I have forgotten what happiness is. I have forgotten how it feels. I remember laughing so hard that my stomach cramped up and the joy of seeing movies but not the accurate feeling of happiness. I can't recall the last time I felt it. Nowadays it's just a satisfaction because I know I won't have that particular feeling again. I have become too cautious to be happy.
No 20. TOTO, I HAVE A FEELING WE’RE NOT IN KANSAS ANYMORE
Lost | Field Medicine | Medieval
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Jason rubbed hard at Clay’s sternum, hoping to wake the youngest member of their team.
Hazed blue eyes blinked up at him and a pained grunt escaped the blond guy.
“Hey, how are you feeling?”
“Toto, I have a feeling we’re not in Kansas anymore…”
“How is he?” Trent asked from where he was tending to one of the other guys.
“Think he hit his head.” Jason frowned, “Unfocused eyes, and thinks he’s Dorothy from the wizard of Oz…”
Trent nodded, “I’ll take a look at him later. -Ready to roll?”
“Yes.” Brock nodded as he tilted the litter at an angle so they wouldn’t have to physically lift Metal to get him on it. He also held a rolled up shirt in place so it would land behind the small of Metal’s back and give some support there, if it was needed.
Sonny and Ray had their hands wrapped in the fabric of Metal’s uniform, Sonny’s left hand at his shoulder, Ray’s left hand at his waist, Sonny’s right hand on his hip, Ray’s right hand near his knees.
“Ready.” Both Bravo 2 and 3 nodded.
“Roll up!” Trent ordered as he held Metal’s head in line with the rest of his spine.
They moved as one. Trent, Sonny and Ray rolling Metal onto his side and Brock lifting the litter in right behind Alpha-1’s back.
“Ready to roll back?” Trent asked.
The guys let him know they were.
“Roll back.”
Trent held Metal’s head until Sonny had placed something under the man’s head and neck so his head wouldn’t fall back from the current position, and something on each side to make sure they could secure his head completely.
“How are you doing?” Trent asked looking down at Metal.
“The neck brace and all of that is overkill…” Metal frowned as he pointed towards his head. “Told you it’s my lower back which is hurting.”
“Better safe than sorry…” Trent shrugged, “And I don’t like that you’re moving your arms either. Just in case…”
Metal rolled his eyes and let his right hand fall back to his side.
“Can you still feel your legs?”
“Yeah…” Metal paused, “Think I still can wiggle my toes as well”
“Let’s see it then…” Trent nodded towards Metal’s feet, and waited for the man to attempt, “Congrats, you’re right.”
“You should look to Clay…” Metal paused, “Pretty sure one of the others can secure me to this litter without you.”
* * *
“How is he?” Sonny asked as he stepped over to where Trent was checking on Clay.
“He called me Tinman…” Trent frowned, “Asked if I wanted to come with him to Oz to get a heart…”
Sonny chuckled a bit, “What does that make me?”
“Definitely the scarecrow…” Trent chuckled, “-Or the cowardly lion… You could be that as well…”
“Okay, not gonna take that personally…” Sonny frowned, “So he got his bell rung, anything else?”
“He yelped when I bumped into his leg…” Jason shot in, “Looked swollen above his ankle, but wasn’t able to get him to tell us if he was hurt anywhere else…”
“See if you find another neck brace in the chopper.” Trent ordered, “Just in case he injured his neck as well as his head.”
Sonny nodded and limped over to the downed helicopter they had crash landed with.
* * *
“So…” Metal sighed, looking over at Brock by only moving his eyes, “How are you feeling?”
“I’m not the one on a stretcher…” Brock tilted his head a little.
“No, but you also took a hard landing with a helicopter. And Sonny had to pop your shoulder back in place…”
Brock nodded.
“So, how are you?”
“Shoulder’s gonna be sore for a while…” Brock shrugged the shoulder which hadn’t been dislocated recently, “Glad Cerberus didn’t come on this mission.”
“Yeah, that’s luck…”
Brock nodded, “And you?”
“All this is probably blown way out of proportion…” Metal sighed, “Pretty sure my back is fine. Just a bit beaten up…”
“Well, Trent’s got a point with that ‘better safe than sorry’ way of thinking…” Brock offered up a quick smile.
“Yup, wouldn’t be the first time he was right about something…”
Brock nodded.
* * *
The rescue chopper came for them. They were loaded in and some of the other guys had to strap in, not getting a place to sit down.
They were almost back to the base when he realized that he no longer felt his legs.
He reached down with one hand and squeezed his thigh. Nothing.
The feeling in his legs hadn’t disappeared in the blink of an eye. It was more like they had gradually gotten more and more numb. And now it was like his legs didn’t exist.
He knew it was a bad sign.
He wanted to tell someone. But the chopper was too loud, and he didn’t have a headset to speak to the others to.
How life could be from now on started playing across his retinas, he felt some sort of panic grip at him. He wasn’t ready for this. What the heck was he going to do if he couldn’t be an operator anymore?
His eyes were stinging. He couldn’t cry right now. He couldn’t.
He squeezed his other leg. Also nothing.
Then he caught Sonny’s concerned eyes.
“Can’t feel?” the Texan mouthed.
If it hadn’t been for the neck brace, he would’ve shook his head in return, but he had to resort to mouth ‘no’ back.
He saw the concern multiply in Sonny’s face, before the Texan schooled his expression, “Gonna be fine…”
He knew neither of them believed it.
* * *
“Why am I on a stretcher?” Clay asked once the helicopter engine shut off.
“We were in a heli-crash. You hit your head really bad.” Trent winked.
“Why is my neck stuck?”
“Put a neck brace on you in case you hurt your neck as well…”
“Oh…”
Trent nodded, “You feel any pain?”
“Now that you mention it, my head feels like I got in a headbutting match with an ox.” Clay frowned, “And pretty sure my ankle’s broken…”
“Good.”
“How’s that good?” Clay frowned.
“Trust me, if you feel your legs, that’s good.” Trent winked, “You really hit your head bad.”
“I had this weird dream…”
“Wizard of Oz?” Trent asked.
“How’d you know?”
“Apparently Jase is Toto, and I’m Tinman…”
“Oh no…” Clay frowned.
“Oh yes…” Trent chuckled, “Dorothy…”
* * *
“…Why are you here?” Clay frowned as Full Metal was rolled into the same room he was resting in.
“Was in the same crash as you…” Metal sighed, not looking away from the ceiling.
“Did you get hurt as well?”
“I think everyone did.”
“But you’re the only other one here. The rest is resting up on their own.”
Metal sighed.
“Come on…”
Metal tilted his head a little, to look over at the younger team member. He saw Clay had his right leg in cast, rested high on a mountain of pillows, and bruising on large areas of the left side of his face.
“You look like shit.” He almost chuckled.
“Feel like it too, if you wondered…” Clay admitted, “What are you here for?”
Metal sighed, “I broke something… Had surgery to fix it.”
“That’s vague…”
Metal nodded a little, “Broke something in my back.”
“Oh…”
Metal offered up a tired smile, “I can’t feel my legs. But the professionals said they couldn’t see any injury to the spinal cord. They think it might be because it’s swollen right now, and that it might go back to normal… Or it might not…”
Clay swallowed, “Sorry…”
Metal nodded a little.
“You broke your back, but it didn’t cut the spinal cord?”
“I broke one of those spikes…” Metal shrugged a little, “The canal the spinal cord is in was unaffected by the break. But of course everything near it swelled up. Hopefully it’ll return to normal in a few weeks or months.”
