the way his eyes lock on you, like you could disappear if he blinks, the way he sways with the melody.
"Never let go, never let go, I never. 멈출 수 없어, 나는 근데 이미 알아 답을" (Never let go, never let go, I never. I can't stop, but I already know the answer)
He stretches his arm in your direction, as if trying to reach you and hold you tightly in his arms, never letting go.
"Take me by my hand, baby, stay right by my side. I know you hate me, but I always try."
He ended his rap with desperation in his voice.
You were mesmerized, you didn't even realize that you had been locking eyes this whole time. And it feels unreal for once.
────── ✧˚ ༘⋆｡Arc𓂃˖₊⊹ ──────
That night after the recording, Ryul immediately walks up to you asking for your time.
Ohyul immediately realizes what's going on, he wants to give you two some time together to talk it all out, so he takes Louis and Woojin out for a shopping spree at the night market.
You agreed to talk to Ryul. You two were in the kitchen, Ryul had quietly made you a cup of hot chocolate and give it to you as you sat on the countertop. He stood in front of you, holding his own cup of hot chocolate.
He seems hesitant, but he tries his hardest to keep his eyes on you, building up the courage to say a single word.
"So?" You flatly say.
He opens his mouth, then closes it, then opens it again. But his voice just wouldn't come out. But his head is full of words, apologies, explanations, and confessions. His heart is thumping so hard that it physically hurts.
He puts his cup down on the counter beside you. Then slowly... he moved closer to you, standing in between your legs as he embraces you into a hug. You were surprised, you did not see this coming.
Ryul snuggled into the crook of your neck, your smell physically calms him down like magic. You could feel his warm breath blowing slowly on the side of your neck.
"I'm sorry..." He breathed out. "I didn't mean all of it... I was stupid Y/n. I'm sorry. I was so scared of you not liking me back, so I pushed you away... I was jealous. I don't know why I'm jealous, but hearing you laugh with someone other than me? It kills me." He explains.
His voice is so quiet, like he's scared to startle you if he talks too loud. His hold on you feels tight, clutching you like it hurts to let go.
"I... I love you. I know it's stupid, but I can't help it. When you're around, everything seems to have brighter colors, your voice somehow soothes me down, and your touch is just... irresistible." He rambled.
You put your cup aside, then embrace him in a tighter hug.
"Idiot."
You said that as if it's nothing. You could feel him clutching on to your shirt as he snuck his face deeper into your neck, rambling I'm sorries.
You reach for his cheeks, making him look at you. You stare at him for a second before slowly leaning in, closing the gap between the two of you.
It was a soft kiss at first, you two were just feeling each other. Then he started moving his lips, pulling you deeper into the kiss as he held the back of your neck.
Seconds later, it's becoming a more sloppy kiss. You reach for his hair, grabbing a handful of it, feeling the moment. He pushed you until your back hits the wall, deepening the kiss. His hands found their way inside your shirt, exploring the warm skin on your back before slowly pulling away.
The two of you were out of breath, looking deeply into each other's eyes. You hold his face in your hands as you softly smile at his cute face and messy hair.
"You're an idiot if you don't realize that I love you too." You confessed. He smiles widely, then rushly kissing you again.
Let's just say that the members went home with a disgusted face after finding you two kissing in the kitchen.
( 📸 ) 。 maybe this love wasn't as indestructible as you thought.
❪ part un ❫ 𝟏𝟖𝟏𝟗!───── ✿𝓲 idol!ryul x f!rea (;´∩`;) angst est. relationship cheating profanity confrontation
let her cook ! (💬) thank you so much for the love on part one wtf 😭 #myeyesaresweaty
the drive to the kims’ was nerve wrecking. you didn't talk to your parents much either, the only sound being the steady hum of the car engine and the polite, low volume of the jazz your dad always kept on.
in the backseat, your hands were folded tightly in your lap, sweating like crazy. you want to turn back so bad.
when you arrived, the house was glowing with warmth. the smell of braised short ribs and roasted sesame oil filled the air, a scent that usually brought you an instant sense of belonging. but tonight, walking through the front door felt like stepping onto a stage under a blinding spotlight.
