Mar 20
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lost pieces pt. i
a/n: in the business of full transparency, i decided two months ago i couldn’t keep writing for same mistakes. i became extraordinarily resentful of this universe and ultimately decided to take a (permanent?) break. over the last two months, i decided i wanted to share these lost pieces to fics i will probably never publish because i am so proud of them. maybe this will help me get my mojo back, maybe it won’t. i don’t know how many pieces i’ll end up sharing. regardless, here’s this.
piece synopsis: from a fic titled “and i don’t mind, if it’s me you need to turn to” (5 times Rebel does something for one of the Daggers and one time they do something for her)
lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse masterlist
warnings: unedited, swearing, angst, slice of life, mentions of kids, birthdays, insecurities
iiii. Payback
“We could ask your instructor’s daughter.”
“Amelia? She’s like 15-”
“No, the other one.”
He sighs, shifting. “I mean... I guess we could. I don’t know, I don’t think she likes kids.” His wife sighs.
“Reuben, honey, it’s worth a shot.” He bites his lip, looking at his wife.
“I’ll call her, but I’m not making any promises.”
-
“I owe you.” Is the first thing he says, as soon as the door opens.
You shake your head. “Not at all, Payback.” He sighs, opening the door wider to let you in. You follow him in to the house, weaving through a long hallway.
“Seriously, I know this is so last minute. Our babysitter’s got the stomach flu, or food poisoning, or something. We’ve been planning this date night for months now and I just-”
“Payback, I think I can handle a few kids for a few hours.” He sighs as the two of you stop at the living room. The room is lit up only by the flickering of the TV, the cartoons echoing through the room. “Elijah, Adrian, this is your babysitter for the night.” The two boys turn and you wave.
“What happened to Sarah?” The younger one moans, slinking down on the couch.
“Adrian, I told you baby, she’s sick.” A woman’s voice answers, and you turn to see Payback’s wife Celia walking down the stairs. She turns to you, offering you a smile. “Thank you for doing this, Reuben and I owe you.” She says softly as the boys turn back to their cartoons. You shake your head, setting your bag down against the wall.
“Seriously, it’s no big deal. I would’ve just spent the night watching reality TV and getting wine tipsy, so not like I had big plans or anything.”
“No one else answered, and we were getting kind of desperate. You don’t know how much we owe you.” Payback says, leaning up against the wall.
“Seriously, please, I’m happy to do this. Where’s everyone else?”
“The Padres game.”
“Oh right.”
“Which, why aren’t you there?” You shrug.
“I’m not a sports person. The only sports I partake in are the Wii kind.” A ghost of a smile appears on his face. “I’m not allowed to go to pro sports games with them anymore, because I don’t pay attention.”
“Your Dad make that rule?”
“I fell asleep through one too many Chargers games, you know back when they were still here, while at UCSD and that was the end of that.” He shrugs.
“Makes sense, season passes to the games here are expensive.”
“Yeah, they’ve only gotten worse over time.”
“Speaking of expenses, how much do I owe you?” Your eyes widen and you shake your head again.
“No, absolutely not. I’m happy to do this.”
“Mama?” The three of you turn to see Payback’s youngest, Cece. At only three years old, she had the whole family wrapped around her finger, but was absolutely inseparable from her mother.
“Hi Cece.” Her Mom coos, reaching out her hand for Cece to take. Cece takes it and stands behind her Mom as she peers out. You smile at her, crouching down to be on her eye level.
“Hi Cece. I’m (Y/N), I’m gonna watch you tonight.”
“You remember her, right?” Celia asks as Cece eyes you.
“Hey, do you have a cool name too?” Adrian shouts and Payback narrows his eyes.
“Adrian, inside voice.”
“Sorry. Do you have a cool name? Like Fanboy?” You chuckle.
“Yeah, it’s Rebel, but you don’t have to call me that.”
“Oh, I will, it’s way cooler.” You glance up at Payback, laughter escaping you.
“Cece, you remember her, right? She’s the one who brought you your teddy at your last birthday.” The girl glances down at the stuffie in her arms and her eyes widen and she toddles towards you. Wrapping her arms around your neck, you grin, picking her up.
“Alright, I think I can hold the fort down. Why don’t you guys head on out?”
Celia hesitates. “At least let us give you money for pizza.”
“WE’RE GETTING PIZZA?” Adrian shouts, scrambling up from the couch to bounce excitedly on top of it.
“Adrian James, sit down. And stop yelling.”
You chuckle at Payback’s reprimands. There’s a muttered “Sorry.” from Adrian as he flops back down, which earns a glare from Payback.
“They’re going to be on their best behavior, right?” Celia asks sternly.
The two boys nod. “Hey Rebel, can we watch movies?” Elijah asks and you nod.
“Sure, or we could play Mario Kart. I brought my Switch.” The boys began to shout excitedly at the news as Cece covers her ears. “Hey, you two, don’t get too excited now.” Payback sighs, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Seriously, please we owe you. We’ve been planning this for months, and we didn’t get to have a date for our anniversary last year because of the move and I know this is so last minute-”
“Don’t worry about it. Go have fun. Go for a romantic walk on the beach. Run away to Vegas. Please, just go enjoy yourselves.” You say, ushering them towards the door. The boys follow you to the door as Payback and Celia hesitate.
“You sure?” Payback asks once more, despite his hand already being on the doorknob.
“Say bye to Mom and Dad.” You all wave and Celia laughs lightly as Payback opens the door. Celia takes his hand, gently leading him out of the house and you shut the door behind them.
“Do we know you?” Adrian asks, looking up at you and Elijah nudges his brother.
“You think your parents would let a stranger babysit you?” You laugh, looking at the two boys. They both remarkably resemble their Dad, height included. At just 7 and 11, they look like mini versions of Payback. “I work with your Dad. And I came to Cece’s birthday party a few months ago, remember?” They both shake their heads.
