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Claude: C’mon, Lorenz, I didn’t drink that much last night.//Lorenz: You were flirting with Byleth.//Claude: So what? She's my wife.// Lorenz: You asked if she was single…//Lorenz: And cried when she said she wasn't.
Claude: to be fair I cry about that when I'm sober too
Lorenz: you cry because you're married to your wife?
Claude, sniffing: I just love her a lot okay?
Lorenz: What's wrong with you Claude? Claude: I just watched Dimitri fish with his bare hands and no pants for a whole hour, it was glorious. Lorenz: Ah, I heard that was normal in the Kingdom. Claude: What?
Lorenz, for once able to fuck with Claude and enjoying every second of it: it's apparently traditional so the people build resistance to the cold
Claude:
Claude: I did something terrible./Lorenz: It’s okay, I will help you to hide the body./Claude: What- no what do you think I did?/Hilda: It doesn’t matter no one will know, except you, me and Lorenz. And probably Teacher.
Byleth: I have a shovel
Claude: why do you always assume I killed someone
All three: the poison
Claude: alright, that's fair. hurtful but fair
Lorenz: for the record, if we didn't need you to win this war I would've sold you out for one corn chip
Claude: I know you would've and I appreciate that you haven't
Byleth: there’s three ways to handles things. The Claude way, the Edelgard way, and the Dimitri way!// Lorenz: Ok Claude is the good way, Edelgard is the very violent way and Dimitri? He’s what?//Claude: A good way and a good ending, like my way, but with more deaths and traumas.
Dimitri: can't argue with that
Claude:.....you shouldn't be proud of that
Dimitri: yeah...
Modern day AU. Leonie, Ignatz and Raphael somehow drag Lorenz into a thrift shop for the first time in his life, how does he react?
An interesting mix of horror and fascination. He probably would just float around, looking at everything and once in a while comes back to as a question, like a tourist but weirder XD
Hilda: Lysithea, for the last time it’s called cauliflower. It’s not ghost broccoli./ Lysithea *staring blankly* : I know what i saw./ Claude to Lorenz: It's true that it looks like a ghost broccoli/ Lorenz to Claude: please don't encourage her!! she eats too much cakes!!
Claude: hang on, I got this. Hey Lysithea!
Lysithea: oh no
Claude: why aren't you eating your ghost broccoli?
Lysithea: because I don't like it!
Claude: well, if you don't eat your ghost broccoli you'll never grow up
Lysithea: will you stop treating me like a child already?
Claude: if you stop act like one
Lysithea, internally: this is a trap this is a trap this is a trap this is a trap
Hubert: Tell me where Claude von Riegan and the Professor are and I'll burn your territoy to the ground.// Lorenz: Uh, don't you mean "or"?// Hubert: FINE! Tell me where Claude Von Riegan and the Professor are OR I'll burn your territoy to the ground.// Lorenz: Well, which is it? That sounds like a pretty crucial conjunction.
That absolutely sounds like something that would happen, I have nothing dumb to add, this is perfect
Empire Soldier: This freaking Gloucester Junior tried to kill me// Claude: Don't insult Lorenz. If he had tried to kill you, you'd be dead.// Byleth: I mean yeah, you are lucky that he's a gentleman.
Loooooooool I am amused, this is amusing!
