Can You Love at a Distance? Mansfield Park as an examination of Attachment
There is a pervasive theme in Mansfield Park about how attached people are to each other and to places. Fanny is the furthest on the spectrum of connecting. She is excessively attached to everything, to William, Mansfield, Edmund, Lady Bertram, and even Mrs. Norris! I know! This paragraph always gets me:
Fanny’s disposition was such that she could never even think of her aunt Norris in the meagreness and cheerlessness of her own small house, without reproaching herself for some little want of attention to her when they had been last together; much less could her feelings acquit her of having done and said and thought everything by William that was due to him for a whole fortnight.
Edmund is next, out of all the Bertram children, he’s the only one who follows his father’s wishes in his absence, or at least tries his best to (but there was a hot girl in the play!). He is also the only child who feels an obligation to be home when his family needs him. When Tom falls ill, the responsibility is on Edmund alone, Maria and Julia do not feel the need to help in the distressing time.
Sir Thomas is interesting in that he wants to be attached to things,but he has failed to create reciprocal relationships. When he returns from Antigua, he wants to see and be among not just the people but his plantations as well. He is really happy to see everyone, but even without the play, no one is really happy to see him. It’s kind of tragic, because he wants his children to love him, but he was too strict during their childhoods and they fear him.
Then we have Mrs. Norris, whose attachments are mostly formed for profit. She is apparently actually attached to Maria, since she lives with her in the end, but her interest in the Bertrams is mostly so she can be at the park and live at their expense instead of her own. If she does love Lady Bertram, it’s because she can control her.
Most of the rest of the characters show very little attachment to anything. Tom is always away from home; Maria marries an idiot she despises just to get away from home; Julia can’t maintain the attachment with her own sister when Henry comes between them; Mrs. Price is incapable of feeling sorry for her sick nephew; Lady Bertram is unable to realize that she misses Sir Thomas until he returns from Antigua; and Yates feels very little obligation to family at all.
The Crawfords are also untethered but theirs is of a different kind. Henry and Mary’s ties were cut by the circumstances of their childhood. Their parents are dead, which has also cut them off from Everingham, their sister (Mrs. Grant) married and they lived with the Admiral, cutting their relationship with her, Mary’s aunt died and his uncle took a mistress, driving Mary out and cutting her relationship with him. The only strong relationship they really have is to each other and even that isn’t as strong as Fanny and William’s bond (exemplified by the difference in letter length between William and Henry to their sisters).
However, the Crawfords are not the only ones with cut ties, Fanny has been removed from home for eight years and yet her bond with William remains completely intact. When she goes back to Portsmouth, she goes fully intending to re-establish her connections to that family, but her mother and father are unable to reciprocate so Fanny can’t do it. (She does attach to Susan).
The final chapter gives us a summary of attachments, Sir Thomas finally understands his children and is able to have meaningful relationships with three of them: Tom, Edmund, and Julia. He also realizes that Fanny is worthy to be a full participant in the family, solidified when she marries Edmund. Susan also shows the Bertram’s repaired ability to love, as she is quickly accepted as a member of the family and loved by Lady Bertram and Sir Thomas.
Henry and Mary’s “cure” and ability to be attached is incomplete. Henry doesn’t manage to stay loyal to an attachment that might have made his “happy destiny”. Mary’s fate is worse, she wanted Edmund and again, circumstances beyond her control ripped something away from her. Luckily, Mary has found a solid attachment to build from again, she has Mrs. Grant and she lives with her sister from then on (it is hinted that she marries eventually). However, Mary is still tainted by her mercenary ways and greed, as she resolves never to love a second son again.
To sum up: In Mansfield Park, those who are able to care about someone despite distance and time, are a source of good. The characters who learn to make these sort of attachments turn out the best (Sir Thomas, Lady Bertram, Julia, Tom) and those who don’t have poor outcomes (Henry, Maria, Mrs. Norris). And then we have Mary, who mostly learned her lesson but still gets screwed.
I am Hannah, 23, from the USA and I am looking for someone who would like to exchange snail mail. Preferably outside the USA. Hopefully, I can find someone who wants to write consistently and wants to become great friends!
🌸exchange art and tea
🍓exchange recipes and music
💌talk about our favorite things and get to know each other well
🖋include our favorite poetry and book recommendations
my name (or the closest thing I am comfortable with to be called in English) is Liah. I am 21 years old, speak Slovak, English and little bit of Spanish.
To be honest, I am not going to share my interests, favorite books and movies here - majority of people is not really interested in that bunch of information anyway.
Instead of that, I will say this - I am type of person who draw on their own snickers. Someone who reads in the middle of the night, too caught in the story, and then drinks gallon of coffee next day with no regret. That person who is swimming in the lake at 3am, telling friends to look at stars because in that very moment, they can see the past (I will explain later).
Someone who has just too much on their mind and need to share. It goes both ways though - I will listen no matter what you need to say. Practically I am looking for partner in the crime :)
I do not care about gender or age, just do not be asshole about sexuality - I have too many friends in LGBT community to tolerate that. Also, for now I prefer emails - later we will see :)
If interested, please write me here: leyla . linerova @ gmail.com
Looking forward to meet you through words, my dear future friend :)
Name: Kelly
Age: 29
Location: Louisiana-USA
What type of craft you practice (if you are not practicing yet please list the crafts you’re interested in): I’m a beginner witch with interest in cosmic, fire, moon, kitchen and storm magic.