“Nope!” Adrian shouts again and Cece winces, tucking her head into your shoulder.
“Okay, Adrian, the yelling has gotta-”
“WAIT, you work with my Dad, does that mean you fly the cool planes like he does?” You nod, smiling.
“Yeah, I do. Are you boys hungry?”
“Depends, are we getting pizza?” Elijah asks, rocking back on forth on his feet. Kid knew how to play his cards.
“You want pizza? We can get something else.”
“Like what?”
You shrug. “Could order McDonalds, Chinese food-” Adrian makes a face”-anything really. What do you want to eat?”
The boys look at each other, thinking it over. “If we get pizza, can we get breadsticks?”
“I want wings!” Adrian shouts once again.
“We can do that, but only if you stop yelling.” The boy’s hands fly to his mouth, his eyes wide. Elijah lets out a giggle at his brother and you nod your head to the living room.
“C’mon, let’s go sit and we can discuss what to get.”
“Okay!″ The boys shout, giggling as they run back to the living room, launching themselves on the couch. You sigh as they smile goofily at you.
“Alright, you two, where do you want to get pizza from?”
-
“I’m not letting you say no.”
The envelope that has landed in front of you has your name on it and your eyes take a moment to register what it is. You pick it up, turning it over and open it. Your eyes go wide and you turn to Payback, envelope already halfway out to him.
“No, absolutely not, I will not take this-” He pushes the envelope back to you.
“Seriously, we were in a real bind. We owe you that, and more. The kids loved hanging out with you, you did a great job. Please let me do this for you-”
“No, no, I was raised better than that. I was doing a favor for a friend-”
“And now I’m replaying her-”
“What’re you guys arguing about?” Fanboy asks as Coyote takes the envelope from your hands. He opens it and his eyes go wide.
“Shit dude.”
“Give me this.” You muttered, taking the envelope back, offering it to Payback. “I’m not taking this. I refuse. I was doing a favor for my friends. You have cute kids and I was more then happy to babysit them so you and Celia could have a night off. Please, don’t worry about it.”
“I will not be out-stubborned.”
“Do you know who you’re talking to?”
He sighs, crossing his arms. “I got all day.”
“K, that’s nice, but class starts in a minute.”
“We all know Maverick is gonna be late. Just shut the fuck up and take it.”
“Payback, no.” He leans up against your table.
“Just shut up and take it. Would it kill you to do that?”
“Yes! I was raised by the philosophy of it takes a village. And the village does not accept compensation for doing something they would’ve done anyways, so... no, not taking it.”
“You really won’t accept it?”
“No, I’d just feel bad.”
“And I feel bad if you don’t take it. You went above and beyond for my kids and they haven't stopped asking when you’ll come babysit again.”
“I thought you didn’t like kids.” Hangman remarked, settling at his usual seat in front of you.
“I like them when I can return them to their parents. And I’ll babysit your kids anytime, so long as you stop trying to pay me.”
“I won’t win here, will I?” You shake your head and he sighs, picking up the envelope. “Fine, but if Celia asks, I tried.”
+ the one time they did something for her
You sighed, looking at the numbers on your phone click over. Rooster’s soft snores sound from next to you, and you look down at him, heart clenching at the sight. You reach out to run a hand through his hair and even in his sleep, he nuzzles closer to the touch. You swallow, leaning over to slide the phone on to the nightstand.
“Happy birthday to me.” You whisper, snuggling closer to Rooster.
-
“Hey, thanks for asking me out to do this with you.”
Phoenix nudges you. “Course, it’s your birthday. We didn’t celebrate last year.” You shrug.
“Well, I didn’t exactly tell anyone it was my birthday last year.” Bob’s eyes widen. “Okay, don’t look at me like that, it makes me feel bad. I don’t know, Coyote got me a card and I went out to dinner with my Dad and Rooster, but I’ve got bad luck with my birthdays and I don’t know, just don’t like celebrating them.”
“Well, you’re celebrating this year right?” Phoenix asks.
You pick up your coffee, taking a drink as you stall. “Um, kind of? I think I’m getting dinner with my Dad but Rooster and Coyote have been pretty quiet about it this year.”
“You think they forgot?” Bob asks softly. You shake your head.
“No, think they’re just letting me take the lead on it. Haven’t really mentioned it at all.”
“I’d be milking my birthday for everything it’s worth. Getting all the drinks out of Hangman.” Phoenix jokes and you chuckle, rolling your eyes.
“Dunno, don’t think he even knows when my birthday is.”
“Why do you do that?” You hum, meeting Bob’s eyes. “You know, act like nobody notices you.” You chuckle nervously, rubbing your hands together.
“I- I don’t know, I think I get enough negative attention from you all, the last thing I need is more.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Phoenix asks sharply and you look her.
“Are you... you’re serious? I mean c’mon, it’s been about me since the day I got here. Being Mav’s daughter, Ice’s goddaughter, that stupid argument with my Dad after the uranium mission, the investigation, getting Ace and Atlantis fired... I know I have a problem with making it about myself and for all the worst things.”
“Someone tell you that?”
“No, God no. Just one of those things you kinda just... know.” You watch as Phoenix looks at Bob, an unspoken conversation passing between the two of them.
“Hey, that’s my thing.” You joke, trying to lighten the solemn mood that has settled over the table. “Seriously, I’m fine with not making a big deal out of my birthday. Coffee with you guys and dinner with my Dad is enough.” You say, forcing a smile.
