How to do what's right for you TW
So I'm from the uk so we have the NHS which is awesome because of free medical care but it also sucks because you have to wait. I was given two options by the doctors I could either wait and see if my body would miscarriage naturally or I could get a D&C. I knew then that the D&C would be the best option for me I was already so angry at my body for keeping something dead in it for so long I didn't want to carry it about with me. Now the only problem was I would have to wait 5 days before I could go into hospital and for all we knew I could end up miscarrying naturally and in some ways I think that the hospital wanted that. I had started to spot between finding out the baby had died and my d&c and was worried that I wasn't going to make it. I couldn't do this myself I was scared. Finally the day of my d&c came and I went to the hospital. I was so scared I had never been in the hospital for anything before. The nurses came and spoke to me I was on an open ward with loads of other people who were in for lots of completely different things. I was alone as my partner wasn't allowed on the ward with me. The doctor came and spoke to me and told me that they couldn't find my records and if they couldn't find them I wouldn't be able to have the d&c. I was so upset and angry I needed this dead thing out of me I couldn't do this anymore. They gave it until 3pm and if they hadn't found my records I would have to go home. 3.20pm comes and the nurse told me that they found the records and I was to start getting prepped. They gave me two tablets to put under my tongue to help soften my cervix and gave my numbing gel on my hands so it wouldn't hurt with the needle going in. Most day patients have to walk to surgery but I think they were feeling sorry for me so the wheeled me in. I got hooked up to the machines and could see my heart rate was high from being scared so I tried to slow down my breathing and watched as my heart rate slowed. Getting put to sleep was the weirdest thing ever I remember being sad but almost glad that this was almost over. When I woke up from surgery I was crying and I didn't understand why. The nurses told me it was because it was the last thing I did before going under. I wasn't too sore but there was a lot of padding between my legs so was expecting there to be a big mess. I got back to the ward and I was the only one left. I was starving as I hadn't eaten anything all day so the nurses got me a tuna sandwich it was the best thing I had eaten. I wanted home so bad and I knew they wouldn't let you go unless you pee so I drank two liters of water and waited to go. Standing up was weird and I looked down and I wasn't bleeding as much as I thought I would be. My partner and his mum came and picked me up from the hospital and I think I must have been still high from the drugs. His mum told me to make sure I was breathing really deep to get all the drugs out and I remember sitting in the back ok the car breathing in and out as loudly as I could. Got home and felt like a weight had been lifted but I was so sad at what could have been but in no way was I giving on up on becoming a mum and having a family