"oh, look at you! our future marketing executive!" ryul’s mother beamed, instantly wrapping you in a hug that smelled heavily of expensive french perfume. she pulled back, holding you at arm's length. "your dad was telling us you’re still maintaining that incredible 4.0 at snu. we are so proud of you, yn.”
"thank you, mrs. kim," you forced a practiced smile, the words tasting like paper.
"come, come, sit down. yul just got back from the company a little while ago. he's already at the table," she said, gently guiding you toward the sprawling mahogany dining room.
ryul was sitting on the opposite side of the table. he had a loose, oversized black hoodie on. you couldn't read his expression when he looked up at you. it was so… blank. not expressive. he usually smiled or winked or breathed a sigh of relief that you were finally here.
it made you want to throw up.
the parents took their places, and almost immediately, the table was filled with the clinking of porcelain dishes and the enthusiastic chatter of old friends. your father and his father began discussing more stuff about work, their voices booming with the easy confidence of successful men.
across the table, a sharp bzz-bzz cut through the laughter.
ryul’s phone, resting face-down right next to his water glass, vibrated against the dark wood. the screen lit up against the polished lacquer, casting a brief, pale glow on his fingers.
ryul didn't pick it up, but his entire posture locked. His shoulders went rigid beneath his hoodie. he kept his chopsticks poised over his bowl, his eyes fixed entirely on the dark glass of the device.
the silence stretched in your mind, though the parents were still talking seamlessly about catering options.
bzz-bzz.
it happened again. then, three seconds later, another short vibration. bzz.
"ryul, dear, aren't you going to turn that off?" his mother asked, a slight tint of maternal scolding in her voice, though she was still smiling. "we're in the middle of dinner."
"it's just the group chat, mom. the boys are tracking the teaser metrics," ryul said smoothly, his voice flat, completely devoid of the high-energy excitement he usually had when talking about his music. he finally reached out, turned the phone completely silent, and slipped it into his hoodie pocket.
but he didn't look at you. not once.
"yn, sweetie, you're barely eating," your mother noted, her brow furrowing with gentle concern. "are you feeling alright? is the university stress catching up to you?"
you looked up, your eyes briefly colliding with ryul's.
“oh gosh,” you muttered under your breath. “im gonna go take a walk.”
before anyone could object, you stood up from the table in a rush, the legs of your chair scraping sharply against the hardwood floor. you didn't wait to see their reactions, your heels clicking rapidly against the marble hallway until you reached the heavy front door and slipped out into the cool, dark courtyard.
outside, the crisp night air hit your face, but it did nothing to cool the heat in your chest. you walked down the stone path, your mind spinning. this wasn't you.
you were the girl who handled everything with grace, the one who was supposed to have a perfectly scripted, secure future.
but looking back at the glowing windows of the kim household, a realisation hit you.
you couldn't do this anymore. you couldn't sit there and pretend like you were fine with everything, ignoring the hurricane building in your mind. with every suspicious activity, it got larger and larger.
until it consumed everything.
you were going to check ryul’s phone.
an hour later, the dinner finally wrapped up. The tension was brushed under the rug of "university exhaustion," and because of the late hour, your parents drove home while you stayed the night in the kims' guest wing, just as you always did.
the house grew completely still.
when ryul finally left his room to take a shower in the adjacent hall, you slipped into his bedroom.
the room was dark, save for the pale moonlight filtering through the curtains. and there, sitting on his nightstand, was his phone.
as if on cue, the screen lit up in the darkness. bzz.
your heart hammered against your ribs like a trapped bird. your hands shook so violently you could barely press your fingers to the glass. it took everything in you not to turn back, but the courage—or maybe the desperate need for the truth—pushed you forward. you entered his passcode, a sequence of numbers you knew as well as your own name, and opened the messaging app.