And it was. It still stung, the feeling of rejection from years long gone. Birthdays spent alone as your Dad dejectedly tried to make it better, Carole offering you anything you wanted, when all you wanted was a friend. And Bradley had been there, but Bradley was always there. Bradley was popular and everyone saw you as an extension of him. No one was really your friend, just his. And you knew it too, when every invitation to a birthday dinner or party went ignored. And you didn’t need, or want, to feel that anymore. So, if no one knew when your birthday was, no one could forget it. No one could make up an excuse to not see you or ignore it entirely. And you were fine with it. The people who cared did little things, and you didn’t need your birthday for them to prove that they did. It was easier this way, to just blend in, to not be seen-
Your phone beeped, breaking you out of your thoughts as Phoenix and Bob watched you carefully. You swallow as your eyes focus back in, realizing it’s April. A text wishing you a happy birthday, wondering when she can stop by to bring you your gift. You sigh, fiddling with one of the rings on your fingers as you looked at your two friends.
“This was fun, but I should probably get back to my house. I think April wants to bring me a gift and um-” Pheonix’s still staring as Bob nods. You’re already halfway up from the table, slipping your phone into your back pocket and grabbing your keys off of the table.
“Have a good rest of your birthday.” Bob says softly. Phoenix is on her phone, typing away furiously, and you try not let the action sting.
Didn’t care enough to even let you get out the door before she was already ignoring you. So much for progress in your friendship with her. You knew this had been Bob’s idea anyways.
You nod, waving goodbye as you walk to the exit of the local coffee shop, a place you’d frequented in high school. You tried not to let the thought of glimpses of friendship, study groups and outings, from high school sting as the door shut behind you.
-
“She thinks you forgot!”
He startles, rolling off his couch. He groans pushing himself up slowly and turning to sit on the hardwood, trying to figure out why Phoenix was in his house, pissed as all hell. Hangman peeks out from the kitchen, coffee cups in hand.
“Who thinks who forgot what?” His boyfriend asks, handing a cup to him. He sits down on the couch, observing the situation in front of him.
Bob shifts nervously. “Phe, really, you heard her. I don’t think-”
“Rebel thinks you forgot her birthday.” He thinks for a moment he might drop the cup and has a half a mind to set it down on the floor before he does. “Now explain to me Machado, how Bob and I remember her birthday but your pea-sized brain does not have enough space to remember your best friend’s birthday.” He holds up a hand.
“Whoa, whoa, Phoenix, I didn’t-”
“And trust me when I tell you I’m going to rip Bradshaw a new asshole for forgetting. The hell is wrong with the two of you-”
“Trace, I swear to God I didn’t-”
“-I mean, you should’ve seen her face, the way she said she didn’t want anyone to give her attention. Said we give her enough negative attention as is. She doesn’t think we even know when her birthday-”
“Trace, would you just-”
“Are you going to fix this? Tell me you’re going to fix this. Because if you don’t fix this, I will personally attach you to my jet and take off, so help me God. I mean she looked ready to cry-”
“Are you gonna-”
“I mean what the fuck is wrong with you? Did someone drop you on your head? I know you were raised better-”
“Phoenix!” He shouts and she finally pauses, chest heaving. “I didn’t forget, I literally just tried to call her. She didn’t answer, I thought she was still asleep.”
“Probably crying because you basically gave her a big fuck you by forgetting-”
“Would just let me talk for five fucking seconds?” He seethes. She does stop, albeit looking angry at his choice of words, and he takes a deep breathe. “Bradshaw didn’t forget either. We’ve been planning a small dinner for weeks now, because she hates her birthday, but we had to do something.”
“The worst part of this is how at peace she was with knowing you forgot.”
“Would you stop making me feel shittier than I already do?”
“Girl’s got self-esteem issues.” Hangman says shrugging and he looks to his boyfriend, mentally wishing he’d shut up for once.
“Yeah, we all know she needs to be in therapy. Not news. You’re just willing let her think you forgot?”
“I didn’t want to make a big deal of it, she hates that.” He defends, feeling silly even now as he said it. Should’ve been doing more. “We were gonna text everyone today, because you know our crew can’t keep their mouths shut about surprises. We were just gonna let it be a little surprise for her with everyone who could come. Just dinner and her friends, that’s all she wants, but she’ll never ask. So we were doing it ourselves.” Phoenix rolls her shoulders and he can see some of the anger dissipate. A silence falls over the room as he stands up, sweatpants shifting as he does. “Fuck, did she really cry?”
“On the verge of tears when she left.”
He groans, running a palm over his face as he leans over, picking up his mug and setting it on the coffee table in exchange for his phone. He swipes it open, going to his best friend’s name. He gets sent to voicemail, almost immediately, and he curses quietly.
Hangman’s watching him carefully. “She not answer?” He asks as he pulls the phone away from his ear. He shakes his head but almost immediately a text pops up.
Sorry, April’s at my house. Call you when she leaves?
He swallows. “Okay, so April’s at her house. Why she didn’t answer.”
“So dinner?” Phoenix asks, crossing her arms.
“Let dinner be something small, we can do cake at her house afterwards. We’ve already have them here.” He says, jerking his head to the kitchen. “But if you’d be willing-”
“What do you have in mind?”
-
“You know you didn’t have to come to dinner tonight.” You whisper, nudging Hangman’s shoulder. The two of you follow Penny, Mav, Amelia, Rooster, and Coyote to the restaurant. Hangman looks nice, a park blue button-down polo matching a nice pair of jeans and your jacket is hanging over your crossed arms, the dress fluttering with the light breeze.
He shrugs. “Wanted to.”
You laugh softly. “Definitely not because you’re part of the family now and can’t escape?”
He chuckles. “Maybe a little of that.” He says, holding the door open for you as you follow the group into the restaurant. “Did you think we’d forget?” His questions catches you off guard and you hum as you watch your Dad sweet talk the hostess.
“What do you mean?”
“Your birthday, did you think we’d forget?”
