Roy and Jamie getting into an utterly silly fight over how to celebrate Keeley’s birthday their first year as an OT3*.
Jamie wants to take her out to all the best places, treat her to all the things and try all the outfits, and there’ll be adoring guests and cocktails and dancing and glamour and gold and glitter. (No graffiti, though. This is Keeley’s party, after all.) Too much is never enough! She’s a queen and that’s how she should be treated!
Roy, on the other hand, imagines a quiet evening at home, him cooking her favourite dish while Jamie gives her a foot rub, candles and roses and all of them dressed to the nines. After dinner, they take her upstairs and treat her very, very nicely. (“Um, does multiple orgasms really count a gift?” – “Depends on how many of them there are. And how good. You don’t think you’re up to it, Tartt?” – “You’re fucking on, grandad.”)
Thing is, Keeley would love either of these options, and maybe that’s why Roy and Jamie simply can’t reach an agreement: for once they are both on the right track. In the end, after a fair bit of growling (Roy) and haughty pouting (Jamie), one of them suggests that they just let Keeley decide, and the other shouts NO! can’t do that, don’t you remember what happened the last time, and then they finally remember how they eventually resolved things between the three of them and they agree to stay in and do Roy’s thing for her actual birthday, and take her out for Jamie’s wild ride of luxurious debauchery on the weekend**.
(Keeley, in the meantime, has overheard some of their more heated discussions and repeatedly questioned why she’s dating either, let alone both, of these idiots. She came very close to just let Rebecca whisk her away for a spa weekend or some such.)