the first name at the very top of the screen wasn't yours. it was sora's.
sora: are you done with the dinner? did the bitch say something?
you froze. your breath hitched, dying in your throat as the ambient hum of the central heating suddenly sounded like deafening white noise.
bitch.
she was talking about you. the girl who had sat quietly across from him, swallowing her pride and a dry throat just to keep his family's dinner peaceful.
no. no, please, no.
your thumb moved on autopilot, dragging the screen down, scrolling upwards and upwards. the messages made you sick.
it wasn't just a slow learner needing extra help after practice afterall.
it was a flood of hearts, late-night selfies of them huddled together in the dim studio light, and soft, casual pet names, intimate words he had never dared to use for you, as if he had been saving them for someone he actually loved.
your ten years of history, all of it was reduced to a nuisance they laughed about in the dark.
and then, your thumb stopped. your name appeared in the text bubble, sent by none other than ryul himself.
ryul: i'll break up with her after this week. just let me get through the debut showcase.
the phone felt heavy, like a block of lead in your trembling hands. the room spun around you, the pale moonlight casting long, mocking shadows across his bed.
the handle to the adjacent bathroom turned with a sharp, sudden click.
the sound of the door opening cut through the silence, and the faint scent of damp steam and his familiar body wash drifted into the bedroom. you stood paralyzed by the edge of the nightstand, your knuckles white around the glowing screen, as ryul stepped into the room, a towel draped over his damp shoulders.
his eyes immediately fell on you, then dropped to his phone in your hands. the air in the room froze instantly.
“what the fuck are you doing with my phone, yn?”
he took two heavy steps into the room, tossing his damp towel onto the desk chair. he snatched the device out of your hands, his fingers aggressively gripping the screen. for a split second, his eyes flicked down to the open chat, and you watched the exact moment his expression shifted from anger to a cold, calculation-heavy panic. the light from the screen cast harsh, jagged shadows across his sharp face.
you didn't shed a single tear. the sheer shock of what you had just read felt like a physical blow, leaving you completely numb, your hands still hovering in the empty air where his phone had just been.
“who is she to you, ryul?”
"i told you, she’s a backup dancer," he snapped, his voice rising as he immediately locked into a defensive stance, shoving the phone deep into his pocket. he wouldn't look you in the eye. "it’s just banter. we mess around because the hours are long. you're snooping through my privacy right before my debut, yn. do you have any idea how much pressure i'm under?”
"banter?" a hollow, broken laugh escaped your lips, the sound cutting through the room like shattered glass. "she called me a bitch, ryul. and you told her... you told her you'd break up with me after the showcase."
the words hung in the air between you, heavy and suffocating. the lie was dead, stripped naked under the moonlight, and there was no way for him to spin it.
ryul’s mouth opened, then snapped shut. the defense in his posture cracked for a fraction of a second, revealing a sudden, desperate panic. "yn, listen to me-"
"ten years," you whispered, finally looking up to meet his eyes, your vision finally blurring with the hot, angry tears you had tried so hard to hold back during dinner. "we've known each other since we were 2. our parents are downstairs planning a wedding venue. and you were..."
"it's not like that!" he stepped closer, reaching out to grab your wrist, his voice dropping into a hurried, ragged plea. "the industry... it changes things. sora understands the stress, she's there every night—but it doesn't mean I was just going to throw us away. I just needed space to think—"
"don't touch me," you said, stepping back so sharply his hand caught nothing but empty air.
the silence rushed back in, vast and absolute. you looked at him, with his debut teasers waiting to drop, and the completely foreign, defensive glare in his eyes.
the perfect high school sweetheart from hanlim was gone.
the love of your life had been replaced by a stranger who was willing to let you sit through a humiliating family dinner.
"i'm going home," you said, your voice turning terrifyingly calm as the numbing clarity fully took over. you walked past him toward the door, not caring that it was past midnight, not caring about the parents downstairs, not caring about your perfect life in shambles.