“Didn’t think you knew when it was Bagman.” The teasing tone and nickname creates a frown line in his forehead. “What?”
He squares his shoulder, guard going back up. “Thought we were closer than that.”
Your shoulders droop. “Hey, I was kidding. I’m just not used to people caring s’all.”
He sucks a breath in through his teeth as you begin to follow the hostess to your table. “Yeah, trust me, I get that. But they do. I do. And so do a lot of others.”
-
“Did we...” You shift in your seat. “I don’t remember leaving the kitchen light on.” Rooster adjusts his grip on the steering wheel, not saying anything. He pulls into the driveway next to Hangman’s car, your Dad’s farther up the driveway.
“Looks like they beat us to the house.”
“Well, you were the one who spent an extra fifteen minutes in the restaurant bathroom.”
“I had to pee!”
“For fifteen minutes?”
“Listen-” You giggle as your boyfriend turns to you.
“Listen, it’s my birthday. You can’t be mean to me.”
He sighs. “I could never be mean to you.”
“Yeah, I know, why do you think Fanboy always tells you you’re whipped? C’mon, let’s go inside. I want cake.”
“Whatever m’lady wants.”
You laugh as you climb out of the car.
I'm leaving behind
a piece of me once again,
I constantly do,
some part big or small peels off
whether the bridge burns or not.
.
D W Eldred
lost pieces pt. v
a/n: this piece is from a fic i really hope i will one day finish and get to publish because it truly had so much potential. i am also incredibly overwhelmed with the responses these are getting and 1000% do plan on responding to everyone once they are all posted.
piece synopsis: from a piece titled “my heart is wherever you are” (or the 5 times Rooster visited his parents graves alone and the one time he went with someone)
lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse
warnings: proposals, visiting a parents grave, unedited
iiiii. when he decided to propose
Sometimes, he likes to imagine what they would say to him.
He wonders if they’re proud of him, of his accomplishments, of how his life is turning out. He wonders what it would be like if they were here, if they could see him now.
It’s hard sometimes, he thinks. Hard without them being here. Mav makes it easier, so does Rebel, and his friends mean the world to him but he misses them. Misses his Mom, especially.
When he imagines his wedding, he always thought she’d be there. It makes his throat close up, to think about the fact that she won’t.
That’s if his girl says yes.
He sighs, rubbing his temple as he looks at their headstones, the words carefully carved into the expensive stone. The flowers he always brings sit at the corner of his Dad’s headstone. Rebel had to have been here recently, the wildflowers she brings his Mom sitting near her headstone.
“You visit my Mom?”
She glances at him from her phone, head propped upagainst his bare chest. he hadn’t meant to ask the question, but it had slipped out after visiting his parents the day before and seeing wildflowers next his Mom’s headstone. Carole had always told his girlfriend that she reminded her of wildflowers, ever so unique, beautiful in their own underrated right.
She shifts, phone dropping on to the bed next to her as she slides one of her hands up his chest to settle on his jaw, thumb lightly moving over one of his scars.
“Course I do.”
He swallows, throat tightening. “Why?” The words are a whisper. After so many years apart, he didn’t understand why she still cared, how she still cared, how she forgave him, how she let him love her-
“Because she was my Mom too, in her own right. I miss her. Like to talk to her sometimes, like we used to when you had football practice and she’d take me to go get a treat before we had to pick you up. Like to talk to your Dad, tell him about how Dad’s doing. Dad doesn’t visit enough.”
“After all these years, you still visit them?”
“Never stopped.”
Yeah, this is the girl he wants to marry.
He clears his throat slightly, as he readjusts, letting his knees prop up as he rests his forearms against them. He doesn’t know why he’s nervous, knows his mother had always hoped they’d end up together, and he knows that not just from the stories Mav’s told him.
Carole told him once, right after she’d gotten sick, that she saw the way he looked at his best friend, even if he didn’t know it yet, and to not wait until it was too late. She never brought it up again.
“Hey guys.” He whispers, feeling so far out his depth.
He wished he hadn’t come alone.
But that’d ruin the whole surprise, wouldn’t it?
“Uh, got some news that I wanted to share with you.” He blinks back the tears, letting his legs fall into a criss cross position as his hands come to pick at the grass. “You know that Rebel and I, that we’ve been dating. Almost three years now.” He realizes that he’s not going to be able to hold back the tears, wishing so desperately that they were here. “God, she’s- she’s my favorite person in the whole world. I love her. I love her so much. Didn’t realize you could love a person that much.” The first few tears slip out as he thinks about his girlfriend, the way she asked if he wanted her to come with him today, the way she just understood when he said no. He loved her, had since long before he was able to understand what it truly meant. “I’ve decided that I’m going to propose. She’s the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with.” More tears roll down his cheeks, but he makes no effort to wipe them away. “Going out to the hangar later this week to see Mav. Wanna ask his permission. Hope he’ll say yes, because God, I don’t want to do this with anybody else.” He takes a shaky breath, hands abandoning their work in the grass. “Do you think she’ll say yes? Hope she will.”
He desperately tries to think about what they’d say to him.
Course she’s going to say yes, do you see the way she looks at you? his Mom would tell him.
Girl’s crazy about you kid. No where else she’d rather be. his Dad would say
“Gonna ask Mav for help picking out a ring. He’ll know best.” He swallows the lump in his throat as tears sting his eyes. “Wish you were here. Want you to be here.” He takes a shaky breath, thinking about what it would’ve been like if they had been here. Thinks about his Mom going dress shopping with her, his Dad standing up there with him. “I know- know you’re still here with us in some way, but uh- wish you were here.”
