i was just given an assignment to write about what i learned this pat year to be brutally honest with myself... weather the goals i set at the beginning of the school year were met or missed. the problem is i fuck up this year.. i entered the school year thinking that i had a chance with a boy who had already made up his mind, first day of school i found he had a new girlfriend, he made a choice and i wasn’t part of it. One day in and i was already dying. Then i discovered the only support group i had, a discipleship group was poisoned with a sinister leader, who for a lack of better words tore my heart and sole to shreds, i left every sunday night and returned home only to fall in my bed and cry. Its hard to depend on nothing all year. My friendships went through many, many trials, i didn’t trust Cassy and i didn’t wanna talk to Arial i screwed up my friendships because i couldn’t tell them the truth and i couldn’t cope with the real world... sadly its the only one we’ve got. So this year i found my self loveless, hopeless and friendless. with a lack of Nate talking to me and my heart bleeding out with no one noticing and my friendship i screwed up falling through my hands life sand i slipped, i slipped. i spent night after night awake staring at the celling some nights i cried some night were silent, i have to admit the silent ones scared me the most. just because you tell someone your okay doesn’t mean you are. i think i fuck myself up this year. i watched/ am still watching someone i love be in love with someone else. there aren’t many things i’ve learned this year, 1.my happiness is no where near as important as the people i love’s, and 2.lots of people want me to be something i’m just not, if i pretend to be happy i get my friends back if i pretend to he okay with his relationship i get Nate back, if i pretend to be a slut i get friends who adore me.only problem is i’m sick of pretending i wanna be me and the happy version of me. and finally 3.people lie all the time, and people change people. i fucked up i don’t know where to go or how to write my assignment i know i don’t wanna move forward but its all we got, we make do of this messed up world we live in we call it home and we love it and the people in it to the best of our abilities... thats al i really know.