"yn, wait- stop acting crazy, we can talk about this tomorrow!" he called out, a sharp edge of desperation bleeding into his tone as he followed you to the threshold. "my debut is in three days! you can't do this right now!”
you paused at the doorway, looking back over your shoulder one last time at the boy you had loved for as long as you could remember.
"i'm not doing anything, ryul," you whispered, a single tear finally escaping and tracing a cold path down your cheek. "you already did it.”
genre: angst, fluff, slice of life, established relationship
sum. After a small argument spirals into hurt feelings and silence, Ohyul shows up to make things right
You weren’t supposed to argue.
It had started small—something stupid, honestly. A missed call. A short reply. The kind of thing that normally wouldn’t matter.
But it did this time.
“Why do you always do this?” you snapped, arms crossed tightly. “You just disappear and expect me to be okay with it.”
Ohyul exhaled sharply, already frustrated. “I told you I was busy.”
“One message isn’t that hard.”
“I did message you.”
“Hours later.”
Silence.
The air between you felt so uncomfortable—too tense, too sharp.
“You’re making it a bigger deal than it is,” he said, running a hand through his hair.
And that—that—was the wrong thing to say.
“Of course I am,” you laughed bitterly. “Because it matters to me, Ohyul.”
“I didn’t say it didn’t.”
“But you’re acting like it doesn’t!”
Your voice cracked slightly at the end, and you hated that it did. His expression faltered, just for a second...but pride got there first.
“I can’t always be on my phone,” he said, tone firmer now.
“I’m not asking you to be. I’m asking you to care.”
“I do care!”
“Then show it!”
The words hung there. Heavy. Too heavy.
Neither of you spoke for a moment. The frustration had burned itself out, leaving something quieter behind, something worse.
“…forget it,” you muttered, grabbing your bag.
“Where are you going?”
“Home.”
You didn’t wait for him to stop you.
----------
You thought that would be it.
A night to cool off. Maybe a message later. But the silence stretched longer than expected. Your phone stayed quiet. And the longer it did, the more your chest tightened.
Maybe you were overreacting. Maybe you pushed too hard. Maybe—
A knock interrupted your thoughts. You froze. Another knock. Softer this time. Slowly, you walked to the door and opened it.
Ohyul stood there.
He looked… different. Not angry or defensive, just tired.
“…hi,” he said.
You swallowed. “Hi.”
Neither of you moved at first.
“I shouldn’t have said that,” he started, voice quieter than you’d ever heard it. “About you making it a big deal.”
You looked down, fingers tightening slightly around the door.
“I was frustrated,” he continued. “But that doesn’t mean you were wrong.”
That made you look up.
“And I’m sorry,” he added. “I should’ve just… texted you properly. It’s not hard.”
The sincerity in his voice made something in your chest loosen.
“I shouldn’t have yelled,” you admitted. “I was just so stressed about work recently and our schedules never seem to match up. I just really… miss you.”
That was it. That was the truth underneath everything.
His expression softened instantly.
“Why didn’t you tell me?” he asked quietly, a hint of hurt in his voice. “About work, I mean… I didn’t know you were dealing with all that.”
He paused, then added more softly,
“Next time… just tell me, okay?”
Your chest tightened slightly at that and you nodded slowly.
“And... I miss you too.”
A small, fragile silence settled between you again, but this time, it wasn’t heavy. Just… careful.
“…can I come in?” he asked.
You nodded, stepping aside.
He walked in slowly, like he didn’t want to rush anything, and stopped a few steps away from you. For a moment, you just stood there, facing each other. Then he reached out.
Not fully. Just his hand, hesitating slightly in the space between you.
You took it. And that was all it took.
He stepped closer, pulling you into him gently, one hand coming up to rest at your back. You exhaled, tension you didn’t realize you were holding finally slipping away as you leaned into his touch.
“I’m sorry,” he murmured against your hair.
“Me too.”
He pulled back just enough to look at you, eyes softer now, searching.
“We're okay, right?”
You nodded. “Yeah.”
A pause.
Then, quietly, “Come here.”