+ the one time he went with someone
You hum at the feeling of fingertips brushing your bare arm ever so slowly. Up, down, up, down, always in a consistent pattern. You smiled sleepily, nuzzling closer into the bare chest next to you. You can hear him snort and you blink your eyes open up at him. The early morning light is dancing off his skin, lighting up his eyes. You swallow, caught off guard with how beautiful he looks. “Morning.” He whispers, voice still rough with sleep. He opens his mouth to say something else as your bedroom door is nudged open, Buddy bounding his way into the room. He jumps up onto the bed, nudging himself right between you and Rooster. You huff out a laugh, hand reaching up to scratch behind Buddy’s ears as he cozies up to you and Rooster. Rooster shifts to give the dog more room and his hand moves from your arm to your hair. You hum at the feeling, looking up at him as he smiles down at you. “Ran into your Dad this morning as I went to pee. Was headed out the door to go sailing with Penny.”
“Yeah?”
He nods, confirming. “Yeah, asked him if he’d be back to have dinner tonight and that we have something to tell him.” He pauses, looking down at you. “Asked me if I finally asked.”
You wriggle your fingers that are scratching Buddy’s head still, looking at the ring that adorns your left ring finger. It sparkles in the light and you have to steady yourself as you think about last night all over again.
“Will you marry me?”
Your breath caught in your throat as Bradley looked at you earnestly, eyes full of love. You want to speak, to say yes, to pull him close and kiss him and show him how much you love him, but nothing comes out.
“I- I have a ring, I swear. I was gonna do this better but I- there’s no one else I want to spend the rest of my life with. You’re the only girl I want. I know- Jesus I know marriage scares you but I swear to you, I will never, never leave. I want you, I want all of you, good bad ugly. I- I want you to know that-”
“Bradley, of course I’ll marry you.” You whisper. “Yes, yes a million times over.” Tears are pricking at your eyes and you squeeze his hands. He smiles at you, moving off the table, keeping you close to him. You let yourself be tugged as he brings you near the Bronco, opening the passenger door as he rifles through the glove box. He finds what he’s looking for and he shut the door, running to you as he gets down on one knee. You let out a watery chuckle as he beams up at you, carefully opening the ring box.
“Will you marry me?”
You nod as he slips the ring out of the box, grabbing your hand to place it on your left hand. You pull him to stand up, tugging at his shirt to pull him down for a kiss.
“You’re my fiancé now.”
“First morning as fiancés. Has a nice ring to it. Literally.” He snorts and you look back up at him. “Mav happy when you told him?”
“Said he didn’t want to hear an answer until we were both there to tell him. Think he just didn’t want to cry.” It’s your turn to snort as you picture your Dad biting back tears as a half-asleep Rooster tried to tell him that you guys were engaged.
“Well, what do you want to do on our first day as fiancés?” He hesitates and your hand pulls away from your dog, who huffs unhappily about the loss of attention, moving to your boyfriend- fiancés face. “Baby?”
“Actually, I was- I was thinking we could go visit my parents?” He says it in a way that makes you think he’s trying to pass it off as not caring too much about it, when you know he cares one hell of a lot.
“Course we can. Could even go to the grocery store and get food, have a little picnic with them. Plus, I’ve been wanting to bring your Mom new flowers- what?”
He’s looking at you with a look you can’t quite read, like he’s not sure how he got so lucky to have you.
“I love you.” He whispers. “So… so much.” You bite back the snarky I would hope so, you did ask me to marry you for another day, knowing this moment is too raw, too much vulnerability in his eyes, to play it off like that, to dismiss it.
He loved you.
And you loved him.
“I know. I love you too.”
He smiles softly at you, leaning over your dog to press a soft kiss to your temple. Buddy decides the two of you have had your moment and settles his full weight against Rooster’s chest, knocking him back on to the pillows. He laughs as his hands come up to scratch Buddy’s ears. “I know Bud, missed your Dad too much.”
“Can’t let me have all the love.” You joke, laughter filling your voice as a certain warmth spreads over your chest, watching the scene unfold. This is the way it should be.
lost pieces pt. ii
a/n: i said i wasn’t going to post all of these in one sitting, but here we are. oops
piece synopsis: from a fic titled “we could leave the christmas lights up ‘til january” (or Rebel and Rooster move in together)
lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse masterlist
warnings: swearing, unedited
"You have a tiny bed.”
You look up from your phone to see your fiancé, who’s standing with his hands on his hips, eyeing the sight in front of him. Buddy had definitely been getting bigger and had been taking up more space on the bed than when he originally came home with you. Rooster had been a little bit grumpy about that fact, bemoaning the fact that the dog loved to wedge himself in between his parents and it meant he couldn’t cuddle with you as much, the damn koala bear.
“It’s just so unfair.” Rooster groaned, letting his head plop down onto the top of the bar. You raise an eyebrow at him, throughly unimpressed.
Hangman gave a chuckle, smirking at you over the top of his head. “Bradshaw are you really getting jealous of a dog? Your dog?”
“Hey, he’s my dog. I’d get him in the divorce if Rooster and I were ever to get a divorce, the same way I’d get Bob in the divorce.” Coyote lets out a loud laugh at that as Hangman continues to smirk.
“Still Bradshaw, I’d say this is a new low.”
“Shut up.”
“You know, I could just get a bigger bed.” Rooster sighs as he sit on the wedge of bed Buddy has left for him and he raises his head, annoyed at the movement, choosing to hop off the bed. You chuckle as Rooster rolls his eyes.
“Dog’s a damn drama queen.” He mutters and you turn to him as he settles on the bed next to you, back up against the wall.
“He gets it from you.” You whisper and he nudges you as he kicks his legs over the bed, slipping them under the covers to entangle them with yours. “So, bigger bed? I’ve had this one forever anyways.” He hums as he wraps an arm around you, tugging you towards his chest.
“Or...” He trails off, looking down at you.
“Or?”
