¿What do I feel? ¿how do I feel?
It’s really strange how we can get lost in our emotions and take the worst decisions. I feel like that. I feel that I am losing you when you are the only person I want around me. The only person I want to be with. I don’t know what I am doing.
I wish I could be more mature. I don’t know if when you are mature you can handle all your emotions and be super emotionally smart. I wish I could be like that. Most of the time I feel like a child trying to understand what is happening with all that I feel. I can’t handle it. I don’t know how to do it. Sometimes I think I can even separate the good from the bad emotions and have a filter to them. I just feel and emotions take me over and that’s when the mess starts.
¿Do I want you? hell yes! yes, I do. I do. I want to take you to a nice coffee shop, I want to take you with me to the movies, I want to hear your stories, I want to hug you after work, I want to have you next to me when I am writing my research, I want to see your eyes and your smile every day of my life, I want to hear your laugh and your voice. I want to hug you when I said something stupid and you get mad at me. I want to grab you and don't let you go when you need to go to work. I want to give you more surprises even when I am really bad with them. I want to take you to eat tacos with me. I want to see you become who you wanna be. I want to help you in your hard times. I want to be there in your good times and celebrate with you. I want to run after you when I need to. I want to eat doughnuts with you. I want to teach you to swim. I want to go and visit as many countries as we can. I want to make you smile. I want to make you happy.
I don’t know what is happening. I can blame the distance. I'm gonna blame it. I gonna blame distance so much because I hate it so so much. I hate it. Finally, I am saying it, I hate so much that you are so far away from me. I just hate it. Distance is messing with my head and making me see and feel things that are not there. Distance is giving me doubts. Distance is giving me insecurities. Distance is making me feel so incomplete. Distance is making me want to disappear. I hate the distance. I don’t hate you.
I wish you can see how much I love you. How much I am trying every day. How much I think about you every minute. How much I plan in my head about us. How much I look for jobs in other countries. How much I look for trips so you can come here. How much I am loving you every day when you are not here. How much it hurts to love you in the distance.
AlDM