This time, when he leaned in, it felt different. It was slower and more careful, like he didn’t want to mess it up again. His lips brushed yours gently at first, almost testing. You didn’t pull away, so he took it as a sign to deepen it just slightly. Your hand curled into his shirt, holding on.
It wasn’t perfect. It wasn’t dramatic. But it felt genuine.
When he pulled away, your foreheads rested together, breaths still uneven.
“I’ll text you,” he said softly.
You huffed a small laugh. “You better.”
“I will.”
A beat.
Then he pressed another kiss to your lips. Short, sweet, like a promise this time.
And somehow, that one felt even more certain than the last.
— summary : a late-night studio session turns tense when ryul’s jealousy slips out. what starts as teasing turns into a heated moment where he takes the lead.
— ryul x f!reader, mildly suggestive content, jealousy, teasing, tension, slight dominance, cursing, kissing, not proofread 658 wc
a/n: i’ve been mia for a while but im back!! i hope everyone enjoys!! 🫶🏾
“you’re doing it wrong.”
you don’t even look up from the screen. “i’m literally not.”
ryul exhales sharply from behind you, leaning against the desk, arms crossed, “you missed the timing. again, fuck.”
“oh my god,” you mutter, spinning slightly to glare at him. “then you do it, since you’re such a fucking expert ryul.”
he raises an eyebrow, voice calm, commanding. “i am, the hell is wrong with you?"
you scoff, but slide over anyway. he fixes it in seconds—of course he does—and you can’t stop noticing how composed and focused he is, it’s hot.
“…whatever,” you mumble.
“mm.” he leans closer, eyes flicking over you. “you’ve been off all night, babe.”
you pause, trying to look unbothered. “i’m fine.”
“you’re a shitty liar.”
“…ryul.”
he straightens fully, attention locked on you now. “then why were you flirting with ohyul earlier, baby hm?”
you blink. “ryul, are you fucking serious?”
“i asked a question baby.”
“i was talking,” you say, unconvinced. “that’s called a conversation.”
“didn’t look like it.”
“you sound insane.”
his jaw tightens. “maybe. still didn’t like it.”
the room goes eerily quiet.
“…why do you care?” you ask softly.
he steps closer, and you can feel the air shift. he doesn’t wait for an answer. “because i do,” he says simply, eyes locking with yours.
you hop up onto the edge of the desk. it’s a move meant to create space, but he doesn’t give you any. instead, he closes it, and stands right in between your legs, leaving barely any room between you and him.
“you’re dense as hell,” he murmurs, voice low.
“or maybe you’re just bad at saying shit,” you shoot back, trying to hide how fast your heart is racing from how close he is.
he huffs, amused, and takes your chin gently in one hand, tilting your head. “maybe. but you don’t get to talk your way out of this, baby.”
your stomach twists and your cheeks heat up instantly.
“then say it,” you whisper, but he’s already decided the pace.
his hand slides from your jaw down to your waist, steady, firm, keeping you exactly where he wants you.
“i didn’t like the way he was looking at you,” he says, voice lower now, closer, controlled.
“and?”
his lips hover near yours. “i don’t like anyone thinking they have a chance with you.”
“and why’s that huh?” you whisper with a smirk creeping up on your face.
he tilts your head slightly, keeping your gaze on him. “because i do. and i don’t share, baby.”
your chest tightens. “then do something about it,” you manage.
he doesn’t hesitate.
he leans in, capturing your lips in a kiss that’s firm and asserts dominance—he sets the pace, fast and rough. his hand at your waist holds you tight in place, controlled, pulling you closer just enough for him and only him.
he trails the kiss down your jawline, teasing but precise, stopping just at the start of your neck. you shiver under him, unable to move away, and he notices, smirking softly against your skin.
“still want me to stop?” he murmurs at the side of your mouth.
“no,” you breathe out.
that’s all he needs. he tilts your head slightly, lips back on yours immediately—deeper, heavier, his rhythm steady, and he’s in complete control.