“Or... well, I was thinking you could move in with me. You know, finally.”
You shift slightly, moving to be eye level with him. “Yeah, I’d love to.”
He gives you a soft smile. “Yeah?”
You nod, humming as you place a soft kiss on his lips. “We’re getting a new bed though.” You whisper against his lips, feeling the hair of his mustache rubs against your skin.
He smirks, placing his hands on your hips to pull you onto his lap. “Oh, obviously.”
“Yeah, and we’re getting rid of those ugly curtains in the living room. I love your Mom, but they’re ugly.”
“Hey, I’ll have you know that Mav picked those out.”
You roll your eyes.
“’Course he did.”
lost pieces pt. iiii
a/n: this piece is very near and dear to my heart which is why i will probably never publish the finished version (because, if we’re being honest, if this were to follow the trend of most of same mistakes-verse and get hate i simply don’t know if my heart or soul could handle that)
piece synopsis: from a fic titled “you’ll lose your faith for a bit and question if she’s you” (or the coming out fic no one but me needed)
lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse masterlist
warnings: internalized biphobia, denial of sexuality, unedited
"She’s so pretty.”
Hangman shifts, turning to look at you. “I agree.”
“I mean, really, she’s gorgeous.”
“Who’s pretty?” Coyote leans over, looking at the phone.
“Hailee Steinfeld.” You respond.
“Second that. Why’re you looking at pictures of her?”
“I think she was in the movie we watched last night.” Hangman responds, nodding down to his phone, looking through her IMDb.
“Oh, what movie? I’ve probably seen it, I love her.” You ask.
“That Bumblebee movie. I don’t know, Hangman picked it.” Coyote responds, throwing his hands up in the air.
You made a face. “God, that’s one of her worst films. Didn’t Dylan O’Brien voice Bumblebee? I can’t remember. Anyways, why would you pick that? She’s in so many better movies. Like the Pitch Perfect franchise does exist. Movie full of pretty women if I’ve ever seen it.”
Hangman turned in his chair fully, face full of confusion. “Why do you keep doing that?”
“Doing what?”
“You keep-ow.” Hangman turned, glaring at his boyfriend. Your eyes flitted between the blonde and your best friend, who had just pinched his boyfriend and was shooting him a glance.
“Okay.” You say, laughing nervously. “Moving on. I’m hungry, so... food?”
-
“Javy, I think your best friend is gay.”
“No shit.” His eyebrow raised in question as his boyfriend shifted to sit up against the headboard.
“Really? Did I miss the memo?”
Javy sighs, reaching up to run a hand over his face. “No. I don’t think she knows and it’s not really my place to speculate on her sexuality.”
Jake watched the rise and fall of his boyfriends bare chest, admiring the glint of the dog tags in the moonlight. “But?”
“But there’s a really good chance she’s bi.”
“She ever say anything to you over the years?”
He shakes his head, shifting to look at Hangman in the eye. “No, but she’s said all this stuff, like she did this morning, over the years that has just... made me wonder. And she tries so hard to be an ally that sometimes I think she’s compensating for something.” Hangman reaches a hand out to his boyfriend intertwining their fingers. “I tried once, about a month after we came out to the team. She was super defensive, adamant she was straight, and got pretty panicked so I dropped it. Haven’t brought it up since.” Jake catches his bottom teeth in his lips as he let out a sigh.
“So basically she’s so far in the closet she can’t even see it?” Javy shrugs.
“Maybe. Like I said, not my place to speculate. She’ll figure out or she won’t. That’s up to her.”
“Yeah, but don’t you think she’d be happier? If she knew that about herself?”
“Maybe. Maybe not. Why are you so interested in my best friend’s sexuality all of the sudden?”
He sighs, letting his boyfriends hand drop as he moves to place his back against the headboard, crossing his arms. “Because. I remember what it was like to be so far in the closet the mere suggestion of being anything but straight made me want to run for the hills. Made me want shove anyone who suggested it off my plane over an ocean.” He tilts his head, looking to his boyfriend. “I also know that when I stopped hiding from who I was, stopped being scared, I was a lot happier. Felt a lot freer.” He swallows, reaching out to pick off a piece of lint from his sweatpants. “I also know she carries a lot of weight.”
“I just don’t know what she’s running from. If she is, I mean. Maverick would love and support her, so would Rooster. We would obviously and she doesn’t have a thing to worry about with the rest of the team.”
“Maybe she thinks Rooster will break-up with her. Kind of a life-changing realization, you know?”
“Rooster’s down bad for her, he ain’t going anywhere.”
“Not if she’s not into men.” Javy moves, pushing himself off the headboard.
“You really think that?” The words are sharp, a little bit defensive, and Jake winces. “You, what, think she just stays with him because she loves him but that’s not enough?”
“No, Javy-”
“Then what, Jake? Think she’s got some internalized biphobia she’s projecting on to herself? This is my best friend you’re talking about.”
“Maybe she is Javy.” Jake whispers and Javy roll his eyes, reaching over to grab a pillow. “Hey, where are you going?” He asks as Coyote moves off the bed and towards the door.
“Sleeping on the couch. Don’t wanna hear this about her.”
“Javy, c’mon, come back. We don’t need to fight about this.” Javy spins on his heel.
“You drop it. Doesn’t matter whether she is or isn’t. Isn’t either of our places to discuss this or bring it up to her.”
Jake sighs. “I just think that maybe she’d be happier.”
“Regardless if she is or isn’t, she needs to figure that out on her own.” Coyote says firmly, but he’s already inching back towards the bed as Jake watches him carefully.
He throws his hands up into the air in surrender. “Fine, I’ll drop it. Please just come back to bed.” Javy nods, already climbing back onto the mattress, bouncing softly in Hangman’s awaiting arms.
