It was becoming harder and harder to deny.
These visits…were they more dangerous than they were worth? Haise had spent so much time and effort in rehabilitation. The constant therapy sessions, Arima’s oppressively close leadership and mentoring, constant monitoring of his health to maintain his RC levels at something manageable. Pills in the morning, at noon, before bed. nondescript bottles of reddish-brown liquid that supposedly contained all of the nutrients that a ghoul should need (Just ask the residents of Cochlea!). Day in. Day out.
It was all to control that monster inside of his head. The phantom that clawed at his insides and yet– seemed to be loved dearly by everyone Haise had ever known in that past life.
All he knew was that being around Shuu– it was making it worse. Worse than it had ever been that he could remember. He liked being welcomed here; being able to lounge around in the sunlit galleries and sitting rooms or the library– Oh, the library. Even when Shuu was called away for something, he felt as though he had free reign; even though he was likely watched closely by house staff just in case.
Haise had smiled and waved as Shuu responded to a text on his phone and left. He would be fine on his own for a while; for hours even– but the shadow that was Kaneki Ken had not wanted Shuu to leave. He’d ended up doubled over beneath a huge window– sunlight streaming in cheerily as he clutched at his head, trembling in silence. The inside of his mind was far from silent.
But Haise only shook, whimpers falling from his lips through gritted teeth. He only managed a few words in the physical realm; near everything else happening in that dark and dreary headspace landscape.
“Stop. I… you can’t.” A beat, ragged breathing
“Leave me alone. You can’t come out. You can’t. I’m Haise. I’m Haise, I’m not you. I’m not Kaneki Ken.”
Maybe Haise doesn’t notice, but Kanae is never too far away, when he visits. Jealous; angry; sympathetic; curious; watching, listening. This is Kanae’s territory. Even if he didn’t have a personal interest in studying Haise’s relations with Shuu, that’s still a CCG investigator, on grounds Kanae has a stake in protecting.
He’s been watching. He knows Sasaki likes the library, likes the books (of course). He sometimes sees Sasaki sort of shrink down, when Shuu isn’t around to put on a show for; seem more tired, less confident...haunted, almost. From their previous conversations, Kanae knows...thinks he can say with confidence, anyways... Sasaki wants to escape a cage more than he wants to... (steal?) Shuu. His behavior seems to match, even when Kanae is fairly certain he doesn’t think anybody’s watching. His behavior really seems to match. The days go by, and not a lot is changing. Master Shuu is really cheering up, drastically. Things are getting better, if anything. Master Shuu is cheering up, Sasaki is keeping relations reasonably surface-level....maybe this little lost puppy’s presence is............
Not that Kanae’s opinions matter to anyone around here.
Today, Master Shuu and Sasaki-san are in the library, and Kanae is vacuuming outside the library. The other servants don’t necessarily know what exactly is going on with those three, but they know to try and give Kanae space, when Sasaki’s scent is in the air and Kanae’s private war calls him to arms.
When the door opens and Shuu leaves, talking to his father on the phone about meeting relatives at the airport, Kanae feels safe enough about Sasaki to be free to pay attention to Shuu’s conversation until he gets out of comfortable earshot. It’s nice listening to Shuu talk about relatives coming for Christmas. It’s so normal. So unrelated to Mr.......
Kaneki Ken, did Haise just say...?
Maybe Haise hears the vacuum stop in the hall. Maybe hears delicate, quiet footfalls approaching.
Kanae squats down gently, staying a generous distance away. He’s at least somewhat genuinely concerned, though. Curious. He feels an odd sense of responsibility for this, this dove with a broken wing they’re nursing back to health, so it can be free. Sasaki has been nothing but nice to him. That counts for something. ...And if he has to put up with the pest, assuming some measure of control over him is his best option, isn’t it?
“...Haise?” he calls out softly, hunched nearby; ready to pounce or run away, but not too outwardly flustered about either possibility. “It’s Kanae,” he says. “I’m right here. Is everything okay?”
