#lois daily

[tteokboqqi]

Not sure if it’s because of the lack of social interactions with other people or because I am just a big loser for romantic comedies and coming of age dramas, but I am genuinely obsessed with When I Fly Towards You !!!

I am not good at expressing what I feel but I will try my best anyway.

This Chinese drama has me in a chokehold. I have never been THIS attached to a drama before, even with all the numerous Korean romcom dramas I’ve watched. This is the very first time I’ve watched a drama, not once, not twice, but THRICE IN A ROW.

I easily get attached and tend to hyperfixate on anything I watch, but I have never been able to watch shows twice in a row even if I have too much love for it, because I tend to remember what happens next and it just couldn’t give me that feels again when I rewatch it way too soon. But this drama. THIS DRAMA I TELL YOU. I just finished watching it 2 days ago and now I am still on it, on my THIRD REWATCH AND THE EMOTIONS ARE JUST AS RAW AS THE FIRST TIME I WATCHED IT.

I cannot believe this. I literally feel butterflies in my stomach everytime the leads meet each other’s eyes, openly smile at each other, and just convey their feelings with little subtle actions.

Can I just say that Zhou Yiran perfected the “He smiled with his eyes” booktok reference?! He is sooo good at it, I SWEAR. The way his eyes soften and when he calls out her name “Su Zaizai.” I’m not the one he’s calling but I am melting EVERY DAMN TIME.

I am lying if I say I am not envious of their relationship. I am jealous that I did not experience this back when I was in school. But I do hope that I am not too late for this kind of  innocent love, and slow burn romance.

I always fall for fictional characters. I am obviously a hopeless romantic. I know stories like this are just made up and do not happen in real life. But is it really too much to ask for a love that will give me so much kilig like when I’m watching this?

Is it too far-fetched?

Am I asking for something impossible?

I hope not.

I hope I get to experience this.

I hope I get to be loved like this.

Soon, I hope.

27.09.24

[tteokboqqi]

i just want someone i can talk with about my faves and hyper fixations and relate that to life and how it cures my entire well being while wrecking it at the same time because i am a loser craving for something i've watched and read fully knowing all those are just fiction

[tteokboqqi]

i miss having a friend by my side. someone i can call up on a whim and instantly hang out with, no prior arrangements needed. i miss having someone i can ramble on for hours and not having to think if they'd judge me or whatnot. someone i share the same interests with so we can share our thoughts together and squeal like teenagers talking about our faves...

why is it so hard to meet new people and find genuine connection that lasts?

i wonder if i'd ever get out of this phase of my life...

☹️

[tteokboqqi]

things to look forward to before the year ends

• hong kong trip!

• disneyland ♡

• osaka solo trip!

• svt right here con

and hopefully i can add more to the list as the days go by... :)

[tteokboqqi]

twenty seven

One fine sunny morning, I was driving alone, on my way to do some work errands. And then it hit me. No lead up. No hints. Just an abrupt thought came to mind. “I am already in my late 20’s. Three more years and I turn 30.”

27.

A number so dearest to me, because it is my birth-day -

27th of the first month.

I always wanted “my 27th on 27th” to be an extra special celebration. Not grand, but not so simple either - just the perfect extraordinary way to mark this year as my year.

When I was a teenager, I had always wanted to be married by age 27. I thought that by then, I would be living in a beautiful home, with a handsome partner I can confide in, a stable job, lots of travels and adventures, and most especially a happy and content self.

Now that I’ve reached that age, I am still far from achieving those things. I am almost 30, yet I am still lost.. I am almost 30, yet I do not know myself enough to know what I want to do in life. I am almost 30, yet I am full of doubts and fears. I am almost 30, yet I am still stuck.

Stuck in self pity and loneliness only I know about and know nothing about.

Most days, I feel fine. I feel cheerful. And on some days, I feel functional but empty. Then comes the night, alone on my bed, staring at the ceiling, feeling hopeless, feeling forlorn.

With no one to talk to, my thoughts just keep circling in my head and my chest keeps getting heavier from dejection and isolation. Even writing this makes my eyes water.

I cannot define why, but I do have a guess. I’ve been by myself for years now. I get to hang out and talk with my nephews and niece, but it’s just not enough for me. Being with a friend is different. Talking about life, love, and career with a friend is different. If only I can talk to one, I believe I will be able to slowly get rid of all these pent up emotions.

If only I have one. Just one is enough.

Not that I don’t have a best friend but it is a bit complicated. She has her own priorities now. Distance is not even an issue. It’s just that… we’re in different phases of life now. Different faces, different places, different phases. I still love her, of course. I am grateful for her. I admire her. I just believe maybe our time together is slowly nearing its end.

Maybe it’s just me. Definitely just me.

But I don't know. I…

I’m tired.

27.09.2024

[tteokboqqi]

2020.02.23 / T U E S D A Y

16:43

18:50

[tteokboqqi]

2020.02.22 / 18:02

[tteokboqqi]

2020.02.21 / S U N D A Y

18:19

22:50