-
You’re standing at the bar, talking to Penny amidst the loud chatter of the Hard Deck when Hangman slips an arm around you. He bends closer to your ear, words hushed.
“Hey, can I talk to you outside?” You nod, picking your beer up from the counter and waving to Penny as she moves farther down to serve other customers. You follow Hangman, weaving your way through the crowd, and once outside, you’re quick to slip off your shoes as you reach the sand. He nods his head to further down the beach. “Wanna go sit?”
“Sure.” You say, taking a sip of your beer. You follow him to a good distance away from the Hard Deck and follow his lead, settling into the sand. He sighs, setting his beer on the sand and bringing his arms to rest on his knees.
“Listen, um, we gotta talk about something.” You swallow, setting your drink down as well.
“Okay.”
He sighs, rubbing his hands together. “Before I came out, before I met Javy, I was... I was very in denial about who I was. Kept thinking something was wrong with me and kept screwing all these girls just to prove I was straight. I don’t know who I was trying to prove it to, myself maybe. And that shit... it was lonely. It was a heavy burden to carry. I’m glad I don’t have to anymore.”
You watch him carefully. Contrary to popular belief, you and Hangman were actually quite close. He’d never be Coyote but he knew when to keep it real with you and you appreciated the realness of your friendship more than anything. Weird how things changed.
“How’d you know?” You hear yourself asking. You aren’t sure why. You’re straight.
“I don’t know, I guess when I met Javy I had this oh moment. Everything about me sort of made sense. I was still a few years out from learning to deal with it but something clicked.”
You bit your bottom lip, turning his words over in his head. You still weren’t sure why the two of you were having this conversation. “Where you going with this Hangman?”
“Do you ever feel that way? Like you have to prove something to yourself or that you’re carrying a heavy burden? Waiting for an oh moment?” You give a half-shrug, mouth gaping open. He sighs again, sitting back to rest on his palms. His gaze moves from you to the full moon on the horizon. “Are you gay?”
Your breath gets caught in your throat. You don’t respond, simply looking at him with wide eyes. He finally drags his gaze backs to you but holds firm, unwilling to back down. Finally, you force yourself to start breathing again, coughing nervously. You shake your head, looking down at the sand. “N-no, I’m not Seresin.”
“It’d be okay, if you were.”
“Yes, I’m very aware that it would be. But I’m not.” He tilts his head in acknowledgement and begins to stand up from the sand. All you can do is watch him.
“Okay, well, I mean, it just wouldn’t be the worst thing in the world if you were into girls.”
“I’m straight Seresin.”
You were... weren’t you?
“Yeah, I’m sure you are.” He picks his beer up from the sand, turning on his heel to head back towards the bar. You sit there bewildered, turning his words over in your head.
Still, there was some part of you that felt unsettled. Like Jake had prodded at something dormant just enough to wake it up.
-
You sat on your bed, trying to remember what you were doing. You groaned, running a hand over your face. A soft knock sounded at your door and you looked up to see Rooster leaning against the open door. His smile was soft but you’d known him long enough to see the concern in his eyes.
“Hey.” You whisper softly.
Ever since your conversation with Hangman, one that hadn’t really been a conversation at all, things in your world felt off-kilter. You felt like you were waiting for the band to snap, like for the realization to come, the thing that would change everything as you knew it. You’d been sick to your stomach most days, unable to sleep.
Admittedly, you had always wondered. Maybe a little bit more so after Javy had come out. But there was never enough to prove to yourself that you were that you had always brushed the thought off, burying it deep down. And now it was resurfacing in waves, questions and fears drowning you.
You weren’t... You were straight. You were sure of it.
...Right?
“-you listening?” You shake your head, eyes flickering back up to your boyfriend. His smile was still there but you could tell it was more forced than anything.
“Yeah, sorry, just zoned out for a minute.” You say, waving a hand. “What were you saying?”
He sighs, straightening up and crossing his arms. “Coyote told me you bailed. Third time this week. He’s worried.”
You shrug. “Just needed some time to myself.” He nods slowly, as if he doesn’t quite believe you.
You wouldn't believe you either.
“Hey, are you okay? You haven’t really been yourself lately.”
“Yeah, ‘m fine.” You tuck a piece of hair behind your ear as you hear your Dad’s footsteps in the hallway. He appears just a few moments later over Rooster’s shoulder and he shifts to allow him room to lean up against the other side of the doorway.
“Hey, I was wondering if you wanted to come out to the hangar tomorrow? For the long weekend?” You nod, even though it’s the last thing you want to do with how messy your brain has been lately.
“Sure.” You look to your boyfriend. “Want to come with us?” Your Dad sighs, straightening up, shoving his hands in his pockets.
“Actually, I was thinking it could be just us kiddo.”
“Oh.” You say, frowning slightly. “Am I in trouble?” He shakes his head.
“No. Hey, you okay? You got anything you want to talk about?”
“Why does everyone keep asking me that? I’m fine.”
Just like how you’re straight?
You brush the thought off, moving to stand up from the bed. “I beg to differ.” Rooster mutters and you shoot him a glare.
“I’m fine. Now I’m tired so if the two of you would kindly-” You motion for them to shoo and they both sigh, exchanging a glance.
“Its like... 7 PM.” Your Dad says, glancing at his watch.
“Well- I’m exhausted, so I’m going to bed early.”
Exhausted of running from who you are?
