Jul 26
there are alot of paradoxes in my personality but my least favourite is the one where i need constant reassurance and attention but also i will get nauseous with fear if someone looks at me for more than five seconds
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there are alot of paradoxes in my personality but my least favourite is the one where i need constant reassurance and attention but also i will get nauseous with fear if someone looks at me for more than five seconds
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sometimes im just existing and i get hit with the reality that i killed someones kid and hijacked their body on complete accident and its just like what the fuck i dont mean this in a trans way but also it is partially in a trans way, i do mean his literally though
i cannot remember
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why do my intrusive thoughts always have to be sexual man why couldn't they have like latched onto my fear of bees or something man :[
"dude, youre not evil, youre just 17" have you considered i can be both? have you considered that? i can and will be both and there is nothing you can do to stop me
google how do i exist without The Fear™
okay yeah theres definitely something going on in my head that im unaware of, my memory is usually bad but not THIS bad
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i am. really mad at my mother's actions today not my mum herself, just her actions i know she just wants to help but shes went behind my back and she should know by now that it is very easy to make me really paranoid without going too in deph, she told me yesterday that she and dad would be talking to the social worker alone just cuz she wants to get us reffered to a food bank in actuality, she spoke to the social worker alone to talk more about me which i only found out cuz the mental health place ended up calling to try to talk to me directly about it i know she just wanted to get help but i wouldve been fine if she spoke to the social worker in front of me, even if it was about darker stuff ive done it feels cruel that she lied to me you know? like what else is she lying about also after i spoke to the people on the phone and gave it back to her, she started telling them that i was basically lying and like,,, no?? you already told them the one thing i would be likely to lie about, why would i lie now?? im not mad at her but i feel really hurt