Likes/Dislikes: I enjoy everything witchery, even if it’s different from my “fields”. I love Halloween, winter, fall, hello Kitty, Disney, cars. I’m not really against anything. I’m here to make penpals/friends, not judge! ☺️☺️
Contact method: [email protected]
Fun facts about yourself (optional but useful): I’m 29 years old and I’m a computer technician. I also am a car enthusiast. I love everything witchery and everything Halloween. I have two cat familiars, a fluffy butt names Tesla and a black darling named Hades.
What are you looking for in a pen pal? (ex. someone who will talk about space with me, someone to build a lasting friendship with, someone who will make witchy pocket letters, someone who will trade letters and herbs/etc with me, etc etc etc): All of the above? Any and everytbjng via snailmail! ☺️
Age/Gender/Location preference of your penpal: I’m not picky! Come to me lovely witches! 💕w
I don’t know if you’ll ever see this, if I’ll show it to you one day or you’ll find out of your own, but this is what I want to say to you.
I like you, so much. You’re kind, funny, intelligent, and very attractive. My feelings for you are so strong sometimes I have to take a step back and remember that we’re only so far in. But I can see a future with you, with babies that look like you and me and maybe a dog or two. God our babies would be cute.
If you were to ask me when I started falling for you, or why I fell for you, I don’t know what I’d tell you. Maybe the beginning. Did I know then that you would be such an important part of my life? No, but I’m so glad you are. I don’t know though. To be honest I think I started falling for you because you treated me like I mattered, yeah, I think that’s it. And I’m so grateful to you for that. You were the first person to really take an interest in me without being incredibly weird right out of the gate. We became friends first really.
I know you have a hard time letting people in, letting me in, and I think it comes from your past, from the things that have happened to you. It hurts me more than you’d imagine when I think about everything, all the pain, you’ve been through. But I can tell you, without a doubt, that I’m here. And I have no intentions of going anywhere. I care so deeply for you, I could never intentionally hurt you or do something that could hurt you in the end. I’m here. I’m not going to leave. I’m not going to choose someone else. I’m not. I couldn’t. You are pretty damn perfect for me and I’d be an idiot to let that go. So I’m here and I’m not going anywhere, so you better get used to it.
I want more than anything to know your fears. To know you so deeply, so intimately, that it’s like we’re one. I can’t wait for the day that you realize how much I really want and open yourself up to me. I don’t think it’ll be any time soon, but I’m prepared to wait. You are so important to me. You matter so much, and how you feel matters to me. There are so many wonderful things about you that you don’t even realize make you so amazing. I have a whole list of things I love about you, like how cute you look when your hair is all messy. Or how you’re such an amazing father and you want to raise your kids, when you talk about them, I can hear how much you love them, and that makes me so happy. I love listening to you talk, honestly I could listen to you talk for hours because you get so into whatever it is you’re talking about and I can hear how excited you are to talk about it. I love how smart you are, when you speak in different languages, how hard you work, how beautiful your eyes are, the sound of your voice when you say ‘I missed you too’. I love how you’re always able to make me smile, and you always make me feel better when I’m insecure about something. I love how you get me to do things I’m scared of and then I feel.better after. There are just so many things about you that make me happy, that I love. Little tiny things that make up all of why I like you.
I know we messed up along the way. We were in so much pain and hurting each other and we didn’t even realize it. And I’m sorry it took us not talking for us to realize it. But I’m so happy we’re in a better place now. I want nothing more than to actively try to make this work. Because I think we’d be amazing together, we really would.
Autumn has come with its cold, damp air in the morning on my way to work, contrasting combinations of black and gold (sometimes with addition of sky-blue, and sometimes of cloudy-gray) and joy when I manage to split the foam on Turkish coffee evenly between me and my best friend (with years of practice I can do it most of the times, but still not always).
As for me, autumn is the perfect time for new beginnings, since (although I have already graduated from school and university) time for me is still measured primarily by school years, not calendar years. So now is an excellent time to search for new penpals from all over the world.
I really like to learn something new, no matter whether it is something practical or not. That's how I got into science and got PhD in mathematical simulation (if you ever dreamed of learning something about mathematical models of metal corrosion, ask me).But I'm interested in many other topics besides my own field of activity. Somewhere in a parallel probability, I'm probably a literature major (I was almost ready in this one, but in the last grade I changed my mind quite radically). I really love mythology and history. But in general, I will read with sincere interest about any topic that you love and want to tell me about. People who are passionate about something are the best.
The greatest love of my life is reading. If I don’t read right now, I’m surely looking for something else to read. I can read almost any genre, but I especially appreciate author's ability to create a living, tangible reality-2, which you can almost see and touch yourself. Previously, in addition to reading, I spent a lot of time playing video games, and although now I don't do it so often because of problems with time and my spine, I'm still ready to play a good RPG or some beautiful indie game.
Both snail mail and email pals of any age, gender, sexuality, religion, etc. from any country in the world are welcome (I can write/read English, Russian and Ukrainian).
Name: Agne
Location: United Kingdom
Contact: my first name @tutanota.com. Can you make it work?
My prized possessions are my books, stopped clocks and my wristwatch. I try to live my life without sleepwalking through it, but sometimes it doesn't work out. I keep an open mind and would enjoy corresponding regardless of your views and interests, as long as they are not hateful towards other people. We can swap stories or tell each other what we're doing. Or we can go niche and talk only about movies, or start a two person bookclub, or swap small animal origami. Letters only please -- I want your best chicken scratching handwriting. You can write on toilet paper whilst smoking dope locked in your workplace toilet, I don't care. It's the authenticity that matters, not the embellishments. Let's be friends or if that doesn't work out, let's get into long-distance fights over snail mail :)