“fuck,” he mutters quietly.
“took you long enough,” you murmur, breathless.
he huffs a quiet laugh, forehead brushing yours for a second. “you talk too much.”
“then do something about it then,” you whisper back.
and he does. his hand at your waist keeps you grounded, his eyes scanning yours like he’s making sure you’re right where he wants you, letting you feel exactly how he wants it.
he leans in again, brushing the side of your mouth lightly, voice low. “you good baby?”
you shiver slightly. “yeah…”
he smirks against your lips, holding you close, letting the moment linger. controlled, teasing, and completely his.
⋆˚࿔ synopsis: after a quiet breakup, ohyul tries to convince himself he's truly moving on, until he repeatedly notices the exact same user in the 'liked by' section of all your posts. | part two
⋆˚࿔ , mentions of other idols (anton) | angst | more so ohyul’s pov | ex!ohyul who desperately wants you back… and occasionally stalks your instagram
kwon ohyul came to a conclusion that the last step into getting over you was to unlike all of your instagram posts. cracking his knuckles, ohyul let out a blow as if he was doing something athletic, not someone sitting in bed stalking his ex’s instagram at 1 a.m. on a random wednesday, and pulled up your profile. his thumb froze mid-scroll. new photos posted four hours ago, he hadn’t seen these yet. a shot of you at a cafe, smiling sweetly at the camera, and there it was, someone’s hand, passing you a drink just out of frame.
”whatever,” ohyul nonchalantly whispered as if you and whoever’s hand that belonged to could hear him. he didn’t bother sliding left to see the rest.
the first few were easy, a photo of your dog, another gathering, same old same old. the little red hearts drained out one by one, and he felt almost proud of himself. deleting the evidence could delete the feeling underneath it. tap by tap, until finally he scrolled to a post too familiar for his liking. several neatly arrange polaroid films. your eyes turning into crescents laughing at something off screen, at him actually because he’d been the one holding the camera. he'd assumed you'd take those down eventually. you hadn't. some small, stupid part of him had let that mean something.
“one like should be fine,” ohyul mumbled, immediately hating himself for saying that. he unliked it anyway.
done. he dropped the phone onto his chests and started at the ceiling, waiting for the relief to kick in like it should have. it didn’t come. instead his mind drifted back to those six new photos sitting at the top. ohyul knew he no longer had the right to even still have your instagram, yet he picked up his phone anyway.
the warmth of your smile and the drink he knew by heart. a selfie that looked like something you would’ve sent to him. laughing at the camera like you weren’t even trying. ohyul hated that you looked good, better than good. he stood there with it longer than he meant to, trying to place what exactly was different. you'd always been pretty to him. that wasn't news. but this was something else and it strangely annoyed him. he scrolled to the next photo, feeling the ache that so desperately wanted to go away.
and then he spotted a username.
‘antinitonny’ sitting right there in the liked-by list, same as always except it wasn’t the same at all because he didn’t recognize it. another scroll down, same username. next post, there it was again. suddenly the polaroid films had antinitonny’s name plastered all over them like it didn't matter that ohyul was the one behind the camera, like his kisses behind the scenes of those photos meant nothing.
a worse, quieter thought approached. did antinitonny take the new photos? was that his hand in the photo?
ohyul tapped the user, half expecting a parade of posts with highlights but instead was greeted by whoever anton was. two posts and one highlight labeled ‘🏊’. just a guy with a few selfies, swim pics, plus a dog, one ohyul personally knew.
seeing anton there, sitting so comfortably in the space where ohyul’s name used to be, made his heart sink. someone else was close enough to take your photos, close enough to make you laugh like that.
the realization settled heavy in his chest, heavier than anything he’d felt all night. unliking your posts hadn’t helped. pretending he was fine hadn’t helped. seeing anton only made it clearer.
he wasn’t over you. not even close.
love, ddokyul
𑣲𝄞 kian’s note: yay!! first post kinda nervy :] what if i said anton isnt exactly with reader 😏
