#lonerlife

[parker-barnes-af]

📷 tomholland2013: Slept like a baby and decided to have a little selfie photo shoot in my bed #lonerlife

[mixedheadthoughts]

Tera sar jana mere bina sajjna, teinu meinu ehe dssan di lor nai..

[poeticjunky]

Somewhere off the coast of Iceland.

I rarely get manic anymore.

I rarely get anything anymore.

Like I flatlined,

plateaued

that's it.

Out of dreams

out of love

out of fight.

I lived so many life times I lived myself

right out of time.

An undesired borrowed time in a constant state of survival.

Leaves a soul wanting.

Most die wanting.

I anti-wanted.

Less was the most.

Weightless is freedom.

Freedom from want

was connection.

None of it made sense till I was nameless.

In a place I have never been.

With an echo of supreme silence.

The earth stopped spinning just for me.

A nanosecond,

she ceased herself.

Four and a half billion year she waited to whisper this secret.

I was her.

Organic and made of dead stars.

I was a gift

Made of dreams

Made of love

Made of fight.

[poeticjunky]

How unkind my own mind has been to me. Ruthless and unrelenting. This is why your opinion of me has no value. I am cruelest to myself.

[poeticjunky]

“Don’t be fooled. Grief is a debt owed and paid for love. One does not endure without the other. Grief become an extension of you that can never remove. It is apart of you now, like the love was before it was gone. It one of the few things life guarantees, love and loss. Grief would not exist if we didn’t love. A heavy price..”

~ a book I haven’t written

[poeticjunky]

akureyri, iceland

[poeticjunky]

I do not know how much more I can do to my body to save my mind. They both betray me these days.

[poeticjunky]

Somewhere once that was me.

I was never the great beauty in the room.

Always something off, my unkept hair or my poor posture.

I believed beauty was everything.

Once eons ago in a world I lost to time.

Being beautiful was the way to love, to power, to happiness.

I actually believe it was intangible gift bestowed only upon gods favorites.

I watched it all from a window, with a reflection, that became a cage.

I obsessed. I starved myself of anything substantial to achieve the perfect surface.

A hollow surface. A lonely place.

In a castle of never good enough, riding in on a chariot of failures.

I was the champion of self loathing.

A barren beauty if I would call it that.

Those were the broken hours, the void cell of my own creation.

Where the mirror no longer answers my prayers.

The only thing left to do was repent.

Relent, to nourish a now emaciated soul.

I needed to contemplate the universe. Seek it for knowledge.

With ever cell in my body. Searching beyond the superficial into the everything.

And it spoke to me. It was waiting.

“You are everything I wanted to be, but more.”

And now I must write, about all of it.

I will out live the years of beauty.

And will make my best and worst moments immortal.

I captured my own humanity and lay it out for all to see. To judge, to hate.

To divulge, to love.

Every word on every paper in ever sentence that I have ever written has freed me from my prison. And when you are free you are…..