Rooster gives you a wary look before conceding, moving a few feet to give you a kiss. It’s short and feels forced and sends a wave of cold over you. He grimaces as he pulls away and doesn’t say anything as he steps back, slipping past your Dad. Your Dad sighs, stepping back and closing your bedroom door behind him. You sit back down on your bed, trying to swallow the tears.
lost pieces pt. iii
a/n: this is a piece that i’m particularly sad about it winding up here because it was originally part of my SOUR series and it was something i was so so looking forward to.
piece synopsis: from a fic titled “hope ur okay” (which was originally supposed to be part of the SOUR series)
lost pieces masterlist | same mistakes-verse masterlist
warnings: unedited, mentions of a suicide of a parent
i. Coyote’s moment
Ten years. It’s been ten years. Ten years and not any easier. Would it be easier if he didn’t know the truth?
He bypasses the doors of the mess hall, instead choosing to keep his feet walking through the base, hoping to find a secluded spot. At this time of day, he knew there would be.
He’s not sure how long he walks for, but eventually he finds what he’s looking for. An empty hallway, long since deserted by its occupants, and will remain undisturbed until night rolls around, when they’re all meant to be back in their bunks. He swallows, back hitting the wall, and he slides down, legs easily stretching out in front of him.
He’s not sure why he’s sought out the quiet, knowing a distraction from thinking about his father’s death is a much better use of his time. Still, the words from the note are burned into his brain, re-writing themselves behind his eyes, every second of every day.
Why did he leave a note?
There’s movement, sound coming from down the hallway and he looks up to see his wingman walking down the hallway, hands shoved into the pocket of her jacket. He doesn’t say anything, just watches as she comes closer until she’s standing next to him. She watches him for a moment, studying him in the way that she does, and then sighs, moving to slide down the wall next to him. He looks at her now, but her gaze is fixated on the plaque outside the office door across the hallway from them. She brings her knees up the her chest, resting her forearms on them, not saying a word. Finally, he decides to break the silence.
“What’re you doing here?”
She shrugs.
“You weren’t at dinner. Got worried and wanted to come find you.”
“Didn’t have to do that.” She looks at him now, offering him a small smile.
“I have to admit that selfishly I didn’t want to sit with our squadron alone.”
He frowns at that. She shouldn’t be missing dinner for him.
“Well, I’m fine so you can go back to the mess hall. Don’t want you missing dinner.” She doesn’t say anything and he lightly shoves her shoulder, trying to get her in motion. “C’mon, you had a long day, you need the food.”
And she had, Thompson forcing her to do the training maneuver three times more than everyone else, expecting perfection. Never mind the fact that he hadn’t asked anyone else to do it.
She looks at him again.
“Same could be said for you Machado.”
“So, what, you’re hoping I feel guilty and make sure my friend eats by going to the dining hall with you?”
She grins and he can’t help but smile a little as well.
“Well that wasn’t part of the original plan, but hey, I’ll take it.”
Another silence falls between them.
“So what was it?”
She hums, letting her legs fall to lay out in front of her, like his are.
“Your original plan, what was it?”
She shrugs. “Dunno, just wanted to make sure you were okay.”
“I don’t want to talk about it.”
“That’s okay.”
He brings his eyes up to meet hers once more.
“Yeah?”
“Yeah. ‘M fine with just sitting here, so long as you aren’t alone.”
He swallows. He hadn’t been expecting that, not really. She never failed to surprise him.
They continue to sit there. He knows that the clock is ticking and soon they’ll have to head to their bunks for the night. The mess hall has long since closed and he’s starting to want a pizza. The idea of food makes him nauseous though, given all the things he’s remembering.
She’d go get food with him. She’d also continue to sit here with him, risk getting in trouble, just to make sure he’s okay. His heart clenches at that, knowing she’s probably starving and tired and stiff from sitting in the same position for hours. He knows he is. He should take pity on her, offer to go and get food off-base with her, but when he opens his mouth the words he intends to say are not the ones that come out.
“My Dad killed himself.”
She looks at him from where she’s playing with a ring on her finger, a piece of jewelry she’s worn for as long as he can remember, used to help keep her anxiety in check and mind focused.
He sighs, letting his head gently hit the back of the wall. She doesn’t say anything more but he can feel her watching him, even with his eyes shut, counting his breaths as he tries to keep his emotions tucked away.
“My Dad killed himself ten years ago today. We thought it was just an accident but- but he left a note. We found it when we got his stuff back from his wingman.”
“You want to talk about it?”
He shakes his head.
Maybe he would some day, but not today.
“You wanna go get burgers?”
A ghost of a smile appears on his lips. “Pizza okay?” She shrugs.
“I could do pizza. Love pizza.” He knows it’s a lie, that she’d much rather be eating pasta or a burger with fries and a milkshake right about now, always her craving after physically exhausting days, but she’s sucking it up for him.
He knows she’s a good friend. So he says as much.
She just looks at him, half-crouched, already moving to stand up. Her knees are protesting but she still stops, looking at him.
“So are you, now let’s get a move on Machado.” She offers him her hand but he doesn’t take it. Not yet.
“I’m serious. I appreciate you.”
“Getting sappy are we now? Gonna have to request a change for a wingman if you keep it up.” He rolls his eyes, but takes her hand anyways.
In the few months that they’ve been close, actually working together, he’s learned when not to push. She was weird about friendships, struggling to make them, struggling to keep them, but he knew a good one when he saw it and he wasn’t gonna scare his wingman out the door.
He like having her around, liked flying with her, and he could see himself doing it for a long time. He likes that she doesn’t push him, understands him, laughs at his jokes.
He’s still not moving and now she’s frowning. “You okay?”
“At least let me buy you dinner.”
She rolls her eyes, pulling him up and he goes this time, letting the girl pull his weight, something he’s still not entirely sure he understands how she can do. “Buying me pizza is not a one-way ticket to sleep with me.”
“Well, of course not. If it was, we would’ve slept together by now.”
She sticks her tongue out at him, turning on her heel to walk down the hallway. He laughs, genuinely laughs, as he slings an arm around her shoulder, pace matching hers.
She was a good friend and he intended to keep around for a while.